Monica Reyes pulled up outside his house, her partner asleep at her side due to the painkillers he'd been given. She could hardly find it in her heart to wake him up. He looked so peaceful, his amazing blue eyes closed and his breathing soft. He had really scared her earlier in his hospital room. She didn't know what happened, and he wouldn't tell her but she prayed that he hadn't suffered a worse head injury than they thought. She didn't think she could bear that at the moment. She knew he was worried about her, she could tell by the way he spoke to her and by the way he looked at her but thankfully he hadn't guessed what was the matter. She could tell that seeing her pale and nauseous was worrying him, she wanted to tell him it was all natural and that she was perfectly healthy but in doing that she'd be letting him know the truth and for that she wasn't ready.
She'd been thinking so hard all night about the baby. She'd been awake for hours thinking about their little boy who she so wanted to protect, but the more she'd been thinking about the night he was conceived and about the implications his birth would cause she was finding it increasingly difficult to convince herself that she should go through with the pregnancy. She loved her son so much, she loved feeling him grow inside her but no matter how much she felt for her unborn child always overshadowing that was how unsafe a life he would be brought into. How unsafe she would be during the pregnancy even if herself and her partner tried to protect her. She always felt that a woman should have the right to choose, but never in her life had she imagined how hard a choice this would be and how sometimes the best choice was the most hurtful.
Turning round to look at her partner as he lay there sleeping she tenderly stroked his cheek. She wondered what he'd do if she told him. His apparently being oblivious to the fact at the moment was best but that didn't stop her from wondering whether she'd have his support or be the focus of any anger. She couldn't imagine him being angry at his unborn baby, his paternal instinct was strong but maybe he would be at her...she didn't even want to think about it.
Looking at her watch and realising she didn't have long until her doctor's appointment, and that the food she had bought for him was getting cold she gently whispered his name in his ear. Slowly he stirred, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, which then focused on her. He smiled.
"Hey." She said softly, smiling back as she saw the grin on his lips.
"You got a bit more colour in your cheeks." He told her softly then sitting up. "Musta drifted off there for a second."
"John you've been asleep pretty much as long as we've been in here. Got you your polish sausage by the way." She told him handing him a bag out of the back.
He grinned. "Mon you didn't have to if I was asleep." He told her.
"I promised I would. Besides you're right, hospital food is awful."
"You wanna come in and share these?" He asked her hoping to bridge the slight gap that had been there in their relationship since that night nearly three months ago, one that he wanted and needed to be bridged.
Monica frowned. Three months ago he'd told her that he didn't want to pull her into his life any further than she was and that he wanted to distance themselves from each other. She had been able to see where he was coming from with it all but still it had caused her so much hurt, and now he expected to just be able to fix things? What did he want? Just to have her around as a friend when he needed her and then to distance himself the rest of the time? She had never been as confused in her life as she had lately. It was obvious he cared for her but why pretend that night had never happened and just expect things to go back. She could never do that now and she didn't particularly want to.
"Mon
I miss you...it's been crazy since we...Damn I dunno how to say this
stuff." he told her sighing " I'm sorry if I hurt you and I
know I did a pretty good job of pushin you away after we slept
together. You're just so...I dunno...you're kind and carin and gentle
and me, I'm nothin like that. I didn't wanna bring you down or wreck
what we had cos it was special. Now I see
I messed it up through
pretending that night wasn't special. It meant a lot to me Mon, it
really did, I just figured I couldn't hurt what I didn't really
have."
"John..." She told him, tears welling up behind her eyes.
"I guess I'm tryin to say sorry. I'm so damned sorry. You've been in my life through some of the hardest times a guy could go through. You stuck by me and if that don't show me that you wanna be around then I must be dreamin. I was stupid to presume how you felt and I was even dumber to..."
"John I have to go..." She told him tearfully.
"Mon..."
"I have to be someplace. I'm sorry." She told him starting up the engine.
He took out the package she gave him and opened his door. Then he turned to face her.
"I really am sorry." He told her as a single tear fell down her cheek before she drove off, leaving a very confused Doggett behind.
"Damn it." He shouted kicking his trashcan before pulling out his keys and going inside.
