Hi guys! I feel like I should pat myself on the back I've been cranking out these chapters non-stop! I felt like this should be published before the new episode of Grey's airs on Thursday and ruins all of our good moods.

This chapter is a little darker and I'm sorry. I know we all love happy and light MerDer and for the most part I intend to keep it that way in this story. I think someone asked where this was going and basically what I have to say is that I'm undoing all of Shonda and now Krista's wrongs. I haven't forgotten Meredith is dark and twisty and that Derek has PTSD. We are getting to the angst but I feel like we've suffered almost four years without MerDer together, at least let the angst be not toward one another but the world surrounding them.

Before we begin I want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter! The amount of support I got was lovely I may have to write another steamier chapter in the future (; thank you to Junia Grey, B, Jalinsod, DerekMcDreamyShepherd, TeamMerDer4ever, Lina, Patsy, savannah617, Your fan, whateverwriter, ella423, Pat, 098, Merderfreshair, Leann Nickerson, dempsxys, writer-in-newyork, all of the guests (if you're a guest reviewer leave a name or a user I would love to thank you personally!) all of those who comment on my social media and other outlets too!

I hope you enjoy guys thank you for tuning in!


Even in the dim illumination of the on-call room, Derek's wife's ring sparkled. Nearly two weeks since that special evening in the kitchen where he gave her the jewelry and his heart still thumped dramatically when his eyes caught wind of it.

They were spooned, flushed. The pad of Derek's finger raked over her diamond ring, they each glanced together, leaving them awestruck. "Bet you didn't think I would wear it this often, did you?" Merediths voice kills the quiet. Not that he minds any. Listening to her tone is practically music.

To the best of his ability, Derek shakes his head to respond 'no' to her assertion. Entwining their fingers like a basket to follow. "Would you kick my ass if I said no?" He asks with a snort.

"No because you're right to have doubts." She says. "I've never been the flashy, jewelry, sparkly girl anyways. You could barely get me to sign a piece of a paper at a courthouse much less wear a wedding ring."

The big wedding ordeal didn't matter to Derek, even when she teased him that it did. Like she mentioned a multitude of years ago, it wasn't the wedding he was exultant for but the marriage itself. The post-it was a perfect ceremony of their love and devotion to one another. They hadn't needed a church or an extravagant wedding gown. It was only each other that made any of it count. The legal documentation of their marriage was only an added benefit.

Besides, Derek saw what over the top wedding's did to people. He himself being part of the failed marriage club with Addison. Most of his friends who married that way have ended in divorce. He thinks much of Callie and Arizona or Owen and Cristina. Even Ben and Bailey who appeared as the most perfect match were on a break. Seems that his post-it was much stronger in value considering his marriage was still in tact.

"But you did sign it and now look at us." He addresses. Meredith shuffles and mumbles something similar to a yes in response. Derek is cognizant of his wife. He's familiar with her tells, knowing she's lethargic after their quickie. Since the reacquainting sex happened, they were inseparable. Neither could get through the day without a little carnal pleasure. Whether that be in the comfort of their own bed or a storage closet in the hospital.

Speaking of, he practically worked for Grey-Sloan again. Catching a ride with Meredith every morning to be of service to Amelia and Tom. Alex being the current chief of surgery suggested there was a spot for him on the neurosurgical team. He wouldn't be head of the department, Amelia claimed that spot entirely. But he did make it transparent when the holidays ended, his job would be waiting.

Derek didn't mind. Fifteen hour surgeries weren't something he could do anymore. Not with his medical stance, his weak motor function wouldn't allow. Yes, the physical therapy was doing wonders. He felt rejuvenated and his cane was much of a distant memory for the most part but Derek suffered bad days every so often. Over working his legs was a still a big no-no. Keeping them in use for hours straight would be impossible but that wasn't a bother. Not now because there were other factors in his life that overruled his career.

"As much as I'd love to nap with you right now, you have a surgery in half an hour." Derek's lips brush the naked skin of her shoulder. The skin there is smooth and pliable. Her flesh eclipsed by more freckles than the bare eye could comprehend.

Her body rolls. "No, I'm so tired." She complains. It was unlike his wife to deny surgery. Even at her breaking exhaustion levels, Meredith pushed forward. "Sex makes me want to sleep."

A chuckle exerts from his cavern. "Mer, sex makes everyone tired. Come on you can get up."

"No." Comes a grumble. Meredith extends her arm across his hip. Absently, his wife strokes his waist. He in turn strums his fingers down her spine, trickling his pads over every bump and indent.

Leaving the comfort of her supple body to operate used to be a struggle for him as well. Numerous memories flash of times he'd left her behind to resect someone's tumor or halt a bleed. Derek gets the inkling to disregard reality just to stay cuddled in one another's hold. "I'll buy you some coffee. Let's take a walk it'll probably wake you up. I might even sit up in the gallery I have some notes to look through for Amelia."

Surprisingly, it's enough to dissect Meredith from his chest. Cold air meets a sweat slicked chest. He shivers at the disconnect but his discomfort drains when he catches a glimpse of her beautiful naked body. With precision Meredith stretches every limb. The most adorable noises of yawns and groans exude. Derek's tongue wets the lower half of his lips. She's breathtaking. One by one, Meredith pulls on her clothes. First the panties, her navy scrub pants. It humors him when she stops to tie the drawstring before pulling a bra on.

"What?" She asks, midway through looping the tie.

Derek's breath catches in his throat. Something so natural yet gorgeous radiates in this moment. With her golden hair mussed and wild, reverently sloped at her clavicles. The swell of her perky breasts, bouncing with every movement she made. It was her little toes peaking out from the hem of her pants too. This moment in time something only he would ever witness. While it may be minuscule and unimportant to his wife, Derek relishes it.

"Nothing." He quickly defends. "I just, um, you're very pretty." Even in the darkness of the on-call room, Derek can see the twinkle in her irises when he announces her beauty.

Meredith doesn't respond but shoots him a smirk. The intimacy is distorted when her bra is snapped into place and the scrub top dissipates her torso. Derek takes it as a cue to dress himself. They spend the following minutes quietly shifting around each other in search of garments torn away at obscure parts of the area. Meredith can be heard giggling when he snags his boxer briefs from the lamp shade.

"I hope no one touches that." Meredith snickers.

Tugging at the zipper of his jeans, he narrows his eyes. "I'd say anyone who does touch the lamp shade is privileged."

"You're disgusting."

"You like it." Derek counteracts, wiggling both brows.

"Do not!" She scoffs.

"Do too."

"Not!"

"Fighting with you is like arguing with a brick wall, Mer." He straightens the t-shirt over his belly and pectorals. Both Derek and Meredith were ornery beings. Each stubborn as a mule. When they fell on an opinion, it suck. Very little could be done to shift either of them from one side to another unless the circumstances were giant.

Meredith shuffles forward to his space. Her arms shift around his waist and each hand tucks snuggly into his back pockets. "You're just jealous I'm always right."

Maybe he didn't quite agree that his wife was right in every situation, but for now, he'll keep her believing in it. He curls both of his hands around her shoulders. "You are such a bossy woman, you know this right?"

"I think you've told me that a couple times before." It's when Meredith's nose scrunches that nearly sends him off his rocker. God, Derek could not get enough of his gorgeous wife. She was his fresh air.

The aroma of lavender is heavy. It's tang brushes the back of his throat as Derek nudges closer to Meredith's space. His palms soothe her feral hair down, even going as far to securely tuck a strand behind her ear. Their lips nearly touch but the siren of her pager fizzles the moment.

"Saved by the bell?" Meredith frowns. She does however press a soft kiss to his stubbled cheek before pulling her lab coat on.

"Stupid pagers." He grumbles.

Derek straightens the bedding they completely dismantled in their act of love making a half hour earlier and Meredith switches off the lamps.

It's Alex who bumps into them head on after trying to discreetly exit the on-call room without being detected. Of course their plan for privacy fizzles miserably at the sly grin Meredith's friend sports. It's evident what he and Meredith were doing in there wasn't remotely close to catching some shut eye. Considering Meredith's slick skin and his rumpled hair.

Also, Alex Karev being one of if not the highest ranking individual to be cognizant of an on-call rendezvous. "You two getting your freak on here too?" Alex snickers, stuffing his phone into his back pocket.

Meredith rolls her eyes. "It's not like you aren't familiar with on-call room sex." She snorts.

"In fact, I am a grown up now. The chief actually. I don't steam up on-call rooms at work anymore because that is unprofessional." Alex retorts, haughtiness permeating the tone.

Derek clears his throat. "Didn't I see you and Jo coming out of your office the other week all hot and bothered?" He questions. This one elicits laughter from his wife and his subordinate is ridden by a flush of crimson. He technically didn't work for Grey-Sloan as of now anyway, that gave him rights to embarrass the Chief didn't it?

Alex reaches to scratch at his neck. It's evident he's been a child caught with their hand down the cookie jar. A part of him wonders if he'd concocted a lie just to impress Meredith. "Look, it was a one time thing and we'd never done it in the chiefs office before. Not a big deal."

"Right." Meredith says. Her pager disputes the attention toward her. Derek watches Alex's shoulders slack with ease. "Crap, I really have to go. Der, are you still coming up to the gallery to watch or are headed home?"

"I think I'll come and watch you be a badass. I might get Ellis from the daycare and then she can watch her mommy be a superhero too." He leans forward to snag a kiss from her soft lips. She still tastes like them, compliments to the blowjob she performed earlier.

"I'm gonna go." Alex interrupts. "I'd rather not watch McDreamy and Mrs. McDreamy make out in the hospital." Meredith rolls her eyes at her person which triggers a quiet chuckle from Derek. He relishes how unapologetically herself Meredith is. That it's no bother to her if she kisses her husband with reverent fire in the public space of the hospital.

"Come watch my splenectomy you big baby." She grabs Alex's arm. "Sounds way more fun than doing paperwork."

Surprisingly, Alex rejects the offer. "I really would love to Mer, but I do have to fill out all this crappy paperwork. If I finish early I'll stop by." He pats his wife's shoulder softly, then redirects himself to an open elevator.

"I'll see you in a minute, love." Derek informs her when she gazes at him with questioning orbs of whether he would ditch her surgery too.

"Okay, love you." She whispers, showcasing a gentle smile.

He flashes her a similar one back and they part ways. There's a checklist Derek needs to get done before throwing his wife a signature grin through the gallery during her operation. Grab his notes from Amelia, pick up Ellis, maybe a grab a snack because their sex date has left him famished.

His fingers push the "up" arrow of the elevator. Initially, Derek isn't paying attention. His mind is focused on the nurses who flash him smiles and the warm "It's lovely to see you, Dr. Shepherd!" Kind of greetings. He doesn't dismiss their announcement without a single "Hello!" Or a possibly a wave. He found a sour behavior brought negative energy. Except the gentlemen pushing past him figures otherwise.

"Oh, sorry." Derek says, watching as younger physician clambers past him for the elevator.

"Yeah well maybe you shouldn't be all so consumed trying to flirt with the nurses around here." His answer doesn't settle well with Derek. He didn't even know this guy, what the hell was his deal?

Choosing to ignore it, he steps over the threshold. The two of them are secluded to the cabin. The younger man is toward the front, far from Derek when he steps to the back. Must be intern or a resident judging by the periwinkle scrub color. Why didn't he recognize him? For the most part, Derek was certain he acquainted himself with most to all of the younger colleagues working at the hospital now. Many of them helping out on his sisters cases. Sometimes Derek followed Amelia during rounds when he got to the hospital early enough. He knew of Schmitt and Helm but not this guy.

Who was he and what the hell was with the deranged attitude?

His hair was dark, similar to the way his own used to look before tinges of gray poked through. They met gazes for barely a second but Derek didn't recognize the darker, hazel irises. He seemed, handsome enough. Maybe some lab tech or a nurse punctured his heart. Perhaps he was another Mark Sloan who screwed anything with legs. Or maybe-

Derek froze. There was no possible way this was him. Something in his lower belly roiled. Derek's blood shifted to something akin to ice. It couldn't be him. Except, Derek didn't know who this was. They'd never met and it was likely this particular guy would seek picking a bone with Derek...

"I'm sorry, have we met before? Did I do something to provoke you?" Derek breaks the brisk silence in referral to his earlier snarky comment.

His elevator companion shifts, facing Derek. "Are you playing dumb or is this seriously something you do?"

"Look, you're the one who gave me the unprofessional commentary about the nurse. So what's your issue?" Derek piques. It's the name tag attached to his coat pocket that provides Derek with the necessary information. It was exactly who he predicted it be. Derek's fingers pinched into the flesh of his palm.

Andrew DeLuca finds Derek gaping at the name tag. A sinister smirk appears. "I guess the cat's out of the bag, isn't it? I'm sure you've heard all about me. DeLuca, the first man your wife actually loved since you."

"My wife didn't love you." Derek addresses rapidly.

Scoffing, the resident moves closer. "I'm sure that's what she told you. But I want you to listen good. A lot of stuff happened when you were off abandoning her and I was one of those things. Don't let her fool you, we had something. She's probably only wearing that ridiculous ring you gave her to make up for the fact a piece of her still wants me."

Derek bites back his lip. "That's not true. I know Meredith she's my fucking wife. If she didn't want me she would have left."

"That's exactly what she should have done! You don't deserve her. When are you going to get that? Don't think I haven't heard about the shit you put her through before escaping. I'm sure that entire story you conjured out of thin air. A three year vacation must be nice from the woman you were having consistent marriage troubles with."

His blood bubbled with cauterizing heat. It was only a matter of time before Derek could picture himself throwing this arrogant ass through the steel doors of the elevator. What right did he think he had to waltz in here and question the structure of his own marriage? It was sickening how much of an ego this guy had on him.

"Let me make something crystal clear." Derek growls. "My wife is my wife. Not your girlfriend or any attachment to you. You have no idea what I've been through. You have no say whatsoever! Quit threatening her in hallways and beating her down because she chose me and not you. Don't be such a dick because for once something didn't go your way."

DeLuca puckers his lips. Something evil lingered beyond his irises that clenched Derek's gut. "Your honeymoon phase isn't going to last forever. In a couple of weeks she's going to realize how terrible of a person you are. She cares about me. I know she does. She'll get tired of the boring sex and the loveless marriage you're sharing sooner or later. And in a couple of years it'll be me waiting at the end of the alter for her, not you."

Something of feral proportions struck Derek. There was no halt to think whether this was a good idea. He saw red. Burning, oozing red everywhere. Maybe it was the notion this piece of ass was even thinking about screwing his wife. Perhaps it was the fear Meredith could leave him if she wanted to. All in all, the tension bubbled like a cauldron within and soon his anger was disputed on DeLuca. The residents back slammed into the steel doors when Derek's palms collided to his chest.

Everything that followed was much of a blur. DeLuca's fist wrung out of thin air, bolstering Derek's left cheekbone. His ribcage slamming against the metal bars outlining the perimeter of the elevator. Something of grizzly proportions must have slipped from his throat.

The beatdown reminded him much of how he pummeled Mark that morning by the nurses station. Ironically, the situation then too revolved around Meredith.

Except now Derek was the victim. He was helpless in DeLuca's act of violence. Derek felt like a coward. It was supposed to be his job to fight back and protect Meredith from harm. Albeit, he was useless. Utterly a waste of space in that moment because maybe Derek could rev a threat but he couldn't physically fight back. Not when his body was shambles.

He let the world fall dark around him.

GA

Meredith was in full panic mode. The type that constricted her body to one spot, made her ramble, or eat her hair. Thanksgiving was the one holiday she found herself stressing a manifold over its competitors. For most, Christmas seemed like the anxiety brimmed day for the parents. Oddly enough Meredith had grown to enjoy it, finding it superior to the dreaded Thanksgiving.

This one day in November seemed to take up days of preparation. It was even worse for Meredith because she simply could not cook. No matter how many times her husband stood behind her, whispering saucy directions in her ear, she usually succumbed to kitchen countertop sex rather than preparing anything edible. Although, it didn't matter who was her instructor. Meredith burned or undercooked anything she touched.

Being a mother making dinner every night was a challenge in itself. Making a four course dinner for a boatload of relatives was overkill. This year would involve Derek's family where as the last three hadn't. Amelia never had the type of bond with them the way Derek did, no use in inviting them.

Albeit, with Derek's reappearance it was an occasion to celebrate or maybe just an excuse for Carolyn Shepherd to bring out the entire clan. Before two nights ago however, she wasn't totally dreading the visit. Maybe she sucked at making turkey and didn't know what dressing was but all in all seeing the family seemed almost pleasant.

Except of course the universe was constantly striking karma upon Meredith for reasons she didn't quite know. Her husband was a freaking non-speaking lump with a shiner the size of Texas cascading his left cheek bone. Since the argument he had with DeLuca in the elevator, he's barely spoken more than six words to her. She couldn't decide if the silence stemmed from embarrassment or if DeLuca said something to make him angry at her.

Meredith didn't poke the bear, at least not until their guests left Thanksgiving dinner. She couldn't be the perfect wife and mommy for Carolyn and the Shepherd wolf pack if there was an argument brewing between she and Derek. There'd be obvious tension if he didn't speak though.

"Where the hell is Amelia?!" Meredith barks, doing her best to shove the bird inside a cauterizing oven.

She was a wreck. Still not dressed for tonight. Instead she wore a dirty apron and some yoga pants. No bra in sight so her breasts hurt anytime she ran around the kitchen akin to a mad man. Derek was supposed to be helping. He promised it would be who prepared the dinner. Not. Her. But he was pouting and it was taking every bit of strength she had not to strangle him for it. Amelia promised to help out but she was no where in sight, per-usual.

Alex and Jo hurry over the threshold. His wife carries a bottle of wine and he the pie she asked he bring. A devious grin strokes his cheeks. "You have flour all over your face." Snickers her person.

Meredith sticks up a bird and shoots a fire burning gaze his way. "Alex, I wouldn't prod her." Jo informs. "She's having to do this all alone."

"Where's your dreamy husband?" Alex asks.

She glances to Jo who shoves her foot at his shin. "What the the hell?" He growls.

"Don't bring up Derek." Jo bares through gritted teeth.

"What? Do I have to kick his ass? Mer, should I kick your husbands ass?"

With her lips barely parted to give a response, it's Derek who emerges next. "Who's kicking my ass?" He questions. Derek's tone chipper and a sly smile conforming, Meredith scrunched her brows.

"You because you're not helping Meredith who clearly isn't equipped to cook." Alex intervenes.

Derek undoes the apron around Meredith's waist. Effortlessly he pulls it over her head and dresses himself in the fabric. Underneath the battered apron, he's wearing a soft v-neck sweater and a baby blue oxford, accompanied by jeans and a new pair of loafers he purchased two weeks prior.

"You have some flour on your cheek." Derek coos to her ear and he kisses the skin there.

She's taken back. An hour ago when she went upstairs to ask him if he was hungry, the only response was a something muffled under the sheets. What changed and why was Derek suddenly beaming with joy?

Jo tugs on Alex's sleeve and they exit the kitchen. She wonders if he put a show on for them and would revert to his blanketed stare with only she present.

"Mer, you can't just cook the turkey with nothing on it. This thing has to be seasoned and buttered... crap I don't know if we have enough time to get it done." He examined the turkey she helplessly bought last night. She couldn't figure out which size was right, much less think to buy seasoning for it.

Meredith shoots him a sour expression and envelopes each of her arms across her chest. "What's your deal? If you're just putting on a show because it's Thanksgiving that's not cool. You haven't spoken to me at all since the fight with DeLuca so what's your freaking deal?"

"I'm fine." He answers quick.

"No! You clearly aren't!" At this point she's yelling. Loud enough the kids might hear or Alex and Jo catch wind. She doesn't care. Not when her husband and the man she loves more than anything has been a hollow being over the last two days. A far cry from his usual chatty self.

"Yes I am Meredith! You don't have to dissect everything!" His voice rises an octave. Derek elicits a sigh, reaching for the turkey she poorly prepared. It's tray lands with a thunk on their countertop.

She wipes budding tears away. "I know he said something to you. When I was called in the middle of surgery that you were hurt, it nearly crushed me. All I could think was it's happening again. He got hit by a car or a bus! My husband is gone. And when I had Bailey freaking take over because my mind was running in circles, you didn't even hug me back. They were putting stitches in your side and your face and you couldn't even hug me back! I let you ignore me for the past few days and I started to make dinner without you because I so desperately wanted this first Thanksgiving for you to be good, even after you treated me terribly. So spit it out Derek. Because it's Thanksgiving and it really fucking sucks when you do this to me."

She's still dark and twisty. Those abandonment phobias don't wash away just because he whispers something dreamy in her ear from time to time. She doesn't care if what she's saying bruises his tender ego. Because she too lives constant fear, all the time. It's not just he who suffers nightmares.

"Do you think I like having some younger guy beat me like that? It's not fun Meredith. It actually really sucks when this ass wipe has this snarky attitude and tells me that yeah, you're probably going to leave me for him! Don't you think I hurt to? That I'm petrified you'll leave for him or another man? Why would I want to talk to you when I'm scared the next time I open my mouth you'll be gone?"

"Well then maybe you shouldn't have done anything that would make me want to leave. You don't even get it. You're so full of yourself that you just don't get it. Can it ever just be about me? What I need? You're a grown man you can't spend your life pouting because some boyfriend I had told you to." She presses a hand over her taut belly. "You didn't hug me. I had a panic attack in a supply closet because I thought you left me again and you didn't freaking hug me! But I put it aside because your family is coming. Because you're suffering from PTSD. Because I love you! When are you just going to push your crap aside and love me back?!"

"Oh!" He shouts with fury. "I didn't love you when I made love to you on your birthday?! I didn't love you when I gave you that ring? I didn't love you when I travelled back from London to be with you?! Huh, I didn't love you then? When is it ever going to be enough for you Meredith? Our entire relationship has just been about you and what I can do to make it work. You never bend over backwards for me I have to do all the bending."

Meredith's cheeks bubble with heat. "I wasn't even ready to be in a fucking relationship all those years ago but I did it for you! I got married for you! I had children for you! I let you go to DC and get yourself killed! Everything I do revolves around you!"

"Did it revolve around me when you went and fucked that resident? I know you screwed him left and right! Just admit it Meredith. If you weren't hiding something then he wouldn't be threatening me in the elevator that you were going to leave me. Did you actually love him? Do you love him? I'm tired of running in circles around this."

Time stands still. Not in the way it had when Derek embraced her the for the first time two months ago or the way the world stopped spinning when he made beautiful love to her just the other week or even three days ago in the on-call room. It was a dead halt. A lifeless one that tranquilized her.

Meredith refuses to look him in the eye. Not when he's managed to crack her heart in a way only he could do. They'd managed to patch up any tiny argument they fell into after he came back but this seemed astronomical. He just didn't get it. Derek couldn't for the life of him see things through her orbs, even if it be just a moment.

"You don't get to judge me for moving on. You left me alone. Maybe you couldn't help that but don't you dare rub it in my face every chance you get. I don't know what went on in that elevator but I do know you pushed him first. Yeah, I talked to him! Maybe that will be enough to send you off to the woods and get you drunk with your baseball bat. Anything for you to draw attention to yourself because everything is about you!" Meredith clenches her eyes to a tight squeeze. She's avoiding the flood of tears threatening to puncture the dam.

Thanksgiving was supposed to be different this year. Derek was here and they were going to do the celebration thing with his family. There would be turkey and pumpkin pie! He would snake his hand up her thigh under the table and squeeze. They'd kiss and nuzzle in the corner when no one was watching. Hell, she was even growing jovial about the possibility of cleaning dishes with him bumping her hip ever so often until midnight.

But she was openly crying now. The tension drowned them.

"For the record, even if I did or do love him, that has nothing to do with the fact that sometimes you just have to suck up your pride and hold me when I need you to. If this is how it's going to be for the rest of our marriage then maybe this isn't worth it. I've never mentioned Alice again but she was in love with you back in London. Yet, all the time you bring up DeLuca and I hate it. I hate it because you're so blindsided by that fact to see I am madly in love with you. I don't want to live the rest of my life walking on egg shells around you. I didn't pick a fight earlier because I didn't want you to leave. So all this time you've been shaking with fear I'm going to walk out I too get scared. So thank you, for making me feel like ass on our first Thanksgiving together."

Meredith storms away, refusing to look Alex and Jo in the eye. Her ears purposely tune the sound of Derek calling out her name. Before he's able to hobble behind her, she slams their bedroom door.

This was their first big fight since he's returned. How were they going to recover from this in time for dinner in six hours? There was nothing more she dreaded than slapping a phony grin on and playing house with someone

she was furious at.

How were they going to come back from this?

GA

Meredith never re-emerged. Derek opted against chasing her. His brain was cognizant running after her was only cause for her to scream in his face. Not that he wouldn't mind her yelling and stomping, it's what he deserved anyways. But the more rationalized part of him decided giving her space to cool off was the better decision.

She'd made not a peep or none he could hear since leaving. That... concerned him slightly. When Meredith got hysterical, most of the Seattle knew. Whether that be she beating the crap out of him with her purse or breaking into untethered sobs. Maybe she had been crying or screaming into her pillow but even then he thought maybe a muffled noise of some kind would prick his ears.

Nothing.

It was reaching the five hour mark. Some of the longest time they had spent purposely not speaking. Half of him wanted to curl into his own ball and conceal himself from the world except the latter reasoned that it was still Thanksgiving and no one made a single arrangement to cancel. His mother and sisters flew in from New York. It felt, wrong, to decline their invite last minute. Just because he and his wife were going through something didn't mean he would ignore the holiday in all.

Most to all of the dinner was prepared. Baring the turkey, which still needed more time in the oven considering its late start. Jo kindly offered to help but she was almost as useless in the kitchen as Meredith was. Alex was drinking a beer in the living room, he seemed to be on Meredith's side this round. Amelia never showed, she mumbled something about visiting Betty in rehab. He feels like it was just an excuse to ditch their family Thanksgiving and see Owen.

Maggie dropped by for thirty minutes. Pity corroded her chocolate eyes after listening in on the current dilemma. She assisted in the preparation of the macaroni but left the minute the dish hit the oven. She was spending this year with Jackson, Catherine, and Richard.

As five o'clock brushed near and his wife still succumbed to the bedroom, he decided to take matters in his own hands. "I'm going to check on, Mer." Derek informed both Alex and Jo who were cooped on the couch. Alex merely grumbled a response and Jo nodded sympathetically.

He's met with her back. Thankfully the bedroom door is unlocked but the image that meets his vision is the solid plane of her tiny back. She's still dressed in the dirty pajamas coated in Thanksgiving preparation.

When listening to her solid breathing, he can confirm she is far from sleeping. Meredith's breaths in a peaceful slumber are slow and languorous. They're short and choppy in the moment.

"So maybe I'm jealous." Derek manages to croak. Her body never stirs. The only sign indicating she could hear was the pause in her breathing. Derek's heart pounded in agony.

A decade ago it was hard to admit he was jealous of she and Finn. Now, boldly addressing his envy of her relationship with Andrew DeLuca was a bullet to his chest. Derek relished pretending everything surrounding him was perfect. Including himself.

Derek Shepherd never got jealous or flustered or upset. He was Superman in a way. But his wife, one of the seldom people he let in, was cognizant of every real flaw he held. If they were going to move past this bridge he couldn't fuck it up by lying.

He was jealous and that terrified him.

"I know when you say there's nothing to worry about, there isn't anything to worry about. Except that doesn't stop my mind from wandering to dark places. Just thinking about this guy with his hands on you truly pains me. I've never been so mortified thinking of you rolling around in bed with another man than I do right now. Even with Finn it didn't... maybe it's everything we've been through I don't know." Their bedroom door clicks when his fingers twist the lock. This was a private conversation, not something Alex, Jo, and their children should listen in on.

He progresses to her spot on the bed. Derek sits by her feet. "He said you were going to get tired of me. That what we have now isn't going to last. He said shit like it would be him waiting for you at the alter and that I was nothing but a coverup."

A shaky breath exudes. "Mer, I never want you to feel like I don't love you. I love you so much that my heart physically burns when I think there could be a real possibility you might walk out. I shouldn't have pushed him but in that moment I had to. I care about you and our family so, so, so much. I love you so much that if you up and told me this was it, I would let you go. Maybe not without a fight but if it would bring you happiness then I would do it. So just tell me, do you love him? Is anything he said in that elevator true."

"You are the first man I ever loved." Meredith whispers. His heart nearly rips from his chest at the sound of her voice. "It was scary. Because before I thought love didn't exist. I figured only idiots fell in love but then you showed up and it might be the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me."

The sheets whisper as her body comes to a seated position. Meredith crawls toward him, lying her head at his shoulder. Somewhere between their heat she finds his hand. She's still wearing the ring. A tear slips down his cheek.

"I gave up a lot to be with you. I know what it's like to be jealous. I watched you parade around with Addison for months and it sucked. But I would do it all over again if it meant you and I would end up together. A person who is in love with another man, wouldn't go through that kind of pain multiple times."

His wife was right. As she normally was, Meredith Grey meant every word she expelled. "I don't want to go through this again. I'm tired of bringing up DeLuca because he doesn't mean anything to me. I'll tell you this one last time; I don't have feelings for him. Maybe it was hot and lusty for a few seconds but the spark we had is nothing in comparison to the fire you and I hold. I don't get goosebumps thinking about him. My stomach doesn't flutter when he's around. I feel the opposite. You are the first and the only man who has ever been able to give me that."

"I'm sorry." Derek chokes. His palm squeezes her petite hand. "I'm sorry for being an ass and for listening to a jackass like that. Everything we've had since I flew into Seattle has been perfect. Being with you again makes me feel complete. I didn't want him to ruin everything. So I was a McAss and fed into his fire like an idiot. And then I hurt you when I didn't speak or hug you back. I'm so sorry I didn't put what you might be thinking into perspective."

"I get it." Whispers his wife. She caresses his cheek, their noses lying proximal. "It's just that the next time you're upset, don't bottle it up because you think you're supposed to be strong for me. I can take it. I get that you're going through some awful shit and it makes you paranoid. Just talk to me. I'll hold your hand any time you want me too. Just please, not only for you but for me, keep me in your realm."

Derek nods at the revelation. She too suffered. Both of them are dark and twisty internally. They needed each other if they were going to make it through this. "Next time something like this happens I'll be there to hug you back. I'll whisper that I'm not going anywhere because this time I'm not. I'm not going to put up walls anymore." He murmurs. Their hands unravel and he puts attention to the silver band on her ring finger. "This is my promise to you. I'll be here from now on to hold your hand too. You are loved Meredith. So, deeply loved. Do you need me to hold your hand? Do you want to talk about the nightmares and the panicking? I'm here."

To his surprise, she shakes her head. "I appreciate that and I know you'll listen to all my rambling, but for right now I don't want to focus on all the crappiness. It's Thanksgiving. I should focus on the good that I have."

"Okay, but I'm not letting it go. We don't keep secrets anymore and we talk it out now. No more hiding behind sex to avoid feelings. You can even come to therapy with me. I'm starting in the new year."

Meredith giggles quietly. "Maybe I will." She whispers. "By the way, when I said I went to talk to DeLuca, I might have gotten him suspended by the board for attacking a superior. They're keeping him under probation for the next month."

"That's so hot." Derek grins. "I have never been more attracted to you."

She giggles briefly, nuzzling her nose against the crevice of his jaw. "Does this mean we can't have really awesome makeup sex anymore because of the whole talking instead of steamy love making thing?"

For the first time in three days, the sparkle glimmered in her iris. Derek relished that gleam more than words would ever depict. "We can still have awesome makeup sex." His tone a throaty growl. What Derek wouldn't do to indulge on a love making session with her right now.

With that blitzing thought in mind, Meredith crawls to straddle him. Their lips touch and she pleads for an entrance. Much of their fight flushes from his brain. It's difficult to think about the bad when her tongue is doing the tango in his cavern. Now all he could think of was his wife in their bed naked.

"Now?" Meredith purrs.

"What about my mom and sisters-"

His back meets the rumpled bedding. Her fingers snake underneath the cotton of his pullover sweater. He can feel the warmth of her palms through the thin material of the oxford. "I told them not to come until later. I figured we would be done fighting or at least fake it that we're okay. They should be here around 7:30."

Derek slips the tee from Meredith's head. "How did you know I would finish Thanksgiving dinner?" He asks. A grin pricks his lips, focusing on her gorgeous curves in all of their naked glory.

"You're my husband. I just know. Plus you're Derek and holidays mean the world to you."

Their bodies roll, Meredith's thigh jackknifes across his waist. "They don't mean the world to me." Derek assures. "You mean the world to me."

"Cheesy, cheesy man." Meredith giggles.

"You love it."

"I do. I really freaking do."

They let that thought guide them into a passionate round of love making and heal them from the damage of their bitter argument. Derek knows his wife loves him and him only.

And it's enough. Enough to keep him satisfied for the rest of his life.


MerDer sex anyone? :D

Okay but seriously I couldn't just let them argue I mean, hasn't Grey's tortured us enough?

I loved hearing your suggestions on the ring and the dog and I think we are going to do it! Derek maybe could get a ring to symbolize they're in it together as mentioned earlier in the chapter and for the dog, I think Derek, Meredith, and the McKids at a shelter would be interesting. Plus some of you mentioned Finn and a light hearted jealous Derek is what we all need.

I suspended DeLuca partially because I hate him and I don't even want him in the hospital in my story. His plot isn't done but I won't have him ruin MerDer's Christmas and New Year. That being said though the Thanksgiving is happening next chapter and we are finally getting the sisters back! I'm excited to write that.

Please leave your thoughts in a review. I adore them and I love hearing your thoughts. They inspire me to keep writing more. Also, would you guys be interested in me updating Pick Your Poison or possibly creating a MerDer one shots book? Let me know in a review.

Thanks guys, I hope you're having a great Tuesday.