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A few days later, Alicia was pounding the punching bag with hard punches and kicks. She knew her fists would be sore for weeks to come but didn't care she needed to feel the outlet for the pain.
"You should be taking it easy Soldier" Taylor said, he had given Alicia the time off but she had refused to take more than a day. He ordered her off the base but she decided to be a smart ass and do her work at home on her plex. He should chastise her for insubordination but then there was no point, she hadn't spoken back at him and what commander complained about a soldier actually doing their plexwork. None.
"With due respect Commander, I need to kick the shit out of something. Not rest" Alicia said through gritted teeth as she continued her assault on the bag. Taylor circled behind the bag and steadied it for her. Deep concern was etched in his features as he watched her, she was drenched in sweat but had so much grief, fire and anger in her that her energy was endless.
"You were in an bombing-"
"I was grazed by the explosion of the bomb in a Secessionist attack. Minor injuries that were mostly healed" Alicia said, she still had some bruises and scratches but her hearing had been healed completely. Her emotional state was nothing short of a wreck. Her best friend had died, she knew her sergeant despised her for not doing more. He hadn't said as much and nor had she seen him since that day in the ER but she knew he hated her. He would blame her for Gina's death as much as she blamed herself.
"I'm already down a soldier, I don't need you flaking out on me too" Taylor told her, he had been visiting the Hospital daily to check on Guzman and Baby Tasha. The baby was 2 months preterm and incredibly small but she was a fighter and was getting stronger by the day which was a good sign. Guzman didn't need to lose anymore loved ones and he was sure that baby girl was the only reason he was hanging in there. He was still a wreck which expected but he was keeping together unlike his Lieutenant.
"I'm not flaking out" Alicia growled at him. He could see the grief, the heartache she was enduring. He wished he could do something to salve her wounds but it would cross a line. A line he wasn't prepared to cross.
"Wash-" he started but Alicia paused in her assault on the punching bag and looked at him.
"Sir, don't give me a speech about loss and how it is evitable. I already know, that people die and that in my career I'll watch many of my friends and family die. I know Ok?" She said. She started punching the bag again focusing on expelling her energy.
"Have you seen Guzman?" he asked, the question sliced through her like a knife. She stopped and dropped her arms by her side, her breathing heavy from the exertion.
"No" she answered. She was ready to either. She had failed to revive Gina, her death in part was her fault or so she felt. She had given her statement to Police and the Coroner's office but she had not told anyone what happened that day or talked about it. Ayani had tried to talk with her but Alicia couldn't talk about it. It hurt too much, all of it still felt too fresh in her mind. Her father hadn't called her but she assumed he either didn't know or was tied up in. His station as a General tied up a lot of his time nowadays. She also knew that he would not know what to say and anything he'd just give her lecture about life and death. Something she didn't need.
"You should, he needs us Wash. I'm going over to the hospital to see him now. You should come, it'll do you good" he told her.
"I-" She started but he cut her off with a stern look.
"You haven't visited him or the baby yet. Now is the time. Go shower and meet me outside in 10. That is an order" Taylor told her, he released the bag letting it swing as he walked away. Alicia dropped her head and took a deep breath wishing she didn't feel so tied to following his orders.
"Guzman" Taylor said as he came into the hospital room with Alicia behind him. Guzman was lying back in a chair beside a Perspex box with arm holes in it. It was used to transport babies from the Neo natal care. A monitor was close by and it showed the vitals of the baby. Guzman had his shirt open and tiny baby lying on his chest. A blanket covered the baby from the legs down. At hearing his name Guzman looked up at them.
"Lieutenant, Commander Taylor. Please come in" He said, his features were drawn and he had dark bags under eyes like he hadn't slept at all since Gina's passing. He didn't even get up from the chair but then he probably didn't want to disturb the baby he had on his chest.
"How-" Alicia stopped as she was going to ask how he was and felt it was a stupid question to ask considering he was heartbroken and grieving.
"I'm surviving" he said answering her unspoken question. Alicia took a sharp inhale as her grief threatened to overwhelm her. She tried to muster a smile and failed miserably.
"So Guz, how's little Tasha going?" Taylor asked smoothing over the painful silence in the room. Guzman gave a smile that was a mixture of sadness and joy.
"She's tough, they are going to keep her here for a few more weeks until she is fully developed. Kangaroo care, apparently it's supposed to help us bond" he explained as he gestured to his state and the fact that he didn't get up to greet them properly.
"It also helps the child's development. Keeps them calm" Alicia said unable to stop the flow of information. It was a bad habit she had picked up as Gina always had a million medical questions.
"The doctors said if it weren't for you Wash, little Tasha wouldn't have made it" Taylor said with a kind smile. She knew he was trying to make her feel better but his words hurt her more. Tears filled Alicia's eyes as she didn't want to remember that day. She didn't want to remember how she found Gina near death, how she had performed CPR all in the vain attempt to keep her best friend and her baby alive. In the end, Gina had died but her daughter had survived.
"I- excuse me" Alicia said leaving the room. She couldn't cry in front of her commanding officer. She refused to be so overly feminine and weak in his presence.
Taylor watched Alicia leave the room, and felt like an asshole for pushing her to come. He had hoped in seeing Gina's Daughter that it would somehow ease the pain and grief Alicia was suffering, to know that she had helped in saving a small piece of her best friend would soothe the pain somehow but his plan had backfired.
"I wish I could step away from it all for just a moment" Guzman said in a detached tone, Taylor turned and looked at the young man. He looked so hollowed out by his grief. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone but at least I have a small piece of Gina left to hold onto." He said, he gently touched Tasha's head, the sight was endearing and incredibly heartbreaking at the same time.
After Alicia had fled the room, she found a quiet place and cried, not able to contain the grief. She felt sick after 20 minutes of crying and pushed herself to stop. She needed to compose herself, and she hated crying. So, she got to her feet and went to the ladies and washed her face. Once she calmed down and her face didn't look like she had been crying too much, she then went in search fo food.
When she found a decent place she came back to Guzman's room with synthesised coffee and pastries. Taylor was absent, Tasha had been placed back into the Neonatal cube and Guzman sat by it watching her. When Alicia came in he looked at her.
"Lieutenant" he said in greeting.
"I'm sorry about earlier" Alicia said to him.
"It's ok" he told her. Alicia shook her head.
"No, it's not. I brought some food and coffee with me." She said as she placed the items on a table by the bed. She wheeled it around so it was closer to Guzman.
"I'm not-" he started but she cut him off.
"Eat Guzman, it's my peace offering for being a selfish bitch" she told him.
"You're not selfish" He told her as he picked up the coffee and then took a sip.
"Oh so I'm a bitch?" Alicia countered.
"Not all the time" he said a faint smile spreading across his lips.
"Where's the Commander?" Alicia asked as she moved to the other side of the neonatal chamber.
"He had to take a phone call" Guzman said.
"So Tasha?" She asked as she looked down at the tiny baby girl.
"Natasha after Gina's Grandmother" Guzman said.
"It's a good name" Alicia told him, not that he needed her approval. Silence lapsed between them, she kept her eyes down at the baby and listened to the air being pumped into the chamber and the soft repetitive beep of the vitals monitor.
"That day" Guzman said breaking the silence, Alicia tensed up "I'm sorry for my behaviour-"
"Don't apologise" she said cutting him off. "You had every right to ask and I would have been no better if our roles were reversed" she told him.
"Still-"
"Nothing, please let's not talk about it."
"Ok, if you want to touch her you can. I'm sure you know the benefits of it." he said.
"You wouldn't mind?" she asked.
"Of course not" Guzman said.
"I'd like that" Alicia said, she pulled up a stool to the neonatal chamber and then washed her hands with antibacterial wash before she opened the arm window and snaked her hand through. She rested her finger lightly in Tasha's hand and watched as the tiny hand grasped her index finger in a strong grip. She gave a surprised laugh at the contact and the strength of that hold. "She's got quite a grip, Guzman" She said in awe, she blinked back tears as she really wanted to congratulate Gina but she was gone.
"Yeah, she does" Guzman said in a soft and proud tone.
