Seeing Starish grow as artists is interesting. Ai hardly has time to breathe before it feels like the group is making more amends with their hang-ups than Ai has done in all his (particularly short, Aine reminds him) years. He's hardly surprised when Cecil joins the group; Ai is sure that it was Shining's plan all along, anyway, to get him to join.

What does catch him by surprise, though, is how much better Reiji looks when he's clucking over his juniors. He looks fulfilled, like he's got a purpose, and Ai can feel an ache in his chest.

It hadn't occurred to Ai that maybe all the time spent together would inevitably make Reiji sad; being the spitting image of his "missing" best friend was bound to do that. The less time he and Ai spent together, the happier he seemed to be.

Tokiya could be a little bit ornery and Otoya could be a little bit clueless, but they were likely leagues better than Ai himself.

Despite everything, though, Ai feels that the whole mentorship experiences has turned for the better; Ai understands humans leagues more than before, with Syo and Natsuki being very different subjects. Ranmaru has steadily loosened up again- loosened, of course, in terms of Ranmaru; he'd stop fully ignoring his juniors, which meant there was a lot of insults flying at times, but it was better. Camus was still letting Cecil walk on a wire's edge, but he'd stop the vicious complaining for a more succinct rapport.

All in all, when Shining tells them about the Unit songs idea, Ai feels that it's not the worst thing to be done. It was nice, even, to see first hand how the juniors took to booths and mixing and the whole lot.

Ai had, maybe, hoped too much.

All of Starish takes to defending Cecil when Camus snaps at him after recording about mistakes and professionalism. Ai isn't even paying attention, knee deep in a quiet conversation with Ranmaru about the logistics of rock music and its transition from America to the rest of the world. They had barely even stepped out of the actual studio, and the mess was already huge; it's a cluster of 6 around Cecil and Camus, Reiji trying to interject himself and mediate. Ai puts a hand on Ranmaru's chest to stop him from stepping in, rolling his neck.

"Stop arguing." Ai says, not yelling but loud enough to sound harsh. "This is no place to be arguing, any of you. We're professionals, and you will all act like it."

There's only a moment of stillness before Syo (of course it's Syo, it's always Syo) bursts out.

"Camus-"

"Camus should know better." Ai says, giving Camus a hard look and feeling an excited titter from Aine. A suggestion, a smile. "Now scatter. We all have work to do."

Ai can see Ren look over towards Ranmaru, an eyebrow raised, and Ai can feel Ranmaru shrug slowly under the back of his hand.

"He has a point," Ranmaru say gruffly. "Get on with it."

"Yeah, yeah, I think it's best if we all just cooled down, okay? We'll see each other later." Reiji adds, hands held up placatingly.

Ai ignores the worried look Reiji gives him to instead face Camus head on. This was likely to be their first spat, as far as Ai can tell, and Ai truly believes he's ready for it; argument isn't something he's really every feared, not if Aine had any say in it.

Ai is not ready for the immediate reaction Camus takes into ignoring him. Camus just. . . turns around and sort of refuses to speak to Ai outside of work.

It stings. Ai doesn't want to figure out why.

Instead, Ai hyper focuses on the Uta Pri Award, focuses on pushing Syo and Natsuki harder. They notice, of course, that Ai suddenly becomes a lot more helpful with his tips and insistent on training; both lack the grace to not mention it.

"Ai-chan, are you okay?" Natsuki asks one night, after a round of disastrous cooking. Ai is kneeling on the countertop, cleaning above the cabinets where, somehow, a rain flour had managed to reach. "You seem nervous lately."

"Do I? I did not think my behavior was conveying nervousness." Ai replies as a puff of flour coats his right arm. "I apologize if it has affected you negatively."

"It's not that!" Syo says from his place at the sink, scrubbing some particularly burnt paprika on a pan; Natsuki stands next to him, scrubbing cilantro and chunks of caramelized sugar off of the bottom of a pot. "We're just worried about you!"

"You should worry about yourselves with the Uta Pri awards approaching." Ai replies, looking down at the two sharply. "There is no time for distractions."

"We should've expected that from Ai." Syo says with a snort, and Ai goes right back to cleaning.

You're so very predictable.

So are you.


Watching Starish practice makes Aine burst into hysterical laughter every time. They're a pack of too-moody teenagers trying to keep each other in check while also stumbling around in the dark. Ai would hazard to say Quartet Night could be described almost the same, with more professionalism and at least one adult. Sort of.

The four are standing above Starish on a balcony when they first get their song, and Ai can't help but press his thumb into his other hand, rubbing in circles. Reiji is ecstatic.

"We should do more group work, guys!" Reiji says, spinning around to look at the other three. "It would be so much fun!"

Ranmaru looks ready to fight. Camus looks ready to leave. Ai can't let either of those things happen, for the sake of the voice in his head and the blinding smile across from him.

"I wouldn't be opposed." Ai says, soft but clear. "We- are good, together, as a band. Musically."

That. . . was pretty incoherent, now that Ai thought about it. But Reiji catches onto the tail end of his sentence and starts steamrolling over any opposition like the most powerful puppy in the world.

"I don't do group work." Ranmaru says moodily, arms crossed. Reiji leans in close.

"C'mon Ranmaru, I know you like singing with us. Poison Kiss was fun!"

Camus is giving them a considering look and turns towards Ranmaru and Reiji, and for a moment, Ai is locked out. He digs his finger into his palm harder, feels the resistance of the silicone against his nail, and then he let's go because if he punctures the skin he'd have to explain himself.

It had been a long time since Ai had last forgotten his own strength. He's not sure the doctor would even start to buy it.


The dance practice makes Ai question Starish but also bring up a small swell of pride in his chest. Syo had changed a lot and Ai can't help but feel that maybe he had a hand in softening Syo's anger a bit; if nothing, Ai had experience with wearing anger down. Seeing Syo help Cecil practice felt like a small thank you.

(It wasn't, but Ai rarely had the chance to question his thoughts more as of late. They were jumbled, chewed up, and tinted red. They were all wrong and he wasn't sure how to fix them.)

"And to think I was ready to teach 'em." Reiji says with a soft grin. Ai had noticed those coming up more lately.

"I've got my hands full with Aijima." Camus laments.

"How are they going to be ready in time?" Ai asks, and the inside of his skull goes bizarrely quiet. "At this rate, their dissolution is assured."

"You don't usually worry, Ai-Ai." Reiji says turning towards Ai. It's open body language, towards Ai, like Reiji is actually communicating with Ai.

He realizes it's because Reiji is talking to him.

Ai keeps the jolt into himself, arms loose to his sides. Reiji hadn't referred to Ai directly in a good while. Aine has no comments. The prickle of Camus's stare is crippling. It almost feels like too much attention after so long without it.

Reiji says something Ai is sure falls under the "inspiring" category. Something about belief.

"I believe in them." Reiji had said.

Of course he does, Aine whispers later as Ai sits at his desk. He likes to believe in the runts. Underdogs.

"Everything is obvious though," Ai says to his screen, watching his own reflection. "The data-"

You and data, Aine sighs coldly, Can you get over that? The world doesn't actually work in functions and shit.

"Yes, I realize that."

You don't like it either.

"I cannot like things."

Oh my god Ai one day, ONE DAY I will kick your ass!, Aine groans and Ai can imagine him rolling his eyes. You were worried weren't you? Proud? You even felt rejection- even I felt that.

Ai feels the flinch roll across his skin, burn through his wires and make him dizzy.

"Shut up." he whispers. The words sting, angry and unreal on his tongue. "Just shut up for once in your life. Leave me alone."

Ai doesn't give Aine a chance, returns to his coding and doesn't give himself time to think; Ai burns through equations that are too long to voice and too riddled with letters to ever actually hope to find an answer for. It was better to be overheated from that than to be forced to think on things that he couldn't actually feel.

(Ai isn't sure if he doesn't want to delude himself into thinking he has emotions only to find out otherwise, or if he doesn't want to give anyone the hope that he does when he doesn't. Both seem equally bitter.)

His internal sensors eventually flag him for food, and Ai mechanically gets up and starts walking to the kitchen only to stop at the threshold. He eyes the spotlessness, since Natsuki was too busy with practice to make a mess, and makes the decision to turn back around.

Being alone wasn't doing him a world of good right now.

Ai finds his phone, scrolling easily to the "R" section.

To: Ranmaru

[Are you currently working?]

The reply is almost immediate. Ai smiles a little, just a small twitch.

To: Ai

[What do you need, twerp?]

To: Ranmaru

[I was hoping to be able to eat with someone today.]

To: Ai

[What, does the quiet gets to you?]

Ai snorts, soft and breathy. It wasn't the quiet; Ai would do anything for peace right then and there. But it was better Ranmaru than Aine.

Ai doesn't even have time to respond before the next text is in.

To: Ai

[I was gonna order out but if you're planning on stopping by then I might as well make something.]

Ai raises an eyebrow, lips pressed together in amusement.

To: Ranmaru

[If it troubles you too much, I can just stay here.]

To: Ai

[just shut up and get over here already]

Ai laughs, not unkindly, and shakes his head. Instead of responding, he drops his phone back onto his desk and decides to get changed.

It takes ten minutes to arrive at Ranmaru's dorm. When Ranmaru opens for him, he eyes Ai's grey and red sweater a little.

"I thought I'd never see the day you dressed like the rest of us when we have time off." Ranmaru teases, letting Ai in with little fanfare.

"You saw me when I was putting up the hologram machines." Ai shoots back, fingers curling into the red sleeves.

"Yeah but that looked more like "I've been awake for 48 hours and I haven't changed" than a chill out outfit." Ranmaru argues, shutting the door and stepping back into the kitchen. Ai can't help but follow, leaning against the wall of the threshold. "And I'm pretty sure I'm right."

"It wasn't 48 hours." Ai replies with a slight pout. "It was hardly 24. It was 20 hours and 49 minutes."

"Oh, yes," Ranmaru snorts from where he's standing over the stove. "I guess I should be shocked you didn't clock in two days of work without rest, right?"

Ai huffs, but he realizes he's smiling a bit. Ranmaru, with his hard teasing and undeniable mother henning, had managed to drag some of the pressure from around Ai's throat.

"Do you need any help?" Ai asks, straightening up.

"Nah. I don't really like people cooking with me honestly."

"Oh?"

"It's my way or no way." Ranmaru says, shooting Ai a shit eating grin for a second.

"I can already imagine. What are you making?"

"Beef stew."

Ai makes a soft, pleased noise; something warm always did wonders to his mood. Crossing his arms, Ai presses his palms against his sides and slouches a little bit. Ranmaru glances over once more.

"I just need to add a few more things and then let it simmer for a while." Ranmaru says, making his way to a cupboard to grab something. "Go sit and I'll be out in a bit."

"Okay. I'm not rushed, so please don't be concerned."

With that, Ai takes a step back and makes his way over to the couch instead, settling on a corner and trying to relax. Ranmaru had been the only one not avoiding Ai lately, and even if they didn't talk every day, Ai felt comfortable with where they were at. He'd have preferred Camus just by virtue of the fact that Camus could literally cool him off, but that wasn't really an option at the moment. Ai tilts his head against the back of the couch and shuts his eyes.

A single point of pressure appears on Ai's forehead after a few minutes. Ai opens his eyes a little to glare at Ranmaru.

"Yes?"

"You look like Camus when you do that." Ranmaru says with a snort.

Ai bites the inside of his cheek. Ranmaru presses his knuckle against Ai's forehead- familiar, at this point, since it's how Ranmaru had taken to checking Ai's temperature.

"Speakin' about that bastard," Ranmaru starts and Ai hums.

"What about Camus?"

"I don't like to involve myself, but you're on fire and he's usually the one who you go to for that."

Ai opens his mouth, shuts it with a soft click, before finally getting the words out.

"He is. . . displeased with me. He has not spoken to me in some time." Ai decides to say finally. "I am unsure that there is any possibility of him being receptive of me at this time."

"So he's ignoring you because you called him out for being a dick?"

Ai gives Ranmaru a blank look.

"He's sore about it." Ranmaru continues, free hand resting next to Ai's head so that he can lean on it. "And he's an ass. You call everyone out equally so I don't see why he's such a dick about it."

"I. . . do, ah, call out everyone equally I suppose." Ai concedes. He feels Ranmaru's knuckle slide down to his temple, still monitoring but allowing more eye contact than before. "I did not think it was such an offense though."

"He says he's a duke or whatever, I don't think he takes being corrected very well." Ranmaru replies with an eye roll. "I'm pretty sure he barely resists throttling Shining."

Ai huffs out a soft laugh, eyes opening a little more.

Everyone barely resists throttling Shining.

Ai flinches a little, fans whirring harder, and he shuts his eyes. He can hear Ranmaru growl out a little "Christ" and Ai scrubs his eyes with a sleeve-covered hand.

Loud.

"Ai?"

"It's- hot, very, very hot." Ai mumbles. "I just need to- cool down for a while, I'm sorry."

"I think you should call Camus," Ranmaru starts but Ai quickly shakes his head.

No, it'll only be worse-

"No, I just need to nap. It'll keep the fans running but the systems shut off, meaning I'll actually go down in temperature."

Ai moves to stand up and Ranmaru makes an annoyed noise.

"I'm not gonna let you walk out of here like that." Ranmaru says firmly, pushing Ai down to sit. "You're gonna nap here, we're gonna eat, and then I'm gonna make sure you get back to your dorm safe. Clear?"

"I'm not going to collapse-" Ai argues and Ranmaru puts a hand over Ai's mouth.

"You're not going anywhere."

Ranmaru and Ai have a small glaring match that Ranmaru inevitably wins. Ai sighs, letting Ranmaru push him across the couch cushions with ease.

"You can be quite involved for someone who claims to not enjoy involvement." Ai snips as he lays down, turning onto his back to look up at Ranmaru.

"I'm doin' ya a favor twerp, shut up." Ranmaru growls, leaning over the couch to cast shadows across Ai's face.

Ai snorts and closes his eyes.

"Brat," Ranmaru finally huffs out without conviction as he straightens up. "I might just dump a bag of ice on you."

"I'm waterproofed enough." Ai taunts back, and Ranmaru just barely laughs.

So Ai settles, lets himself sink into the safety of coding to avoid Aine for a little longer. He feels Ranmaru pass by a few times, pressing the back of his hand on Ai's forehead each time.

(The touches linger a little, as if making sure Ranmaru isn't underestimating the temperature; it's nice, Ai can't help but think, words lost in a fold of systems diagnostics and veiled monitoring.)

Ai is ready when Ranmaru taps his forehead annoyingly. Eyes flicking open, Ai is met with a cascade of silver hair and mismatched eyes. With a flutter of his lashes, Ai lifts his hand and curls his index finger around Ranmaru's. Ranmaru tugs gently. Ai let his arm be pulled up a little bit.

"Stew's done." Ranmaru says, giving Ai another little tug. "Come eat."

"I was napping so well." Ai says, tugging Ranmaru back.

"Whatever, twerp, just get up."

Ranmaru holds on for one more moment before slowly uncurling their fingers, pressing his knuckles one more time to Ai's temple. The motion makes something in Ai curl up.

Ai gets up, and eating feels like a blur; he knows it's good, and he remembers laughing a few times over the table, but the good mood feels. . . surreal. Like, somehow, it shouldn't be happening, and that, somehow, things were going to be worse off because he was taking a moment that shouldn't be happening. Like maybe this was too pleasant to be reality, and that Ai had intruded on a whole different timeline where he wasn't tormented by constant chatter and a mouth sewn shut.

It doesn't make any sense.

Ranmaru takes Ai back to his dorm once they're done, one arm draped annoyingly across Ai's shoulders while his free hand tucks itself into his pocket. Ai let's him, regardless of how bothersome, because Ranmaru was best met with nonverbal cues anyway. It's why Ai let's himself slouch, press his cheek against Ranmaru's shoulder every once in awhile, his jacket rough but worn soft by time.

There's no movement under Ai's door when they get there; Ai had doubted Syo and Natsuki would be back yet, but a part of him had wondered anyway if maybe he wouldn't have only his thoughts for sleep.

"Thank you." Ai says once they're untangled and he's got a foot through the door.

"Don't mention it, you might give Reiji ideas." Ranmaru replies, the image of relaxed coolness. Ai had come to learn how well practiced the movements were.

Ai just manages to tick a smile onto the corners of his lips.

"Goodnight."

" 'Night."

Ai steps inside and shuts the door. He can hear when Ranmaru walks off and down the hall, waits until the footsteps fade away before sitting on his bed. Ai brings his legs up to his chest, rests his cheek against his knee, and stares at the wall blankly for a moment.

A small shudder wracks through him. A small sob bubbles up.

He doesn't remember going to bed that night; he has trouble accessing the memories.

Ai decides he's better off not knowing for now.