Hello everyone, I know it's been a while and I'm so sorry for that. I really wanted to start writing this earlier (I had planned to have this story done by New Years but that didn't happen). Real life has just been kicking me in the butt lately, I won't offer any excuses but I hope that you guys can forgive me and I also hope some of you are still out there reading this story. I know updates have been super irregular and I'm sorry about that too, but please be aware that it probably won't get any better for a while. This chapter is extra long and there isn't too much foul language so please enjoy! Thank you to everyone who reads and especially to those who review, your words just make my day so much brighter!
"So, Lynne, what are your views on marriage?" I ask curiously as I search for an opening to grab the ball.
She thinks for a moment, bouncing the ball with one hand while watching me. "I think that two people should only marry for love. I don't believe in political marriages if that is what you're asking. What is the point of getting married if you aren't married to someone you love. If you marry someone just for politics then you'll end up hating them within a year of marrying them because you don't really know them, you don't know their likes and dislikes or if their personality is similar to yours, you don't know if they will just use you or if they will ignore your vows and be unfaithful."
I held in a chuckle at her usual chattiness, at times it almost seemed like she loved to hear herself talk. As I got to know Lynne a little more though, it became apparent that she just liked to talk to eliminate the chance of awkward silences. The last time we stopped talking, she fidgeted in her seat for a minute before blurting something about her favorite food. It was just as adorable as it was slightly annoying.
I dove for the ball but she spun and managed to shoot it into the basket.
I outright laughed and held my hands up in defeat as a dribble of sweat trickled down the side of my face. "All right, you definitely win. I can't believe you're this good at basketball."
She shrugged and made another perfect shot. "When my mom died and my dad was left with me and my sister he didn't really know what to do. I do a lot of 'guy things' compared to most girls because of my dad. My sister and I started playing basketball rather than dress up by the time I was seven."
A silence encompassed us and it became apparent that she wasn't entirely comfortable talking about her mother.
"So why did you decide to join the Selection?" I asked before she could say anything.
A blush spread fiercely across her cheeks and spread all the way down to her neck as we walked over to the cooler for some water.
"I don't really want to say, you'll think it's silly."
I simply smiled at her. "I would never do such a thing, especially if I knew it would embarrass you. Please, tell me?"
She contemplated for only a moment before she whispered, "I heard that the basketball court was awesome."
I nearly choked as I tried to contain my laughter. After a few seconds, I swallowed and simply uttered an, "Oh."
"I'm glad that I did though, you're pretty cool Damon." she said sincerely while looking me in the eyes.
I grinned. "Thank you. Now, I have to ask…do you have any interest in marrying me? I want you to be honest, please."
"Will you eliminate me if you don't like my answer?"
I shook my head. "Not right away. I'll keep you here so that you can enjoy the court until the competition gets more serious. I will have to eliminate you eventually if you don't want to marry me but I won't do so immediately."
"Then, honestly, no I do not have an interest in marrying you. I think we could be great friends but I just don't feel anything romantic towards you. Don't misunderstand me, you're an awesome person and I have no doubt that you'll make some girl very lucky."
I nodded and smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you for being honest. I will keep you around as long as I can, but we probably won't have a lot of 'dates' because I really need to focus on finding a wife now. I'll try my best to make some time, but I won't be around as often because I need to spend time with the other girls. You are welcome to use the court whenever you want though and you may still come to me if you have any issues with the other girls."
Lynne nodded and pushed a piece of her black hair behind her ear. "Thanks. I have one piece of advice, Damon. Be careful with Ruby, she gives me a bad vibe and I'm actually a little scared of her. She just seems…off somehow. And you know I don't care about bettering myself in your eyes for the competition so I am being completely honest."
"Thank you for the advice, though I had guessed as much. Honestly, I'm only keeping her around to appease my advisors. They like that she has German roots and connections. I plan to eliminate her soon enough but for now she is an unfortunate inconvenience. I hope that you'll keep this conversation between us, Lynne, I don't want to the girls to start worrying needlessly and I don't need word of this reaching Ruby either."
"Of course, I won't say a word about this to anyone; I've got plenty of other things to talk about anyway."
I just chuckled and then held out my hand. "Well, goodbye for now then."
"Goodbye, Damon and thank you." she smiled gently.
I nodded and gestured for her to continue playing. She started shooting baskets again with a smile while I went to the locker rooms to change back into my "work clothes" and wash off the sweat which had accumulated during our game.
Once I was finished showering and changing, I waved to Lynne and calmly walked out of the room. When I was sure I was out of her earshot, I sighed and rubbed a hand down my face.
It was nice to know that I wouldn't have to worry about hurt feelings where Lynne was concerned but it was also limiting my options for who to choose out of the competition. I wasn't sure about Grace anymore and I had been avoiding her as much as I could, but I knew we would have to talk soon and I would have to tell her about my recent revelations about our relationship.
I made my way over to the soldier's training gym so that I could wheel Justice to lunch. Overall, Justice had taken his paralysis in stride and he was making a quick recovery. He still needed to be taken care of by others though because he had also broken three ribs during the attack. Eventually, he would be strong enough to wheel himself around.
I greeted Justice as I entered the gym and stopped so that he could shout out his final orders to the soldiers he was working with. I wheeled him into his office and pulled his lunch out of the mini fridge beside his filing cabinet.
I set his lunch out in front of him and then took a seat on the other side of the desk. I wanted to talk to him about my mom's past but I wasn't quite sure how to bring it up. It had been two weeks and I had been on numerous dates with the girls but I had only talked to my parents once since the attack. I just wasn't sure what I wanted to say or what I wanted to do around them.
"What do you need, Damon? I can tell that you need to say something, so out with it."
I chuckled; he always did know when I needed to talk to him. "Who was Jessica to you?"
"I–"
"I know that Jessica is my mom, but I just don't know who Jessica was to you specifically."
He rubbed his palms over his face and sighed. "Then I suppose that means that she finally told you about her past."
I nodded.
"Yes, I was in love with the woman your mother once was. She was my best friend and she taught me everything that I know. I owe her everything."
"Holy hell."
Justice laughed. "Surprised?"
"Just a bit." I rolled my eyes. Raking a hand through my hair, I took a deep breath before asking the question I was most afraid of. "Do you still love her?"
He rubbed a hand along his jaw. "I'm not entirely sure. I think I love who she used to be, I still love Jessica but I don't love America. You mother is deeply in love with your father and over time I've learned to let her go. I think I will always love her to some capacity, she gave me a purpose when I was young and she's saved my life more times than I can count but I know that she is very happy with your father. As long as she's happy and safe then so am I. I'm glad that she was able to be reunited with Maxon after everything she suffered, even if I wish I could have given her the happiness that your father does."
I nodded. "If she wasn't married, would you go after her?"
He pondered it. "No. I can't give your mom what she needs to be happy. If she didn't have your father, she'd be broken. Maxon is able to balance her in a way that she needs and argues with her whereas with me and your mother, well we'd just fight it out until she won." He chuckled. "Your parents have a long history and they just…they fit and their relationship is one of the strongest that I've ever seen. I wouldn't be able to provide your mom with everything she'd need to be in that kind of relationship if Maxon wasn't around. I'm perfectly content to be her best friend and confidante, after Maxon of course."
"Why didn't you try to…pursue her before she reunited with my dad?" I asked curiously.
"Military protocol at the time was very strict, no romantic relationships were allowed within your unit. You mom changed that rule once she became queen but by then it was too late for me to do anything."
"Have you ever had a relationship with anyone?"
"I've tried to date a few times, even during the time I was working under your mom. It just didn't work out. Look, not many people are able to understand a soldier's mind, or understand why I wake up screaming most nights. There aren't many girls in the army either and even then none of them are like your mother."
I nodded as I rubbed my temples.
"Why did you want to know about all of this anyway?"
I shrugged. "A week ago, I believed that my mom was just a woman who went into the Selection and ended up marrying my dad. Now I know that she has survived things I can't even imagine, I feel like I don't even know her anymore."
Justice set his elbows on his desk and narrowed his eyes, anger sweeping over his features as his voice lowered. "She is the same person that she's always been. She's the one who was there for your first steps and your first words, the one who tucked you into bed at night and held you when you had nightmares and couldn't sleep. She still loves you and she raised you, her past does not define her just as yours does not define you. It is okay to want to learn about your mom's history but do not question her love for you or your family."
I shook my head. "I don't doubt her feelings or character, I just feel like–"
A knock interrupted me and I sighed as I stood and opened the door.
A guard bowed and then handed me a letter.
I opened it quickly and scanned over it. "Thank you, soldier." I turned back to Justice one the guard had walked away. "Thank you for talking to me, but it seems that the rebels are stirring up a few things. I will send someone to get you to your room for the night."
With that, I allowed him to quickly finish his lunch and I rolled him back out into the main room so that he could direct the next group of soldiers that came in.
I had so much on my mind, ideas and questions spinning in a never ending loop as I strode down the halls toward the conference room where I would meet with my dad and our many advisors.
Talking with Justice had cleared up many of the questions that I had regarding my mom's past but I was still hesitant about the idea of sitting down to discuss everything with my parents. I would eventually be ready to talk to them, I just wasn't sure if it would be today or even tomorrow.
I straightened my tie and smoothed the few creases on my suit. I straightened my back and looked up as I pushed the doors to the conference room open. For now I would ignore the issues buzzing in the back of my head and I would get to work.
