Dear napkin I found on the table,
Today is the day. I'm going against this jerk and doing iCarly. Carly and I have a plan worked out and I'm pretty sure it will work. It better. Or once I find out who this weenie is, I' m redefining the term 'ass kicking'. I'm in class right now and Gibby won't stop singing to his avocado.
That's right, he's singing to an avocado. All I head behind me is "Oh avocado! Avocado-ooo! Soon you will be in my belly-ooo! Avocado-ooo!"
Well, I've got to go take care of the screeching from coming from behind me. Say Bye-ooo to Gibb-ooo.
-SamLovesHam
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"iCarly in five!" Freddie yelled from upstairs. Sam and Carly sat across from each other at the counter, drinking peppy cola's before the show as Freddie prepared the technical equipment.
"Are you sure about this, Sam?" Carly asked, watching Sam fidget nervously. They had decided that Sam was not going to quit her show because some loser told her to. She was tired of taking orders from this dude and even though he says this is the last challenge, she knows that he could blackmail her for the rest of the year. It's time to end this.
"Yeah," Sam said, trying to sound nonchalant, "Besides, I'm sure this dork won't do anything. He's all talk."
Carly nodded, "Okay, but if you decide you can't do it, just tell me. I'll handle it, okay?"
Sam nodded and then rolled her eyes, "Carles, it's no big deal. This is just small high school stuff. If my life were in danger, it would be big. But what's this dude gonna do?"
"Tell Freddie."
"Shhhh." Sam shushed her, making sure no one was within hearing range, "He's not going to tell Freddie because we're going to catch him in the act." Sam reminded her, referring to the second part of their plan. "
"But what if-" Carly began but Sam interrupted her.
"Don't talk like that!"
"3 minutes!" They heard Freddie yell.
Sam glanced in the direction of the stairway, "Let's not talk about this right now."
Carly nodded, "Well are you ready to go up there?"
Sam scoffed, "Freddie's the only one up there, Carles. The worst that'll happen is that we'll get Mad Nerd Disease. "
Carly rolled her eyes and got up, Sam following as they both took their time walking up the stairs. When they reached the studio, Freddie was inside doing something on his computer. Sam strolled in and flung her body into a bean bag while Carly followed suit, asking Freddie what he was doing and taking a sip from her drink.
"I'm getting Hurricane Vision ready for tonight." He looked over at them eagerly, "I can't want to show the fans the new updates I have on it. I can make the hurricane go 50 miles faster and I can-" He started off into a nerdy lecture and was interrupted by Sam making an obnoxious snoring sound and closing her eyes, relaxing into her chair.
"Sam!" Carly laughed, hitting her lightly in the arm. Sam peeked one eye open, looking up at Freddie's slightly angry face.
"Oh sorry," Sam sat up, "Did I fall asleep in the middle of one of your nerd fests again?""
Freddie rolled his eyes but ignored her, "45 seconds," He warned, glancing at his computer.. Sam and Carly finished off their drinks and put them to the side, both standing up and fixing their appearance. As they messed with each others hair Freddie called out, "15 seconds." They both stood up straight and faced the camera. "5...4...3...2..."
"HELLO? HELLO!" Sam shouted as if she were underwater and couldn't hear. She cupped her hand around her ear, trying to hear better.
"I'M CARLY!" Carly shouted just as loudly.
"I'M SAM!"
They looked at each other and both cupped their hands around their mouths as if fighting to be heard, "AND THIS IS iCARLY!"
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"Are you sure this is going to work?" Carly asked nervously as she followed Sam toward the school.
Sam rolled her eyes, "Stop being such a wuss. All we're doing is arriving early."
"You don't even arrive on time!" Carly shot back, "And what if we get caught?"
Sam turned around and faced her, "Carles, think about it. Who breaks into a school? Even if we do get caught they wouldn't know what to do with us because no one's a big enough nerd to break into a school three hours before it's supposed to open."
Carly frowned, "I just feel so... dirty."
"You took like three showers before we left. And I'm the one awake at 3 am trying to break into a school! If this jerk doesn't ruin my rep, this will! I should be at home dreaming about ham right now."
Carly rolled her eyes, "Fine. Let's just hurry up and get in before someone sees us."
They crept their way across the grounds until they reached the back door to the cafeteria kitchen. There, waiting for them was one of the school janitors, Jal. Jal was one of the younger janitors, one of three that didn't have gray or white hair. Jal was in his early thirties and he had short dark hair and bright blue eyes.
"Right on time." He complimented, opening the door for them.
"Thanks so much for this, Jal." Carly thanked him sincerely.
He waved a hand, "No problem. I can't believe someone is sneaking in here just to steal your math book," He said to Carly and she and Sam shared a look.
Now did you ladies bring the food?" He asked and Sam nodded, pulling a Tupperware container out of her backpack.
"Six spaghetti tacos, all yours." She handed him the container and he smiled widely.
"Thank you. I love these things and they taste best when your brother makes them!"
Carly laughed and Jal led them through the kitchen and into the actual cafeteria. He unlocked the cafeteria door and let them into the hallway. He led them down the hall to the AV room where the school security cameras were located.
"I put fresh tapes in each of them, you can take the one you get your guy on and make sure you take the one with me letting you all in. And make sure you replace the tapes you take with fresh ones." He told them as he unlocked the door and led them inside.
"Got it, and thanks again!" Carly said as he smiled at them and then left, closing the door behind him.
"Okay," Carly said as Sam plopped down into one of the chairs in the room. Carly sat down in the other and then looked at the large screens in front of them, all different views of the school.
"Wow." Sam said as she admired the screens too, "No wonder they're always busting me."
Carly reached in her bag and pulled out her PearPod, unraveling the earphones as she spoke, "Sam, they catch you because you like to sign your name at the scene of the crime."
"Hey, no one's going to take credit for Mama's works of art!" Sam defended herself.
Carly shook her head and pulled out a magazine as Sam played around on her phone. "Right, of course not..."
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"Carly! Sam!" A voice exclaimed, jolting both girls awake.
"Wha- where's the ham?" Sam exclaimed as she woke up, pushing her wild curls out of her face and holding her cell phone in the air as a weapon. Carly rubbed her eyes and shifted in her chair muttering something about crazy bananas.
"Carly! Sam!" Jal exclaimed again, shaking both girls, "The school doors open in five minutes!"
This caught both of their attentions and they both sat up straight in their seats.
"WHAT!" Carly asked, alert.
"We fell asleep..." Sam stated the obvious picking her bag up off of the floor next to her chair.
"Yeah but did you see who it was?" Jal asked them, pointing to the screen.
"No." Carly said shaking her head, and then it clicked and she grabbed Sam's arm anxiously, "NO! We didn't see who it was!"
Sam's eyes widened.
"You two will have to just take all of the tapes and watch them later. You can confront whoever it was tomorrow during school hours." Jal told them, reaching around Sam and pulling all of the tapes out of the sockets and handing them to Carly. Carly took the tapes and shoved them in her book bag as both She and Sam gathered their things.
"I'll put the fresh tapes in." Jal told them as he pushed them toward the door, "Just get out of here before anyone sees you!"
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"Okay, we'll go straight to my house after school to watch it." Carly said as she and Sam made their way toward their lockers. Students were milling around, but it was too early for a lot of people to be there.
Sam nodded, scanning the walls as they walked, "Do you see anything?"
Carly shook her head, "No and we need to hurry. People are here and we don't even know where he put it."
As they reached their lockers, they went to check the information board near there.
"Bingo!" Sam cried, snatching a piece of paper down from the board.
"Let me see!" Carly smiled.
"No!" Sam ripped the paper into pieces, "It's so stupid. I never want to see it again."
Carly rolled her eyes but smiled teasingly, "It's not like I don't already know what's on there anyway."
Sam hit her lightly on the arm and then hoisted her bag farther up on her shoulder and headed over to her locker. "Whatever Shay."
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"Ring, bell, RING!" Sam groaned as she waited for fifth period to end. The teacher gave her a dirty look, mumbling something about 'ungrateful hoodlums'.
Sam sunk further into her seat, her eyes on the clock. There were still ten minutes until the end of the period and the teacher was continuing her speech on some kind of war. She pulled her phone out, deciding to text Carly since they weren't in the same class. As she went to send a message, though, her own phone vibrated and a box popped up, stating that she had (1) New Message from Unknown. She bit her lip, glancing around at the other bored looking students, before cautiously opening the message.
Thought you could get rid of me that easily, huh? You can't beat me at my own game, Samantha.
Sam's eyes widened and she looked around the room one more time, checking to see if anyone had their phones out. The majority of the class was asleep, and most of the rest were talking amongst themselves. Only a few students were actually listening and taking notes on what the teacher was saying.
She glanced back up at the clock and saw that she still had five more minutes of class. She wondered if whoever this was had posted another copy of the entry somewhere else in the school. Or if he had planted something in a class room again. Her eyes scanned the classroom walls, looking for any taped up notebook paper. After finding none, she looked underneath her desk and on the floor. Still nothing.
Before she could pretend to sharpen her pencil and search the room some more, the bell rang. As everyone hurried out of the room, Sam stuffed her things into her bag and did the same.
She stopped as soon as she stepped into the hallway though.
"Move it!" A voice said from behind her as students tried to push past her. She didn't move though, and one kid pushed her hard enough that her body did go forward far enough for everyone to mumble insults at her and hurry on to their destinations. Sam rolled her eyes and pushed her way out in to the hallway. As she made her way to her locker, she could feel eyes on her. And it seemed like every person she glanced at, was looking at her.
She stopped walking and looked around, frowning when she noticed that everyone was looking at her. They were smiling and a few were giggling and it all reminded her of some lame movie where the main character gets embarrassed and suddenly everyone is looking at them.
She blinked a few times and then continued walking, ignoring the whispers and looks from around her. She was almost to her locker, when she heard someone speaking to her.
"Wow Sam!" Wendy said, stopping Sam, "I never would have known!"
Sam gave her a confused look. She knew Wendy always had the gossip, but what could she know about-
Oh.
My.
Ham.
She thought to herself as Wendy babbled on. She was about to push past her, when Wendy said something that was actually worth hearing.
"- I mean, it seems so obvious now though. Everyone knows that a girl only picks on a guy when she likes him."
A girl only picks on a guy when she likes him.
A girl only picks on a guy when she likes him.
WHEN SHE LIKES HIM.
She looked around, ignoring Wendy once again and finally noticed all of the white fliers on the ground and on the walls around her. Sure, she had noticed them before but it wasn't unusual for club leaders to throw them around in hopes of reeling in a new member.
Now, though, she bent down and picked up one of the white papers up, turning it over and reading it.
What's crackin',
Okay, What I'm about to tell you is completely and absolutely, swear to my ham, confidential. I mean it this time when I say if you come to life I will kill you.
I've had a- what's it called? Oh, a revelation! Anyway, I've had a revelation! That's the good news.
The bad news, is that this revelation is a bad one. I don't even want to write it down, but I feel like I might explode if I don't tell someone. And you know I'm not going to tell Dr. The-rape-ist. So, for once, this stupid journal has come in handy.
Enough of that! Onto the horrible, HORRIBLE thing I have just realized.
I...
Like...
...Freddie.
Oh Ham, I can't believe I just said that. Ew. If I could, I would punch myself for being so stupid. But, you know, it's not like I'm in love with him or anything. I mean... If you look in the dictionary next to the word 'nub', his picture will be right there. I'm ashamed! How could I, Bad girl Puckett, fall for Momma's boy Benson? This sort of thing could ruin my rep. No one's going to be afraid of me if they know that I've got the hots for Nerdzilla.
HAVE I LOST MY MIND? I might as well check myself into a mental institution now.\
Grr. I need meat. This is too depressing to deal with on an empty stomach.
-SamLovesHam
PS: The answer is eggs.
"No..." Sam breathed, staring down at the paper. "Oh please No.."
"Don't worry!" Wendy said, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder, Sam had forgotten she was there, "I think it's cute. You two could be the next IT couple. So juicy! The Bad Girl and the Good Boy. I love it!"
Sam shook her head, crumpling the paper up and backing away from the babbling girl. She reached down and scooped up as many of the papers as she could. Holding them in her arms as she ran to the nearest wall and tore off every piece of paper. She didn't care if not all of them were about her, right now, she just wanted them gone.
Suddenly, the laughing from before was louder. Everyone's looks were shooting lasers into her body. The room was a hundred degrees hotter and her hands were moving ten times slower as she tried to tear down all of the papers. She heard her name everywhere. Hands were touching her, trying to get her attention but she put all of her focus on getting rid of every single white piece of paper she could see.
"ATTENTION STUDENTS, ATTENTION STUDENTS," Principal Franklin's voice boomed from the loudspeaker. "Everyone leave Sam Puckett alone. Her therapist made her begin the journal and it will not be accepted that someone has stolen and leaked the contents of the book. I repeat LEAVE SAM PUCKETT ALONE. Sam, please meet me in my office."
If the laughs were loud before, they were deafening now. She took deep breaths, feeling small and suffocated as everyone crowded around her. She could feel hot tears streaming from her eyes, as if the whole situation wasn't embarrassing enough. She gritted her teeth and tried to blink back the tears. But they didn't stop and she wanted nothing more than to just disappear.
Kill. Me. Now. She thought. Sam dropped all of the fliers in her hand into a nearby trashcan and pushed her way through the rowdy crowd.
"SAM! SAM!" A voice called out to her, but she ignored it. A moments later, Carly's voice rang in her ear, "Sam stop!" Carly commanded, yanking on Sam's arm. Sam shook her head, glancing back at Carly and giving her an apologetic look, the tears breaking free and streaming down her face, before yanking her arm away and making a mad dash for the front door.
She finally pushed her way to the front door and pushed a few kids out of the way to throw it open. When the cool air hit her body, she relaxed a little but didn't stop moving. She began running, she could still hear the laughing in her ear and she ran faster. Her feet thud across the pavement as she ran in the direction of her house. It was a long way, but she didn't stop running, couldn't stop. Because every time she slowed down, all she could hear was the cruel, empty laughter and Wendy's words.
"It seems so obvious now though. Everyone knows that A girl only picks on a guy when she likes him."
