"who can cross over such raving wind and water?
on the rolling boat we sit, shivering with coldness
come by an island, come by a hillock,
it's just another place, we paddle on
down the raging sea"

to nowhere

"If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked,

while your own conscience approved you, and

absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends."

- charlotte bronte, Jane Eyre


reset destiny; chapter X: "blood and iron"

I

Promise was one thing and transition was another. While Tai had made a promise to Sadako (and himself) that she would get out of the room, she remained inside with all her will and stubbornness perfectly in place. After a ridiculous squabble with Qiwen and Xiaoran, Tai decided to go on the look for the girl. It was mid-afternoon and she still had not appeared outside.

'Shyness,' Tai thought, 'both Ael and Lady Hudie called it a maiden's shyness,'

But Sadako was no maiden, or if she was, she was highly skilled in not acting like one. She lacked grace, poise, and the manners. From what Tai could tell Sadako was just an introvert who enjoyed being left alone for most of her time and people left it at that.

He wondered what her parents were like. He had heard so much about her grandfather and so little about her family in itself. He made a mental note to ask around about that.

Sadako was inside of her room, hunched forward over a moldy book that looked twice her age. Her hair was spread over her face and shoulders. She was eating at what remained of an apple. She was more than happy inside of her room.

"You nice and cozy in here," Tai said.

"If that's how it looks," Sadako said, still reading on.

"Mind if I sit next to you?" Tai asked.

"As long as you don't cast a shadow," Sadako said.

"I'll stand then," Tai said. Sadako make no reply. He sighed, "What are you reading anyway?"

"It's a book my teacher gave me," Sadako said.

"You've been reading day and night," Tai said.

"I don't mind reading it as long as I'm interested enough," was Sadako's reply.

Tai made a face, "You need to come up for air eventually, Miss Sadako the Bookworm,"

Sadako looked up at Tai and smiled a little, "Sadako the Bookworm. I like that,"

It was one of those odd twitchy-smiles but Tai couldn't help but smile back at her. He went over to one of Sadako's presents - a silken pink and white dress with frilled edges - and looked at her.

"Why don't you try this on?" Tai asked, and he tossed the dress to Sadako. It landed in her lap. "I never see you wearing anything that you get,"

Sadako surveyed the dress with a look of loathing. She grabbed the dress and flung it onto the ground, "I wouldn't and I won't,"

"Oh, I do insist," Tai said, picking up the neglected dress from the ground and showing it to Sadako. It was a gentlemanly form of teasing but it was also a way to motivate Sadako out of the room, "What's the harm in wearing a noble dress meant for a noble girl?"

"I don't wear those...things," Sadako said.

"Why not?" Tai asked, "You're a girl. Other girls wear them. So why not you?"

Sadako suddenly closed her book and stared. Not staring at Tai but staring at the wall, or not anything at all. Her eyes seemed far off and out of focus. After a few minutes, she turned her long unblinking stare at Tai. She was dressed in her usual clothes - a simple wrap around white robe, as pure as daylight with no designs or patterns or laces or embroideries on it. Just a white robe with a little black sash around the middle so that it wouldn't fall apart - like the same garment poor fasting monks would wear.

"I'm not like other girls," Sadako finally said to him, "Most girls don't spend their lives within a palace wall. Most girls aren't shut out from the world because their parents are afraid. Most girls didn't grow up like I did. Most girls lack reading, writing, and the intelligence that I have. I would rather read an elderly book than waste my time with gossip or cooking or cleaning. I have my own wishes. My own dreams, my own mind, my own place and world,"

Sadako stood up and walked over to Tai. She was far smaller than he was but she seemed taller and more powerful all of a sudden.

"Wouldn't you agree...Tai?" Sadako asked.

Tai felt his eyes lock with hers. He took a step back from the girl and let out a deep breath, "Yes...I agree with you, Sadako. I...I'm going now..."

And he left her alone in her room.

Sadako sighed and went back to her book. She tried to read, but found the lesson was too muddled and she was too mixed up and jumpy to pay attention as closely as she needed. She sighed and rang the bell for Mari, her other servant in the next room. Mari stepped into Sadako's room with a ghost's grace. She was small, a few years behind Sadako, but she was a simply peasant girl dragged into servitude under the nobles. She was pale, with thin, brittle, silver hair and dark orb-eyes.

"You rang, miss?" Mari asked.

"Mari, come here. Stay with me," Sadako said, lying down. Madam Oriblei was out being social, which was good, but Sadako was left all alone on the ship. Despite her grandfather being present, he was mostly away from her, leaving her to her own affairs. She loved her grandfather, but he wasn't warm and fuzzy. Sadako had no idea about his feelings or if he even enjoyed having her around.

Mari sat down next to Sadako. She was the closest thing Sadako had to a friend. She was from the Fire Nation, born and raised there like Sadako, and she could relate to her, "What do you want of me, miss?"

Sadako gave a pained smile, "Mari, do you hate being a maid?"

"I do what I must, miss," Mari said.

"Oh, Mari, don't patronize me," Sadako sighed, "I need a companion. Not a servant,"

"I have to be a servant, miss," Mari said, "My parents had too many children and not enough food, so they sold me away. They knew if I was just a servant for a few years, I would at least have food in my mouth,"

"I want to go home, Mari," Sadako said.

"It's too late for that, miss," Mari said, "we're five days away from Ba Sing Se. The trip will be over soon," She began to tidy up, since it was her job to care for Sadako and clean as well. She held up the dress

Sadako had discarded. "Miss, would you like to wear this dress for The Kagaku?"

"The Kagaku?" Sadako asked, "What's that?"

Mari looked at her; "It's an affair your grandfather orchestrated for tomorrow. It's a tradition,"

"Tradition?" Sadako asked.

"It's a speaking of lines of poetry to a certain rhythm and dancing. It's an old tradition. No one is really sure where it comes from," Mari answered.

Sadako sighed. She thought about saying no but then she sighed and with a shrug said, "...how could it hurt?"

II

That evening - when the Deep Blue ship was four days away from arriving at Ba Sing Se - Fire Lord Ozai held The Kagaku in the ballroom on the second floor of the grand ship. Noble lords and ladies dressed their finest. Tai was sitting at a table with his mother, who had been bubbling over with excitement at the news.

"A Kagaku!" Lady Hudie giggled like the young girl she had been years ago, "I've only been to one in my life so far and here I am again!" She looked at Tai. "You should be very proud that you're here to witness a Kagaku. They happen so rare nowadays. With the war and everything else, there's hardly been any time for leisure or the arts, but here we are today,"

Tai showed no interest. He picked at his food. His mind was still buzzing with Sadako. Yes, he had to admit that she had frightened him a little. Was it the look of foreign intelligence in her eyes - the mere thought that she knew something forbidden, strange, and unknown to him? Or was it something else...that she had gotten so close to him that he could remember her scent (the smothering smell of sweet, sticky, rotting, flowers, fresh spring rain, and moldy paper from her books and scrolls).

"Look Tai. There goes your bride," said Lady Hudie, directing his attention to Fire Lord Ozai, who entered the room, with Sadako following.

"We're friends," Tai grunted, but he still looked to see Sadako.

Sadako wore a long satin gown, dyed red and golden with elegant slippers, a fan painted with an image of a fiery bird. Her face was painted white, like a girl on her wedding day. Her hair was long and luxurious - almost unreal. Tai could hear gasps at her sudden beauty - was this the weakling Sadako or some replacement? Tai wasn't sure himself until he saw the two books secretly tucked under her arm and the apple as well.

'You can always change her appearance, but never her Tai thought with a subtle smile.

Sadako apparently caught the smile and flushed. She put the fan in front of her face and sat in a chair nearby. The Fire Lord stood in the middle of ballroom for all to see. More people entered the room and were seated.

There were the fashionably late young lords and ladies in their fabulous gowns and robes, dressed to impress and show up everyone else present. Following them were their servants. Tai made note of how uniform they all looked. They were pale little albino children - ranging from ages six at the youngest and thirteen the oldest - with dark orb eyes. They faded into the background, doing the things that were beneath their masters and mistresses - picking up the train for the end of the gown, pulling out the chair for seating, and taking all orders without complaint or hesitation. The perfect maid and manservants.

"So many young...servants..." Tai commented.

"Oh yes," Lord Hudie said with a high-hand flap of her fan towards the monotonous child helpers, "They're ill bred misfits. Little oddities from the peasantry in the capital. They're everywhere it seems - in the little huts, and their crop fields, and shanties, and sheds, but they're very quiet and obedient, unlike most oddball peasantlings,"

Tai had no reply. He was too busy staring at the children. Their calm and collective looks - as if they were eternally brooding something nameless and nihilistic. Fire Lord Ozai waited until everyone was seated. A silence swept over the room and he opened his mouth to speak.

"The Kagaku is one of our oldest traditions held in the Fire Nation and was done by my father and my father before me and even beyond that into my ancestors," said he, "but because of the war, all of the arts - reading, writing, and literature - have been put down my our scholars for the weapons of war, but no more," His eyes shifted towards Sadako. "In a few days time, this war shall end and we shall have peace again,"

Sadako squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable on the new focus on herself. She picked up one of her books and began to read.

"So, to celebrate this occasion," continued the Fire Lord, "I invoke The Kagaku. The Kagaku is simple prose - three to nine lines of poetry, rhyming until the very last line. I will start..."

We come here in Sisterhood and Brotherhood,

to invoke something from the passage of our childhood,

From a beautiful nation of Fire, we aspire,

given to pay the given tithe to Kagaku!

Ancient lord of myth, mirth, and merriment,

and here I shall speak fervent:

An Empire will rise up from the ashes of the old.

Something strange had been awakened in those listening, for everyone started to get and dance in the sudden rhythm. It was mostly the adults that picked it up and the other followed. Fire Lord Ozai joined in the dance. There were a group of musicians in the corner, playing to the beat of the Kagaku, but Tai could hear low mumbling beneath the surface of the meaning of the last line.

"He means the ending of the war obviously," Qiwen chirruped. Lady Hudie had left the table to dance in the arms of the Fire Lord.

"Obviously," added in Xiaoran. The two of them had joined Tai and Ael, who sat patiently at the table. Xiaoran snapped his fingers at Ael, "You. You there. I'm thirsty. Get me something to drink,"

Tai saw Ael briefly narrow his eyes at the younger man but he respectfully bowed his head and murmured a "Yes, lord," and left the table to fulfill the command.

"Honestly Tai, why do you keep that manservant around you?" Xiaoran said, "It's so...unpleasant. Why don't you keep him in the back with the others and call him when he's needed? He disrupts the company of his elite,"

"Very true," said Qiwen.

Tai let out an inaudible murmur of disapproval, but the two could not make it out. Suddenly, one of the small albino servants from the back walked up to the center stage. Several others followed in a neat little line. Tai saw the faces of the nobles twist and turn at the sight of them marching up. The children, who when lined up, seemed like one being, all began to speak in unity:

Alas! pardon us for improperness,

given this due process.

We seek to remedy the society.

Our lady comes, darkly,

Under sickle moon and shadow knife,

approaches this very mystery:

The meek shall inherit the land.

Again, there was a mumbling, but it was of a different nature now, a meaner key. The nobles scowled and made the ugliest of faces at the little servants that dared. And just as nice and neatly as they had entered, they went back to the back of the room and sat there in the eeriest of silences. Most of the nobles were up in a storm of gossip against such statements.

Tai took this time while everyone else was distracted to slink over to Sadako. He squatted nearby her chair and whispered over to her. "What do you make of this?" he asked.

Sadako wasn't sure how to react. A strange feeling bloomed inside of her towards Tai. She looked in the other direction, "Well, it's not poetry, I'll tell you that. It's more propaganda than anything,"

"It's cleverness, isn't it?" said Tai. He was cautious of who was around to hear, for he was no longer "Tai", but his true Earthbending self, "I mean the lines before the last. It's obvious they want the power. Before you know, peasants will be revolting in the fields,"

"I wouldn't put it past them," Sadako said and Tai wasn't sure if this was approval or disapproval.

"Well," said Tai in a carrying tone, "one expects poetry, if it is poetry, to offend. It's the right of the arts,"

"I suppose, but you must be careful whose toes you tread on," Sadako answered, "and I think they're crazy to try it here,"

The dancing continued, but the discontent was obvious. The boys and girls focused less on the poetry and more on each other. Tai slipped back into his character and stood up, tall and proud.

"Why don't we have a dance, Sadako?" Tai asked, offering her his hand.

Sadako nervously looked around. She looked down at the floor and feet, "I don't dance,"

"Oh, every girl dances," Tai teased. His made sure to project his voice.

"Must we go through this again, Tailin?" asked Sadako in an exasperated tone.

"C'mon. Let's have a little fun for a change, Sadako," Tai said.

Before Sadako could protest, he grabbed her by the hand and dragged her onto the floor. Sadako was a clumsy nervous wreck but Tai lead her on in the steps, even though she trampled his feet several times over, he grinned and beared it. He looked out the corner of his eye to see who was standing witness - Lady Hudie, Qiwen, Xiaoran, and Madam Oriblei, who looked confused and curious. He also noted Ael and two others looking at him, enraged at the action. Tai gave a goofy grin.

He also saw something strange - Fire Lord Ozai was giving him a signal and mouthing something towards him. What? What was he saying? Tai stared at his lips and he could make out some words. He was saying 'Don't tou-'

Sadako walloped him in the eye.

Tai wasn't expecting it, and the blow sent him flying onto the ground. He looked up at Sadako, who was fuming - red faced with embarrassment and enmity towards him.

"Never..." Sadako snarled, "...never without my permission!"

When she realized everyone's eyes were fastened onto her, she stood up straight, and proudly turned on her heel away from Tai, and stomped out of the ballroom.

"I was trying to warn you," Fire Lord Ozai commented, helping the star-struck Tai off the ground, "Some young ladies may like that teasing but Sadako doesn't take to it. I suppose you had to learn that lesson the hard way,"

Ael had to tend to Tai's eye.

"Chivalry is dead, I am afraid," Ael commented as he put some ice over Tai's eye.

"How was I supposed to know she would have reacted like that?" Tai protested. He sighed and looked at Ael, "How bad is it?"

"A fine shade of violet, your right eye is. Lovely sunset and flower colors," Ael said.

"Be silent," Tai grumbled. He laid down on the bed. He had a throbbing headache now. It was hours after The Kagaku and he was exhausted from everything - the dancing, the poetry lines, the punch, the black eye, and the inevitable, unmerciful, teasing that followed at the hands of Xiaoran and Qiwen at the fact he had been punched by a small, scrawny, girl.

"For such a tiny thing, she has quite a punch," said Ael.

"Enough already," Tai decided, "I've already been mocked enough for the day and I'm sure I'll go down in the history books for this fine mess,"

There came a sudden tapping from above them. Tai looked up and saw the air vent above them sudden shift and crack. Emerald green roots crawled over them like leafy snakes and removed it easily. The grate fell to the ground. Ael and Tai watched as a young girl jumped down from the vent and onto the ground with grace. She was a regular looking girl, from the Earth Kingdom, with soft golden eyes and dark hair. She wore dark loose clothing. Her hair was decorated with various roots, vines, and flowers.

"I come here seeking the young Orient," commented she.

"And that you have found," answered Tai, crossing his legs, "What brings you here, Shenshen?"

Shenshen walked over to him. She bent down and stared at his eye. She then walked away and shook her head, "Oh, how the mighty Trees fall,"

"Did you come here to torment me?" asked Tai; "I've had enough of it for today to last me my life,"

"Oak and Ash, my dear!" Shenshen sighed, with another graceful shake of the head. It was the move of an Earth Kingdom noble. "No, no, I've heard about your mishap with the twig-creature of a girl, and I must applaud you. You are a complement to most men,"

"I accept such," Tai said.

"I come here bearing news from afar," spoke Shenshen, "as you know, I am in the brackets of this boat - back in the servants and in their quarters, since I am only a cherry for the eyes of men at gala parties, and I had no purpose tonight - they lock those doors you know,"

"Digress please," Ael said.

"Yes, yes, I shall. Have some patience, Gaelinn, or at least ask the gods to spare you a bit of their own," said Shenshen. She spoke seriously, "I have news from Ba Sing Se. It appears that the rebellion over there has been stifled. They are unmotivated now, but they eagerly await our return. We must move quickly or we will fall apart, as we did in Omashu,"

"I am close now," Tai interjected, "I've won some sort of friendship from the princess, but I'm afraid I've upset her. I'm going to apologize and I think that will help. I assure you, my lady, that I will have her in my hands by the time we reach the capital,"

"See that you do, my friend," Shenshen said. She jumped and crawled back up into the air vent. Vines reached down from over her shoulders and grabbed the grate, reattaching it with ease.

"I am afraid that haughty princess may tell all she sees in a bragging contest about our whereabouts and plans," stated Ael.

"I'm aware of such," Tai said, "but we need Shenshen for our plans to work. Our time will be soon, my friend. Our time will be soon. When we reach Ba Sing Se's shores…"

III

The flowers were blood red in color, as if they had been dipped in the substance, with silver leaves. They were from his own collection he had brought on the ship. He had certain habits from before that would not break, no matter who Tai pretended to be. He needed flowers. He worshipped the life-giving sunlight. He needed trees and wide-open forest riddled spaces. It was his way. His habit. His identity and self-being.

He saw Sadako sitting on the deck, strangely enough. She was out in the twilight of the day – a few hours before dusk, when it was not quite darkness, or truly light. That maid that was always with her (he believed she called her 'Mari') was standing nearby and Madam Oriblei sat across from Sadako, giving some sort of lecture to the girl, who wasn't paying her any mind. Sadako was sitting at a table and reading from her usual dusty book.

Tai drew a deep breath and walked over to the girl, "These are for you,"

Madam Oriblei shifted in her seat and looked at Tai, suspicious of his motives.

Sadako's eyes shifted in a particular way. She looked at the flowers – stared at them, studied them, and made note of them in her mind – she looked at Mari, at Madam Oriblei, and then looked at the flowers, as if they had painted her death for all to know and see.

"This is all smoke and guesswork," said Tai, "but I think you at least like flowers,"

There was no reply from Sadako.

"Miss Sadako," said Madam Oriblei. She flicked out her fan and waved herself in the sudden wave of humidity, "thank Master Tailin for this gift, as proper,"

Sadako plucked a fresh flower and stared at it.

"They are colored like blood and iron," Sadako commented.

Tai blinked, "…blood and iron?"

"My father," Sadako said, earnestly, "…my father. He called me that. 'Blood and iron'…"

"An improper name for a young lady," stated Madam Oriblei.

"It was perfect for me. He knew my true nature," Sadako quietly said. She looked at Tai, "Thank you, Tai. I will…remember this…gift,"

She seemed to spit out the word, as she disdainfully tossed away the broken sprig of the flower. Tai fought his urge to flinch from the sight of a child of the Earth being treated so ill favorably. The petals scattered in the wind and as they suddenly brushed the rushing water beneath them…

take good care of yourself. It's cold in the Earth Kingdom," her mother said.

"Yes, mother,"

Sadako was speaking more into her shirt than towards her mother kneeling in front of her. They were at the docks, in the misty early morning. The ship and her grandfather in back of her and her family – her brothers and her sisters and her parents – in front of her.

She felt small – not physically, but mentally small. She no longer felt like the youth she was, but even younger. When faced with her mother, her father, her older brother, her older sisters…she felt…she became…insignificant. Tiny. A tiny doll of Sadako. A moppet. A mannequin. A marionette Sadako, the strings being attached to her family, to the palace, to the capital, to her room, to Morshyd, to everyone and everything that she knew.

"You'll behave, right?" her mother said. There were tears misting in her eyes.

"Yes, mommy," Sadako said. Her voice was shrinking as well. She felt so small…

Her mother was heart-broken. Her oldest brother distant, thinking of his own matter. Her oldest sister the same. Her second oldest focused, but lacking the emotion of the matter. Her brother looking on with unseeing eyes, but a tinge of sadness in them. Her youngest brother, clinging onto their mother's skirts, unintentionally chewing on the ends of his hair – a new unbreakable nervous habit. Her father…

her father…

There was no word for such a void.

"All things given, Sadako," he said to her, "this was more or less your fate. Oh, don't give me that look, you know what I'm talking about,"

Sadako twitched and jerked suddenly, feeling the strings being yanked at random places.

"Your conflicting eyes…you know a lot more than I do," he said to her again.

She looked around, to see that everyone else had grown dull and gray. Time was standing still. So, she listened in even more.

"You have a more a grasp of what goes on around you," he said. He kneeled down and look her in the eye, "I may not have The Talent to see things supernatural and unknown like my sister, or my father, but I have vibes – small hinting things that tune me into what you think and I've become better at it since you were born.

"I may not know much about your fate and your destiny, but I know this: Ba Sing Se is where you're supposed to go right now. You're needed there more than you are here. I don't have the words – or the composure – to give you a good-bye like your mother, for obvious reasons,"

For a change of pace, her father finally embraced her.

"You're my daughter," her father said to her, "and your will is as strong as iron, just like me. Never forget that Sadako, 'Blood and Iron',"

And then it was over. Her father let her go, although she was climbing and pining for more displays of affection. The strings had snapped, and before she knew it she was on the boat, staring off as the shore of the Fire Nation disappeared over rising waves, her grandfather's hand on her shoulder.

"Father…

…she came back to reality. The sea washed away the petals like various nothings. Sadako said no words. She got up from the table, carrying the flowers with her, barricaded herself in her room, and wept.

IV

It was a road long traveled by those of the Fire Nation. Sadako sat in the horse-drawn carriage, next to her grandfather, with little interest in what was going around. Finally, he patted her on the shoulder and pointed outside of the window. Sadako looked out to see the wall of Ba Sing Se. They had arrived.

A few carriages down, Tai sat across from his mother. He was looking out the window as well. A smile of an Earth Kingdom spymaster planted onto his coy young face.