"Fucking hell, how can he sleep all day?" Adam muttered to himself. It was twelve thirty in the afternoon and Matt was still in bed. They were home now and had spent most of the night making love. Still, he had had the decency to wake up by noon. Matt hadn't been so courteous and now Adam was flipping through the TV channels, hoping to find something to watch that would distract him from his boredom.

Finally, after lots of searching, he found something that caught his attention. Unfortunately, it didn't catch it in a good way. Law and Order: SVU was on and it was about an abusive guy who killed his former male lover and was abusing his current boyfriend. He watched the drama unfold, wishing he could change the channel but being too frozen to do so. The whole episode hit way too close to home with him. The abusive asshole on the show was too much like Dave and the poor guy being abused reminded him a lot of himself. He became so entranced by the show that he actually screamed as Lucas barked at something out the window and the phone rang.

Placing one hand over his racing heart, he grabbed the phone and answered it. "Hello?"

"ADAM!" Shawn yelled so loudly that Adam had the hold the phone a good distance away from his ear. "GUESS WHAT? JOHN PROPOSED! WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!"

"That's great Shawn," Adam said, switching which ear he was holding the phone too and began rubbing the other one so he could regain the hearing in it. "Now did you have to make me go deaf with that announcement?"

"Sorry," Shawn said sheepishly. "I'm just excited! John has no idea how happy he's made me."

"Oh I'm sure he's figured it out by now," Adam replied. He got up and went into the kitchen. "You're only screaming like a maniac."

"I am not! You're just jealous!"

"Please, I have Matt. The day I'll be jealous of you having John is the day pigs will fly out of my ass."

Shawn snorted. "Yeah, whatever. I have to let you go Adam. I need my Champ to ravish me again."

Adam chuckled and hung up the phone. Shawn was like a horny teenager sometimes. Sighing, he put the phone down and stared out the window. Shawn's call had given him a temporary distraction, but it didn't make him stop thinking about what was really bothering him. He couldn't take his mind off of Dave. Even though Dave was dead, he knew very well that would have been his fate if Matt hadn't saved him. Whether he would have killed himself or if Dave would have lost control of himself completely and killed him himself was only a debate now. But the thing that wasn't up for debate was that he was lucky to be alive. Although if that's the case, then why can't I just let the past go? Why can't I forget what he used to do to me and just move on?

"Babe? Are you okay?"

Adam turned around to see that Matt was behind him now. His dark haired lover was holding little Lucas in his arms like a baby. "I'm fine," Adam lied. "I was just spacing off."

Matt didn't look like he believed him, but he didn't push the subject. "I heard the phone ring. Who was it?"

"Shawn. He had to tell me that John proposed."

"Oh, so they're finally getting married?"

"Yup. Shawn's going nuts because he's so damn happy." Adam shook his head with a small grin. "Honestly, he sounded more like an excited school girl than a guy in his forties. It was almost scary."

Matt chuckled. "That's Shawn for you." He suddenly turned serious. "I think I should call Jeff. He and I didn't exactly leave on the best of terms."

Adam nodded. He knew the fight the two brothers had gotten into had been bugging Matt more than he cared to admit. "You should give him another hour or so though. This is the time he usually eats lunch and you know he doesn't pick up the phone when he's eating."

"True. Okay, I'll just call him later. I'm sure he's probably forgotten about the whole thing anyway. I'm sure he's realized that Vince only told me to tell him that the time off thing was just a suggestion."

"Yeah, because he's mature enough to do that," Adam said with a grin.

Matt winced. "Okay, don't say it like that. That makes me worried that he's still mad."

"Oh don't worry Matt. He's probably not. He's probably just whining about you not being around to bug right this moment."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Mark stared back and forth between James and Jeff. James was out of the shower and Jeff was sitting on the bed, holding a glass of Jack Daniels that had been poured for him. "So let me get this straight," Mark said slowly. "James, after I managed to fall back asleep just a little bit ago, you saw fit to just go ahead and spill the beans about your very unpleasant family history and admit that you killed people."

"Technically he only admitted to killing members of his own family," Jeff pointed out.

"Oh, but I've killed too many people to count," James piped up. "Honestly, at this point, I've lost count on the number of people I've killed."

Mark rolled his eyes. "What happened to easing Jeff into this?"

"What? He had to know!"

"You killed someone this morning, didn't you? You killed someone and you got all reflective about it, didn't you?"

"It was just a hooker!"

Jeff made a weird kind of noise. "I need a drink," he said in a weak voice.

"You're holding one," Mark reminded him.

"Oh yeah." Jeff took a little drink of it. "James, I don't get it. How do you kill people and not feel bad about it?"

James just shrugged. "I think not having a conscience helps. Not having a conscience makes it impossible for me to feel bad about anything I've done."

"Oh." Jeff looked at Mark with wide eyes. "What about you Mark?"

Mark was silent for a minute before answering. He knew that since James had taken the liberty of opening his big mouth, there was no turning back now. "Dave was the first person I killed in ten years," he admitted. "And he's the last person I plan to kill. I'm not the guy I was when I was younger. Back when I was a lot younger, I was--"

"A dick," James interrupted.

Mark glared at him. "Do you mind? I'm trying to talk here."

James shrugged. "I'm just saying what needs to be said."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Well as much as I hate to admit it, James is right. I was a dick back then. James always killed because it made him happy. I killed…well I don't know. Sometimes I did it to see what the hell James saw in it. Sometimes I did it because he got us in so much trouble and I just got us out of it in the easiest way I could. Other times it was because I just could. None of these are actually good reasons, but it is what it is."

Jeff took another drink of his whiskey. "Oh." He looked at his drink before setting it down. "Matt can not find out about this," he said vehemently. "He will blow his shit if he finds out about this."

James and Mark exchanged looks. "That's it?" Mark said in surprise. "That's all you have to say?"

Jeff nodded. "Well that and don't tell me anymore. The less I hear about it, the better. I just…last night, was the best I felt since the whole Dave thing. I don't want to lose that. Maybe that's selfish, considering that you both should probably be in jail, but I don't care. I like being selfish. And I told you back in the hospital after you saved me that I'd still love you even if you were the bad guy Mark. And James…well you're freaky and scary, but that's okay because I like you."

James grinned. "I like you too Jeffey." He patted Mark on the shoulder. "You see Marky? This all worked out just fine. You just needed to have more faith."

Mark rolled his eyes. "James, don't talk to me about faith. The only thing you have faith in is your murderous ways."

"Yeah, but have they steered me wrong yet?"

"Oh I don't know. There have been a few situations that didn't turn out so well because of you."

"Fuck you Marky."

"Fuck you too Lawson."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "It's nice to see that the two of you get along the same even after this heart to heart talk."

"Hey, asking us to get along is just too much to ask," Mark said. He patted Jeff on the leg. "Now come on, let's go get something to eat. I'm fucking starving to death right now."