Jade was in a rather sensible outfit while they were in Egypt, though she hadn't realized how bloody hot it would be.
Sam nearly did a double take when Gabriel snapped Jade into what appeared to be a full belly dancer outfit though. The resulting chase and eventually hexing of the arch angel had him cracking up. Once Jade stopped running anyway.
The only hiccup in the entire trip (and it had been nearly four months since Dean was sent to hell) was when Jade ran into someone who recognized her not as her movie self, but as Erika.
It could have gone better.
Sam, Jade and Loki were at this magical cafe (Jade had heard about it from another witch while in Italy) when this red head and someone who had Sam stop and stare for about five seconds before turning back to Jade started walking straight towards them.
"Erika? What are you doing in Egypt?" said the red head confused.
Jade ignored him, but the anger in her eyes was pretty clear from Sam's angle.
The woman kicked him, and Sam liked her better than the red head already.
"Jade, it is good to see you again. And with such specimens of men!"
"Hello Fluer. How's Gabrielle?" she asked in amusement.
"She is eagerly awaiting to see her savior on the big screen. We particularly enjoyed the one featuring Joan. That last scene had us in stitches once we realized what was going on," said Fluer with a smile. The red head looked rather uncomfortable at the glare Jade was giving him.
"Hello William. How is your mother?" said Jade, irritation clear in her voice. Somehow from the way the red head William winced, Sam knew that being called by his proper name wasn't normal for him. And that it meant Jade was seriously pissed at him for some reason.
"She was really upset when she realized you had fled the house. Why did you leave like that Erika?"
"It's Jade for a reason, Weasley. Magic did more to screw up my life than anything I've dealt with since, and there is no way in heaven I am going back now. You can keep your little country and that backwards community you call home. I've found something better," said Jade hissing.
Fluer noticed the hell hounds tense at that tone, so she tried to diffuse the situation.
"Remus has gotten married. They've named you godmother for their son Teddy," she said.
"Huh. Don't know why. As much as I love Remus and miss Sirius, I prefer hanging out with Loki (she nodded to said Trickster) to them at this point."
Weasley immediately turned to Loki with wide eyes.
"That explains so much. Like why nothing we've tried has been able to find you," he said.
"Actually I'm pretty sure the crossroads demon who is currently my manager has more to do with that. It would explain why he occasionally gets really pissy and refuses to tell me why."
Bill looked at Jade in horror.
"A demon? Erika, you know full well what damage those things did to us!"
Jade rolled her eyes.
"I said he was my manager, not that I made a deal. Grow a pair Weasley. Better to be the caged bird of a demon you know is more interested in getting souls than to be turned into a weapon because some dumbass Seraph was too damn lazy to do his fucking job," snapped Jade.
Jade pushed away her food, which was some sort of dessert Loki had recommended. Then she stood up and to the surprise of Bill, she was a good three inches taller than him and pissed.
"Get one thing straight Weasley. Nothing you say or do will make me go back to that damn country, or fight in your war. Especially since I have no intention of becoming Zachariah's attack dog just because he didn't want to hunt down a damn warlock. And if any of the Order (she spat out the word like a curse) tries to make me kill Voldemort, I'll have Hati and Skoll rip each and every one of you to pieces. If my guards don't get to you first," she growled.
Bill suddenly noticed the four demons in the area, looking particularly bloodthirsty in his direction. He really must be slipping not to have noticed them.
"Oh, and Fluer? Tell Gabrielle the next movie is going to be a two parter. Once his older brother is out of hell, we're going to be focusing on the Supernatural series as the back drop. I might be able to get you and her into the next movie if you want."
Fluer grinned.
"Can I have your autograph?"
Jade signed two, one for each sister and added her number for Fluer to call later.
The two left, but Jade's appetite had been thoroughly spoiled.
"Has anyone seen Castiel?" asked Sam.
The cat had been with them almost everywhere, but it was time for him to eat and he had no idea where the furball had vanished to.
"Cas? Haven't seen him in... wow, three hours?" said Jade. She hadn't seen him since breakfast, actually.
"I may have given him a reprieve from cat form for a few hours. Micheal had some big job for him and sent a message along the lines, so he asked if he could complete it since it wasn't something he objected to," said Gabriel.
"What job?" asked Jade warily.
"The kind that will have us hauling ass back to America in a pretty big hurry and make Sam extremely happy," said Gabriel cryptically.
Sam went over that in his head, and suddenly paled.
"Can you hide all the pictures from that Alice in Wonderland restaurant?"
"Not a chance in hell kiddo. You're on your own, unless you want to give him something else to think about before he has a chance to laugh," said Gabriel.
Sam nodded emphatically. No way was Dean letting that go when he saw the pictures.
"Wait, so the job was..."
"Pulling Dean-o out of hell. Looks like our vacations about to be cut short, though it should take a few hours before he's out. It'll take Castiel a little while to locate him after all."
"Meh, I've had enough of this heat anyway. Let's get packing and I'll go annoy Crowley with a request to bring us home. On a completely unrelated note, who gets to break it to Dean?" she asked a little too innocently.
Sam and Gabriel looked at her uncomprehending. She raised a book in answer, and the two started laughing.
"Oh god. That is going to be either hilarious or a nightmare," said Sam cracking up. He had completely forgotten about that blasted series.
"Ooh! Ooh! I want to break it to him that he's got to play himself in the next movie!" said Gabriel bouncing around.
"Any objections Sam?"
"Only if I get to break it to him that our life story was essentially published for the masses to enjoy," he said seriously.
"Deal," said Jade grinning evilly.
It took them nearly ten hours to get to the state Bobby lived in, and by the time they made it into the Salvage yard, there was a familiar head of hair looking rather dirty and rather confused.
Sam debated on whether to call out to his brother, but decided letting Bobby get the test out of his system now would be better for his paranoia. At least the demon guards had left once they reached the house.
Jade was already on the phone organizing with Crowley now that Dean was out of hell...and both were very confused why Micheal had sent Castiel personally to retrieve him.
(Said cat was back on Jade's shoulder the minute they reached America.)
The second Bobby saw Sam, he nodded.
Sam hugged his brother tightly in relief.
"Sam? How the hell did you get here so fast?" asked Dean.
"Took a private airplane from Egypt once we were told Castiel was sent to bring you out," said Sam offhand.
"Who told you he was coming out? I was about to call you once I knew it was him," asked Bobby.
"I'll explain soon. It's a rather long and surprising story," said Sam.
"Okay, Crowley's caught up about Dean. It seems the demons are in the dark about the fact you were brought up, so he's pretty happy he has that piece of information before anyone else. He also said he might have a lead as to what the hell is really going on, but he's not going to tell me over an open line," said Jade.
Dean tensed when he saw her, but Bobby's slap on his head made him pause reaching for a gun.
"How was Egypt?" asked Bobby evenly.
"Hot, irritating and rather boring. To be honest I was glad for an excuse to leave early. How'd you like the books we sent you?"
"Nice having some new material to work with," replied Bobby.
"What..."
"Sit. Or better yet, go take a shower. You reek," said Jade flatly.
"I better get a story out of this!" Dean called out when he headed upstairs.
"I'll get beer and pie!" she called back.
Actually she just sent Sam out for beer along with Cas on his shoulder, while she started making fresh apple pie, to Bobby's surprise. By the time Dean came back down, there was a homemade pie on the table and a rather shell shocked Bobby drinking a beer looking at Jade in disbelief.
"What?"
"You know how to cook pie. From scratch. Using ingredients I normally don't mess with," said Bobby.
"I let Loki the sugar nut crash in my house. I would have been disowned by him years ago if I didn't know how to cook something as simple as an apple pie," she snorted.
"Point."
"Wait, she cooked this?"
"I usually cook my own food. Don't know why you Americans are so fascinated with fast food that's so greasy it caused heart attacks after a few years," she said rolling her eyes.
"Jade, face it, you're more of a American than a Brit at this point. Besides, didn't you say you were never going back to England ever again after what happened?" said Sam with a snort.
"... Damn, I hate it when you make a point like that," said Jade thumping her head on the table.
"Okay, we're way off topic. What happened after I... you know..."
"Jade pretty much roped me into being her pretend boyfriend/body guard since Japan has a strict no demons or angels policy, and she didn't want some idiot looking to get into her pants as a guard dog," said Sam simply.
"The rest of the time we spent traveling so he wouldn't have to think about the fact you were in hell. Loki seemed pretty certain that Heaven would drag your ass out, so we kept him distracted until we knew you were back."
"Say what now?"
"Sam has been on an all-expenses vacation courtesy of witch-girl here because she wanted to royally piss off her demon manager and Ruby at the same time," said Bobby in simpler terms.
"What's that bitch Ruby got to do with Sam?" asked Dean sharply.
"She was trying to get her hooks in him and when I heard I told Loki, who decided that it was the perfect way to get me a new body guard and piss Crowley off at the same time. He's always finding new ways to annoy him," said Jade.
Dean seemed to process that.
"Thanks for getting to him before she did."
"Oh believe me, pissing off Ruby was a major reason I did it. Sam just happens to be one of the few people I can tolerate for long periods of time. Plus he's mildly amusing, like when I dragged him to that restaurant in Japan," said Jade, sharing an evil smirk with a suddenly amused Bobby.
"Okay, I can see something funny happened. Spill," said Dean grinning. He knew something had to have happened if Bobby was trying not to laugh.
"Don't you dare," said Sam.
Unfortunately while Jade was cooking the pie, Bobby was bringing out the multiple pictures of that costume for Dean to enjoy.
He took one look at Sam in a bunny outfit before he started howling.
"Where was this?" he asked, gasping for breath.
"An Alice in Wonderland themed restaurant in Japan. I was the Mad Hatter, Loki was the Cheshire Cat, and Sammy here was the March Hare," said Jade smugly. Dean broke out into fresh peals of laughter.
"Oh it gets even better. I told Ellen and Jo and they've been following Sam just as much as I have on her site," said Bobby.
Sam resisted the urge to snap his fingers. Loki had set the spell so that Dean's outfit would change when Sam had the perfect chance at black mail. Unfortunately now was not that time.
"Can I tell him?" asked Sam.
Jade nodded, and Sam slid a book towards Dean.
"What's this?"
"Something she introduced me to," said Sam dryly.
"A book series?"
"Just read the first chapter Dean," said Sam.
Curious, he cracked open the book. By the time he got to the part where Sam had thrown him onto the floor in his apartment, Dean was giving Sam an odd look.
"What the hell is this?"
"Our lives, written for the masses to enjoy. I did not have Jade or Loki make this up. Apparently the current Prophet has been writing about us without our knowing, and Jade fell in love with the series," said Sam.
"Oh it gets even better. Most of the fans of Supernatural seem to think Sam and Dean are into an incestuous relationship. They call it Wincest," said Jade.
Seeing the horror filled looks they were giving her, Sam really wished she had warned him sooner.
"There was a reason I didn't ask to tell Dean the other part," she said smugly.
"What other part?" asked Dean sharply. He couldn't take much more of this.
"Oh no, I'm not spoiling his fun. Dear lord the pouting alone," said Sam.
