Being with Carlos was, to put it lightly, absolutely fucking amazingly fantastic.

It was never really asked, or proclaimed if they were together, until Logan got insecure and approached Carlos, nervously stuttering,

"W-We're dating, right?...I-I mean, unless you don't want to, b-but, I, um-"

Carlos had cut him off with a kiss, pulling away and simply nodding.

Yes. Carlos and Logan were an item.

Logan had to suppress squeals of excitement whenever he thought about it.

Carlos kept things interesting, kissing him randomly during rehearsal or before dinner started, grabbing his hand to give it a squeeze, taking him on sporadic dates and doing silly, romantic things like buying him a chocolate rose, or making him weird, home-made cards that are propped up on his desk in his room.

It was fun. It was exciting.

Logan would be lying if he said this wasn't scary.

This entire thing with Carlos was extremely scary. Logan's brain was subconsciously counting down the days that Carlos left him.

Carlos, just like Logan, was ecstatic about this. Being with Logan was so much fun, whimsical and sunny and cheerful. It was interesting to think of new things for them to do, and it was always fun to sit with James and make their significant other little knick knacks that they would prop up on their desks.

Something just seemed...off, though. About the whole thing. Something seemed out of place or missing when they kissed. It didn't make the experience any less enjoyable, because kissing Logan was totally awesome, but Carlos just wanted to know what seemed to be missing.

He was sprawled out on the couch, trying to pick it apart, his eyebrows furrowed and a thoughtful pout on his face. What could be missing from a kiss?

Sparks? No, they had plenty of those. Carlos could still feel his lips tingling a good ten minutes after they were done kissing.

Excitement? Nope, not even close to missing.

Sweetness? Nah, they had that, too.

What could it be?

"If you keep making that face, it's gonna stay like that," Logan teased, pinching Carlos' cheek playfully as he walked to the kitchen. Carlos stuck out his tongue, scrambling off the couch to follow Logan to the kitchen.

"No it won't." he replied half-heartedly, studying Logan quizzically, tilting his head back and forth, like staring at Logan would give him the answers he was looking for.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Logan asked, opening his pudding cup and rummaging through a drawer for a spoon.

"I'm trying to figure something out." Carlos replied, moving towards Logan, trapping him against the counter. Logan blinked rapidly, his spoon sticking from his mouth.

"What are you trying to figure out?" he asked around a mouthful of pudding, swallowing quickly then going for another spoonful. "Isn't weird how we don't have to chew pudding?"

"Yeah, fascinating," Carlos replied, waving his hand dismissively, "Now be quiet, I gotta kiss you."

"What? Why? I'm eating pudding. Can't we kiss later-mmph?"

Logan tasted like chocolate pudding, and he smelled like the books he was reading in the other room. Carlos kissed him harder, ignoring his whimper of protest.

What was missing? What could possibly be missing?

"Whoa, let's tone it down, lovebirds." Kendall said with a chuckle, Logan pulling away with a hot flush, eating another spoonful of pudding.

"Oh be quiet, Kendall. It's not like you and James don't kiss in public places."

"Yeah, we keep it PG, though. That was heading towards some triple X rated shit."

"No it wasn't! God, you're so immature!"

Carlos was standing stiffly in the middle of the kitchen, mulling over what Kendall had said.

Lovebirds.

A chill went down his spine. Love. Love. How did he not see it before? That's what was missing!

...Love...with...

"I gotta go," Carlos choked out, rushing out of the kitchen and out the front door.

Logan looked at Kendall with a raised eyebrow, and Kendall did the same, shrugging.


Carlos had dashed to the park, and was currently sitting under a giant, shady tree, his knees pulled up to his chest and his head resting on his knees.

How could he have not seen it before? This is why he started this thing in the first place!

Love!

But now that the word was actually out in the open, Carlos had to think about it.

Did he love Logan?

He thought back to what Logan described love as: Clammy hands. Fear. Kissing all the time. Curling up with them at night.

He had all those things. He still couldn't decide if it was his hand or Logan's that was clammy, but did it really matter?

But now the word 'love' sent cold shivers of fear up and down his spine. What if this wasn't love, but just...puppy love? What if Logan decides he doesn't want this anymore?

What if he leaves me behind?

Carlos shivered again, stifling a sob. He never remembered ever being this scared, not since he was young and was convinced there were monsters in his closet.

Logan was right. Love makes you afraid.


After an hour of Carlos gone missing, Logan figured it was time to go find the boy. Just as he was getting ready to leave, Carlos walked back into 2J, his eyes a little red and puffy.

"Hey, there you are," Logan said, walking over to Carlos and reaching out to touch his arm, blinking when Carlos winced away from his touch. "I was just gonna go look for you. I figured after you ran out you needed your space..." Logan trailed off as Carlos looked down at his feet. "...Um, is everything okay?"

"...Yeah...Um," Carlos swallowed, clearing his throat, "Everything is fine. Where's everyone else?"

"Everyone went out. We could so something, if you want?" Carlos looked up to Logan's face, seeing the implications of being alone together. And as much as he wanted that to happen - he really wanted it to happen - he gave Logan a small smile and asked timidly,

"Can we just watch a movie together?" Logan blinked, then smiled.

"Sure we can. C'mon, what do you wanna watch?"


After watching movies for a while, Logan decided to retire to bed.

"You coming to bed?" he asked, and Carlos swallowed.

"No," he said quietly, "Not tonight."

"What?" Logan asked with a laugh, "You can't just not sleep, Carlos. It's not good for you."

"No, I mean...I..." Carlos swallowed again, standing up. He looked at Logan, who looked confused and perfect and he didn't really want to do this.

But he had to.

"Logan...I...I don't think we...should do this," he gestured his finger between them, "anymore."

The look on Logan's face was enough to make him almost take it back.

"I...What?" Logan whispered, taking a step back, "I...C-Carlos, why? Wasn't...Wasn't everything going okay?" he asked meekly, and Carlos took a deep, steadying breath.

"Logan...It's...It's not you, it's me. I just...I can't do it anymore."

"...I...Okay." Logan mumbled. "I...I understand. I'm going to bed. Good night." and with that, Logan scurried out of the room, and Carlos squeezed his eyes shut, a few stray tears leaking out.

It was for the best.


ooohhhh heyyyyyy there.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

eheheheh DON'T KILL ME. D:

this chapter gave me so much trouble, because i wasn't sure what i wanted to do with it! but when i figured out what i was going to do, it was really hard to get it down into words.

i still can't believe that it took me 3 months to finish this, though. guh. i'm shuddering.

but the upside is, i have the next TWO chapters roughly drafted. the downside? these are the last two chapters of Love Me Love Me. :'( i know, i'm sad it's ending, too.

but the ending of Love Me Love Me means that this is the second multi-chaptered fic that i've finished! huzzahhh!

but yeah, i guess that's all i have to say, except that i'm sorry for the long wait. i'll be back with another chapter soon!