Sweet Deception

Witch-Mistress-Animaru

A/N: I should be writing the editorial and the article now. I just can't bring myself to do so. I still need sufficient information for them. God, why does summer come with laziness and sloth? It must be the heat…

This is the only chapter which I have typed directly, without a handwritten counterpart, aided by several musical pieces.

9: Her realizations

In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion that's taking me over,

Tied up in sorrow, lost in my song…

-Emotion, Samantha Sang

It's a heartache, nothing but a heartache.

-Bonnie Tyler

Just take my heart when you go

I don't have a need for it anymore

I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold

So just take my heart when you go.

-Just Take My Heart, Mr. Big

How do you cool your lips after a summer's kiss?

I could use some advice on how to be insensitive.

-Insensitive, Jann Arden

This had to be happiness, Sakura contemplated as she walked silently beside Li Syaoran, their hands entwined as they toured the castle grounds.

She knew it was foolish, this hope that sprang somewhere inside her heart. She cannot comprehend why, but her heart felt like it would jump out of her chest every time she looked at her husband, and she would feel a light, heady feeling envelope her.

Was it possible, after all, to have her happy ending with the emperor's grandson, the heir to Nippon's legacy?

"Tell me more about your family," he would say, and she would answer, careful to leave out the truths she had learned on her unruly existence in the Kinomoto household.

In turn, Syaoran had given her stories of his own youth—happier than her childhood ever was, which was tainted with lies, deceit and her father's grand and ambitious plans.

She learned that he was not born a prince, nor was he a royal heir for that matter.

Until his grandfather chose him over another cousin of his, Li Mamoru.

Was it her imagination, or did Syaoran's eyes narrow as he spoke of his cousin Li Mamoru, who, she found out, was living in the palace as well? They must have met, but Sakura cannot remember his face at all.

Now she noticed that Syaoran was leading them towards the greenery, the forestry of the castle grounds.

"Where are we headed?" She asked softly, daring not to argue.

"In here," he answered and pulled her with him towards what turned out to be marble pieces and a fountainhead. Syaoran sat down and pulled her towards him, kissing her lightly as she settled down on his lap.

"Syaoran…" she murmured in his mouth, very nearly swooning in his arms as he continued kissing her and trailing soft caresses underneath her kimono.

Then they heard a soft gasp, a rustling of leaves, and both of them froze.

A black-haired woman was standing in the clearing, and her hands were covering the face of a young boy beside her. Sakura's face turned pink as she stood and bowed at the woman.

"I…did not know you would be here, Xiao Lang," she said in a voice full of hurt and emotion. Syaoran stood up so quickly he very nearly knocked Sakura to the ground. He approached the woman and held her by the wrist when she tried to run away.

"Meilin-san, I am very sorry that you have caught us in a very compromising situation. We apologize for the distress we have caused you and Hadoru-kun," he said all this very fast, his guilt at being found out in the throes of passion with his wife clearly etched on his face.

Sakura's face remained devoid of emotion, her mind had gone blank and numb, and until what she was seeing registered on her brain were she able to move lithely towards the pair.

They look like a happy family, she thought wildly as she gazed at them unblinkingly.

"Meilin-san…I want you to meet the Lady Kinomoto Sakura no Li, my wife," he said, and the pain in his eyes was so great, Sakura could not trust herself to speak without her voice breaking. For suddenly she knew just how much this woman meant to Li Syaoran and the pain was tearing her apart. "Sakura, this is the Lady Li Meilin, my cousin Mamoru's wife…and this is their little son, Hadoru-kun." Now Sakura knew that she had not imagined Syaoran's sharp gaze as he mentioned Li Mamoru. Now she knew where his bitterness had stemmed from.

As the heir to the empire, Syaoran could not freely marry this woman, and the bitter Li Mamoru who must have begrudged his grandfather's choice of heir had taken his revenge on his cousin by marrying Meilin Li.

And where does that leave her, the lovely pawn of her father in this game of power?

Suddenly she was so sick of the game. She was nothing but the illegitimate daughter of her father, and she did nothing, nothing to deserve this pain she was feeling…

…except that she had agreed to this foolishness.

Yes, it was foolishness, she admitted freely now.

It was foolish to believe what she did.

And once more, the cold mask settled over Kinomoto Sakura's face, veiling the emotional turmoil she was experiencing.

While her heart hardened in its resolve once more to never fall in love with anyone, let alone her husband.

-0-0-0-

This was the second time she had walked in on the two, but the pain of seeing Syaoran happy with someone else was tearing Meilin apart.

She could not believe that such pain existed, that it could twist her in knots.

Looking at the two, she knew she had no right to feel this resentment towards this beautiful woman beside him now. After all, she had no claim on his heart, being married to Li Mamoru as she was.

Yet as she gazed at the coolly composed face of Li Sakura, she could not help but feel hatred. How can she remain cold while Syaoran was obviously in distress? Her green eyes were filled with bored disdain, she noted as Li Sakura nodded towards her, as if dismissing their presence.

"My lord, I wish to retire to my chamber. If you will excuse me," her voice was cold, almost aloof, and Meilin could not imagine how she could have drawn Syaoran to her, let alone enticed him to touch her.

Syaoran did not contradict her, yet she could see his eyes narrowing as he followed his retreating wife with his gaze.

He does not know it yet, but it seems he was already feeling something for her, even though Meilin did not understand why.

And the pain was taking her very breath away.

--

Syaoran heard it rather than saw it—the return of the barriers between him and his wife. He heard it in her cold, high voice, and he felt it in her suddenly indifferent demeanor.

The mask was back, and he was unsure if he wanted it to be.

He felt Meilin's pain in that one gasp and he could not help but feel guilty when she had caught him sharing intimacies with Sakura.

Yet he could not deny it: he was also attracted to Sakura, in those moments when her guard was down and she was not being obstinate and cold. He was certain, however, that it was Li Meilin who held his heart—the one who, he thought, will always hold it.

"Gomenasai," he whispered softly. "You should not have seen that."

"But there is nothing wrong with…with that, is there? After all, she is your wife, Xiao Lang."

He laughed rather harshly at Meilin's pronouncement.

"You know as well as I do about the circumstances surrounding our marriage."

"Yes…and I know…it is your duty…to provide Nippon with an heir."

"Yes, it is a duty…and a nuisance, at that," he spoke it yet he did not believe it—and by the looks of it, neither did Meilin.

But those words drove through Sakura like a knife, squeezing through her heart.

She heard it clearly enough—his duty to the imperial throne was a nuisance.

She was a nuisance. A useless piece of baggage dumped unceremoniously on his lap by her ambitious father—that was what she was.

Nothing more.

Well, she thought sarcastically, she will not be so any longer.

She should have stuck to the original plan, she thought as she walked as quickly as she could back towards the castle.

Now, nothing would stop her from executing her plan, even if it would cost her very heart and life.

--

Touya's heart broke as he saw Sakura approaching the castle. He stood by the doorway, his face hidden well by a cloak while he awaited her return.

He knew Sakura very well, and he knew that beneath that cold and hard façade, the real Sakura lay vulnerable, desperate for even the slightest affection that their mother and her father had been unable to provide. Disillusionment must have hit her, and hard.

Touya knew better than to fuel the resentment she felt, the anger and fury that broke everything gentle inside her. She did have a tendency to be reckless, and nothing came good out of recklessness.

No, her temper must simmer down. Yet he doubted that she would change her resolve even after.

Yet it must be for the better, he thought. These royalties bring nothing but trouble. It may be best for him and Sakura to disassociate with them.

But as he saw Sakura's face, he felt helpless.

He was afraid that Sakura has been hurt beyond what he already expected—it was not only a bruised pride, not only her self-esteem.

Touya feared that someone got close enough to bruise Sakura's heart.

He stilled when Sakura approached, and he called her name.

--

"Sakura," she stopped on her tracks upon hearing that voice. She will never forget that voice—her brother's.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as she approached him and she could not help the panicked tone creeping on her voice.

"I'm here to protect you, of course. Are you well, Sakura?" He asked, his tone brotherly that she nearly broke down and cried in his arms, losing all composure she regained as she walked away from Syaoran earlier.

"I…of course I am well. If you should worry about anyone, it should be you, oniichan," she said frantically, not knowing and refusing to contemplate what may happen once he is discovered.

"Sakura…do you still wish to remain here, unsafe?"

"I…" before Sakura could answer, Syaoran was already striding towards her and Touya stepped away from her, towards the shadows, cursing at the man who, he knew, was the source of Sakura's distress and heartache.

"Sakura," Syaoran called, and Touya saw his sister take a few deep breaths before turning to face her husband like he was some sort of adversary to her.

"What is it?" Even Touya winced from the coldness in her voice, but Syaoran continued to stare at her, and he looked a bit furious.

"What is this about?"

"I should be the one asking you that. You called me, did you not?"

"No. That is not what I meant. Damn it, why do you always become like this?"

"I do not comprehend you."

"Neither do I comprehend you, for that matter."

"Then we have nothing left to say to each other, my lord," and she brushed past her husband. But the man had clamped his hand on her wrist.

Yet contrary to what she usually did, Sakura pulled her hand away and Syaoran, taken by surprise, had let her go.

It was just as well, for Sakura's tears threatened to fall.

She could not, she would not admit it, but she had already begun falling for her husband.

And she could not bring herself to accept that he was never hers to begin with.

And despite knowing that he could never be hers, her heart had already chosen to never follow its owner.

--

Minamoto Eriol spent the better part of the day getting drunk, it hardly surprised him that, upon waking up, his head was aching so badly he wanted nothing but to go back to sleep again.

He still could not believe that he is married—and to a foundling of a girl he could not even remember the face that goes with her name—Daidouji Kinoa.

Wait, her name was not even Nippon in origin. And right after they were wed, he stalked off, leaving Yue to go and comfort his bride.

He wanted to drown in sorrow, drown helplessly, for he cannot go on living this farce of a marriage. Not with the knowledge that true love awaits him on the other side of the enemy lines.

"Ouch," he groaned, holding his head before dropping back to the bed.

He didn't see a pair of violet eyes watching him from afar, full of tears as she muffled her cries before she turned away from him.

Kinomoto Tomoyo had the protection of the Minamoto name as Daidouji Kinoa, all right. But how she had lost Eriol's heart in the process pains her beyond bearing…

TBC