To Be Bold

...

From the last chapter ...

From her position, Kensi saw Julie look up and give the approaching figure a warm and friendly smile as she start to rise along with Jordan. The agent pushed her chair back so she could stand as well, turning to her right so she could make a courteous and formal greeting to the man who had stopped just a step or two away.

When Kensi's gaze found his face, the brunette let out a sharp gasp, totally unprepared for the familiar eyes and the surprised expression that matched hers.

"Kensi?"

It couldn't be her. No way, no how.

What were the odds? In a city of almost four million people, how in the world could this woman actually turn out to be that particular one? It actually stunned him to silence after he'd said her name and he could do nothing more than simply stand there, with a stupid and stunned look on his face.

The red haired female standing next to his friend was glancing between himself and the woman whose name he had just called out, a strange and questioning look on her face. Jordan just looked a little surprised, taking it all in stride as was his easy going nature.

Then there was the woman in question. If the situation had been any other, it would be comical, but right now, she appeared to be as stunned as he was. A tentative smile was forming on her lips that went all the way to her beautifully mis-matched eyes as she spoke his name.

"Deeks?"

At that moment, he wished he'd called her earlier in the week, rather than exchanging all those text messages. He didn't realize just how much he had missed the simple sound of her voice until that moment. Curling his lips into familiar smirk, Deeks swallowed the lump in his throat so he could actually speak again.

"Well, I guess this is what you meant when you said you were going to be tied up?"

Kensi dropped her head a little at his reference to their messages from a few days ago, the little sexual innuendo causing another flash of heat to course through her. That heat motivated her to step forward toward him and her heart thumped in her chest when he did the same.

"Yeah, got stuck playing back-up on a blind date for my friend ... " Oh crap! He called me 'Kensi' in front of Julie! Crap! Crap! Crap! When Kensi turned to look at the woman standing next to Jordan, she found a really curious look on her face. "Julie … uh this is … umm ... "

Deeks caught the shift in Kensi's demeanor in that instant and wanted to kick himself, knowing that he'd stepped into one of those 'off hours' friendships that didn't include any knowledge of the Office of Special Projects. Just as she stumbled for some type of response, he jumped in to give her a moment to let her catch her breath. "Hi, I'm Deeks ... Martin Deeks."

Julie held out a hand, her mind wondering who this guy was that knew her friend and why in the world he had called her by another name. "Yeah ... hello Martin, I'm Julie."

"Pleased to meet you Julie." He shook her hand warmly, then gestured to their seats. "And call me Marty or Deeks ... when someone calls me 'Martin', it usually means I'm in trouble."

Julie managed to crack a smile at his simple, yet charming response as Jordan helped her back into her seat as Kensi stepped in front of her own. Deeks slipped a hand to the back of her chair, helping her to slide it under the table as she sat down. For some reason, he felt the need to touch her, so his hand drifted from the seat back to ghost across the space between her shoulder blades.

Kensi felt his hand on her back for just a moment, the touch letting her know that once again, he had her back. She watched him sit down beside her, his black dress shirt setting off his tanned arms that poked out from where he'd rolled up the sleeves. Deeks glanced over quickly and caught her looking at him, her eyes shooting over to Julie to hide her slight blush at getting caught ogling him. The verbal tease was on the tip of his tongue when the redhead sitting across from Kensi spoke up, her lawyer 'vibe' broaching the subject of the wrong name he'd called out.

"Kayla? Uhhh ... why did he call you 'Kensi'? Is there something I should know about you two?"

Kensi felt like a deer in the headlights for a breath of time, her mind racing to explain the mistake before things got out of hand. She swallowed the golf-ball sized lump in her throat, but was cut off before she could speak.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that ... " Deeks eased his knee to the left, touching Kensi's thigh underneath the table, telling her without words that he knew he'd messed up and that it was up to him to fix it. She pressed her leg against his, telling him she would let him lead. He gave her a small nod, hoping he got her old Kayla Benson - Art Curator alias correct, knowing she'd probably kick him under the table if he messed it up too badly. " ... several years ago, the LAPD was contacted by some very high profile collectors who had recently bought several pieces from a reputable art dealer that all turned out to be exceptional forgeries. We're talking millions of dollars' worth of Degas, Picassos, Monets, Cezannes, and the list went on and on."

Kensi turned her head as her old partner began to weave a story so intricate, that soon, she began to lose herself in the sound of his words. She was happy to see that both Julie and Jordan were as intrigued as she was. Turning in her seat so she could face him a little more, her right knee touched his leg, and that's just where she left it.

"I was on break from the academy and my boss needed a little extra help, and he said it would keep me from getting bored which usually led me into trouble. I got in contact with the staff of some of the local museums to co-ordinate with the FBI and met Kayla when we went out to the Getty Center over in Brentwood."

Just then, Todd reappeared to take their food orders for the evening. Jordan and Deeks each got the mega burger with everything, Julie settled for the chicken breast salad and Kensi was still perusing the menu when it was her turn. Todd waited patiently, anticipating her request but the more she flipped the pages , the more choices she found and the more flummoxed she became. She let out a groan of frustration and was just about to ask him to come back in a few minutes, when the blonde man sitting to her right spoke.

"Sorry, Todd ... forgive her, she's had a long week ... " Deeks had seen the server getting more agitated and decided to use his charm to put the young man at ease and hopefully calm his old partner at the same time. " ... just get her the All American Burger with everything on it ... no Jalapenos though ... with extra onion rings on the side." Todd stepped over and after snapping up their menus, he spun away toward the kitchen, a practiced smile on his face.

When Deeks turned back to his tablemates, they each had a different look on their faces. Jordan's eyebrows were curled up, like he was silently asking his friend if he knew what he was doing; Julie looked like she hadn't decided if it was charming or creepy; and Kensi ... well, Kensi just looked stunned.

He'd remembered.

It must have been close to a decade since they had eaten here as partners and friends, before their 'thing' took them to the more serious levels that they had eventually ascended to. Yet, her old favorite dish from The Grill's menu had floated off his tongue as if it had been as recent as a few months ago.

"Wow Kayla, he even knows what you like to eat ... I'm impressed." Julie was being honest in her statement, but her curiosity was really peaked now. "So, you were helping with an art rip-off case ... "

"Oh yeah ... back to that ... during the meet and greet between all the agencies involved ... some slime-ball of a FBI agent started hitting on her the moment he came into the room ... you know the type ... chiseled jaw, perfect government issue haircut, thinks he's God's gift to womankind ... " Deeks didn't realize that he had just tapped into the lawyer's man-hate layer, but he noticed the shift in her body language and knew he had her hooked. " ... kept trying to get her 'personal' number, gave her the usual lines about what's-a-beautiful-girl-like-you-doing-here kind of crap."

Even though the agent in question was fictional and she hadn't even met him, the look in Julie's eyes would have killed him on the spot. The lawyer also hadn't forgotten her original question. "But where did the name 'Kensi' come from?"

"Kayla had given me her business card when we arrived earlier and I noticed 'M' was her middle initial ... "

Now, even Kensi was enraptured by the depths of his tale.

" ... I asked her what it stood for ... "

Deeks felt her shift beside him, and when he gave her a small nod of his head, she jumped in to continue the story.

"I told him it stood for MacKenzie, after my grandmother. He snickered and I almost punched him but then Mister Smarmy FBI agent breezed in and my morning went from crazy to just plain ludicrous." Kensi leaned her elbows onto the table, the tale growing more detailed as it fell from her lips. "Later, after the idiot had asked me about a private tour of the 'Nudes' displays ... Deeks pops up and called me 'Kensi' and acted like we had some sort of 'thing' going on. With the intimate name that only he seemed to know, the FBIasshat finally got the picture and backed off."

Julie's eyes cut over to Deeks, a curious expression dancing across her face. "A true Knight-in-Shining-Armor."

"It was nothing ... " Deeks turned to look at Kensi, a look of utter adoration shining in his eyes. " ... and she is far from any type of damsel in distress."

The sincerity in his tone caused Kensi to duck her head to hide the blush that crept up her neck to color her cheeks a light pink.

"Awwww ... " Julie leaned toward Jordan until their shoulders touched and she nodded to the two people sitting across the table. " ... it looks like the 'thing' wasn't so make-believe as you would have us believe."

This time, Deeks was at a loss as to what to say about her comment. All the thoughts and possible responses seemed to be either too much ... or not enough. Luckily, Kensi decided to step in and save him this time.

"Yeah ... there was something ... " Her eyes were twinkling when she looked over at him. " ... we started hanging out ... a lot ... got to be really good friends ... "

Deeks spoke over the knot in the back of his throat. "The best."

As they got lost in each other's eyes and the story that had veered sharply into reality, Julie let a small sigh of disappointment interrupt them. "So ... what happened?"

Sadness fell across Kensi's face, the memories of the 'what happened' darkening her eyes, her lips curving down into a soft frown. "Life often takes us places we never thought we'd go ... mistakes ... wrong choices ..." Her voice was soft and low, Julie and Jordan straining to hear the words that weren't intended for their ears in the first place.

Deeks turned his arm under the table, his hand finding hers where it rested on her thigh, his heart soaring when she wrapped her fingers around his when he touched her. "We haven't seen each other in a long time, years even ... but ... right now, it feels like I just saw her a few weeks ago." He turned his head as he spoke, and when his eyes found hers, the world seemed to pause for a few moments in reverence to the familiar spark that danced between them.

The truth that he had spun with his words caused Kensi's heart to thump so loudly in her chest that she feared everyone in the restaurant would hear it. She had to pull her eyes from his before she lost herself completely in depths reflected there. When she turned to face her female friend, there was understanding and acceptance on Julie's face.

"Wow ... talk about living in a small world." Her eyebrows flicked up for a second then she turned to cast her eyes to her 'date' for the evening. "So, how do you two know each other?"

Jordan leaned toward the woman on his right, like he was going to whisper some high-level secret into her ear. "Deeks was one of my training officers ... one of the nicer ones ... and when he found out I wanted to learn how to surf, he gave me a few lessons and we've been pretty good friends ever since."

"That was short and to the point." It was actually refreshing to have a man talk to her and not drone on and on.

"You're a lawyer ... I thought you would appreciate a lack of fluff." Jordan cocked an eyebrow, enjoying this woman and her spunk.

"Actually, yes ... I do." Julie wasn't used to a man who didn't back down from her no-nonsense attitude, but this one had her interest. She turned more toward him, leaning in close so that they could talk without their other guests overhearing too much.

Kensi took the hint as Julie turned in closer to Jordan, glad that the two of them seemed to be hitting it off and grateful that she now had a chance to whisper to Deeks. She canted her head toward his shoulder and mumbled quietly into his ear. "Thanks ... that was a close one."

"Yeah ... you took me a little by surprise ... Kayla ... " Deeks dropped his tone a little and Kensi picked up on the shade of hurt in his words. " ... I ... I didn't know you were dating again ... I hope that my showing up here didn't derail your plans for the evening."

If he had reached across and punched her in the face, Deeks couldn't have surprised her more. The truth was, she couldn't have been more elated to see him walk up to their table, the relief still ebbing through her veins. "No! It's not anything like that ... Julie just needed a girlfriend in case her 'blind-date' turned out to be a douche." It came out rushed and a little harsher than she intended, but there was no way that she wanted him thinking that she had come out that night in order to actually meet someone.

"So ... you were telling the truth about just being a wingman for tonight." Deeks had been afraid to ask, afraid of what her answer might be, but now that it was out there, he had to be sure.

Kensi squeezed his knee under the table. "Yep ... just like you, as it turns out."

The smile that formed on his lips looked like it might actually crack his face. "I'm just glad you don't think I'm a douche."

Kensi gave him a crooked grin. "Meh … I'll have to get back to you on that."

"Your words wound me so." Deeks held his hand over his heart in mock seriousness.

It wasn't long before their food arrived and the conversations remained in the friendly category, covering everything from work to families ... well, as much as Kensi could reveal anyway. They enjoyed some good laughs, Jordan had seemingly endless vault of 'cop' jokes that usually ended with one or more of the people at the table trying not to choke on the drink or food in their mouths. Julie found his sense of humor endearing and had persistently edged closer and closer to him as the night progressed.

Kensi easily surmised that her services as 'wingwoman' were not needed after all, but bowing out hadn't even occurred to her ... not after Deeks' surprising appearance. They had spent the entire meal kidding around, their arms brushing from time to time, acting like they were nothing more than old friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time. The fact that she hadn't had this much fun in years wasn't lost on her, and neither was the reason why.

Even after the plates and cutlery had been collected by Todd, whose evening improved with the generous tip given when the bill was settled, the four of them gave no indication that they wanted the evening to end any time soon. They even playfully argued about how long any of them would be hungry enough for dessert, Deeks earning an emphatic punch when he told everyone that he knew exactly 'who' would be the first on the list.

"I don't eat as much as I used too!" Kensi sulked playfully.

"Yeah ... right."

"That hamburger was big enough to choke a horse ... I'm full." She tried her best 'stern' voice, but it was like she'd forgotten who she was talking to.

Deeks held up the desert menu, making it dance across the table just in front of her as his voice bounced up and down in a sing-song cadence. "The have the ... Chocolate ... Hurricane ... fudge brownie ... hot fudge sauce ... vanilla ice cream ... chocolate sprinkles ... "

"Alright!" Kensi gasped out as she snatched the menu out of his hands, flipping it over to thump it over his head as he chuckled along with everyone else. She sent him her best 'death glare' as her eyes dropped to the picture of the most delectable chocolate creation she had seen in a long time. When her stomach growled in appreciation, she couldn't help but join in with the renewed laughter. "Okay ... fine ... I'll have one ... but you're buying and you're going to help me eat it."

Without missing a beat and heedless of what the others at the table might think, Deeks' response did more to her insides than lusting after chocolate ever had. "Of course, Princess ... of course."

Across the table, Jordan grinned softly at something Julie had whispered into his ear as she glanced over at her friend and the blonde surfer. The younger cop nodded then pushed back from his chair to stand beside the table. "If you don't mind, I think I'll take Julie over to Micky's for a little dancing ... you two want to come along?"

Kensi and Deeks shook their heads in tandem, their words coming out the same way. "No, we're good."

The cop eyed his friend suspiciously. "Wow ... that was a little creepy."

The two of them just shrugged their shoulders and hoped he would simply let it go.

"Or absolutely adorable." Julie had noticed the spark between her friend and the delicious man sitting next to her, and decided that maybe the night wasn't just turning out to be in her favor only. She turned to look up at her 'blind date' and it pleased her that he was already looking down at her, his eyes bright and full of possibilities, he even gave her a quick wink when he turned back to their friends.

"You guys sure … going to be a blast."

Deeks looked over at Kensi and read her answer without her even speaking the words.

"Nah ... I think we'll hang out here for a while longer ... enjoy that Chocolate Hurricane that Kensi's got a hankering for."

Julie nodded toward her friend. "You good?"

Kensi smiled back. "Yeah, no worries ... have fun you two."

Deeks stood, offering his hand to the red-head. "It was nice to meet you Julie." She returned the sentiment as he turned to Jordan. "And you ... behave."

"Me?" The little-boy smile returned but the promise in his eyes was true. "Always."

Jordan offered his arm which Julie quickly took, hooking her forearm over his elbow. The two of them walked away, waving quickly over their shoulders when they reached the door, their sides touching intermittently as they moved.

Deeks leaned a little closer to his old partner. "Looks like those two enjoyed themselves."

Kensi followed his gaze, agreeing with his assessment. "Well? That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Sure is ... " There was the old tingle that shot up her arm when he leaned in a little too close, the bare skin of his forearm brushing against hers. " ... and I'm sorry about earlier."

"What do you mean?" Kensi took a quick sip from her glass.

"Seeing you was just such a surprise ... I should have known not to use your real name in public ... hope I didn't mess anything up." Deeks had lowered his voice to barely a whisper, insuring that now one but Kensi could hear him.

"It's no big deal ... your little cover story worked perfectly." She gently bumped his elbow. "Nice save, by the way."

"I always think fast on my feet." He gave her a warm smile that did something funny to her stomach, and for another moment or two, they felt like they were the only people in the room. The was something simmering between them, they both could feel it ... but neither one seemed brave enough to go any further, not yet anyway.

Kensi was the first to come to her senses and deflect to safer territory. "So, how was the seminar?"

"Not too bad ... but as soon as we got back, I made sure I'm not going to be on the list for the next one." Deeks rocked back in his chair, his arms stretching down across his lap and several of his joints snapped and popped as he flexed tired muscles.

"Sounded like you might have cracked something when you did that."

"I'm still recovering from the lack of any good sleep during the conference." Deeks gave her a fake yawn to emphasize his statement.

"Was it really that bad?"

Deeks chuckled before he answered. "No ... I got plenty of sleep during the conference ... it was back at the hotel that I really didn't get much rest."

Kensi laughed softly at his comment about the exciting seminar he attended earlier in the week. "Your roommates get a little wild being away from home?"

"Not wild ... loud." The look on her face told him that she didn't understand. "Our room was actually a suite, with two of us in one room and two more out on the sleeper sofa and fold-a-bed."

"Sounds okay, so far."

Deeks shook his head. "The first night, something woke me up at around midnight. When I sat up in my bed, it sounded like there was a Cummins diesel engine running in the next room."

"I'm guessing that it wasn't really a truck?"

"No, it was Jamieson ... he was snoring so loud, I was afraid he might crack the paint on the walls."

Kensi started to snort-laugh and pretty soon, he was joining her.

"At least you weren't in the same room with him."

Deeks shrugged. "It didn't really matter ... the noises that dude made would have set off seismometers twenty miles away ... "

Now she was cackling and holding her sides.

" ... tourists walking on the Great Wall of China would have felt it ... "

Breathing was becoming a problem for Kensi. "Stop it ... just ... stop."

Deeks couldn't have stopped trying to make her laugh, even if he wanted to. " ... forget El Nino, they would have called Jamieson 'El Sucko' ... he probably singlehandedly changed the weather patterns around San Diego for the next year ... "

Her hand came up to clamp over his mouth, turning his rambling into mumbles as he seemed determined to continue. "Mmmmphm ... mmm mmm ... "

"Deeks. Stop. Now." She watched his eyes turn mischievous and it hit her what he was about to do, she just wasn't fast enough. A millisecond later, she felt something hot and wet press into her palm, as he gave her a little lick. She yanked her hand away as quickly as she could, the rough texture of his tongue sending tingles shooting through her hand and down her arm. "Ewwwww ... gross."

Her old partner just grinned back at her as she wiped her wet hand with a cloth napkin. "That's what Anna says."

Kensi was thankful for the opportunity to follow this new line of conversation, hoping he didn't notice the goose-bumps on her arm caused by his tongue. "How is my favorite little Chipmunk?"

Deeks' entire demeanor changed when the conversation changed to the topic of his favorite person on the planet. "She's an absolute mess ... but she's such a little darling, I let it slide most of the time."

"Did she get her book project finished on time?" Kensi had dropped by the Beale's house while they were watching Anna while her dad was out of town and had ended up 'helping' the little girl finish an assignment for school.

"Yes, she did ... thanks to you guys ... even had the highest grade in the class."

Kensi was beaming. A feeling of pride washed over her, not only for the child's success but the fact that she'd been able to contribute to it as well. "I'm sooooo proud of her ... she worked hard and deserved a good grade."

"She told me what you did Kens ... and thanks."

"It was really nothing."

Deeks pushed himself back to the front of his chair. "No ... it wasn't 'nothing' and you helped my Baby Bear ... that's not something I will easily forget."

This time she wasn't able to hide the blush that crept across her cheeks. "Deeks ... "

"No Kens ... you've become a part of her life ... a big part." He was somehow sitting closer to her than he was a minute ago, close enough for her to feel the heat radiating from his body. She caught the scent of the ocean just underneath his cologne and it made her head spin. "After I picked her up at Eric and Nell's , I asked her about her stay ... and it was 'Aunt Kensi this ...' and 'Aunt Kensi that ... '." He mimicked the little girl, giving a pretty good impression. " ... I don't think you realize how much a part of her life you are."

"I'm just doing what any friend would do Deeks, you know that."

"Do I?"

It was a simple three letter response, but the shift in his tone and the shading in his eyes told her that the question was sincere ... and serious.

Whoa.

Kensi had tried to keep the conversation in the 'safe' territory, but he seemed to have decided that wasn't where it needed to stay. Her mind frantically tried to come up with some type of witty remark to take them back to a few minutes earlier when they were talking about something less serious. But the combination of the shock of seeing him so unexpectedly and the way his eyes seemed to dance whenever he looked at her ... it all left her feeling a bit overwhelmed. Before she could formulate her thoughts into words, he spoke softly directly at her.

"I know a lot of things Kensi ... I know my daughter loves me without a shadow of doubt in her little heart ... that the ocean will always be there for me whenever I need it ... that my friends would go to hell and back for me ... I know that Detective Second Class, Blake Jamieson snores like a Russian bear with bronchiolitis ... " There was something in his words, the inflections revealing a wealth of emotions, that was making it hard for her to breathe and Kensi found herself lost in the simple timbre of his voice. " ... but what I don't know, and this is something that has bothered me for the past few weeks ... what I don't know ... is what is happening between us."

Us.

He said 'us'.

He meant me and him. Him and I.

Deeks and Kensi.

Max and Fern.

Oh.

My.

God.

Her heart ... not the muscle thumping frantically in her chest, but the part of her soul that seemed to soar with every word that fell from his lips ... felt like he had reached inside of her and cupped it gently in his warm hands. Kensi felt like she was floating, weightless in the current of the world around her, like a feather carried ever upward by a soft ocean breeze. She kept her eyes locked on the salt and pepper shakers sitting in the middle of the table, unable to risk even the slightest glance in his direction.

Deeks watched the woman beside him as the meaning behind his words slowly took root and began to sprout within her. He hadn't intended on the conversation going this far this quickly, but if he was truly honest with himself, it was something that had been eating away at him since that night on the beach. That night had been one of both revelation and restoration. There had been some pain and a lot of tears, but the vast majority of those tears had been ones of liberation and freedom ... a freedom that neither of them had been courageous enough to say or do anything about.

Until now.

The time in between had been spent talking on the phone about everything and nothing at the same time. There had been text messages that even though they had started off friendly, they had soon descended into mild flirting which caught the both of them by surprise ... surprised that it had happened in the first place and more surprised that they each found they didn't mind in the least. They had fallen back into a shade of their old friendship, something reminiscent of how they once treated one another ... but there was something missing, something just a little 'off'.

After the years apart and then the tragedy that brought them back into each other's orbit, the last few months seemed to be maneuvering them toward something else ... something 'new' … something 'more'. The surprise at seeing each other tonight, when neither of them would have expected it in a million years ... only seemed to confirm the implication that they were at the cusp of a ledge overlooking a vast pool of clear water, where they could choose to dive in ... or turn around and walk away.

In his mind and heart ... even his very soul ... Deeks knew what he wanted to do. He just wasn't sure if he was the only one who felt that way and it was slowly consuming him.

"I was lying awake one night as Jamieson's elephant imitation rearranged the furniture in the next room ... and there was something bouncing around in my head that just wouldn't leave me alone." He started playing with the hem of the napkin lying on his thigh, as if the weave of the threads had become the most interesting thing in the world. "That night we talked on the beach made me realize a few things that have become kind of important to me."

Kensi could barely breathe. "What ... um ... what 'things'?"

Deeks took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he wrestled with the storm of regret, hope, and unrealized dreams that danced in and out of his mind. There had been so many conversations in his life that were etched in his memory as moments he would never forget jumped into his thoughts: asking his first crush for a first date, saying "I love you" to your best friend who has stolen your heart, getting down on one knee to ask a beautiful, dark-haired woman to be your wife, calling your father-in-law and telling him that he's about to be a grandfather, telling your child that her mommy won't be coming home any more.

Those all were etched in the stone of his life and here he was again, at one of those pinnacles that would possibly change the rest of his days. He looked over at the woman sitting beside him and saw the impatience roaring through her exquisite mis-matched eyes, her warm smile giving him one last measure of courage.

"I realized that I can't take anything for granted any more ... " He saw Kensi's face twist slightly in confusion, knowing it was going to be difficult to explain it to her and make her understand. " ... I have to make every moment count ... live life in every breath ... be the best dad, be the best friend, be the best cop ... everything."

"Deeks ... you already are." When he looked back at her with disbelief clear in his eyes, she continued. "The way you are with Anna is magical ... and she adores you for it. Everyone you meet is either an old friend or about to become a new one ... you give so freely of yourself that it doesn't seem possible that there's anything left."

"I wondered that myself ... is there anything left ... is there going to be more to my life than just raising Anna, teaching cadets everything I know about being a cop, walking my Baby Bear down the aisle one day, retiring and surfing until arthritis finally stops me or ... or ... " His voice tampered off at the end, like his mind had wandered away from the conversation, his gaze drifting toward something unseen off in the distance.

When the brunette turned to look at the man who had once meant so much to her, she caught the wistful expression dancing in the corners of his eyes.

"Or ... what? Deeks? What's got you so introspective?"

He grinned at her use of what she always called a 'big word', but she couldn't have been more correct in the terminology. "Wow ... you know it's serious when Kensi Marie Blye uses a word like that." Her smile lit up her face, and the warmth it instigated in his chest was undeniable.

"Shut up." The sharp poke to his arm was pretty undeniable as well.

Something shifted in his eyes, but before she had even a second to think about what it meant, he was talking softly to her once more. "I .. ummm ... I'm really glad ... I mean ... I've had something that I've wanted to talk to you about but ... wait ... geez this is harder than I thought it would be."

Kensi laughed-snorted at him. "Why Marty, you sound like you have something important you want to say?"

When his pacific-blue orbs fell in her, Kensi suddenly forgot how to breath.

"Yeah, Kens ... I got something important that I want to say ... I just hope I'm courageous enough to say it." He was fiddling with the edge of the table cloth, his eyes darting away from hers for a moment and she couldn't remember seeing him this nervous in a long time.

Dropping her hand back to his knee, she gave him a slight squeeze of reassurance, hoping that whatever was floating around in his mind would find its way out. "Hey ... it's me ... you can tell me anything."

She thought his grin was absolutely adorable.

"I know, Kens ... I've always known that."

As soon as she felt his hand cover her own, she flipped hers over, palm up, so she could interlace their fingers together. The warmth from his skin transferred to her and ran up her arm, across her chest and the only word that she could formulate in her mind to describe it was 'peaceful'. It had been so long since she had felt that emotion and the fact that it was one person in particular who seemed to bring that into her life caused her heart rate to quicken even more.

Deeks bit at his lower lip, his old 'tell' that he was contemplating what he had to say and how he was going to say it. The apprehensive look on his face would normally cause Kensi to think that whatever he was about to say was bad news, but the firm grip of his hand and the way his thumb was tracing small circles across the back of her hand, gave her a calm reassurance to simply wait for him to speak his mind.

He took a deep breath, his heart thumping in his chest.

At the edge ... waiting to dive in ... or walk away.

Kensi's mind raced with possibilities and she struggled to restrain her thoughts.

Here it comes ... whatever it is ... good or bad … here it comes.

"Kensi ... " He swallowed and she watched his Adam's apple bob up and down. " … like I said ... I know a lot of things ... but I've come to the realization that there is one thing that just won't leave me alone anymore ... and if I don't do something about it ... it will drive me crazy."

She couldn't speak. This moment, whatever it was, had both of them tied up in knots and all she could do was give his hand a gentle squeeze with her own.

Deeks felt her fingers press against the flesh of his hand, the warm look in her eyes almost begging for him to just go ahead and say what was dancing on the tip of his tongue.

"You are my friend ... always have been, always will be ... I know that."

She nodded in wordless agreement.

"You are a marvelously complex, incredibly mysterious, and undeniably beautiful woman ... I know that too."

This time the nod was quicker and her hand suddenly felt numb against his touch.

"You made me ... make me ... want to be a better man ... I know that."

Her eyes began to sting with the tears that came out of nowhere.

"You have a capacity for forgiveness that is matched only by your ability to love ... I know that as well."

When she wiped her eyes with the back of her free hand, she could see the moisture in his own. She wrapped her other hand over the top of his, the one she already held, trying to assure him of her faith in whatever he had to say. There was a tremble that went through his fingers that were wrapped around hers and it appeared in his voice when he spoke once more.

"You are important to me ... you are in my thoughts ... and sometimes my dreams." He hesitated for an instant before swallowing the lump in his throat. "But the thing that is eating away at me ... the 'thing' I don't know ... and am terrified to ask is ... is ... "

She hated to see him suffer, hated it when doubt clouded his smile and caused him to hesitate within himself. Reaching deep inside for what little courage she had, Kensi tugged his hand to her chest and choked out her own words.

"Deeks ... Marty... please ... "

His eyes closed, he took another deep breath ... and dove off the edge of the cliff into the abyss.

"Kensi ... is it too late for us? Is it too late to find some part of what we once had?" The words were strung together into a question, but they left his lips as a soft plea.

For a second, or maybe two, Kensi was struck silent by what she had heard. It wasn't that the words weren't what she had wanted to hear from him, just the mere thought of the possibility that he had been thinking the same thing that she had ... simply blew her mind. In the weeks since their confessions on the beach, she'd found her mind going to memories of her partner, the good times they had shared together. It came as a little surprise that those memories morphed into dreams of something more than what they had been to each other in the past ... ideas and visions of what might be possible in their future ... a future she dared to hope would be together.

"What ... what are you saying?"

Deeks felt his body tingling and could hear his own heartbeat thumping loudly in his ears. He turned to face her fully, his free hand coming across tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear then it cupped her cheek and when she leaned into his touch ... he felt like he was flying.

"I'm saying ... I'm asking ... if there is a chance that, maybe ... we could be ... more?"

The tears in her eyes made his face blurry, but she wouldn't let go long of his hand enough to wipe them away as she asked a one word question that held so many possibilities.

"More?"

"More than what we had ... more than what we are now ... " He leaned forward, urged onward by her grip on his hand and the glimmer of hope in her eyes. " ... more than old partners ... more than friends ... just ... more."

Kensi's eyes pressed closed when his forehead pressed softly against hers. Oh ... God ... please.

"Marty ... "

His breath was hot against the flushed skin of her face. "I want more, Kens ... I don't think I can go on like this ... I can't stop wanting you ... wanting to be with you ... wanting … needing you in my life again ... "

Even though he was barely touching her, he felt her body tense slightly ... and his heart dropped to his stomach. " ... but ... but if that's not how you feel ... if that's not what you want ... I can ... I ... we can just be friends ... but I need you in my life ... one way or the other."

Kensi sensed him pulling away from her, both physically and emotionally ... and that was the exact opposite of what she wanted. She reached out with one hand and caught him by the collar of his shirt, stopping his retreat and holding him in place close to her.

"No, Marty ... I do ... I want ... no ... I need more."

He pulled his head back but only far enough so that he could look directly into her glistening eyes. "Are you sure? Because I want to be bold with you, Kensi ... all in ... holding nothing back ... tonight ... today ... and tomorrow."

Kensi's voice was thick with emotion and a joy that overwhelmed her. "I'm sure ... Marty ... I …"

The rest of whatever she was going to say ended when his head canted across in front of her face and his soft lips covered hers.

...


A/N: Well? What do you think?

This is the last chapter that I intended for this story. I've thought about doing an epilogue, but only if you guys think it needs a little more to finish this out. Let me know what you think in the little box at the bottom of the page.

Semper Fi

JS