Dear Tonks,
Although I can't say why, things here at school are getting slowly better despite that toad of a Defense teacher, Umbridge. Still, I can't wait to come home for the holiday in two weeks. I can tell you what Umbridge looks like, then you can imitate her and make fun of her, and I can laugh again, which I haven't done since before the term started.
As for the 'problem' you wrote to me about, I can't really say much because you won't tell me who it is you like. But from my point of view, all boys are scum. Like the boy I've been devoting myself to for four years of my life just went and snogged some pretty Ravenclaw and didn't even care how I felt. But regardless of my life, you're really above any man you come across. But if he really does mean so much to you, stop wasting time and tell him before Christmas! Because Snuffles is probably not kidding when he says if you don't, he'll curse your head clear off your neck!
Much love,
Ginny
Tonks read the letter over again as she sat at the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place, waiting for the tea kettle to boil. She'd come over at a somewhat bad time, for Remus was out at the moment visiting with Kingsley Shacklebolt at his house, but Sirius said he'd be back at any moment. It was still fairly early in the morning, not before eight, anyways. It was a little over a week now until Christmas, and Tonks resolved that the day would be today.
The fall season this year had been pretty hard on Tonks both emotionally and physically. Her spy duties at the Ministry got tougher and tougher as more and more bad press came out about Potter and Dumbledore. The disappearances had begun that Sirius had said to look out for. According to him, they were the tell tale signs that Voldemort was on the move. Now one of Tonks' missions was to guard Harry Potter's prophecy at certain times during the day, in case a Death Eater came by and tried to steal it. It was her most dangerous task to date. She didn't have time to confess her feelings for Remus, even though despite what happened at her studio, they grew by the day.
She particularly felt her fondness grow the day he'd come to the Ministry for a new werewolf registry process that had just been passed by the Wizengamot as mandatory. Tonks was on duty that afternoon to guard the Hall of Prophecies. She'd been approached by Lucius Malfoy, who appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Tonks got out her wand and stood her ground, for Harry had informed the Order that Lucius was there the night Voldemort was resurrected.
"I do believe I've never seen you here before," Lucius crooned, his voice oddly smooth. Tonks gazed at him. "New intern?"
"Auror department," Tonks said. "I'm Colette, Mr. Malfoy."
Lucius got an odd look on his face. "Last name?"
"I'm not Muggleborn, if that's what you mean," Tonks replied. "Anyway, what does it matter to you?"
"Auror intern, that puts you under…?" Lucius fished around in my memory.
"Shacklebolt," Tonks answered quickly and coldly. She stood her ground bravely. He wouldn't dare try to pull anything on her here, would he? It was be a stupid move, after all. He'd be blowing his cover.
"Ah yes," Lucius mumbled. "Such a pretty girl too," he said, reaching out an unwanted hand and stroking Colette's reddish blonde hair. "But not pureblooded?"
"Again, does it matter? My great grandmother was Irma Crabbe," Tonks blurted out. Suddenly, she completely regretted spurting out her true ancestry. Lucius thought about this for a moment. Tonks wondered if she should run right then. Lucius would obvious have the family trees drilled into his head since childhood.
"That's not possible, Colette…because that would mean you're a—" Lucius took a look and chuckled. "Oh, how stupid of us both. There are only two possibilities. Either you're that morphing brat of my sister-in-law's in disguise, or your some bastard daughter of Sirius'."
Tonks bit her lip. She had one last chance or else her whole cover would be blown…then again, if she took the other route, then she'd be cornered by the Ministry for information on Sirius' whereabouts!"
"Don't you DARE talk about her uncle that way!" shouted a voice from behind the both of them. Lucius flipped around, and Tonks peered around his body to see Remus coming at them, a lit wand in his hand. Lucius' grin was evil.
"Here to renew your identification, Lupin? I heard bite marks are required because of that new law for werewolf registration, have fun with that?" Lucius said. Remus looked sternly at Lucius.
"None of your business," Remus said.
"Do you know this young lady? You said something about Sirius Black being her uncle, surely you can't be implying that her father is—"
"—Regulus Black. Yes I am," Remus said, coming to Tonks' defense. Tonks had nothing to say. Lucius turned back to her and studied the look on her face.
"She does have the Black pout," Lucius noted. "Who's your Mum, Colette?"
Tonks had to improvise. "I don't know. My dad dumped me when my Mum became pregnant at Hogwarts, then she dumped me off at a Muggle orphanage after I was born. I only found out Regulus Black was my father when Professor Dumbledore told me I was a witch."
Lucius seemed to buy this lie. "Well, that explains why you're not on the family tree," he said. "But just to be sure, seeing as the Ministry doesn't need any imposters working in this department—" Lucius grabbed Tonks' arm suddenly. "I should get some Veritaserum, and we'll see if you really are a descendent of Regulus Black…"
"Get your hands OFF her! Obliviate!" Remus shouted. Lucius fell to the floor as a white spark hit him. Remus then grabbed Tonks' arm and led her quickly back up to the Auror Department, where the whole thing was explained to Kingsley. Lucius could not recall the event, and nothing got back to Fudge or anyone important. It was an incredibly close call that Remus had saved her from.
But after that, nothing much happened. Tonks had very few opportune moments to tell Remus of her feelings. At least they seemed to be back on their friendly terms, and a few nights a month, they dined (with Sirius) together and laughed when no one else was around. Tonks liked Remus' laugh. It was rough, yet harmonic in a strange way. Tonks figured it was just the nature of her infatuation.
So now, here she was, mentally preparing herself for what was about to go down. She heard the sound of someone Apparating to the top step of 12 Grimmauld Place, and she got to her feet as she heard Remus whistling as he walked down the corridor towards the kitchen. Tonks had made Sirius leave the room earlier to give her and Remus some privacy. She wouldn't have been surprised, however, if he'd stolen one of Fred and George's Extendable Ears in order to have a listen from upstairs.
Remus walked in to the room, looking as sickly as ever, yet somehow happy as well. "Dora, what brings you here? It's a great day, light dusting of snow on the ground, I thought you'd be out Christmas shopping on your day off," he said. Tonks took a deep breath. Now or never.
"Remus, I missed you," Tonks said. Remus laughed that comment off like a 'buddy' or a 'pal' would, even though Tonks said it with the upmost sincerity in her voice, which she'd been in her flat practicing for four hours straight the previous day.
"Oh, I was just having an early breakfast with Kingsley. I'm surprised you didn't opt to sleep in, either," Remus said.
"I had a rough night, and I was making tea," Tonks explained. "Listen, could you for a moment?"
Remus smiled and looked at Tonks before sitting down casually. Tonks took another deep breath. "Remus, I've never been graceful, or smart, or even serious like I am right now, but I really need to confess something to you."
"You're a Death Eater," Remus suggested. Tonks glared at him. Remus frowned. "Sorry, it was a joke."
Tonks smiled. "I know, I know," she said. "But the thing is—"
Remus got up and went to the steaming tea kettle, cutting Tonks off. "Is this work related? Because it IS only eight in the morning—"
"—I love you."
If silence spoke volumes, Tonks was currently listening to the Day-By-Day Handwritten History of Humankind Starting with the Day the Earth Was Formed. The tea kettle kept whispering. Remus turned around and looked at Tonks. His look wasn't strange. It was neutral. Tonks couldn't read what Remus was thinking. Oh, if only she knew Legilimancy! Maybe he didn't hear her?
"Remus, I love you."
Nothing changed. Tonks swallowed and moved in slightly closer. "Well, do you have anything to say?" she fished.
Remus did have something to say. A lot of things, in fact, but he didn't have the chance.
For it was at that moment that a big white Patronus in the form of a squirrel floated into the room and set itself on the table with a message in Molly Weasley's voice.
"Arthur's been attacked. In St. Mungo's. It's really bad."
The next three days were spent at St. Mungo's, waiting for news on Arthur Weasley's recovery. Everyone in the Order was there. The Weasley children were there, and so were Harry and Hermione. It was for this reason Tonks decided to put her selfish feelings for Remus on hold until all of this was settled. Her mind was needed elsewhere.
According to Dumbledore, it had been Voldemort's snake that had attacked Arthur while he was on duty protecting the Prophecy. He'd been injured in the line of duty. Now Tonks knew the exact seriousness of what her duties could bring to her.
Only family was allowed the first day after the attack, so Tonks stayed with most of the Order out in the waiting area. She could only assume Remus wasn't there because he was keeping Sirius company back at Headquarters.
She hated the hospital. It was a very scary place for her, especially. It had to do with Fenrir's near-attack on her sixteen years ago. After Mad Eye Disapparated with her in hand away from her burning house and the wolf, he had taken her here. The Healers had feared that she'd been bitten after all, and Ted and Andromeda were a surprisingly long time in coming to get her. So, all of these tests were done on her, with only this strange-eyed man who looked mean and gruff looking over her. Of course, Tonks knew he had to be nice, seeing as he'd rescued her. But he wasn't exactly a kindly man right off the bat, either.
So, test after tests, scary spells and bright lights galore (it didn't help that Tonks was already afraid of Healers and dentists, like many other children), Tonks was left to grow up with not only an incredible fear of werewolves, but an uneasy feeling whenever her Mum would take her for a teeth cleaning, or whenever she was sick and needed to visit St. Mungo's to get a Healer's diagnosis on whatever sickness she had. Needless to say, she didn't like it here under this circumstance. It was horrifying thinking it very well could've been her who'd been attacked by Nagini.
After three days, Molly, looking extremely relieved, said that Arthur would make a full recovery, and that, two at a time, they could come in and visit. Tonks went in with Mad Eye. Tonks make herself look as cheery as she normally was when she went in. Arthur was looking less battered than Tonks had expected.
"Wotcher, Arthur!" Tonks greeted Arthur with all the perkiness she could muster.
Arthur looked up at Tonks with her favorite short-cut pink hair. "Oh, Tonks, I didn't recognize you with your pink hair…" he joked. Tonks smiled.
They didn't stay long, however, because Mad Eye was scheduled to go back to the Ministry and take the afternoon shift. Tonks just wanted some sleep after waiting in that miserable place for three days.
Mad Eye Disapparated directly to the Ministry, and so Tonks was left to go home on her own. But on her way to the stairwell, who else did she bump in to but Remus, heading in the opposite direction with a small bouquet of flowers for Arthur.
They just stood in each other's way a moment, staring at each other awkwardly. Tonks knew it had to be her who broke the silence.
"So, you aren't going to say anything?" Tonks said. Remus looked at her. "Anything at all? A yes? A no? Even nodding you head would be something!"
Remus shrugged. "What do you want me to say?" he asked. Tonks almost wanted to slap him, but he was just too wonderful a person to hurt.
"Well, I would like it very much if you said 'I love you too, Tonks!'" Tonks said, egging him on. Remus sighed woefully, and Tonks' heart sank before he even said another word.
"I can't say that, and you know why," he replied. Tonks gritted her teeth together as he brushed by her and continued up the stairs.
"No, I don't! Why not? Why can't you say it? If it's because you don't love me back, then say THAT instead, and at least I'll know why!" Tonks pleaded.
Remus reached the top of the stairs and turned around to await Tonks. "Look, I don't know why you're choosing me in the first place. I'm too old for you. I'm poor as dirt and couldn't afford to give you any presents on Valentine's Day, and not to mention, I'm dangerous too! You should know better!"
Tonks rolled her eyes. She was more angered now than she was sad. "Okay, first off, you know me well enough by now that Valentine's Day gifts don't mean one rat's ass to me," she began. Remus began walking towards Arthur's room. Tonks had to walk twice as fast to keep up with his slow but long
paces. "Secondly, age is just a number. Just because my Mum is only two months older than my Dad doesn't mean a thing, and that's a ridiculous excuse besides!" Tonks' breath was getting shallower and more rapid.
Remus still didn't say anything. "And as for too dangerous," Tonks said. "It's because of you that I'm no longer afraid of werewolves to begin with!"
"SHH!" Remus hissed. "You want the whole ward to hear you?"
"YES!" Tonks screamed, now furious to the point of her head exploding. "The whole damn WORLD can listen to what I have to say! Remus—" Tonks reached out and grabbed Remus' free hand, which stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned to face her, and Tonks stared him down.
"Did that kiss mean nothing to you?"
"It was a spur of the moment thing, Tonks," Remus insisted. Tonks felt her heart sink even lower. He didn't even call her 'Dora' anymore. "Why the bloody hell are you so bent on having me? What am I worth to you? Do tell me."
Tonks stood up tall. When she did, she gained three good inches on Remus. She didn't let go of his hand. "You are the gentlest, kindest, most considerate, funniest man I've ever met. I get cold feet whenever I'm around you, and whenever you knock on my door or whenever I hear you Apparate into Headquarters, my heart stops beating as I think, 'he's back!' I know this sounds a bit obsessive, but I really love you!"
Obsessive? Tonks thought to herself. More like borderline stalker!
Remus looked concerned, staring at her. "You really feel that way about me?"
Tonks nodded. "Yes, I do."
Remus couldn't understand it. How could this bright, beautiful, jazzy, extroverted young witch be so set on gaining his introverted, quiet, intimate love? He didn't deserve her, not after what he nearly did to her. "Well stop dreaming, because even if we want it to work, it can't. I'm…I'm not worth your breath, so go home and find some younger bloke to follow!"
Remus finally tore himself from her grip and he quickly walked away from her. Tonks didn't pursue him this time. Remus' last, hurtful words flooded her ears.
"I'm not worth your breath…"
"Oh, but you are," Tonks said softly and quietly as she watched Remus turn a corner. "You, without a doubt, most certainly are."
A/N: To those who review this chapter goes one hour locked in a closet with your favorite Order member, to do with them whatever you want!
