Sharon pressed her phone to her ear and took a deep, calming breath. To her surprise, Jack had actually honored her request to keep the news from her children, because Ricky seemed clueless as to what she was about to tell him. She had tried to get a hold of him just after her encounter with Jack at the mall, but it had taken him two days to actually get back to her. Emily was in Europe for a tour and only very sporadically checked in, anyway. When she was immersed in her work, very little could distract her from it. Sharon's news likely would, but she didn't feel comfortable with possibly upsetting her daughter on such an important tour. Instead, she had decided to tell her upon her return when she was scheduled to stop by Los Angeles. She looked down at her front, smoothing the material of her loose top down. Emily was set to return in two weeks and until then, one look at her would suffice to tell her exactly what was going on. She felt guilty for keeping her children in the dark for so long, but it had seemed easier to postpone what would inevitably be a tough experience.
After Ricky's outburst upon the news of Rusty's adoption, she hadn't been looking forward to having that conversation with him at all. There was no way of easing him into the fact that she was pregnant and well into her second trimester. After saying the words, she anxiously listened to the tense silence at the other end, dreading her son's reaction.
Instead of the angry words and accusations she had half-expected, Ricky gave a little snort of laughter that reminded her of her herself. She shouldn't have been surprised; sometimes he considered the funny aspects of a situation before giving thought to the not so funny ones. It was a coping mechanism that she was pretty sure he had developed due to his rocky relationship with his father. Laughing at Jack's terrible, non-age-appropriate Christmas gifts was one way to make it sting less that he wasn't around enough to be aware of his children's wishes.
"I win twenty dollars," Ricky said, amusement coloring his voice. "Emily didn't think there was more between you and your friend Andy, but I knew better. You wouldn't invite your lieutenant to your birthday dinner if he wasn't more than just your good friend."
Sharon sat down in her chair and tried to get into a comfortable position. Her back was bothering her today and she was also experiencing a discomfort in her abdomen whose origin she wasn't sure of. His reaction drove home the fact that there wasn't only one unpleasant piece of news that she had to give her son.
"About Andy..." she began, but was interrupted immediately.
"No worries, Mom. It is a bit unfortunate to learn of it this way, but I'll make him do the walk of shame in two weeks when Emily comes over. I am booking a flight to L.A. as we speak."
She sighed inaudibly. Proficient at everything that involved computers, there was hardly a phone conversation she had with him without the clicking of a keyboard in the background.
"Honey, I am not in a relationship with Andy," she said quietly, willing her voice to sound firm and neutral, but succeeding only in part. How much could she tell her children without burdening them with problems that weren't theirs to worry about? "I thought there could be more, but it turned out that I was wrong." She felt ashamed and guilty of the way her voice wavered towards the end of her sentence. One should think that she had said it often enough for her to deliver the line without being on the verge of tears. Apparently that assumption was false.
There was another bout of silence. Even the keyboard noises stopped. Then Ricky cleared his throat.
"What?" She opened her mouth to respond, but he wasn't finished.
"So he got you pregnant and then dumped you?" His voice had risen, the playful tone replaced with an alarming timbre of anger.
"No, Ricky," she tried. She couldn't shake off the idea that she had gone about this the wrong way entirely. It was her fault that her son was that upset. And yet he was technically right. "I mean, yes, but he didn't know about the baby then."
"But he does now?" Ricky asked back, his anger momentarily taking a backseat to his need for information. He still sounded upset, but he was keeping his feelings in check for now. Maybe she could talk him down by laying out all the facts, the mere thing she should have done to begin with.
"He does, Ricky, but things are complicated. He is in another relationship. I-"
She was interrupted again and didn't have the heart to tell Ricky off about it.
"I don't care what he did or didn't know, Mom. He misled you and made you believe that you two would get romantically involved and now you're alone with a baby on the way."
She couldn't argue with that, so she didn't say anything, searching for something to say that wouldn't sound corny or worse, like a lie. She could hear Ricky taking a deep, frustrated breath at the other end of the line and could picture him running a hand through his badly-cut hair. It was what he did when he didn't know what to say.
His voice was soft when he spoke again. "Are you okay, Mom? Is Rusty taking good care of you?"
She almost laughed out loud with relief. "I'm fine, honey. Thank you." She chose not to tell her son about Rusty's initial reaction and the fact that he was only slowly coming around not to direct his wrath at his adoptive brother. Under the current circumstances, Rusty was doing very well and she was grateful that he was trying.
"And the baby? I mean, I don't know about these things, but you are, well-"
"Old, I know." She sighed. She was currently reminded of it every time she moved. She rubbed her stomach where she felt something on the verge of being painful that only peripherally registered with her as her attention was on Ricky. "I will get a bunch of test results in a week, but for now everything looks normal."
All she heard was more silence while the news were sinking in completely.
"Goodness, Mom. I don't know what to say." Ricky's voice sounded small. "Can I call you back when I do?"
Sharon couldn't say that she was disappointed. All things considered, their conversation had gone extremely well. It seemed that her son was still taking the things she had said to him in their confrontation during his last visit to heart.
"Of course, honey," she said softly. "Thank you for being so considerate."
Ricky sounded slightly choked-up now. "Take care, Mom. I'll call you soon."
She set down the phone on the table and closed her eyes for a moment, taking deep breaths.
One down, another one to go.
The Captain was on the phone with her son and as opposed to the usual smile that lit up her face at the sight of Ricky Raydor's name on the screen, her face had fallen this time. The way she had fled into her office to take the call constituted nothing if not a rather hurried departure. Provenza was pretty sure that it had something to do with the Captain's new baby. Everything had, nowadays, even if the Captain herself was trying her hardest to keep it out of the office. Her attempts to appear like nothing had changed didn't stop Provenza from worrying.
Another week had passed and she was still waiting for the amnio results. He could see the tension in the way she held herself and the fear in her eyes. If faced with a long time of waiting for something that could go either way, Provenza knew, pushing it away only ever worked in the beginning. As the moment of truth drew closer, one began to question one's own very motivations. He could tell that on the one hand she wanted certainty and on the other she wanted to stay in her little illusion of safety for fear that the results would not be good. The experience was draining the Captain. He saw it in the little things. Details she overlooked in a case, the way she had snapped at Amy when she had knocked over her glass of water, her almost falling asleep in his car on the way to a crime scene due to pure exhaustion and - he suspected - nightly insomnia.
If her son was giving her trouble, it could easily be the last straw. The Captain was strong, but she had her limits like everyone else. Having sent out Sykes and Sanchez to interview a witness while Tao and Buzz were going through some archive or another downstairs, Provenza quickly got bored of staring at the drawn blinds shielding Raydor's office from his view, so he walked into the break-room to get a cup of something hot and caffeinated.
When he came back, coffee in hand, he stopped short at the sight in front of him. The Captain was standing near the corridor that led towards the restrooms, her face ashen and her gaze directed at the only other person in the room.
"Andy," she said in a shaky voice, her eyes wide with fear. "I'm bleeding."
Provenza would be damned if he let his idiot friend handle the situation when the Captain really needed help. He rushed forward and set the coffee down on the nearest filing cabinet. She looked up at him as he appeared in her line of vision, one hand on her stomach and the other immediately reaching for his arm to have something to hold on to.
"Oh" was all she said as she doubled over a little, her breaths coming out irregular and slightly labored.
"Are you in pain, Sharon?" Provenza asked in alarm.
She took a moment to answer, her eyes veiled. "It feels strange," she finally said. "no cramps, but nearly there."
Suddenly Flynn was there, consciously or unconsciously stepping in between Provenza and the Captain, reaching out for her as he addressed his friend: "Get the car around. If we use the siren, it'll be faster than waiting for an ambulance."
Sharon felt Andy's hand on her waist, the other one suddenly clasped around hers as Provenza was hurrying away. Panic was beginning to grip her and she had a hard time not letting it get the best of her.
"Deep breaths, Sharon," Andy instructed, his voice comforting in his firmness. "We'll get you help."
She wanted to say something, but only a small whimper came out as she remembered the drops of blood and felt the feeling of discomfort in her abdomen intensify. Only when she felt Andy squeeze her hand a little more firmly, she noticed that she had closed her eyes. He looked worried, but his eyes also held a calm resolve that reassured her in turn.
"Can you walk to the elevator with me? From there it will be just a few steps to the car."
She nodded. "I think so." His arm went around her waist, allowing her to lean into his side as they slowly made their way towards the elevator. His other hand was still wrapped around hers, warm and dry, and it gave her more comfort than she would have thought possible. Inside the elevator, she leaned into him, deeply breathing in the clean, crisp scent of him. It calmed the nausea that was rising inside of her, but did nothing to combat the dizziness. His arm tightened around her waist, his thumb moving down her side in a caress as he leaned in and she could feel his warm breath on the side of her head.
"Try to relax, Sharon," he told her. "The hospital is not far."
She looked down at her hand that was covering the small bump under her blouse and felt tears welling up in her eyes. The baby had complicated her life so thoroughly, had brought so much heartache and pain and yet she was terrified of losing it. She thought of the ultrasound images, of the little head and the little body and stifled a sob.
By the time Andy helped her into the back of Provenza's car, she was crying silently. Why would an unlikely thing like a pregnancy happen to her in the first place if the child was taken from her again like this? What had she done to deserve such a thing? She felt the tears trickle down her cheeks, hoping that the sound of the police alarm would mask the little sounds of agony that she couldn't stop from escaping her.
To her surprise, Andy didn't get in the front of the car but sat down next to her in the back. A moment later she felt herself being pulled against his side, his arm tight around her as he caressed her arm comfortingly, his hand going up and down in a steady rhythm. She didn't care about propriety or whatever had happened before and buried her face in his chest, hoping for the best.
The siren was wailing above her as Sharon felt her consciousness slip away.
