Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight but lasagne is great :D

Wow epic delay! I'm sorry, I just got so little time on the computer! Oh and I was reading the Host which is actually AMAZING!!! So if you haven't read it, then you MUST!! It is like the epitome of awesomeness...well in my opinion, anyway. I was just totally hooked! I haven't made up my mind whether it's better than Twilight yet but it's brilliant in its own way and completely different :) Stephenie Meyer sure knows how to create gorgeous love interests because damn is Jared hot! LOL mainly because he reminds me so much of Jared Leto but there we go. Ok enough of my gushing, on with the story...


Rise of the Undead

"Emmett, would you shut up?" Edward swatted him in the back of the head. Emmett had been making weird 'woo' noises ever since we came outside, as well as attempting to imitate the wind and creaking doors.

"They're sound effects, man!" Emmett groaned, rubbing his head.

"We haven't even started filming yet!"

"I'm just testing my vocal chords. You know, seeing what magic this baby can produce." He stroked his throat rather disturbingly. Edward just glared at him.

"Ok, guys. The second scene is going to be shot by the entrance of the castle," Jasper called from ahead. "Emmett, I want a panoramic view of Edward driving up in the Volvo, but first we're going to film their conversation inside of the car." He had even brought out a plastic chair for himself, to emphasise the fact that he was the director.

"Is all this really necessary?" Rosalie asked.

"Of course, I might as well look the part," Jasper flipped his cap backwards. "Seeing as you all do." Rosalie groaned as she inspected her outfit. She was wearing one of Carlisle's white medical jackets and her face was covered in talcum powder. Edward and I had discussed ideas for the film earlier, and we'd decided to make something that was based upon stereotypical old horror movies. Edward and I would be the unsuspecting couple who were to visit a supposedly abandoned castle because they were lost, where we would encounter Rosalie and Emmett; they were two cannibalistic doctors who were meant to have died over a century ago. Jasper was going to take over the filming when Emmett was playing his part. Alice was to play the part of one their old victims who continued to haunt the castle and disturb the visitors. It was a little clichéd and not particularly original but it would be fun to make and we had a lot to add.

"Ok, first scene." Edward sat in the driver's seat and I took shotgun as Emmett and Jasper piled in the back. Rosalie and Alice stood outside the windows with flashlights.

"What do you want these for?" Rosalie asked.

"Sweep them across the windows every now and then so it looks like they're still driving."

"Fine," Rose rolled her eyes.

"Just improvise guys. Action." Jasper gave the two outside a thumbs-up and slapped a clapperboard stating 'Scene 1: Lost, Take 1,' in front of the screen as Emmett rolled the camera.

"How long is this going to take?" I sighed, slumping in my seat. Edward twisted the steering wheel.

"I don't know," He shrugged. "You tell me. You're the one who told me to take the left at the junction."

"That's because you missed the last one!" I let anger seep into my voice. It felt weird to be arguing with Edward but it was all part of the act. We were meant to be having a domestic. "It's not my fault your SatNav doesn't work."

"My SatNav works fine, it's just not used to changes in the plan." He glared at me. I couldn't help the feeling of unease that followed.

"It's your cousins we're visiting, you should remember the route."

"Well it's too late now, isn't it!? We're lost."

"Not. My. Fault." I scowled back at him.

"Geez, can we not go anywhere without having an argument?"

"Maybe, if you would pay attention to the road and listen to me every now and again."

"I'm sorry, ok?"

"Whatever." I found it hard to stay mad at him. "Just pull up for a second so I can get the map out the back."

"Fine." Edward fiddled about with the gear stick.

"And, cut!" Jasper whispered. "I'll add a few sound effects in but that worked pretty well. I don't think we need to do it again. Scene two." All of us except for Edward got out of the car and stood back as Edward drove up to the entrance of the castle slowly. They didn't need me in the car at this point, as they were only focussing on the outside. Emmett zoomed out with the camera as the car came to a halt.

"Rosalie you were in the bloody shot!" Jasper smacked his head. "Take two."

"Oops." Rose grinned, coming to stand by me as Edward sighed, turned the car around and began up the driveway again. The filler scenes were shot fairly quickly after that; Edward and I notice the castle and decide to ask for directions.

"Why don't you come in?" Emmett purred, a slimy grin on his face. He peeked out of the side of the castle door, dressed similarly to Rosalie. "I'm sure you must be awfully tired after your long journey. Allow me to accommodate you as you rest awhile." Edward and I exchanged a confused glance before following Emmett through the door. Rosalie appeared at the top of the stairs then, smoothing down her white coat.

"Ah, Rosetta!" Emmett boomed, holding out his hand as she descended the spiral staircase. "This is my wife. Rose, these are our...guests."

"How delectable," She smiled. "Can I offer you something to eat?"

"I'm sure you must be hungry." Emmett licked his lips. "I know I am."

"Emmett!" Rose nudged him in the ribs. He wasn't meant to give anything away yet. "Nothing better than an Italian at this time of night, eh Bella?" He grinned toothily as Rosalie shot him another look.

"Italian?" Jasper butted in, pausing the tape.

"Oh come on, it's funny!"

"Fine." Jasper rolled the camera again.

"Ah, we love Italian food, don't we Bella?" Edward raised his eyebrows at me, trying to hide a smile.

"Indeed. Lasagne is Edward's favourite." I decided to play along.

"Lasagne, how nice. So many...layers." Rosalie bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"Oh yes, we shall have fun piling it up, shan't we Rosetta?" Emmett placed his arm around her shoulders.

"But of course, Ebenezer." She replied. "That part is always the most satisfying."

"Ok, enough on the lasagne." Jasper cut in again. "You do realise I'm getting graded on this." Rosalie muffled her giggles. "Action."

"Let us go forth to the room of dining!" Emmett gestured towards a door on the left and led us through. Jasper filmed a few shots of the room, saying he'd edit them in later for effect and began again as we sat down at the table.

"I'm afraid we'll have to leave you for a moment." Rosalie pushed Emmett back out of the room. "Please make yourselves at home."

"Thank you, so much." Edward smiled. "Aren't they lovely?"

"Most hospitable," I agreed. Suddenly Alice burst through the door, a sheet draped over her shoulders. Her make-up was quite remarkable I had to admit. Her face took on a slightly purple sheen and her eyes appeared to be completely sunken. Edward and I jumped accordingly.

"Wh....who are you?" Edward jolted upright, knocking his chair backwards.

"I....am....the ghost of christma...I mean....Pierre." She replied in a monotone, with the hint of a French accent.

"Pierre?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Oui. They like to dine the French way at le weekends." She slid forwards until she had us backed into the corner.

"What....do you mean...exactly, by that?" Edward stuttered.

"I think you already know." Her eyes bulged. "Le gasp! They are coming for you!" Emmett emphasised the sound of his footsteps in the corridor as Alice pretended to melt to the floor, before hiding under the table.

"I'm getting a bad feeling about all of this..." I edged towards the door that Alice had come through.

"I know you're hungry, they'll be back in a bit." Edward pretended to remain completely oblivious.

"Not that! The way Pierre just disappeared into thin air right before our eyes. Don't you find that a little odd in the least?"

"Nope." Edward pursed his lips. "Pierre, be it a he, she or hermaphrodite is obviously a skilled magician."

"Hermaphrodite!?" Alice hissed from under the table. Edward winked at her.

"Edward, I think something fishy is going on."

"Did someone mention fish?" Emmett swung the door open and stood before us, his eyes piercing.

"Bella was just observing that...err...this rooms smells slightly fishy..." Edward improvised. Emmett covered the distance between us in two long strides.

"Terribly sorry." He mumbled. "Our last guests were fishermen from Scotland. They practically lived off of the cold-blooded creatures. Proved to be a refreshing snack nevertheless."

"Naturally." I mumbled as my character began to grow more suspicious.

"Do you think that Rosetta will want a hand with the lasagne?" Edward asked.

"Of course! They provide a slightly crunchier texture." Emmett responded immediately. "Err...perhaps I should go check on how she's doing?"

"It would certainly put our minds at rest."

"Excellent. We can conserve so much more when blood pressure is low. If you try to resist, it can often get quite messy and then a lot goes wasted in the struggle."

"Sorry?" I piped in.

"The...err...asparagus." Emmett corrected himself hurriedly and strode out of the room.

"Now do you get what I was on about?" I whispered to Edward, as soon as Emmett's footsteps began to fade.

"Indeed, I do. I fear for our lives, Bella!"

"Then we must escape at once!" I grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him out of the dining room before sprinting down the corridors. Jasper ran too, claiming that the filming would seem much more realistic.

"And where do you think you're going?" Rosalie stepped out in front of us, holding out her arms.

"We just wanted to...freshen up." I smiled half-heartedly.

"Marvellous! Do go ahead!"

"We shall." We slowed as we approached her, and then legged it out of the back entrance to the castle.

"What now?" Edward panted dramatically.

"We keep running?"

"Sounds like a plan!"

"Ah yes!" I narrowed my eyes at him. Suddenly, Edward slid to a halt. Jasper turned the camera off.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to pinpoint what he was staring at.

"There..." Something bounded towards us in the distance.

"What's going on?" Alice appeared behind us.

"I....err... a dog?" A large German Shepherd stopped a few metres away, eyeing us warily.

"D...dog?" Jasper choked.

"Ah." This was no ordinary dog. Well, it was, it just held a little more significance for Jasper and I.

"Don't tell me that's who I think it is?" Rosalie and Emmett joined us as Jasper cringed.

"Please. No." He began to back away. The dog bared his teeth.

"Paul!?" Rosalie grinned. Paul looked up at the mention of his name.

"CRAP!" Jasper ducked indoors before the dog could make a move and glared at him from the porch window.

"What's up with him?" Emmett wondered aloud.

"Remember that story I told you a few nights ago, about the truth and dare game we played with Jasper some years back?"

"Yes..." Edward seemed to have figured it out though Emmett remained clueless.

"This is the dog that Jasper accidentally threw the lemonade over and then got chased by. He's called Paul." I explained.

"And he still has nightmares!" Rosalie laughed.

"Oh!" Emmett chuckled and bent down to pat Paul on the head but the dog growled, causing Emmett to jump back.

"He's not the friendliest of creatures."

"I gathered."

"Go home Paul!" Rosalie asserted, pointing in the opposite direction. Paul barked and sprinted off. "You've just got to be firm, that's all." She shrugged as Emmett stared at her admirably.

"Err....is it gone?" Jasper poked his head out the window.

"Yes, he's gone. You can come out now." Rosalie sighed. Jasper edged through the doorway and ruffled his hair awkwardly.

"I think we've done enough filming for one night..." He mumbled.

"What!? But we haven't even gorged upon their remains yet!" Emmett protested.

"Don't be such a spoil sport Jazz!" Rosalie smacked him round the head.

"Fine, we'll shoot one more scene. Edward, Bells, just run towards the oak tree and Emmett and Rosalie can appear from behind it and jump them. We'll end it there. I don't really want to be out here for much longer."

"Awww, Jazzy get a bit of a fright did he?" Emmett grinned.

"Leave him alone!" Alice glared at her brother. "Come on then, let's shoot this!"

Jasper stood by the pool as Edward and I ran towards the tree manically.

"Phew! That was close!" He wiped his forehead.

"I know, right?" Rosalie and Emmett jumped out from behind the tree carrying knives and forks. We screamed.

"We would've preferred it if you'd just kept still but I suppose a chase makes the hunt so much more enjoyable. Don't you agree, darling?" Emmett smiled.

"Oh yes, indeed." Rosalie batted her eyelashes as they advanced on us.

"Ladies first....."

"And....CUT!" Jasper exclaimed. "That was great, guys!"

"Well, they do say I'm a natural!" Emmett boasted, absentmindedly swinging his arm over Rosalie's shoulders. She stiffened in surprise.

"Of course they do." Alice rolled her eyes as she watched Jasper pack his filming equipment away. "So, have you got a name for the film yet?"

"I dunno." Jasper shrugged. "I was thinking something along the lines of 'Rise of the Undead.'"

"Speaking of the undead..." I murmured, spinning round.


Please review and i'll try to get typing asap! Oh and read the host too if you haven't! Kthx

Harpz xx