Chapter 11: Ways of Loving
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We have turned upon a different pathway now. Softer, gentler currents bear us away and the winds have shifted. The light falls strangely over my body and you look at me with eyes that no longer remember me. And I wonder. Do I want to be remembered?
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Byakuya sat quietly, calmly answering Captain Unohana's questions and stealing glances at the three others who sat nearby, watching them anxiously. The healer smiled and nodded at them encouragingly.
"There appear to be no lasting effects from the head injury, however, it is important not to re-injure yourself that way. With each head injury, the danger of lasting damage grows."
"Well, we'll keep him from bumping his head," promised Renji, looking at Emiko, "Right, kiddo?"
Emiko giggled and nodded. Rukia turned to Byakuya.
"Captain Unohana has said that you will need to stay in the Seireitei for a week or so, for treatments. I was thinking that you could stay with me at Kuchiki Manor. My brother's cousin, Tetsuya, is interim clan leader until more is known about what befell my brother, and he is really wonderful. He has been very kind to Renji and me since Byakuya disappeared. So…will you stay with me?"
Byakuya lowered his eyes.
"Oh…that is very kind of you…but…I…"
"Please don't refuse," Rukia said, placing a hand on his arm, "You need a place to stay and Kuchiki Manor has everything you need for your recovery. You will have proper meals, a house healer to tend you, and there are lovely gardens to walk in."
Byakuya gave her a grateful smile.
"I appreciate the offer more than you know, but…"
"Rukia," said Renji, "I think what Bya is getting at is that it would be a little uncomfortable for him, living where Byakuya did."
"Ah!" said Rukia, looking embarrassed, "I…I just wasn't thinking. I am sorry, Bya."
"No harm done," Byakuya assured her.
"They can stay with me," Renji offered, turning to Bya, "I bought a house a little while back. I haven't spent much time there. I usually stay at my division. I was fixing it up, but got distracted by everything that happened. In any case, it has enough rooms for all of us, and I'll make sure it's stocked with food and things by tomorrow when you check out of here. It should be comfortable for you. And Hanatarou can come to check on you while you're there. Will that work for you?"
"Yes. Of course," Byakuya said quietly, "Arigato, Renji."
"You're welcome. Now…I have to go to work. But I'll be by in a few hours. Would you like me to bring you something in particular for dinner? I mean, the hospital food isn't bad, by any means. It's just…we have some really good places around here."
"You don't have to bring anything. Just your company will be fine, Renji."
The redhead laughed softly.
"You really are stubbornly independent, Bya."
"Is there something wrong with that, Abarai?" Byakuya asked, catching his breath softly at the fact that he had said those very words in that same tone to Renji before.
The redhead paused and frowned, studying Bya as he took a sip of water and leaned back against the pillows.
"Ah well," he said, looking as though he was trying to remember something. I will be back later."
Byakuya watched quietly as he left the room.
"I have to go too," said Rukia, "I have to check in at my division and then I'm meeting Tetsuya at the manor for dinner. I will come back after that."
She smiled at Emiko.
"Would you like to come to spend the night at Kuchiki Manor with me tonight?" she asked, "We can go for a walk to the waterfall, swim in the lake and have dinner in the most beautiful gardens you will ever see. Then, we can have a real girl's night sleepover. What do you say?"
Emiko sought Byakuya's eyes questioningly.
"Is it all right, Bya?" she asked softly, "It does sound like it will be fun."
"Of course," Byakuya said, nodding, "but you mind Rukia, and be on your best behavior. The nobles are a bit less casual than we are, but Rukia will educate you, I am certain."
"I'll tell you everything you'll need to know," Rukia promised, "Just wait here with Bya until I get back and we'll go."
"Okay!" the girl said excitedly, her eyes wide at the prospect.
She watched as Rukia left, then turned back to Byakuya.
"The Seireitei is AMAZING!" she said resolutely, "I know you don't want me to get too used to being here, but it is really good being here, because now I REALLY want to become a shinigami. I can't wait until I'm old enough. Rukia took me to the academy and I got to see the dormitories and the practice rooms, the classrooms and the gardens. I've never seen a place like that before. And she said that for all of their meals, you go to the cafeteria and you choose what you want to eat…whatever you want…all you want. Bya, it's just…amazing!"
Byakuya smiled and nodded.
"I know that you will thrive here, Emiko," he said softly, "And I also cannot wait until you qualify for entrance here. It will bring me great peace knowing that you are not hungry…that you do not have to struggle so hard to get by. And I will be so proud that you are there, working hard to make a life for yourself."
The girl looked more closely at him and climbed onto the bed, nudging her way into his arms.
"But even when I'm here, and I can't come to visit you, I will think about you, Bya. You took care of me when my mom and dad died, and I will never forget that. I love you, Bya."
"I love you too, Emiko. And do not worry. I shall be nothing but happy for you when you are old enough to come here. And I will be fine. Once the school is rebuilt, I will have an important job there. I will miss you, of course and I will be very glad when you can visit. But I will not be lonely."
"Good," said the girl, dropping her head onto his shoulder, "because I hate thinking of you being sad. I don't ever want you to be hurt or sad again!"
Byakuya gave her a gentle smile and touched her face lightly.
"There will always be some times of sadness and difficulty. But remember during those times, that not everything that happens around those events is bad. You and I met because we fell upon hard times and we were fated to help each other."
"So…you think that we were meant to meet each other? To be together?" the girl asked, wide eyed.
Byakuya nodded.
"Emiko, I think that our lives are a complex mix of choices and fates, and that there are no mistakes. There are things that happen that are good and bad, but our destiny is something that we can affect with our choices. I chose to take care of you, and because of that, I have a gift in you. That is no accident. Neither is the power inside you, and the fact that you will come here to join the ranks of the shinigamis."
"And what about you?" the girl asked, "If you could…wouldn't you want to be here and to be shinigami too?"
Byakuya smiled.
"I would," he admitted, "But fate has taken me along a different path. It seems that I was meant to stay here and help other children like you to find their way. That, too, is an important fate."
Emiko nodded.
"And it makes me feel proud that you are doing that. It will help a lot of kids to stay alive when they might have died."
"Yes," said Byakuya, pulling the girl close, "So you see, we both have something waiting ahead of us."
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Renji opened the door to his cottage and stepped inside, the memories sweeping over him. He had carefully avoided mentioning the connection to Byakuya that the house had had. But then, Byakuya had never even known about it.
"What is it, Abarai?" the noble hissed softly, "You practically dragged me out of a meeting of council to tell me something. Now, what is it?"
"You have to come with me to see it. I mean, I know you have to finish the meeting, but once you are done, I really want to show you. I think you're really going to like this!"
"I can see that," Byakuya commented, his eyes softening with affection at the sight of Renji's obvious elation over whatever surprise he had, "Very well. As soon as this meeting is over, I will meet you here and we will go and see…whatever has you so worked up. Will that satisfy you, watashi no koi?"
Renji smirked.
"Almost," he said softly, grabbing the noble and pulling him into a sweltering kiss.
Byakuya tensed and tried to pull away, but was cajoled into calm by his lover's deep, penetrating kisses.
"Mmmm…Abarai…you had better be ready to sate that hunger you are inciting," Byakuya breathed against his lips, "Now…I must go. We have already aroused suspicion by closeting ourselves in this room for so long."
Renji glanced down.
"I think that's not all we've aroused, ne?"
He kissed the noble fiercely and loved the feel of Byakuya kissing him back with equal enthusiasm.
"You must go, Abarai," Byakuya said, pushing him away, "I cannot return to the meeting flustered."
The redhead met his eyes playfully.
"Then let unfluster you," he said in his most sultry voice.
Byakuya froze, blinking.
"Oh…no, not now," he whispered, "If we were seen…"
"We won't be seen. I'm here to give a report," he said, wrapping his arms around Byakuya's slender body and dragging him to the floor, "…a very long and complicated report…"
"Oh…" Byakuya whispered, trying to gather his thoughts as the redhead's hands opened his clothing, "Oh Renji…this is reckless."
"Yeah…it is."
"We could be…found."
"We could."
He pulled Byakuya onto his lap, pushing the noble's creamy thighs open wide. His fingers sought his lover's entrance, but Byakuya's hand stopped him as the two exchanged a flurry of hard kisses.
"No time," the noble managed, positioning himself.
He sank down, burying his face in Renji's shoulder to hide his soft exclamation of pain. Then their bodies raged hotly against each other, straining and seeking pleasure as they fought to keep themselves silent. Renji wrapped his hands around the soft, lovely flesh of his lover's perfect buttocks, holding them tightly and bucking his hips upward to meet each delicious, grinding thrust. His eyes sought the noble's beautifully flustered expression, the deeply hazed eyes and clenching hands, the lovely writhing of his hips and back. He loved how very different Byakuya was while making love to him…so tender, so passionate, so unlike the quiet, reserved noble who led the Kuchiki clan. And even more, he loved luring the man into moments like this…moments when anyone could walk in on them fucking shamelessly. He almost wished they would…that the secrets could disappear and they could just tell everyone they were in love and that there wasn't a damned thing anyone could do to stop them…
He had been so naïve…
Because even as he held his lover's body, watching the pleasure explode across his features, even as Byakuya's body tightened around him and hot seed erupted between them. Even as Byakuya had to bite down on his lips to stop from crying out in ecstasy as Renji's release filled him, a hell butterfly floated towards the building with a royal order that would shatter everything.
He was glad that in the afterglow of their lovemaking that Byakuya had dropped his head onto Renji's shoulder and held him so tightly, that he had whispered his affections into the redhead's ears as they rested with their bodies still joined and reeling with blessed satedness. He was glad that as he pulled away and dressed, Byakuya had looked down to where Renji still sat, looking up at him…and had said those sweet words.
"I look forward to seeing what you have to show me. But I am sure that nothing you show me will be as breathtaking as you are, right now, Renji."
He remained on the floor, his clothes in disarray for some time afterward, enjoying the lingering taste of Byakuya in his mouth, and the noble's scent on his body. He barely moved until he heard Byakuya's voice in the hallway…the shocked sound of it and the note of devastation barely concealed beneath it. He knew better than to think it was nothing. Instantly, he was on his feet and dressed. He stepped out of the room and into the council hall foyer.
Byakuya stood amidst the entire contingent of Kuchiki elders, a hell butterfly on his fingertip and a heartbreakingly calm expression.
"What is it?" he asked, his mouth suddenly dry and his heart pounding.
Surrounded by his relatives, he knew to expect a collected reply.
"It is a royal order from the spirit king," Byakuya replied softly, "It seems that his majesty has chosen me to wed his daughter."
Renji blinked back tears as he walked into the kitchen, for which he had crafted every piece of cabinetry and all of the furniture. He walked through to the dining area with the low table where they would have knelt to have their meals and tea. He walked slowly to the hallway and looked into the bedroom they would have shared, that still held the large, comfortable bed they would have slept in. He made his way out the back door and into the garden that he had designed and grown based on a plan they had contrived during one of their secret lovemaking sessions.
It was better, he thought, to not tell anyone.
It was better that no one ever knew.
Their love had been secret by necessity, and he wasn't even sure that Byakuya would ever have come clean with the elders anyway. He didn't doubt that the noble had loved him dearly…only his ability to defy his family by admitting his love for Renji openly.
And so maybe the way it had ended had been better.
Because neither of them had purposely left the other. Neither was to blame. He could still love Byakuya inside, the way he had before, and no one would tell him how wrong it was. And wherever he was, Byakuya could secretly love him back and no one would look down on him for it.
Renji's hand opened in front of him and caught a cherry blossom as it fell from one of the trees.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm really sorry that you never got to see this."
He sighed softly and blinked back a tear.
"I know I said that I was ready to leave you behind…but I wonder if I ever will be. Still, we have to move forward…you and I…and I know you wouldn't be angry with me for seeking love again. You would probably be relieved I found it with someone more like me. There will be less complications…less barriers. I really wish you and I had had the chance for that. But…just know and be happy that I am going to give Bya all of the love I would have shared with you. That love needs to go to someone special. And since that person can't be you, I want it to be him. But…please don't take that to mean that I will replace you in my heart with him. I will always love and remember you. It's just that he has a place in my heart too. He's the person who picked up the pieces of me after we were ripped apart…and…I think you and I both owe him for that."
He fell silent, staring at the cherry blossom in his palm. Slowly, he closed his hand and brought it to his heart. He sat down on the blanket of sweet smelling blossoms beneath the tree and cried until there were no tears left to fall.
Kami, I wish I knew what happened to you. I could handle this so much better if I knew you were all right…
