Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Fullmetal Alchemist nor do I claim to.
See chapter 1 for trigger warnings.
As my reviewers will likely tell you, I love to torture Envy …
Angtsy chapter is angsty.
Chapter 11
The idea
I'm standing on a stage, and there's so many people in front of me cheering and yelling. I look around, and I realize I'm not alone. Ed, Len, and Kira are there with me and suddenly a guitar materializes in my hands. Ed comes toward me and embraces me with a kiss, which only makes the crowd cheer harder. My face feels hot but I ignore it and start to play. Kira sings her heart out and Ed looks like he's really getting into it, whipping his drumsticks and swinging his beautiful long hair as he moves his head along with the music. Even Len looks like he's enjoying himself—his fingers are flying across the fretboard of his bass and his red hair is sticking to his sweaty forehead with the effort. I get to a solo and all eyes are on me. I flip my long, black hair over my head and the crowd goes wild. I spot Ling, Winry, and Alphonse in the crowd, and Ling's eyes lock with mine. His lips move and I can't hear him but it looks like he said 'I knew you could do it'.
My heart is racing but in the best way possible, when I begin to hear a high-pitched sound. I can't drown it out, and it affects my performance. My hands shoot up to hold my head and I drop my guitar. It clatters to the floor with a deafening clang and in the next moment I find myself in my own bed.
I'm covered in a thin sheen of sweat and I'm breathing hard, and it takes me a moment to realize my phone is ringing. That must have been the sound I was hearing in my dream. I feel a little disoriented, since it's still in the middle of the night.
I realize I fell asleep without cleaning up my mess from earlier, and wince at the sticky feeling in my boxers. No time to worry about that right now. I grab my phone with slight effort due to my sweaty palm, and upon seeing the name on the screen my eyes widen.
'Kazumoto'
What if it's Wrath? I begin to panic silently, struggling with myself on the inside. I have to answer it in case it's my brother. I make the decision to take the risk.
I nervously answer the call, slowly putting the cell to my ear.
"Envy?" There comes a small voice from the other end of the line. It's Wrath's, and he seems to be making an effort to be quiet.
"Wrath ... I can't believe it's you. What's wrong?" I ask him quickly, trying to remember what time it is in Japan. I think it's about mid-morning.
"I need your help. Since you left I ..." He paused, and I hear a shuffling sound from the other end of the line. It's silent for a moment before he begins to speak again. "You need to come get me. Mother has been different since you've gone. She's hardly here and ... Father hurts me. I'm scared, Envy ...Please come back."
My heart sinks. No. No. Not Wrath. I could deal with it being me but I can't handle knowing that monster is hurting my brother too.
It's my fault. This is happening to him because I left like the coward I am.
"Wrath ... I'm sorry. I'm going to get you as soon as I can." My voice begins to break and I force back a sob. I can't believe he's going after Wrath now. I thought he was the favorite; the baby. I thought at least he would be safe with Mother until he was old enough to make his own decisions.
Dammit.
"I gotta go." He hangs up quickly, and I sit there with the phone still to my ear. I'm still feeling odd after that dream, but talking to Wrath really made me shaky.
My dream. It was a dream. It felt so real. What if I could make that a reality?
Maybe I can do something to prove I'm not a failure after all.
I get up to sit at my laptop and begin to type furiously. I search for anything I can.
Music.
Bands.
Competitions.
Then something pops up that catches my eye.
'Battle of the Bands'
That's it. Upon further reading, I discover there is a cash prize for first place. A big one. More than enough to pay my rent for a year and bring Wrath to New York.
Problem is, it's in a month and we're not anywhere near ready. I fumble for my phone and glance at the time. 4 AM. Too early to call Ed, shit.
I bury my face in my hands and groan. How am I supposed to sleep now.
I decide it's best if I take a shower and clean up. Maybe the warm water will help me get back to sleep for at least a little while.
About 45 minutes and all of the hot water later, I step out of the steamy stall and wrap my hair in a towel. I feel a lot better now, but my mind still won't stop racing.
I have to save Wrath.
It's nearly 5 am now, and I wonder if I can get away with talking to Ed before he goes off to school.
I sit on the edge of my bed, still slightly damp. I take my phone and speed-dial Ed.
Ring. Riiiing. It goes to voice mail after just two rings. That bastard rejected my call. He's probably still sleeping and thought it was his alarm, I realize with a frown.
Fine, I'll just have to go to his house.
After drying my hair the best I can and putting a low-key headband in it, I hesitate when I go to get dressed. I stare at the outfit I bought yesterday, and hastily decide to squeeze myself into it before leaving.
I'll give him a sight to wake up to.
I'm briskly walking towards Ed's house, and the only thing ruining my mood is my hair still dripping water down my back. Shit takes forever and a day to dry.
As I near his house, I see an unfamiliar car parked in front of it. I get a really weird feeling in my gut, but I ignore it.
Instead of knocking on the front door and waking up the entire house, I sneak around to Ed's bedroom window. I'm about to rasp my knuckles against it to get his attention, when I see movement inside. I freeze in place instantly.
I bring my face close to the cold glass and position my hands around the sides of my face to block the light from the street lamp so I could see inside better.
What I see cuts me to my core.
Ed is on his knees on his bed, naked and writhing with a guy I don't recognize behind him. I see Ed turn to look up at the other male, and I see the look on his face that he gives me when we're together. His brow is knit together and his mouth is open slightly. His eyes are filled with desire and lust, even through the dusty window I can see that.
That look is supposed to be mine, and mine alone.
I don't even realize it, but there's tears streaming down my cheeks and I feel downright stupid for even coming here.
It's all I can do to stop myself from punching a hole right in Ed's bedroom window.
It was only yesterday that he and I officially became a couple. How could he do this to me? I was stupid to think I would be enough for him. Maybe he just agreed to it because he felt bad for me.
I'm not good enough.
I'm worthless. Unlovable.
Just something to fuck when he wants to.
My mind repeats these awful thoughts to me as I slump against the siding of his house, and slide downwards until I'm sitting in the grass. It's still dewy, and I shiver because my wet hair had already made me cold.
I just sit there and sob quietly for several minutes, unable to do anything at all. I'm paralyzed.
I hear a doorknob and footsteps from around the side of the house, and it puts me on full alert. I manage to pull myself up and stagger over toward the front to peek around the corner of the house.
The guy is leaving. Just the way he's walking so casually to his car like nothing just happened makes me sick. If he's driving a car, does that make him older than Ed too?
Something inside me snaps and before I can stop myself, I'm striding toward the man and he looks startled as I approach him.
"Hey, who the fuck—" He starts, but my fingers wrap around his throat and I squeeze. I'm not even fully aware of what I'm doing. All I feel is hatred and pain and he is the source of it. I want him to disappear.
He drops to his knees and his hands grab at my wrist, but I have an iron grip around his neck. His eyes are bulging from the effort of trying and failing to breathe.
Not so smug now, are you.
My face is emotionless, but tear-stained and I look him hard in the eyes.
"You won't take him from me." I whisper before he loses consciousness and slumps to the floor.
I regain my senses, suddenly realizing what I'd done. I panic, thinking I killed him and I kneel to feel his pulse. He's still alive. He just passed out. Good.
I sigh heavily, hating myself even more now. I came all the way here to escape my fate. To be a good person. And here I am strangling some stranger. I'm fucked when this guy wakes up and remembers what I did to him. Will I never escape my fate?
"The Kazumoto blood runs strong in you, son. You'll make a fine assassin one day." Father held my chin and inspected my young face. His piercing purple orbs flickered back and forth as he seemed to look back and forth between both my eyes.
I tried to turn my head but he only tightened his grip. I clutched the tiny knife in my shaking hand, and stared at him unblinkingly. "Envy, you know what you must do. Show me you can kill." He ordered me, pointing at the dog. My dog.
I tried to shake my head no, and he slapped me across the cheek. It stung, and my eyes watered from the pain.
"Men don't cry." He looked at me with bitterness, and the disappointment in his eyes was palpable. This is when he started to hate me, I'm sure of it. I couldn't do it, though. I didn't realize then that this would be the beginning of a lifetime of suffering.
"How do you expect to kill a man if you can't even kill a fucking animal?" He demanded, then snatched the knife from my small hands.
I just gaped at him as I watched him mercilessly slit the throat of my pet right in front of me. A single yelp, and blood pooled around my feet.
I begin to cry as I relive the memory. What's wrong with me?
I don't want to hurt anyone.
Suddenly, I hear footsteps coming. I feel a cold sweat coming on, and I huddle against the stranger's car as his limp form lays beside me.
I see Ed round the corner and stop cold when he sees my situation. His eyes widen and I just give him a solemn look.
"Don't worry, your fuck-buddy isn't dead." I say dryly. He doesn't seem to appreciate my humor.
"Envy, what are you doing here this early?" Ed asked in an eerily calm voice. It's like he doesn't even care.
"You wouldn't answer your phone so I wanted to come wake you up." I got to my feet and stumble over to him. "I wanted to surprise you with my new sexy clothes. Guess you were too busy doing other things."
Ed looks a little guilty, but does seem to be admiring my attire. I think he likes it. "You look good, En." He looks between me and the unconscious form on the ground and his lips form a thin line. "But you shouldn't have done that." He says quietly.
"I could say the same thing to you." I retort, and pull his body so it's close to mine. I purposely press myself against him, as if to remind him of what he missed out on because he was with someone else.
"Okay, I deserve that." He frowns and looks up at me with his big golden orbs. "You weren't supposed to know about this. It's more complicated than it seems." He tries to back peddle, and I just glower at him.
"I don't really want to hear about it right now. I have bigger problems than this idiot on the ground here." I snap, playing it off like I don't care, but I'm literally dying on the inside.
Ed seems to recoil slightly, and I think he might pull away from me but he doesn't. Instead, he wraps his arms around my slender waist and takes my lips in a chaste kiss, almost as if he thinks that'll make it all better.
It's a little odd to be doing this with an unconscious man on the ground next to us, but this kind of stuff just seems to plague my life.
"Tell me what's wrong, Envy?" Ed asks me, pushing a strand of my still-damp hair behind one of my ears.
You mean aside from witnessing you getting fucked from behind by another man?
I haven't even topped him yet.
I feel myself closing up, and I don't want to tell him about Wrath. I don't even want to share my idea now. The way he's acting so casual about all of this just makes me feel sick.
"I think I should go." I tell him, and I reluctantly pull away from his warmth.
Ed gives me a saddened look. "Are we still on for practice later? You haven't played with us in a while." He hesitantly asks me.
How can he ask so nonchalantly about things at a time like this. I pretend to think about it for a minute, then shrug casually. "Dunno."
I turn to go, intentionally swinging my hips a little as I walk, leaving him to deal with the mess that we both had a hand in making.
