Hello, good friends! This chapter has taken me FOREVER to get through. I have THREE MORE scheduled, one of which is more of an epilogue than anything else. Please enjoy!
Chapter 11: The Joker…Again
The House of Meditation, which is where the Joker remained during wartime, moved its location depending on who needed to reach it, which is how Kiku found himself deep in the jungle on Diamonds territory, nudging the horse forward and moving towards the giant red X Lars's knights had picked out from their visit installing the Joker at the beginning of the war. The horse reared suddenly, and Kiku, fumbling at the reins, dropped the map but managed to stay on board. He gasped and tried to speak to the beast, but another buck, and he could do nothing but slip off the back of the horse before it spooked any more. The absence of a rider stilled the mare for only a moment…
…and he was somehow without a horse. Only carrying a small bag and a map, he pushed through the trees, praying that he would somehow come across the House of Meditation. The anger within him felt like hunger now: a dull ache he could ignore, but put a damper on the world around him. Kiku looked up through the brush and gasped, stepping back without thinking. The tower had appeared out of nowhere.
It was a tall, dark-stoned bastille, the top of which tapered off into a spire decorated with some sort of symbol Kiku could not make out. There were no windows, no sign of life, except for a thin, well-worn path where weeds didn't grow and a thin, grey-wooded door. Kiku approached silently, putting the map in his bag as he walked to the front door. He reached for a knob and found none. Against the wood was only one piece of paper.
I am the Joker. How may I serve you today?
Underneath, there was another sheet – how had Kiku not noticed it before?
You may enter, if you can.
Another sheet beneath that. Kiku bent over to read it.
One two three
Five six seven
You find us in prison
All paths are closed before me
No front, no back, no far, no near,
No up, no down, no left, no right,
Which way will you choose?
Kiku stared at the sheet of paper and delicately rapped his knuckles on the wood, but not even he could hear the sound. His heart began to beat more rapidly. Maybe this was a bad choice. Startlingly, he turned around, and saw that there was no path, no woods, no…anything. All paths really were closed.
Sucking in a breath, Kiku turned around. It was a riddle. So to get inside, he needed to…solve the riddle.
One, two, three…five, six, seven…four? What happened to four?
You find us in prison…
He sat back on his heels, staring at the three pieces of paper. There had to be some solution. Where could he go? He couldn't go backwards, nor left, nor right…unless he grew wings, he was stuck. And he highly doubted he would grow wings any time soon.
"I need to go in," he said. "I need to go…forwards."
Then the answer seemed so simple.
"Forwards," he whispered, and as he pushed on the door again, it swung open, revealing a small, circular hallway and a large spiral staircase. He checked his pocketwatch quickly before stepping into the small inner room; without wasting time, he went to the staircase.
There was a cat on the bottom step, flicking its tail and looking up at him with large green eyes. Kiku stepped over it, and found himself facing a wall with a single note. Slightly annoyed, Kiku ripped it off and read it.
Who are you? We will see.
Unsurprisingly, a second note was where the first had been.
A shy young boy fell on my doorstep. A man studied in my rooms. A king sat at my dinner table. A beggar died in my halls. Then my twin burned me, and down, down, down I fell. What am I?
Kiku rested a hand on the wall, imagining the staircase, and looked down at the cat, who meowed. Did the cat have anything to do with the riddle?
"What am I?" Kiku repeated. "Not who am I?" He looked around, but there was just the wall, and the entrance hall, and the door. He supposed he could leave if he really wanted, but as the Joker seemed to want him to go forwards…no, it wasn't an option. "Some type of building, then. Or…establishment…"
He looked up, cursing the Joker. He didn't have time…he needed answers now. They had been playing tricks on him the whole time, ever since he set foot in Hearts so long ago, a boy falling to the ground because he just couldn't keep running away from the dictatorship. He had worked so hard to get to this point, and for what? Had his studies been a joke?
"Hearts," he said then, because it seemed so open. He looked up at the wall. "You're Hearts. You're a kingdom."
The wall melted before him, and the cat ran off with a mew up the stairs. Without hesitating, Kiku followed it, sliding his hand up the railing and taking the stairs two at a time. He came to a landing and slid to a stop. The passage before him had plunged into darkness.
There was a note on the floor. Kiku picked it up.
Do you belong in my halls, then?
Another note where the other one had been. Kiku picked it up as well.
I fell to oblivion. You fled me long ago. You turned your back and soon, soon it will haunt you. A chosen son of my loins, and you chose an adopted father over me. Perhaps I am far away, but I will always be inside you, the darkness you cannot escape.
"The Far East," said Kiku quietly. He understood now. These weren't riddles that the Joker had put up to trick him, they were security. They were confirming his identity. He wasn't surprised as the hallway lit up to show another door at the end. Kiku crossed to it without a word, reaching and discarding the first note, which simply read Why are you here? The second was more interesting to him.
Answer honestly, or I will let you fall.
Tell a lie, cause a crack.
Hide from reality, miss your step.
You think I can't see, but I can.
This feeling inside you, well justified.
Put it in action, perhaps?
Is it wise?
Are you?
Now, then, your majesty,
Tell me what I already know.
Kiku's fingers clenched into the paper as he read the title – your majesty. The Joker knew exactly what he wanted. Why was he here, anyways?
"For you to tell me what I already know," he said. "That I've been cuckolded. That I've been played this entire time. Now let me in."
The door opened.
"Hello, Kiku," said Gilbert, who was sitting on a red pillow in a relatively empty room. There were candles dangling overhead, papers scattered around the room. It had a low ceiling and a pile of blankets in the corner. There was a large fire burning in the back and bookshelves lining the walls. Kiku blinked. It was the first time he had seen the younger Joker without any makeup at all. If anything, there was usually eyeliner or white paint on their cheeks, but now, it was just Gilbert's red eyes that drew attention. "I have been expecting you. As has someone else, I believe."
His hand waved, and Kiku could see the dancing features of Feliciano in the flames behind him. A whisper passed out through the sparkling embers, making Kiku shiver. It was Ludwig's voice – not long now…I won't…fall…
"Shouldn't you be with them?" asked Gilbert.
"Where's Rome?" asked Kiku. "I want the truth."
"Rome is in the House of Jokers, dealing with the stifling reality that he failed his duty as Joker," said Gilbert. He folded his hands in his lap. "Must you force me to do the same? End the line of Jokers? Is that what you want, Kiku?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Kiku quietly.
"If you don't show up in Berlin in nine hours, your husband will die."
Gilbert spat the word husband, and Kiku flinched.
"And then I will be forced to hand over my reign to the next Joker in line," said Gilbert. "If you hadn't noticed, there isn't one. Since you aren't planning on going to Berlin, I assume you're ready to let them die. Ludwig and Feliciano first, and then what? The city? All of Hearts? All of –"
"I didn't come here so you could talk me into going to Berlin," said Kiku with a stony heart. "I came for the answers that I deserve."
"Do you deserve any?" said Gilbert. The Joker turned his head, and the calm fury suddenly seemed not to come from a distant location, but from a man. Kiku took a hesitant step back. "I thought Rome and I had made the right choice with you."
"No you didn't," said Kiku, making Gilbert look up. "I'm not fit to be a Queen. I'm a joke." But the words sounded a little feebler in his throat as he realized the implications of Gilbert's threat. This couldn't be a joke, not if Gilbert's life and the stability of the Four Kingdoms depended on who became Queen.
"Think about what you're implying," said Gilbert harshly. "You honestly think I would give up the safety of the kingdoms I'm sworn to protect just to pull a joke on some Eastern child?"
He no longer seemed a magical half-diety as Kiku had been raised to believe he was. Somehow, that made it harder to look him in the eye and accuse him.
"Why would you make me Queen?" said Kiku, sitting down on the floor before the Joker. "Why not Feliciano?"
"Because I don't play matchmaker," said Gilbert. "It's not my responsibility to make sure your marriage ends up happily." He scoffed. "Yes, I know that's why you're really here. You came to me because you were scared and upset."
Kiku couldn't deny it. There was an odd sort of angry longing inside him still, though, one that craved attention. So he spoke, instead of ignoring the feeling as he usually would have.
"Why did you make me Queen?" he asked. "I don't understand. I could have been a book-keeper or an administrator. I would have been good at those things. I would have been…"
"Happier?" asked Gilbert. The Joker's eyes were far away, and even as they held Kiku's, they were glazed. "Because we don't choose people based off of where they'll be happiest. We choose the people who will do the job right."
"How do you know I'll do the job right?"
Gilbert gave a bitter chuckle and waved his hands, drawing the fire from the back of the room and spinning it in a circle before extinguishing it. The room was in darkness for a few seconds, but Kiku wasn't afraid. A snap of Gilbert's fingers, and the fire sprung back up again.
"Magic," he said, but the effect had worn off, and he just seemed sad. "Damn magic." Kiku looked up suddenly. "There are about fifteen magic-possessing children born into the kingdoms each year. We're a dying breed, you and me, Kiku."
Kiku's eyes must have held the question his tongue couldn't figure out how to form. Gilbert blinked, suddenly back in the present, and read the words off his face.
"We couldn't have chosen you if you didn't have magic. I don't know where you got it from, but maybe this means there are magic-users out in the East, too. Magic users have to go straight to authority positions. There's no other way to keep the kingdoms in balance, really. They're Kings and Queens, Jacks and Advisors, Generals and Jokers." He sighed at that last one. "I may have been happier as an architect or a musician or a war general. Anything other than this. But the moment the King of Diamonds lay eyes on me, a random Hearts peasant among the numbers, my fate was sealed. Our magic connected."
"Why are you telling me this?" asked Kiku quietly. Was he really worthy of hearing the regrets of the Joker?
"Because I feel you are the right one to tell," said Gilbert. He looked up and met Kiku's eyes. "Have I answered your questions, your majesty?"
No. Kiku hadn't really expected any of these responses, and the questions he had asked had been evaded, but Kiku didn't know if they mattered anymore. So he wasn't a joke. So he had magic. Somehow, that fact didn't scare him as much as it should.
"Why did you make me and Ludwig the ones to get married?" he said at last. "If it was all about magic, why make such a specification?"
"I'm not a matchmaker, Kiku," said Gilbert, his eyes narrowing in annoyance. "But if I had chosen Feliciano as Queen, what do you think would have happened, hm? Would you three trust each other as much as you do?"
"We don't trust each other at all," said Kiku bitterly. "I have lost all faith in the two of them."
"Perhaps," said Gilbert. He twisted a hand towards the fire again. "But have they lost faith in you?"
Kiku's eyes were drawn to the scene, and he revisited it. A flash of blue to indicate Ludwig's eyes, the heavy sighs of Feliciano that hurt him to hear. Those words again, connected – It won't be not long now. I won't let you go. Kiku will protect you and the city if I fall…
"They shouldn't trust you as much as they do," said Gilbert. "You mean to let them die."
He imagined that Ludwig and Feli were holding hands in Berlin, just as they had been since they first met. The two of them there, and him all alone, far away from them. That was how it was always going to be. Ludwig had loved Feliciano since the two had met, and Kiku was stupid to not have seen it before. Or maybe he had seen it, but his blind trust in Ludwig's sense of duty had been too strong. When he refused to go to Berlin, they would understand the feeling. That feeling of drowning so deep in your own fear, of realizing that everything you had believed in had been a lie. They deserved to know that feeling just as acutely as he had felt it. Kiku could imagine Ludwig on his knees in Berlin as the faceless Northern king raised a sword to make that final blow. He would not cry, but he would know that feeling of betrayal, and he would die with the sting of Kiku's revenge in his throat. Then Feliciano would cry, because Feliciano could do nothing but cry, and the blow would be quick, and he would die not understanding why no one had saved him. Despite the fact that he was the source of this conflict, despite the fact that he had stolen Kiku's happiness, he would still expect Kiku to save him.
Kiku had been meeting someone else's expectations his entire life. Perhaps it was high time he stopped listening to what they wanted and did whatever he desired. All of the people that he had encountered since gaining his crown had been horrible. Ludwig, Feliciano, Rome, Gilbert, Alfred, Arthur, Yao, Elizabeta…all of them. He hated all of them.
Kiku drew his knees to his chest and buried his face in the warm fabric of his coat. He would let them die. Ludwig, who had betrayed him, and Feliciano, who had stolen from him. Neither of them had been there for him.
A brief memory flashed through his head, of slowly coming to in the hospital in Geneva.
"What happened?" asked Kiku.
"V-v-well," started Ludwig, gritting his teeth to keep his speech under control, "ve're not entirely sure, because v-ven ve vere…when ve vere…" He trailed off, hanging his head and gripping the bedposts of Kiku's spot with frustration.
Feliciano hesitantly placed his hand over Ludwig's, earned the attention of the King of Hearts, gave a small smile, and continued.
"We were dancing, ve, when we heard something crash from outside," said Feliciano, his eyes drooping with an uncharacteristic sobriety. "Vash and Roderich were trying to hold Yao back…"
He somehow found tears at the thought of Ludwig being so worried he was unable to keep his accent under control and of Feliciano being serious for the sake of just helping him. Yes, there had been a touch between them, but the priority had been Kiku. For that one moment in time, it had been him that they had both paid attention to. There were incidents everywhere, of Ludwig resting his head on Kiku's shoulder and of Feliciano clinging to Kiku's arm. Maybe it was true that the two meant more to each other than he could ever mean to either of them. But they would never…never…
"Before you go running off to save your friends," said Gilbert as Kiku stood up. He reached out with a fist, and Kiku opened his hand to accept the Joker's gift of a pair of two white-and-black dice. Gilbert's red eyes were bright and intense.
"These will turn the tables in the moment you most need aid," said Gilbert. "They are tuned to read the magic of that person that spills blood upon them. They will give you help at the expense of another magic user."
Kiku nodded, tucking the dice into his pocket.
"How do I get back?" he asked. "I have eight hours."
Gilbert closed his eyes for a moment too long, but when he opened them, he raised an eyebrow.
"You have five minutes, and then my tower will no longer be where you need it to be," he said. "Run, Queen Kiku. And if you let them die…" His voice wavered for a moment, and Gilbert looked aside before nodding thoughtfully. "I'll let my successor kill you. How about that?"
You have no successor, thought Kiku softly, but he turned away with a nod. When he opened the door, there was only an empty room leading to the exit. Kiku spared a glance over his shoulder, and found that he was, once again, at the bottom of a staircase blocked by a wall. The cat meowed at his feet.
"Thank you, Gilbert," said Kiku as an afterthought. Then he stepped across the room and opened the door, which grew heavier under his hands until he was standing very suddenly in a great hall. Tattered rose tapestries lined the circular hall, and strands of gold fabric hung onto shattered lamps. Kiku looked up the intact red carpet to the grand trio of thrones at the top of the steps. Smiling in the King's throne was a youth no older than sixteen, a glass of red wine in his hand and an axe across his lap.
"Oh, and you must be the pretty Queen!" called the King of the North. He waved a hand abstractly. "You know what to do."
Kiku didn't even have time to protest before the needle was in his arm and he was falling as if he had, in fact, told a lie.
Welp, there's another of the hangers of cliffs. Hopefully I'll be able to pick up on that to get to the final two-chapter climax. It'll be something. :D See you guys later!
If you liked this, please let me know in a review! Or something...heh :)
~Elsi
