At Fault: Chapter 11
Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into a month. Tavros found himself preoccupied almost completely by Gamzee. Somehow, this man was in his life every day and it wasn't becoming redundant, even after the entire month. Rather, it was quite the opposite. Over the short time, they saw each other almost every day. Gamzee was surprisingly clingy in a strange sort of way. He was always there pestering him on pesterchum or asking him to go here or there. Sometimes, he took it upon himself to swing by after school and chill in his room. Tavros didn't mind this because they usually lounged around his room for several hours and played his N64. Tavros still owned him at almost every game every time. Gamzee wasn't sore about it, quite the opposite, actually. He always congratulated his friend and clapped him on the back, or gave him a smile that wasn't rife with indolence like it usually was. Gamzee did manage to win a few times, which Tavros was usually genuinely surprised at. His gamer side was sour over it, but he pushed those thoughts away and returned the compliments.
It had come to the point where his father was beginning to question his sudden mood lift; his insults and accusations where harsher and more frequent, it was as if just seeing his son happy actually filled him with bile. Actually, it probably did. It bothered Tavros more than he let on. He wasn't about to say anything, he just quietly took it all in.
He was glad Gamzee had never met his father. He had a feeling that his father might actually be that one man that actually managed to piss Gamzee off; it certainly wouldn't be a mIrAcLe Gamzee always spoke of. Very much the opposite.
School was the same as well. Nothing changed in the course of a single month except Jade spoke to him a little more. Actually a lot more, and Tavros wasn't complaining. He was intrigued with the conversations they had. She was always full of inquiry and loved talking about many different things. Her voice was kind, and she was so bubbly about just everything. Except in rare cases were she'd get annoyed and could be kind of scary; but never at him, usually the people who hurt him or tried to make fun of her.
He continued to hear to insults and jabs directed at him at school. They were dying off though and now people just ignored him most of the time. He preferred being ignored as opposed to people going out of their way to confront him and sneer their verbal abuse. He shrugged it off best he could, like he always did.
Today was Friday and it was one of those days where he wasn't bothered at any point during the day. After school his father had another meeting (it seemed he was having a lot of those) which was perfectly convenient for him because he hitched a ride with Gamzee, who didn't have to stay at school late like usual.
They went to a movie, and again, Gamzee paid for both their tickets. Tavros was sour about it, but his mood lifted as the movie started. The movie was pretty good Tavros surmised, even if it was a little tedious in parts.
Tavros continued to ramble about it when it ended, even when they were in the car and on the road again. He talked and talked and Gamzee just smiled that lazy smile and nodded so often. Tavros had a feeling that even though he didn't look it, he was interested. He never really looked like he was interested in anything, so it was difficult to tell unless you knew that man relatively well. Tavros liked to think he knew his friend, but sometimes he wondered.
They agreed to get a bite to eat, and as they drove to the nearest fast food joint with a drive-thru, Tavros reflected on this. He'd been friends with Gamzee for how long? A month? A month and a half? That sounded about right. It was strange how close to Gamzee he felt, though. Even though, in retrospect, he knew little about his life. He didn't know who his parents where, only that he had an older brother who liked to throw 'parties' that Gamzee wasn't invited to, or rather, didn't want to go to. He didn't know where Gamzee lived, or what his childhood was like, or any other friends of his.
Well, he guessed it was fair, Gamzee didn't know a lot about him either. He certainly didn't know about his childhood, or who his family was, and Tavros certainly was not about to tell him.
Gamzee rolled into the parking lot not long later. Tavros, still pondering deeply next to him, didn't realize that until Gamzee poked him in the stomach. This time he stifled a squeak and glared at Gamzee weakly.
He chuckled, "We're here. What do you want?"
Apparently, they did make Italian fast food joints. With drive-thrus even. Tavros looked at the menu; although it said Italian, nothing really looked very Italian. There were plastic bowls of pasta, miniature pizzas and some other unrecognizable dishes. Since most of the pastas had meat or meaty sauce, Tavros shrugged. So he and Gamzee agreed to split a miniature pizza, and there wasn't a need for drinks because he kept faygo in the glove compartment. Tavros insisted on helping to pay, but again, his money was denied with an 'ain't no motherfucking brother of mine gonna pay when I can help it.'
Few minutes later, Gamzee parked in one of the spaces outside the restaurant with their pizza in the seat between them. Gamzee reached over and pulled a few cans of faygo from the glove compartment and handed one to Tavros.
He took a deep swig of it, and Tavros was reminded of his own thirst. Being around Gamzee, he had developed a taste for it; he thought it was one of the best drinks he could have. Gamzee had never been so thrilled as when Tavros once copied him and called it 'a wicked elixir.'
They dug into their pizza, and after a few slices each they both came to the conclusion they were both growing full. After finishing his third slice, Tavros wiped his hands on his pants, leaving a smear of pizza sauce and crumbs, and looked over at Gamzee, "I-I should, uh, go home soon…"
Gamzee slowed his already slow chewing and lanced up at him before pulling out his phone and glancing at it. He was probably checking the time, Tavros guessed, because he nodded and swallowed what was in his mouth, "Alright, Tavbro. Lemme just finish this piece and we'll get you home."
Tavros nodded and leaned back into the cushion of his seat. He really didn't want to go home, but he didn't want to face the wrath of his father for coming home late. He turned his head and watched Gamzee eat aimlessly. He was more in his own world than actually watching Gamzee chew his food noisily.
Gamzee caught his eye and grinned at him, "You have some motherfucking sauce on the side of your mouth."
Tavros hastily ran the back of his hand over the side of his mouth and looked at Gamzee expectedly.
"Still there, motherfucker. No worries, I can get it," he said as he leaned over before Tavros could react and ran his sleeve over the opposite side of his lip. Tavros cringed away and quickly looked out the front window, his cheeks burning and his fingers curling into the palms with a throb of nervousness.
"T-t-that was… uh… unnecessary." Tavros stuttered as Gamzee returned to his pizza.
He shrugged a reply and grinned again, "Just helping a brother out. No need to get your blush on or anything."
Tavros hid his embarrassment by taking his can of faygo and chugging the rest of it in a few sloppy gulps. Some of the fizzy soda ran along the sides of his mouth and it burned his tongue and throat furiously, but it was like a can of miracles, so he ignored it.
A few minutes later Gamzee revved the engine. Tavros quickly re-buckled his seatbelt and grabbed a hold of something as Gamzee haphazardly backed out of the parking space and went speeding out of the parking lot with a roaring engine and music blasting. Tavros sat calmly in his seat and watched the outside world go by in an unrecognizable blur. The sun was setting on the horizon, so the sky was swathed with orange, red, and even a little pink. It made a gradient design of color across the sky all the way into the blackness of the night on the opposite horizon. By the time Gamzee pulled up in front of his house, stars were twinkling and everything was cast in shadows. Even when he glanced over at the man in the driver's seat, he saw that Gamzee was barely more than a shadow. A shadow staring at him.
Gamzee was looking at him with that weird expression he sometimes fixed him with; his eyes were lethargic and glazed over with something along the lines of impassiveness, or maybe even tired. Underneath though, his eyes were kind, His expression spoke of kindness and acceptance. He looked at him all the time this way, but sometimes… it just felt deeper. The look was piercing Tavros straight in the heart for some reason.
Like usually, he returned this look with a confused gaze of his own.
"You know, Tavbro, I gotta tell you…" Gamzee began, and for once he looked like he was actually trying to think of something right to say. "I gotta say, you're really motherfuckin' adorable."
"…Uh."
"I mean, I motherfuckin' see you cry, man, but you never tell me what's wrong. Sorta getting my frustrate on, and well," he scratched his head and rolled his eyes to look into the distance, "That doesn't usually motherfuckin' happen with me. I usually get all my chills on and shit, but frustration is not in my feels."
"..."
"I'm not motherfucking out to make you uncomfortable or some shit. You know you can relax around me, right brother?"
"I-I d-do! Uh, you, make me feel… relaxed…" That was the truth too. He usually did feel relaxed and himself around Gamzee without fear of scrutiny.
The other man grinned, "Well that's good, motherfucker. Didn't want you to get your nervous on… because it looks like you are." He took Tavros's hand with his and made their fingers entwine. Tavros's skin was dark and tan against Gamzee's pale, ghostly skin. It was a deep contrast.
Only, the contact didn't make him feel more relaxed. He tensed up completely and felt his anxiety flare uncontrollably.
"See, Tavbro… You make me just.. Feel all these motherfucking feels that I don't know what the fuck to do with. Your smile is as adorable as fuck, and God I just want to squish your motherfucking cheeks. You make me feel weird all up in my heart and think-pan, and… Fuck it's confusing, man. I don't normally feel so many different feels."
"O-oh…" Tavros managed to stutter as he directed his eyegaze to the car's floor. His stomach was knotting and twisting and doing the weirdest summersaults as he listened to this, whatever it was. A confession? He wasn't sure he was ready for that. Why was he even being confessed to? It couldn't be a confession, maybe Gamzee just telling him how close of bros they were. But 'brothers' as Gamzee always referred the two of them as didn't usually give each other an uncontrollable barrage of feelings. He felt sick.
"Just, man, you're an all around cute motherfucker. The cutest I've ever seen," Gamzee went on, "Just never motherfuckin told you before because you'll all panic like a motherfucker. Sorta like now."
Indeed, Tavros was panicking. He was sure he was physically ill now, between the slight trembles and his furious blushing as well as his racing heart. He had never, in his life, had heard such gentle words directed at him.
"Ever since I saw your adorable as such face when I cleaned all that dirt off it, I thought you were just the wickedest brother."
That long?
God he felt sick.
And nervous.
What was he supposed to say?
Feel?
Because right now he felt confused. Very confused. And sick, and his heart was doing the weirdest flips.
"Anyway… I didn't tell you this to freak you out or pressure you, lil' bro."
Gamzee was running his thumb along his, and as soothing as he wished it was, it wasn't soothing at all. He was too anxious. His own hands were shivering a little, and his face was very hot. He wished all this nervousness would just leave- and why was Gamzee's face so close?
"Tavbro," Gamzee said gently, his words as soft as chick down, "Tavbro. I didn't motherfucking tell you that to freak you out."
He nodded very slowly and shakily. He wasn't trying to freak out, it was just a natural response his body was making him go through. As vexing as it was, he couldn't stop the fats pace of his heart and his nervousness that pulsed through him.
"I told you that to ask if I could motherfuckin' kiss you."
"..." No words could be formed, only a long silence. Actually it wasn't silence because he was sure they could both hear his heart thudding against his chest about a million times a minute. His tongue and throat were dry, prohibiting him from being able to say anything intelligent. In his nervousness, he squeezed his palms. On one hand, his fingers balled into a fist, on the other though he only tightened his grip on Gamzee's hand. It must have been a sign Gamzee was looking for because the space between them closed.
Soft lips were against his.
He swore his thudding heart stopped right then and there. It wasn't a deep kiss; it was very light, almost a peck, but it still put his whole body into a frenzy of anxiety. It was such a simple gesture, and yet it managed to scramble everything In Tavros's brain until he couldn't tell what was up and what was down.
What was he supposed to do? How did he even kiss back? (Implying he wanted to). Did he just lean into it? Did he move at all? What was he supposed to do? He's never kissed before!
Before he could somehow return the gesture Gamzee moved away again, only by a few inches though. His face was still shadowy and it was difficult to see any evident features aside from the gentle slope of his nose and cheeks.
"I just wanted to ask because I didn't wanna motherfucking freak you out or anything…" Gamzee whispered in his calming but serious voice.
Tavros bit his lip. This was weird. Too weird. He could smell Gamzee's breath, he was so close, and his hand was secured in the fingers of his friend. But his mind was running. Was Gamzee his friend anymore? Did that kiss mean anything more? He wasn't sure he could have a boyfriend. He'd always speculated his own sexuality many times, but could never properly explore it. Sure, he experimented from watching videos on the internet… But that wasn't the point! The point was if he wanted this, and it he liked it.
Gamzee was still looking at him, and he had no idea what on earth to say.
"Tavros?"
He swallowed thickly, "Y-Yeah…?"
"Sorry, man, I didn't motherfucking think you would hate the idea of that so much." He sighed, "Didn't want to get your worry on or anything." He gave Tavros a wide smile that didn't seem very genuine and began to back away, "I won't do it again, motherfucker-"
Tavros panicked for some unknown reason seeing Gamzee get farther away. He grabbed on Gamzee's shirt almost instinctively with his free hand. The other mans eyebrows raised, and after a few moments hesitation Tavros realized it too and glanced away nervously, but only loosened his grip a bit. "N-no… N-no. It's not… Bad, uh… It's… j-just… uh, new, I guess. I am… not used to stuff l-like this." He growled inwardly to himself at how pitiful he probably sounded. He wasn't searching for pity; he just wanted Gamzee to understand.
Gamzee, to his relief, nodded slowly, "I guess I didn't motherfucking think about that… You've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend huh brother? Or have done anything motherfucking romantic or intimate or that sorta shit?"
"I-I haven't…" He admitted, "That was, um, er… My first kiss."
"Whoa? Seriously, motherfucker?" Gamzee scowled slightly. For a moment Tavros thought he was disappointed or something, but the next words surprised him: "I stole your first motherfucking kiss, that ain't wicked at all. I should have fuckin' known from the inexperience of it but… Man, I'm sorry Tavbro."
He actually sounded genuinely upset, and that upset Tavros as well. "No-no, I-it's okay. I mean, i-it wasn't bad at all."
"I'd like to motherfuckin' hope it wasn't bad," he said, mostly to himself. "So what do you wanna do, Tavbro? I don't want to motherfucking get all your pressure on or shit like that." He twitched his lips up into a lazy smile.
Tavros glanced to the side, biting his lip. He wasn't sure how to reply to this. "W-well… I…"
"You don't have to rush your answer, brother." Gamzee unbuckled his seatbelt and inched closer until he could easily put his arms around Tavros in a hug. His body was warm, and it felt like a blanket being in his grasp. Although he didn't – couldn't – relax in Gamzee's arms. It was too nerve-wracking for him.
He wasn't even sure what his answer should be. What sort of answer did Gamzee want? To be in a relationship? To accept his feelings? It was confusing, mixed messages.
"...Gamzee?"
"Hmmm, what is it Tavbro?"
"...C-Can you do that again?"
"Do what?"
"W-what you just d-did…"
He was quiet for a minute, and then it seemed to slowly snap together in his sluggish head. He pulled away from Tavros, only to connect their lips again.
what is writing a sentimental moment
what is being IC
wat is
