APRIL

"You did pack a different jacket, right?" Jackson's voice interrupted the scrolling on my phone.

"What's wrong with this one?" I questioned, glancing down at the olive wool that covered my body. I was pretty much all jacket and boots given the ones I was wearing at the moment went up to my knees.

"Nothing," he shook his head quickly. "It's fine. It's just not the kind of jacket you can go skiing in, you know?"

Oh. "I was thinking that I could just get one there, honestly," I admitted with a show. "I don't have one."

"No problem," he agreed, his arm wrapping snuggly around my shoulders. "We'll go shopping once we're there."

The flight was to get to Crested Butte, Colorado. After poking around the Internet about different places that were great for skiing, I had decided on one of the more popular places in the states. I had considered a few foreign countries, Austria and Switzerland, but that seemed a little excessive. There were plenty of great places in Colorado and it had the added benefit of legalized marijuana, which I knew was something that Jackson would enjoy too. Maybe I could share some of that enjoyment when neither one of us was working. That was part of my hope with coming here, at least. I could afford to be a little more like him in some ways.

Jackson and I had officially been living together for a month. The fact that we had moved in with one another so quickly after filming had ended, and that it was on the other side of the country for me, had put the media in a frenzy. There had been plenty of speculation about whether or not I was pregnant, if the two of us were getting married, and then, of course… the less than kind whispers. That he had been in on it, that the Harper Avery scandal had been made up. That kind of thing persisted no matter what. Even when he had confessed to being guilty, and he was guilty, some people still seemed set in their ways of doubting women and the truth just because he was a once powerful man. I did my best to try and scroll past the headlines whenever they came up and ignore it because I knew the truth, but it wasn't always that easy. Just because I swiped past it one time didn't mean that it left my head quite so easily.

For better or worse, my period last week had confirmed that another one of those rumors definitely wasn't true, even if I had briefly mentioned the idea to Jackson. It's hard not to think about that kind of thing when the rest of the world was constantly screaming it at you. I'm thirty. I'm at that age where it's the kind of thing I'm pretty sure that I was biologically tuned to think about more. I'd always wanted a baby. At least one.

We had a one bedroom suite at Mountaineer Square, which was pretty much in the heart of Crested Butte. It took no time at all to find a place to buy some proper ski gear for myself. The city itself was small, almost entirely based on the fact that it was a good place to ski. The snow was plentiful, covered across the ground like some kind of fairytale.

Getting both of the skis actually on turned out to be more of a challenge than I thought. The boots themselves were bulky and it takes a few tries before I finally hear the click to indicate that I actually had them in the right way.

"I promise, it's easy once you get the hang of it," Jackson said.

"Easy for you, maybe." I rolled my left wrist. I'd done the physical therapy and this was more in my legs.

"To walk around, all you have to do is use the poles to propel yourself forward. If you're moving, you want to keep the skis parallel to one another, okay? You'll want that once you're on the hill, too, to move. Parallel is moving. Now, when you want to stop, or maybe just slow yourself down, you want to point the front of your skis together like this." He demonstrated as he spoke. "Just like a piece of the pie. It'll slow you down and stop you. Just be careful not to stop too suddenly or you might make yourself fall."

"I'm definitely going to fall," I remarked, digging my ski poles into the snow and dragging myself forward. "How am I supposed to get up when I do with these giant things on my feet?"

"Perpendicular. You'll have to push yourself back up but you want to keep the skis perpendicular to the slope so you don't go tumbling down again. Do you want to try the bunny rope first?" He pointed in the direction of what he was talking about.

Primarily with kids attached to it, it was a rope that led people up a small hill and gave them the opportunity to come down. It wasn't that steep or that long, clearly designed for people who had no experience like me. I can't decide if I should be embarrassed or not that it was mostly kids there. At least between all of the snow gear and goggles on my face, I was pretty much unrecognizable.

"Yeah, I do. Please come with me. I don't want to be the only adult." I requested.

"Alright, I'm right behind you."

Getting to the little hill is easy and holding onto the rope, it took me right up the hill. Jackson kept his word about remaining on my heels and when I get off of it a little too slowly, the front of his skis hit the back of mine and startle me. He helped guide me to the end and for a moment, I stand there, frozen at the top of the hill.

"This is supposed to be fun, right?" I glanced up at him, feeling my forehead wrinkle with a raise of my brows.

"It is. I promise," he nodded. "Just let go and I'll follow."

Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes and pushed myself off of the top of the hill. I don't move as crazy fast as I expected myself to, legs shaking as I glided down. It's easy. My heart raced inside of my chest still, unaware that the task was not quite as daunting as I had prepared myself for it to be. Until I reach the bottom. Forgetting how to slow down, I go too far and nearly crashed into someone, instead, falling onto my side.

"I'm right here." Jackson's response was faster than I could have hoped for it to be, squatted down next to me and extending his gloved hand. I took it, letting him pull me back up to my feet. "That could have been worse."

"It could have been better." There was the obsessive perfectionist in me.

"Hey, no one died and you didn't break anything again. Seems like a victory to me." He chuckled.

"That is a terrible standard," I remarked. "I want to try again."

"Let's go."

A few more rounds are made on the bunny rope with varying degrees of success. Getting up and started was easier than I thought, more about just doing it than anything else, but timing the slow down wasn't as smooth. It seemed like an awkward dance between too fast and too slow, never quite timing it right. But at least no one gets hurt.

"Can we try one of the real slopes? Maybe stopping will be easier over a distance." I suggested.

"Are you sure?" Jackson's eyebrows raised up. "I mean, they have easy ones if that's what you want."

"Yeah, I think so," I nodded, bending down to brush snow off my knees. "And I know that watching me on the kid's hill cannot be that much fun for you. I look like a moron."

"Oh, you'd be surprised," he chuckled. "I got some great photos."

"No, you didn't!"

"Yes, yes I did." I groaned at his answer, shaking my head. "C'mon, snow bunny. Let's go hit a real slope."

Following him over toward the chairlift, there was a short line that we had to wait in. I watched every detail of the process for the skiers in front of us, not wanting to look like a fool by the time that it was our turn. It seemed pretty easy to get on, actually, just about timing it right and that's what the attendant helped with. It was definitely manageable.

Fortunately, the two of us get on a chair together without any problem. As it began to lift us up the heel, I realized just how heavy the boots and skis connected to my feet were. Seeing a better view of the mountain was exhilarating. I'd never been scared of heights before, but I can't help but notice how huge of a fall it would've been if someone slipped off of these and how little restraints there were. It didn't seem particularly safe, especially with people zipping down below at speeds that were certainly impossible for me. About two-thirds through the lift, I realized there was one more thing that I hadn't prepared for.

"Jackson?" I whispered, head snapping toward him.

"What's up?" He replied casually.

"How do I get off of this thing?" I looked forward just for only a second before my gaze returned.

"Easy." For him, maybe. "Once we get there, you just kind of slide forward and do a little jump. There's a little hill for you to go down so you can get out of the way of the people who are behind us, so no one gets hurt. We'll jump at the same time, okay?"

And we do.

Except when we jump together, Jackson glides down the little snow mound with all of the ease in the world and I tumble forward a moment after landing. Rolling as quickly as I can with the skis strapped to my feet, I get out of the way of the next couple of skiers who look at me with something akin to pity and amusement. I can't blame them. There were plenty of kids around who were way better at this than I was.

"Are you okay?" Jackson asked, extending both hands to help me onto my feet again.

"Yeah," I shook off some of the snow. "I probably should've asked sooner."

"No, I should've remembered you haven't done this before, that's on me." He took the blame quickly. "The easy trail is this way. You see the little green sign? That means it's the easiest one." He pointed out.

Using the poles to help me get over there, I look back at Jackson once. He gave me a nod of his head and encouraged me to go forward. I knew that he would be right behind me the whole time, or at least as close as he could be without putting either one of us in danger of getting hurt. I take a deep breath and pushed myself forward, beginning my descent.

This hill was a little steeper than the modest practice hill had been, something that was hard to see until I could just feel it with the way that I was moving down it. It was faster than I had expected and a bit faster than I was really comfortable going. Yet at the same time, it was a rush. Flying down the hill like that was freeing, even if the wind that slapped against my exposed cheeks were frigid. Suddenly, it all clicked into place. This was why Jackson loved it so much. It was letting go. He was smart. He knew that it was something I didn't do enough. Maybe I was getting better at picking that up from him.

But come the bottom of the hill, I have the same problem that I'd had at the smaller one. I was coming in too fast and I could feel my knees shaking as I forced the front of my skis together. The momentum is too much and the rest of my body doesn't get the message, tumbling forward and face diving right into the snow.

"April!" Jackson shouted behind me.

Groaning, I felt his hands on my shoulders for only a moment before I flipped over onto my back. "Hi." That fall had hurt a bit more than the others, goggles on my face digging harshly into my skin. "I'm terrible at this." One of my skis had dislodged from my boot.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "But it's kind of reassuring to see that you're not perfect at everything. Come on." He helped me up.

Brushing off the clumps of snow that had stuck to me, I panted a few times before evening out my breathing again. The goggles stick to my face briefly before I unstuck them, pushing them up onto my forehead. Almost immediately, the action earned a laugh from Jackson and I realized how deep the imprints on my face must have been right now. Hopefully, it wouldn't bruise.

"I think that I might need a break. I'm gonna break something again."

"Maybe," he pulled me tightly against his chest for a hug. "But you didn't on day one, so that's good."

Returning the rental skis and ski boats doesn't take long, and I'm more than happy to undress from the layers and layers of clothing that I had put on to go skiing. It was below freezing out, sure, but I had probably layered up a little more than necessary. I had gotten used to the constant warm temperatures that came with living in California. It was almost reassuring to know that at least one aspect of my roots and been forgotten.

"I'm going to shower," I announced as I pulled off my socks.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Jackson asked.

"Not at all."

Even if the suite was plenty warm, it doesn't stop me from turning up the temperature of the water in the shower. It wouldn't take long for the bathroom to become covered in steam. I'd always liked the kind of shower that was hot enough to steam before I had even stepped in.

Stripping out of the rest of my clothes, I give a slight shudder realizing a bit of my hair had gotten wet from the snow and was now dripping against my bare back. I hop into the shower with waiting for Jackson to join me, dipping my head beneath the stream of water to get all of it wet and rid myself of the cold temperature. Once that was done, I was able to relax. I hear Jackson enter the bathroom and turn to face him as the shower door opened and he stepped in.

"Hi."

His hands found my hips as I spoke and he leaned down to kiss me. I pulled him under the water with me, stretching up so that my arms can wrap around my neck. It's not long before his hands are on my ass, squeezing and pulling at my cheeks gently.

"You are so goddamn beautiful," Jackson praised as his mouth found the slope of my neck. My breathing was quickly becoming faster again as he sucked on the flesh there, undoubtedly leaving marks.

"I do–" A moan interrupted as his thumb teased my nipple. "Want to wash my hair."

He chuckled. "I got it."

Even when both of his hands are on my scalp and massaging shampoo through the length of my hair, he might as well have had one between my legs. That was the kind of effect that he managed to have on me. I was throbbing with desire for him by the time that my hair had been rinsed out of all the shampoo and conditioner suds. I was nearly embarrassed but I could feel his length pressed against the small of my back.

"Jackson…" I whined out his name, pressing my ass back against him.

"What do you want, princess?" His mouth was right against my ear, hands sliding over my wet body, cupping both of my breasts. His fingers find my nipples and give them a tug, just enough so it doesn't hurt but instead sends a jolt right between my legs.

"You. Fuck me, please, fuck me." I begged.

"Your wish is my command." God, it would've been cheesy if I wasn't so damn horny.

Without any more teasing, Jackson pushed inside of me from behind with a smooth, hard thrust. I canted forward and grabbed onto one of the railings in the shower meant for towels, other hand splayed out against the tile. He moved with quick, hard thrusts, not holding back a thing. Each was enough to shake my entire frame, the sound of his skin slapping against mine loud enough to be heard even with the shower on. I had thought that tomorrow I would be sore from skiing for the first time – but he was making sure that this would be the reason that I was sore tomorrow.

"Fuck!" I cried out, a salacious moan following moments later and I pushed my ass back against him.

"You feel so goddamn good," Jackson praised. One hand continued to hold onto my hip as an anchor but the other snuck forward between my thighs, his middle finger finding my clit. More moans begin to spill from my lips as fast and tight circles are rubbed across the sensitive nub, front sinking forward as my back arched further.

"I'm gonna cum." I can feel it just within reach with the way that he was working me. He was rarely a tease once he really got started, as if he were in some kind of competition with himself to see how fast he could make me cum. He was really, really good at it.

"Do it." His hips thrust into me even harder than before. "Cum for me, princess. Cum for me and only me."

Something about the sudden bout of possessiveness from him combined with the skillful movements of his fingers was enough to send me over the edge. My walls spasmed around his thick length as the waves of pleasure shook through my entire system. I nearly slip forward and his hold on me was the only thing that kept me from collapsing forward into the shower wall. His fingers ease up but his thrusts don't, making the task of keeping my balance even more challenging.

"Fuck, April!" Jackson cried out for me with a few more thrusts. I feel him pull out a little late, his warmth both inside of me and dripping down my inner thigh. "God damn."

Both of his arms wrap around me and he pulled me back against him, making it a little easier for me to straighten back up with his support. My head leaned back, just reaching his shoulder like a perfect little pillow for me. I could feel his nose brush against the top of my head. It was like a warm hug, cuddling me as if the two of us were in bed and not standing in a resort shower.

"I love you." The words come out of my lips easily, thoughtlessly, as if I said it every day.

"I love you too, April." His lips pressed against my wet hair.

"I mean it," I snaked around to face him, nearly stumbling in the process. "I mean it. This isn't just some post-sex rush of hormones talking. I know that I wasn't sure before because I'd never experienced it but this time I know and I mean it. This is what being in love feels like. This happiness. This… this push to be better and feeling a wholeness that I didn't realize I was lacking. I love you, Jackson."

His lips found mine again, but this time it was a sweet kiss. "I know. And I love you."

We stand under the stream of the shower for a few more minutes and let it get rid of the sweat that we had built up and other bodily fluids. Getting out of the shower first, I wrapped up in a towel and handed one to Jackson before wrapping my hair up in a second towel. Instead of getting dressed immediately, the two of us dried off and put on the soft robes provided before sitting down in front of the gas fireplace. He beats me to turn it on and the two of us settled down on the couch in front of it together.

My heart was still pounding inside my chest. Not quite the same way that it had been during skiing or when he had been screwing my brains out, but it was still faster than it should have been from just sitting there and cuddling one another. I could feel it, high in my chest, beating away persistently. Its noisy presence was impossible to ignore.

I was nervous.

Never had I told a man that I loved him before Jackson. I had played plenty of characters that were in love and had those scenes on the television. Hell, I'd had it with him, more or less, even if Jane had never said the exact word love – with everything that happened in the film and the natural chemistry between the two of us, the implication was very clearly there. But that was different. At the end of the day, I wasn't my characters, I was my own person. Even if relating to my characters was a good thing, and something that I had always done, this was so much more than that. This was deeper than I had ever gone. I was in the deep end and still learning how to swim.

"Hey." Jackson's voice pulled me out of my head as he kissed my temple, taking one of my hands between both of his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "What's wrong? You're shaking."

I hadn't even noticed the tremble of my hands until it stopped in his grip.

"Nothing," I breathed out quickly with a shake of my head. "Nothing's wrong, I promise. I think I'm just freaking out little because I just dropped the big L word without even planning for it. I just did it. I'm trying not to spazz right now but it is really, really tempting to spazz out."

"You don't need to do that, okay?" He turned toward me, not loosening his grip. "I'm here. I'm right here."

"I know." I leaned my frame further into him.

There were questions swirling around in my head that I couldn't stop. Doubt. Our relationship seemed like it was constantly shifting in one way or another and maybe Jackson had been right when he felt like it had taken a hit when we weren't working on something together. It had put a time restraint on things even though the morning coffee walks had helped give us time to actually talk with one another. But it didn't change the fact that we had only met at the beginning of this year. Filming had only been about four months – the same as Skyfall, from what I had read. Post-production was taking longer even though the studio was pushing to have it done quickly, unhappy with the hit that the timeline had taken from the scandal. Our world was so skewed compared to the rest of the world, I felt like I didn't know what a normal relationship was supposed to look like. But maybe we didn't have one, maybe we never would.

"You don't think that we're moving too fast, do you?" I finally blurted out the question, looking up at him. "I'm sorry. Just asking that sounds bad but I have all of these thoughts in my head I can't control."

"It's okay." Jackson released my hand, rubbing my arm. "No, I don't. If we were engaged and you were pregnant, then maybe I might. But I love you, and you love me… this feels like a good place for us to be. Living together, learning how to function at both of our jobs with one another. I mean, it seems like something that's better to get out of the way soon, right? Make sure that we can actually be compatible with one another."

He had a fair point, one that I hadn't really considered. Even if things weren't necessarily perfect, they were still good as we figured out how to live around one another. Down the road, that would save some awkwardness.

"Okay," I murmured softly.

"People are always going to talk and have opinions about our relationship, April," he reminded me. "But what they say doesn't actually affect what happens between me and you. Not if we don't let it. I've had people talk about me my entire life, and I'm still who I am because of me, not because of them."

"I believe that." I really did. It's a little easier to believe with him than it was with me personally, for some reason. "I don't want other people in our relationship. Just… me and you."

"Me and you," he echoed my words and rubbed my arm again. "That's all there is."

Curling up against his chest and letting my eyes fall shut, I can hear the sound of his heart beating on the other side of his sternum. I carefully tuned my hearing to it, listening to the steady sound – slower than my own. I tried to slow down my breathing and match my heart rate to his own pace.

It doesn't strike me that I had fallen asleep until a gentle nudge of my shoulder is given and I realized that I was laying out across the entire couch, a blanket on top of me. I blinked a few times to clear up my vision and allow my gaze to focus on Jackson. He was squatted in front of me on the couch with his vape in hand. Before I could say anything, my stomach gave a loud grumble that caused the both of us to laugh.

"Well, that answers my question. Room service?" He asked.

I nodded my head as I sat up. "I guess all of that falling built up an appetite."

Jackson handed his vape pen over to me as he moved to get the phone. I trust him to order for the both of us – he has good taste in good, even if I've always had a habit of being a picky eater. A little unhealthy, sure, but maybe that was something that I could help him work on.

Toying with the vape pen in my hands, I placed it in my lips and pressed down on the button, inhaling. I count to three in my head like he always did before I exhaled, seeing the wispy smoke escape from my lips as I do. There was a burn in the back of my throat that apparently goes away with time. He did this way more than I did, but truthfully, I couldn't tell most of the time besides the red tint that came in his eyes when he was high. At least here, that seemed to be socially acceptable. I wasn't as sure about New York. It was just a different culture there.

"Can I ask you something?" I looked up at him as he came back over to join me.

"Ask away."

"Why do you smoke this?" I handed it back over to him as I questioned him, brows raising curiously. It wasn't a judgmental question, just a genuine curiosity. I'd never given it much thought before I had gotten close with him. He was a lot more relaxed than I ever had been, with and without it. I couldn't help but wonder if this had something to do with it.

"It relaxes me," Jackson shrugged his shoulders and I watched him take another hit from the vape. "It started off as a rebellious thing, though. Just to piss off my mom and Harper. Took me a while to realize I actually liked the way I feel when I do it."

"Do you think that it helps with anxiety?" That was pretty much what he had said, but I felt the need to be specific.

He nodded. "Yeah, pretty sure there's a bunch of research on it."

"I've tried to get off my anxiety meds a few times. I like that they make me capable of functioning on a daily basis but I don't like that if I miss a dose, I spend the next day with a headache from hell. And that they make me a lightweight." There I was, opening up. Maybe that was the weed hitting. Or the placebo effect. "Do you think something like this might help me?"

"I think… that I have played a doctor, but I'm not one. That's a question for someone smarter than me." A fair answer, certainly.

"Well, you're smarter than me." I don't know where I was going with that statement.

"No way," Jackson chuckled, shaking his head.

I raised my eyebrows. "Think about it. You've taught me so much, but what have I taught you, huh? You taught me to ski. And to not be… quite so uptight and controlling. What have I taught you?"

"You taught me how to be comfortable with who I am, and with people, again." He answered without hesitation.

The answer caught me by surprise. "Well…" I sighed out. "I'm going to teach you how to salsa dance."

"You know how to salsa dance?" His eyebrows shot up.

"I do. I have to learn it for a role and I'm very good at it." I smiled. "But not today. My thighs are killing me."

With the fireplace still on and warming the living space of the suite, the two of us pass back and forth the vape pen a few times and just relax until the food service comes. Of course, vaping weed only made me even hungrier than I had been before. I devour dinner even though it's a bit early – probably a good thing given that we didn't have to wait very long for it to show up in the first place. By the time that we both tore throat the strawberry cheesecake for dessert, my stomach is finally content again.

Once dinner was consumed, I finally get up to put on some real clothes besides the fluffy robe that I had spent a good portion of the afternoon in. The night was still young enough and with a nap under my belt, I felt energetic. I pulled on a pair of leggings and some looser fitting jeans over it before a tank top and a sweater dress my upper half.

"Are you going out without me?" Jackson teased as he caught me getting dressed.

"I hope not." I turned back toward him with a smile.

My hair was a complete mess from letting it air dry and then immediately falling asleep. It takes some time to get all of the tangles out of the length, just enough to make me consider that maybe I did need to chop off some of its length. It's frizzier than usual once all of the tangles are out. A braid mostly fixed that, getting two pigtails on either side of my shoulder.

"I didn't realize I was dating Pippi Longstocking," he said when I walked out of the bathroom.

"Maybe that'll be my next big role." I shook my head even with the smile on my lips. "What should we do tonight?"

"Well, I was looking around some of the little brochures for activities in town. I know it's already dark but most of the shops and stuff are still open if you want to browse around. Apparently, some of the coffee shops here are really, really good. Or it's not too late to go snowshoeing, even." He laughed as I shook my head. "Either way, you're going to need some boots with traction to get around town."

"Alright. Big boots it is." Plopping down onto the bed, I pull them on and lace them up.

Given that the resort was pretty much in the center of town, we don't have to worry about transportation when it came to getting anywhere. Once both of us were bundled up for the freezing weather outside, all we have to do is get out of the room and walk through the lobby to be in the heart of the small town. There was something in every direction.

There were a few quirky looking bookstores that we wandered in and out of. It had been a long time since I had sat down and read a book, admittedly. I couldn't think of the last time that I had actually finished one. I had loved reading growing up, especially when I was stuck at home for whatever reason – it gave me an opportunity to escape that was quite enough that I could fly beneath the radar of my overprotective parents. I picked up two new books. Maybe I would have the chance to start reading one of them on the flight back to New York. Technically I didn't have anything on the books until the press tour started.

Stepping back out into the freezing cold, Jackson was waiting for me just beside the steps. He offered me his hand as I walked down the thin steps and I took it, giving his hand a little squeeze. He gave me a smile.

The two of us walked hand in hand down the sidewalk for a small distance, careful not to slip on any of the ice or the snow that covered the path. There was a lot of it, of course. Even though New York got cold pretty quickly, or at least much faster than California ever had, this was a cold that was much more like home. There's some nostalgia there, but it's not a lot. I missed my sisters now and then, but none of them had been willing to stand up for me. It had been a family affair and I had lost.

"Hold on, just a second." Jackson stopped suddenly and let go of my head. As he pulled his phone out of his pocket, I could faintly hear it buzzing. I leaned against the wall to let him here the call.

"Hello? … Yes, yeah, this is he."

Toeing the snow with the tip of my boot, I tried not to eavesdrop on the conversation that he was having on the phone. Of course, when we're this close to one another and there's not a ton of other stuff going on the street, it's hard not to. He doesn't say much, mostly listening to whoever it was on the other end of the line. I have no idea what they're talking about. His face was suddenly a hard read, his brows drawn together tightly. I couldn't recognize the expression on his face. It was one that I hadn't seen before.

When he finally hung up with whoever was on the other line, I looked up at him with raised brows, expecting him to tell me whoever was on the line. There was silence for a few long seconds and his gaze was on the ground between us.

"Jackson?" I questioned, trying to call his attention. "Who was that?"

"Uh, a hospital back in Los Angeles." He breathed out heavily, looking away. "My mother's dead. She had a heart attack."