Been two years. I'll finish this by the end of the month, hopefully.
Marluxia, the pink fairy who wields gardening tools as weapons of Death and most definitely possesses a penis (Oi vay, does he ever!). Trust me on that. Penis. PINGAS. He's got one. It's not some kind of tumor, nor is it some kind of transgenderal transplant caused by Xaldin in one of his moods, nor is it anything like the time I got Sitar'd in the happysacks. Marluxia is male. He's a man, baby!
"Was that entirely necessary?" Marluxia pondered to himself in the silvery brine. The images before him whirled in a maelstrom of flowers, more flowers, dead flowers, his past self standing stock still with his arms folded, glaring at the other idiots as they held a hosefight in the middle of his bedroom.
But you know what the major problem is? He's a womanizer, a cat of high proportion if the term serves correctly. Every week, it's a new woman, and every week we only see her at the dinner table, and that's the last of it. We think he grows her down the back, or recycles them into compost, or maybe we've all gone completely batshit and it's all the illusion of our horny, pesky bodies? Are we so starved? Is Marluxia really the kind of man who would pull off such a thing?
"Yes." Came the satisfied answer.
Is he really so cruel as to show off his girls like that all the time, while we're stuck with the too-cute-to-sully Namine or the Too-psycho-to-even-ask-for-a-pencil Larxene?
"Yes."
Can one man really be so evilly-inclined towards his own gender?
"Yes."
Is it all an act in order to reassure us that he isn't gay?
"Ye- what?"
Is Marluxia parading his tail in front of us, only to imagine us naked at any given opportunity, to pretend that he really prefers the curvier gender?
"Think of compost, nice, polite compost..."
Case in point, I shall outline the points in the castle's life that highlights the true sexuality of Mr Pink! Case 1...
The grey disolved into a scene at the breakfast table, where Marluxia was conspicuously without an escort (Xigbar was already redecorating the walls with pieces of hash brown and sausage), speaking about the new design layout to Castle Oblivion to an obviously not interested Demyx.
"... so I told him 'you naughty little thing, pastel blue was so last destruction-of-all-the-universe, make it a bright white! Make it circular! Make it nice-de-brouge, make it lovely!'"
Did you hear that?! Laaaaaaaarvuly! Gay: 1, Everything else: 0. Then factor in the love for interior design, that's Gay: 3, Everything else: 0.
"Lovely, grassy compost, smelling of a warm barn and wet hay..." The present Marluxia continued, feeling a migrane coming on. "Think of shoveling compost into Demyx's mouth, think of compost..."
The scene shifted again, this time to a demonstration area outside the Fortress of the World that never was. According to the dress-up, Roxas was playing Peter Pan with Luxord acting as the ever-piratical Captain Hook. Neither looked particularly pleased at the scenario, with Roxas eying his tiny dagger and Luxord already covering his face in bandages -the results of absentmindedly swinging Hook's sword around- and muttering about 'Damned impractical weapons'.
Oh, this was fun. We were trying to find scenarios when both of the play actors you see here would be weakened and thus easier to... convert. As you can see, they aren't having much luck, what with emo-Mcemopants not liking his tiny weapon and Scruffy-McCardtrick having the grace of an ox. And then, just when you noticed somebody was missing, enter Marluxia...
"I'm here, everybody!" Marluxia entered, wearing a far, far too short green one-piece dress, with a pair of 2-dollar novelty butterfly wings taped to his back, waving a wand around and generally looking like he was enjoying himself. The others starred on in extreme disbelief (And in Larxene's case, nausea) as he pranced and giggled and declaimed just how wonderful it was to be able to play Tinkerbell.
And then he dropped his wand, and bent over to retrieve it:
"OH GOOOOOOOODNOACK!"
"Tooooo much black leather."
"MY EYES!!"
"Bluueueuegh!"
Gay: OVER 9000. Everything else: 1. Because hey, leather's manly.
Peace! Nocturne out!
–
It was only an hour later when Demyx heard a knock at his door. Opening it, he found Marluxia carrying a shovel, a large feed bag and one hell of a crazy grin.
"Marly-?"
"IT'S COMPOST TIME!!"
