A/N: Long chapter alert! I may actually post three chapters this week or at least by Sunday, because I ended up extending this portion setting up leaving Base 25 for New Vulcan a bit longer than I planned originally. So definitely look for Chapter Twelve, but possibly also Chapter Thirteen by Saturday night! I just might make Chapter Twelve really long, we'll see.

Thanks for the reviews, of course! And yay for all the new people coming to like Kirk/Uhura. I love hearing that. :)

~Nadiea

Disclaimer: 'Star Trek' and its existing characters are the property of Paramount/CBS.


Chapter Eleven - Day Of Reckoning


"So, nine o'clock, okay? But just comm me if you can't make it," she says as we walk to her doors.

"I'll be here, even it's just briefly," I pull her gently to me and give her a kiss.

She sighs as I break the kiss and hugs me. "Hasn't Scotty come up with a way to freeze time yet?"

"Not that I know of, but I could get behind that. Of course, he'd need to test it and we all know how his last test drive of a theory turned out. Next thing you know, some passing ship will discover us frozen in time and that would suck." I return her hug, just enjoying the feel of her and not thinking of much else.

"True."

We stay like that for few more seconds, maybe minutes, but it seems all too short.

"Okay, I've got to go, sweetheart," I say.

"I know, alright, go," she says releasing me and pushing me close to the doors to open them.

I laugh. "Well, if you really wanted me to leave..."

I'm left with her giving me "the look" with her hands on her hips as the doors close.

I shake my head and make my way toward the turbo lift.

On the one hand, I'm actually really interested in meeting her parents. On the other hand, it means that they'll probably ask me about my family and I'd rather not go there if at all possible.

I could just get through it like I usually do when people start talking about my dad the hero and then ask about my poor mom: Just nod, smile, and say that she is fine.

But, these aren't just random people, of course.

I figure if I can get there before nine, we can talk about it, but otherwise I'll just see how it goes and try to be as honest as possible.

One floor before the bridge, the lift stops and opens, revealing my grouchy CMO.

"Going my way?" I asks him, noting his usual scowl.

"Sure, as long as it keeps me away from Sulu and Chekov. They're acting weird. Even for them," he mutters, exasperation evident. "Ran into them on the base and they started trying to make small talk with me. Asking me what I do on my free time. Like there's any free time for the Chief Medical Officer on this ship."

Yeah, see this is what I mean by ticking time bomb.

"I make sure you get an opportunity for free time, Bones," I reply as he steps in beside me. "You just insist on working and taking the fun out of everything."

He grunts.

I try a change of subject. "So, I heard breakfast went okay, right?"

Bones reaches out and stops the lift suddenly. He turns to face me, his arms folded. "Jim, are you really ready for this?"

I sigh and rub a hand over my face. "Bones..."

He holds up a hand. "I'm serious. I know you've had a thing for her for a long time, but...there are things that we both know you still haven't dealt with in your past. You won't even talk to me about it during psych evals on ship. Are you planning on talking to her about it at some point, at least? Because if she's really it for you, she'll deserve that much, Jim."

I lean back against the wall. "And she thinks you don't approve of her," I say with a slight smile. Bones only quirks an eyebrow at me. "Yes, I'm going to talk to her about it, eventually, okay? I...I can't just let it out so easily, you know? It wasn't about keeping it from you, Bones, it's just something that's very difficult for me to think about, let alone talk about. I thought I could just keep holding out on you during the evals, because I knew you'd back off if I resisted enough. I'm sorry about that, by the way."

Bones shrugs off my apology. "It doesn't need to be me you tell, Jim. I was just worried you'd never deal with it and that's the problem. Between the time you were twelve to seventeen is like a black hole. I mean, you've listened to me rant about Jocelyn how many times? And I get the feeling that yours is a hell of a lot worse than my divorce, especially since Starfleet felt the need to leave it out of your files."

He stops himself there and I know that's he's probably done a little research into events coinciding with the period I won't talk about and that's skipped in my file.

I remain silent. Yeah, Starfleet has a vested interest in keeping what happened on Tarsus IV under wraps, but I'm sure it's not impossible to find out something if you know the right people. I get the feeling that Pike knows about what happened to me somehow, but he's never asked me about it. I've thought about just blurting the whole thing out to Bones so many times, but my fear of his reaction always stopped me. That he'd look at me as damaged or pity me. And it's the same with Nyota, of course. But, I know I can't keep hiding from it or hiding from the people I care about. It's just easier said than done.

"I'm going to tell you both," I say, my voice low, but determined. "I just need to do one thing before I do."

I feel Bones' worried gaze on me and see him lean against the opposite wall of the lift, out the corner of my eye.

"Like I said, Jim, it doesn't need to be me," he finally says, though I can tell he's squelching the urge to dig further.

"No, but I want to tell you both," I reply.

He only nods thoughtfully. "And for the record, I like Uhura. Now. At the Academy, she was as smug and pretentious as Spock still is sometimes."

I consider that piece of information. "You never said anything like that to me, back then."

He seems to hesitate a moment. "I didn't know Spock by name at that point, of course, but I'd seen her around with him various times at the Science Wing and he had a teaching reputation as a hard ass. I knew that despite your frequent attempts to annoy her, you really liked her. I didn't see why at the time, but I chose not to comment too much, because our friendship was relatively new. I didn't think you'd appreciate it."

"I probably would have denied liking her," I say, still surprised by his revelations. "As far as smug and pretentious, yeah she was, but I was also a smartass and obnoxious on occasion."

Bones snorts.

I choose to ignore that.

"I never thought that was all there was to her, not when she'd get so feisty over slightest thing I'd say, despite her fight to remain prim and proper," I continue with a shrug and smile.

Bones nods. "Well, I do hope it works out, kid," he says solemnly. "It'd be nice to see it happen for once with my own eyes."

And right there, I know I'll help Nyota, Sulu, and Chekov in this hare-brained matchmaking scheme their concocting.

This is my best friend; closer to me than my own family at this point. Hell, if I can actually get over my hang-ups and give a real relationship a try, then I know Bones can do it. And as entertaining as his grouchiness is to make fun of, I'd hate to think he really feels that way so often.

I just hope he'll take my good intentions into account should this all blow up in our faces like it probably will.

I push the button to get us going again and we arrive at the bridge.

"So, are you still keeping us in the dark about Spock?" Bones asks we step out.

"Yeah, until there's something official to report," I reply, nodding to Scotty, who's slouching in the captain's chair.

He sits up straight suddenly.

"Och, now is something coming to a head now?" He asks with interest.

"Not yet, Scotty," I say with a sigh. "Why don't the two of you keep each other company for awhile? Remember, you're getting in some time off ship if I have to physically remove you myself once you're shift is over. Both Spock and I will remain on board, but Shields is more than capable of doing the job."

Scotty looks dubious at that assertion once again, but nods slowly. "I would like to get in a real meal from the dining hall. Sulu and Chekov were raving about it earlier."

"They were here recently?" Bones looks around warily and I can't help but smirk.

"No, it was earlier this morning, actually," Scotty replies, clearly confused.

"Just make sure you disuade Sulu and Chekov from coming to the bridge," I say to him. "Bones needs a little time away from them. And I'm already ridiculously late, so..." I leave them looking at each other suspiciously and enter my Ready Room.

Spock and Sarek are sitting opposite each other, in perfect calm and silence.

"I apologize for the wait." I say, waving away their attempts to stand. I sit at my desk.

"I understand that you are a busy man, Captain Kirk. I only wanted to ask your opinion on my son's decision." Sarek states in his stern monotone. "From your perspective, you would want to keep him as your First Officer, I presume, but I'm sure you're aware of how important the procreation of Vulcans is right now."

I nod. "I'm aware of that, sir. And yes, I would prefer to keep Spock as my First Officer. However, it's not only that." I glance at Spock, wondering how much he's actually told his dad.

"I have shared all my thoughts and their logical origins with my father, Jim."

I notice Sarek frown slightly at the informality.

"Well, then, you know he's not that keen on getting married to anyone, it seems. And now with this Kalifee challenge, he'd not only need to fight to the death with this Stonn guy, but he'd have to marry T'Pring if he survived that. It's a lot to go from just meeting her to this situation in one day."

"It is unfortunate that it has come to that," Sarek says with a slight nod. "But, I was under the impression that Spock was more amicable to match at some point than his is now. I simply wondered if it was your influence over him?"

I see Spock's expression darken for a split second, before it returns to a blank expression.

I sigh. "No, I don't believe that I had any knowing influence on his decision, Ambassador. I was supportive of his meeting with T'Pring, because he appeared to want it. As far as the new developments are concerned, Spock expressed his reluctance to accept the Kalifee. He told me he still wanted to meet with her. I told him that I would support his decision either way. I did say that it's his decision, not anyone else's and I stand by that."

Sarek is silent for a moment, studying me.

He really makes me feel like I'm in the Dean's office or something. From experience, of course.

"Father," Spock says suddenly, "I communicated that this decision is my own. I do not understand why you thought it necessary to query the Captain about it."

He's angry. Well, angry for Spock. Without the throttling, thankfully.

Sarek looks at his son. "This is a major decision, Spock. Your agreement to meet with T'Pring was seized upon as an important event for New Vulcan. And then, when Stonn challenged the match, the Elders saw it as a way to show your allegiance to your Vulcan side."

"I understand the logic behind their thoughts, but I did not agree to marry T'Pring at any point previous to this turn of events," he replies, his posture rigid. "I agreed to meet her. And I am still prepared to honor that agreement. As for showing my allegiance to my Vulcan side, I believe my willingness to meet her at all is an indication of my regard for my heritage. I could remain a part of Starfleet and on the Enterprise if I so choose and never return to New Vulcan. And as I was told by many a long time ago: I will never be entirely Vulcan. I am only now beginning to understand it fully. My decision is final. If I must accept the challenge in order to meet T'Pring, I must decline. If I may meet with her as agreed, then we will proceed to New Vulcan as planned. I will communicate my decision to the Elders myself if that is agreeable to you."

Go Spock.

We sit in tense silence for a few interminable minutes.

"I will communicate your decision to the Elders," Sarek states finally. "In the interest of keeping the proceedings civil. I will notify them of your willingness to honor the previous agreement and we will proceed from that point to discuss the matter. Ambassador Spock and I will return to New Vulcan immediately. We will inform you of the Elders' decision as soon as it is made."

Spock nods imperceptibly.

I figure it's safe for me to speak. "I'll alert my crew of your impending departure. They'll make sure your shuttle is ready."

Sarek stands and so do Spock and I. "I thank you for your hospitality, Captain Kirk. I know our presence was unexpected."

"Not a problem," I say.

"I will locate the Ambassador and inform him of our departure." Sarek moves to leave.

"I will escort you." Spock offers.

"It is not necessary. I know my way around the ship." With that, he leaves.

So, I think his dad's a bit pissed.

Spock looks a little lost. "I think...I think I will go meditate for awhile."

I nod. "You could...or you could join me and Bones in the dining hall for lunch. We'll eat vegetarian, even Bones. We can even talk about your latest science experiments, yeah?"

I can actually see him perk up a bit. "I do not wish to inconvenience anyone..."

"Spock, I'm going to say this once again: it's not an inconvenience to hang out with friends," I say coming to stand next to him. "So, are you in or not?"

He nods after a minute. "I will join you and Dr. McCoy."

"Great!"

I steer him outside of my Ready Room and back onto the bridge, where Scotty and Bones are actually steeped in some type of discussion.

"...And I tell ya, it's the best corn beef I've ever tasted to this day! What a woman!"

"You can't program that into the replicator?" Bones asks.

"No, it'll never taste the same, man!" Scotty throws his hands up in exasperation. "You know how it is, food from the South is the same way, I hear. It's the nuances, the fresh ingredients that give the food its character."

"That's true." Bones replies seriously.

Just when I think I've seen and heard everything on this ship.

I clap my hands together. "Sorry to interrupt this very random conversation, but Spock and I need to borrow Bones. The Ambassadors are returning to New Vulcan soon, Scotty, so please make sure their shuttle is ready to go. We will remain docked here, pending word from them. And if you want to know any more details, Scotty, you'll make sure you're off this ship shortly after your shift ends."

Scotty shakes his head. "You're a cruel man, Jim Kirk."

I shrug. "It's for your own good. Now I know you'll take your leave, am I right?"

"Aye, I'll go, but I'm holding you personally responsible should anything happen to her," Scotty sulks back to the captain's chair.

"Scotty, I am personally responsible if anything happens to her," I remind him.

"And well you should be!" He replies with a nod.

Bones snickers.

"Never mind," I say, realizing I just need to accept my Chief Engineer's possessiveness of this ship.

I gesture for Spock and Bones to follow me to the lift.

"So, when do I get the dirt?" Bones asks immediately after the doors close.

"The dirt, Doctor?" Spock asks curiously.

"Yeah, the details about what's going on with you and New Vulcan?"

I reach out push the button to stop the lift. "Might as well tell you in here, there's no privacy on the base. If you're ready, of course, Spock."

Spock nods. "I am not adverse to sharing the pertinent details with the command crew. The development that brought my father and my other self here involves T'Pring. It seems that another Vulcan, named Stonn, has challenged our potential bond. This is called a Kalifee. If I were to accept the challenge, we would fight to the death as is Vulcan tradition. I would also be bound to marry T'Pring should I survive. However, I reached the conclusion that it is not satisfactory to make such a decision under duress. I agreed only to meet her, not to marry her. I therefore declined the challenge. I am still willing to meeting her, however. My father will report my decision to the Elders and we will await their response. I do not believe it will take them long to do so."

"I think that's a solid decision on your part, Spock." Bones nods. "Not to reiterate my stand on this subject, but you better be completely sure that you're ready to make a commitment like that. It's an utter nightmare, otherwise."

"I admit that I thought of your divorce, Dr. McCoy in making my decision. Though I do not know the particulars of your situation, such a negative outcome is worth taking into consideration. Vulcans typically mate for life, but I cannot state with one hundred percent certainty that I am agreeable to such a commitment at this time and as I do not know T'Pring at all yet."

"And I'm guessing your father wasn't real happy about that? We saw him leave the Ready Room, of course. He was polite, but was obviously in a hurry to leave."

"He does not approve of my decision," Spock replies with a nod. "But I believe he understands its origins, given my human heritage."

"And that's where we come in, Bones," I finally chime in, happy to see that they've actually held a conversation for five minutes without any insults flying. "We're going to have lunch on base and just relax for a little while."

Bones shrugs. "Sure, why not? I'm not really hungry, but I'll have a drink or two."

I push the button and we're on our way.


An hour and a half later, while Bones is half toasted and relating the entire sad story of his marriage to an inquistive Spock, I sneak away for a minute to comm Nyota at one of the stations just outside the dining hall.

"Hey, what's up?" She answers and I can see that she's changed into a casual top and jeans. She looks beautiful as always.

"I just wanted to let you know that Sarek and Ambassador Spock are on their way back to New Vulcan. Spock's won't accept the challenge, but he still would like to meet her. So, we're waiting to hear what the Elders think about that."

She looks concerned. "Is everything okay with him and his dad?"

I shrug. "It's hard to say. Sarek wasn't pleased, obviously, but he seems conflicted to me. It was pretty awkward when he left, but Bones and I are trying to cheer Spock up in the dining hall. Or maybe I should say I'm trying to cheer him up. Bones is currently telling him about Jocelyn."

She rolls her eyes. "That's helpful. Do you see why he needs our help?"

"Yeah, yeah. I can see why. But, you're missing the historic moment here. Spock and Bones are talking and not insulting each other!"

She smiles and laughs. "Okay, I'll give you that. But get back in there before it gets too depressing! And not to shift gears so fast, but does this mean that you might actually have some free time later, though?"

"Well, I'm not going to say it out loud, because you know how that usually goes, but it's a definite possibility," I say with a grin. "I've just got to make sure Scotty hands off the con to Shields and goes on his leave at five."

She sighs and shakes her head. "Well, I will see you when I see you? How's that?"

"That is perfect," I say. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay."

"Hey, Jim! Is that Uhura?" Sulu crowds in behind me. I turn to eye him.

"Can I help you?" I ask.

"Oh, sorry!" He says sheepishly. "It's just that we've got some info on Dr. McCoy."

"Some juicy info!" Chekov chips in.

"What do you guys got?" Nyota asks, giving me a shrug and wink.

"Alright, I was just going, then." I say with resignation, winking back.

Sulu and, of course Chekov, take my place at the station and start delivering their report.

This is definitely going to end badly.

I return to the dining room and find Bones and Spock still in conversation.

"If you are willing, Doctor, I could arrange a joint experiment to test the healing properties of the bark from Ceres."

Bones nods. "That sounds good to me. If it can do what they're saying it can, it would be invaluable to medicine."

"I will start the arrangements as soon as I resolve my current situation with New Vulcan."

I start to sit down, but I check the time and realize that it's the exact time of day that she's probably at home.

"Hey guys, I hate to leave, but I need to comm someone and right now's the best time to do it. It'll take me an hour or so, so maybe I'll catch up with you if you're still here or wherever. Oh, and a heads up that Sulu and Chekov are out in the lobby."

Bones rolls his eyes. "Are they acting normal?"

I shrug. "Sure. Look, you can't hide from them forever. And to be honest, you're both such sticks in the mud that spending a little time around those two would do you both some good. They know how to have fun. It's a good thing."

Bones scowls at me.

Spock just raises an eyebrow. "'Sticks in the mud', Jim?"

"Yeah, workaholics, too serious, etc."

"In other words, the glue that holds that crazy ship together." Bones deadpans.

"I'm really offended by that," I say. I turn and see Sulu and Chekov enter. "And look who's here! Remember that Chekov, while deserving of respect as a navigator, is also an impressionable young guy. I don't want an angry comm from his mother, Bones. You got that? I'll see you later!"

I leave before he can retort, nodding to Sulu and Chekov as they make a beeline for Bones and Spock.


I sit at the terminal in my quarters thinking of all the reasons I could use to get out of doing this, but I dial the number anyway.

There's a bit of static and then I'm face to face with my mom.

We stare at each other in silence for a full minute.

"Jim." She says quietly.

I nod. "Um, I just...obviously it's been a long time."

"Yes, it has," she says, her blonde hair streak slightly with gray. "I doubted I'd ever hear from you again, sometimes."

I shrug. "Probably for the best, right?"

She's silent.

"Anyway, feel free to disconnect at any time, but I just needed to say some things to you. I'm sorry that I was such a problem for you and Frank. I could try to explain it to you in detail, but it'll never make as much sense out loud as it does in my head. But the bottom line is that I missed Dad. And I know you and Sam thought I couldn't because I didn't know him, but I did. I missed out on not knowing a man that you both missed so much that you couldn't bear to share the memories with me. But I get it. And I understand why you weren't there to get me when I came back from Tarsus IV. Because I came back without Sam. Once again, I survived and someone you knew better, longer died." I pause and take a deep breath. She's watching me with tired eyes, but she's not cutting the connection. Not yet. But I'm sure she will. She always does in some way or another. "But I'm not sorry I lived. I used to feel like dying would be the best thing, to stop feeling unwanted. I almost started to believe all the crap that bastard Kodos was telling us as he executed people left and right."

"Jimmy," she interrupts, her voice shaking. "I have to go now, it's not a good time for this."

"When?" I ask. "When is ever a good time for me, Mom? It was okay when I was little, but the older I got and then when Frank and Jenny came into the picture, there was never a time for me."

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," she says with a sigh. "I...you've done well for yourself, Jim. That's what matters."

The connection closes.

I sit there for I don't know how long, staring at the screen, trying to not feel disappointed.

I knew it would happen this way, if I ever got up the courage to contact her after all these years.

Some of the bad thoughts try to invade my mind. Like how can I even function as a captain of a starship when I can't even get my own mother to listen to me? Or how can I think of being with Nyota, of having a future, when I don't really know what a family feels like?

I knew doing this was dangerous, but it's like a hard knot inside me that never really goes away. In the past, as long I could just focus on getting into fights or getting through the Academy or running this ship, I didn't think of these things very often.

But that's a lie in a way, I guess.

I just thought, if I could talk to her, really tell her, it wouldn't seem so bad. I could tell Nyota and Bones because that knot would be eased. But maybe it doesn't work like that.

I don't know how it works.

Instead of going out and finding Nyota or Bones like I probably should, I pull myself out of the chair walk over to my bed.

I feel heavy inside and suddenly very tired.

And I wish I could say that it doesn't matter, but it does.

She's my mom.

"Computer, set alarm for five o'clock," I say softly.

Alarm set for five o'clock, it chirps back.

I climb into bed and lay there seeing nothing, waiting for sleep to take it all away.

Just like I did so often on Tarsus IV.


TBC...