The next morning Gabriel woke up hot and sweaty. He felt sticky all over and the blankets were tangled around his legs. Sam's arm was thrown around him, a feeling that he normally loved, but now it just felt like so much pressure that he threw his arm off before he could even think of what he was doing. He froze as Sam groaned his arm now behind him. "Morning." Sam said his voice thick with sleep.
"Morning." Gabriel said quietly as the reality of his current situation hit him. He was in heat. A million feelings rushed through him ranging from terror to excitement and everywhere in between.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam asked, noticing the shift in his body language. In the few months they'd been together Sam had learned to read Gabriel pretty well. He knew when the angel wanted to talk and when he wanted to be left alone. Right now Gabriel was in between the two.
"I'm in heat." Gabriel said softly. His voice quivered a little. Sam couldn't tell what emotion he was feeling, though he suspected fear. "But I've...I've never been able to carry a baby to full term alive. I've had miscarriages and a stillbirth Sam. I'm a failure as an Omega."
"You are not." Sam said hugging him. "Don't call yourself that." He sniffled. Sam didn't understand Sam couldn't understand. Couldn't understand his feelings of failure. How he felt when each of his precious children died. He never got to see any of them. All four of them had died before their first breath. And it was all Gabriel's fault. He whimpered at the reminder of what a failure his body was. The sting of Michael's hand on his face was so real.
"Gabriel!" Sam said in shock. Gabriel blinked realizing that he'd just slapped himself, causing the stinging in his cheek. "Why did you do that?" Sam asked in shock
"Because my body is a failure." he whispered. He hung his head in shame.
"Gabriel Winchester!" Sam said sternly. "Look at me." Gabriel slowly turned his eyes to Sam. Now he would finally see Sam's dark side. Gabriel was sure of it. Sam would hit him. Or tell him to hit himself. Something to cause him pain. He still knew logically that Sam would never, ever hurt him. He em knew /em that. He just couldn't get his body with the program. He even knew that his only punishment would be writing lines, but he still couldn't convince himself that was true. Sam sighed and hugged him gently, and slowly so he wouldn't startle him. "I love you...now let's come over here to the desk and you can write your lines."
"Yes Sam." he said softly. He followed his Alpha to the desk and let himself be guided to the chair.
"I think fifty will be good for now. We have other things to discuss." Sam said, "I want you to write 'I will not hit myself.' fifty times."
"Yes Sam." Gabriel said softly. He waited for Sam to leave him there to wallow. But Sam stayed right there, watching over him as Gabriel shakily started writing the words. He couldn't decide if Sam being there made it better or worse. On one hand it made him feel better because he knew that Sam still loved him. That he was still wanted. That he hadn't fucked everything up. But on the other hand it made him remember why he was here. Writing lines. At the desk in the corner. He kept writing his hand slowly steadying the more he wrote.
After what felt like forever he finished his fifty lines. "All done Sam." he said quietly. Sam looked over the paper and kissed his cheek. "Good job sweetheart. Do you understand why I had to punish you?"
"I slapped myself." Gabriel said.
"And that's bad because..." Sam said.
"Because..." Gabriel said trying to think. If this was any other Alpha he would say it was because he was Alpha's property, but he knew Sam hated it when Gabriel called himself property.
"Because you don't deserve to be hurt. And hurting yourself isn't healthy for your body or your mind." Sam filled in gently.
"Yes Sam." Gabriel said nodding. Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel, pulling him close. He rubbed his back soothingly.
"Now let's get back in bed and we'll finish our talk okay?"
"Okay." Gabriel said softly.
"Now." Sam said picking Gabriel up, causing the smaller man to squeak. "As I was saying we don't have to do anything about your heat. I can go get you some suppresants. Or toys or something and you can take care of it by yourself. We don't have to have a baby."
"We..." Gabriel tried to wrap his mind around the words. He knew that Sam was amazing, but really how did he get someone so perfect? "We don't?"
"No like I said. We'll get you set up with whatever you want. You just say the word sweetheart."
"I...Can I think about it? And...and maybe talk to Cas about it?" Gabriel asked picking at the blanket again.
"Of course sweetheart. I know this is a big decision." Sam said. "I'll be with you no matter what you choose."
"O...okay." Gabriel said.
"I'll go get Cas." Sam said. He stood up and kissed Gabriel's forehead. "I love you." He walked out the door toward the kitchen.
"I love you too." Gabriel whispered into the air.
A few minutes later Castiel came in closing the door behind him so no one would bother them. He sat on the bed across from Gabriel, unsure of whether or not he should speak first. "Gabriel." he said softly.
"Cas I don't know what to do." he said, looking at his brother tears in his eyes.
"Sam said that you can do whatever you want." Castiel said. "What do you want Gabriel?"
"I don't know what I want." he said softly. He started picking at his hands like he always did when he was nervous.
"Gabriel...do you want to have a baby with Sam?" Castiel asked after a minute.
"I...I do Cassy. I mean...Sam has given me so much. And this should be something that I can give to him. Plus can you imagine them..." Gabriel's expression turned dreamy. "They'd be so adorable. Sammy's hair. My eyes. Cute little chubby cherub cheeks. And some downy little wings."
"I think you've just answered your own question." Castiel said softly.
"But Cas...what if I can't carry it again?" Gabriel asked. "I don't think I could live with myself if something happened."
"If something happens maybe you guys can look into adopting." Castiel said.
"You...you really think Sam would be willing to do that?" Gabriel asked.
"I think...I know Sam would do anything for you Gabriel." Castiel said putting a hand on top of his brothers. Gabriel looked up at Castiel. "You have him more spellbound than Luci ever did. You two were meant for each other."
"You really believe that Cassy?"
"With all my heart." he said. "Talk to Sam. Tell him the good news." Gabriel blushed and dropped his gaze back to his hands. Castiel left him to his thoughts.
"Well?" Sam asked coming back in a minute later.
"I..." Gabriel said, his breath caught in his throat as he looked up at Sam. The loving gaze of his Alpha strengthened his resolve. "I want to try."
