Staying Strong: Chapter Eleven

-Erin-

Our journey to Helm's Deep started out smoothly, the first day being pleasantly calm and uneventful. By this time it was early May, and the weather was bright and sunny, putting everyone in a good mood as we traveled across the rolling hills of Rohan. Just as I'd expected, we were moving slowly due to the sheer number of people who'd evacuated, but no one seemed to mind. Most of them engaged in pleasant chatter as they walked or rode, spirits high as they laughed and joked with one another. They were all eager to reach the great fortress, it seemed, especially some of the young children who'd never seen it before. But I felt much more uneasy than the rest of them. How could I not be when I knew they were about to go through hell and back? They've no idea what's about to hit them, I thought, my eyes sweeping over the people ahead of me as I sat on Frania's back. So many of them will die... so many of them... I stopped, trying not to think about it as I dipped my head and went back to staring at a spot between my horse's ears.

But then, of course, my thoughts immediately drifted to the one other major catastrophe on the horizon: the Wargs. I was absolutely terrified for their inevitable attack. And it wasn't because of the fight itself - I knew my fear stemmed from the deal I'd made with Legolas. I felt torn in a dozen different directions. It felt like my brain had been scrambled. Part of me felt like I'd done the right thing in not saying anything about Aragorn, but another part of me felt like I'd lied to him. I mean, I didn't, really. He didn't ask if anything happened to Aragorn, so I didn't tell him. And it's not like Legolas won't be able to handle it when Aragorn falls. I've seen it happen in the movies a thousand times before. He falls, Legolas is sad for awhile, and then Aragorn comes back and they fight side by side... like always. I glanced up, finding the ranger's dark head of hair and the elf's blond one several yards ahead of me, the two of them on foot while talking back and forth. Unless things don't happen just like always. Which seems to be happening more and more these days. I sighed, wishing I had someone I could vent my frustrations to. There's no way I'm going to make it through this with all my sanity intact.

Just then, Legolas turned to look over his shoulder, and I immediately dropped my gaze, swearing under my breath when I realized I'd been staring at the back of his head. But I knew he'd already noticed - he always did. I can never be even slightly discreet around him. Christ. As he approached, though, I plastered a smile on my face, at least hoping he hadn't picked up on my anxiousness. "Hello, Princeling."

He raised an eyebrow at the odd greeting, but his eyes showed amusement, not worry. "What are you doing back here? I saw you staring."

"Only admiring from afar," I winked, clicking my tongue. Legolas rolled his eyes, beckoning for me to dismount, but I gave him a skeptical look. "Why should I come down? I'm enjoying being taller than you for once."

He chuckled. "I would rather the two of us be level with each other."

"You've got a horse, too, you know."

"That I do."

"Well then that solves the problem!" I quipped. "Go get Arod!"

Legolas opened his mouth to answer, but he never got very far. Not two seconds after I'd spoken, there were shouts from ahead, and we looked up just in time to see a spooked Arod shooting forward, somehow startled into a run. The horse's sudden burst of speed sent a very unprepared Gimli toppling off his side, and I saw Éowyn struggling to hide her laughter as she ran to help him.

I made no attempt to cover my own, nearly losing my breath from laughing so hard at Gimli's complete and utter wipeout. "Oh my God... you'd better go get that situation under control."

"Which one, the horse or the dwarf?"

"Both, preferably," I grinned. Legolas laughed as well, shaking his head as he ran to catch up with the commotion up ahead. I watched him go, still smiling, though it dimmed slightly once he was gone. I still felt... wrong.

I sat there atop Frania for a little while longer before finally deciding I was sick of riding horseback, dismounting to stretch my legs and walk for a bit. By this time, everyone had shifted around, and so I now found myself in proximity of the Lady of Rohan as I hit the dirt. I pulled my horse along as I strode to catch up to her, hoping she'd engage in conversation and help get my mind off of things. "Hey, Éowyn."

She turned at my sudden appearance and smiled once she recognized me."Hello, Erin. Are you well?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Just taking a break from riding." I patted Frania's neck.

Éowyn glanced over to her at the motion. "Is this horse one of our own? She seems familiar."

"She is!" I answered with a small smile. "She was a gift from Éomer."

Suddenly, Éowyn went rigid, and my smile vanished as she turned to me with wide eyes. "Éomer? You've seen him? You've seen my brother?"

I was confused for a second until I realized why she was so shocked by this. Of course! Oh my God, she hasn't seen him in... weeks, probably. "Yes, Éowyn," I nodded. "Our company crossed paths with him while we were traveling in Rohan. He was leading his men north."

"And he was alright?"

It was almost heartbreaking to see the genuine joy and overwhelming relief in her eyes, and I pitied her. I nodded again, speaking sincerely. "He was alive and well," I assured her. "His men are still loyal to him." For a moment, she didn't respond, and after a brief pause, I moved to gently clasp her shoulder. "I'm so sorry you lost him in Edoras," I said quietly. "I can't imagine how hard it must be to not have seen him in so long."

Éowyn let out a breath, but she seemed happier, like some of her deepest fears had just been shaken. "It has been hard," she admitted, "but I never lost all hope for Éomer." A ghost of a smile grew on her face. "It would take far worse than one snivelling man to defeat my brother."

I smiled back, knowing it was true. "I believe that."

She nodded, looking back at me with a deep, profound gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you, Erin," she said quietly. "For telling me that."

"Of course." I replied. "I'm sure he thinks about you every day."

Another pause, and her gaze returned to the mountains in the distance. "I've no doubt that he does." There was another stretch of silence before she spoke again, turning back to me. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm an only child."

She laughed a bit. "What a life that must be!"

"So I'm told," I said with a shrug. "Thought it got lonely sometimes when I was little. I didn't have any siblings to go bother when I got bored."

Éowyn smiled. "Then I'm sure your mother and father were next in line during those times."

I laughed, too. "Yeah, they were." But then it suddenly hit me - the memory of my parents - and I felt the smile slipping from my face. Out of habit, I went to twist my birthstone ring on my finger, feeling a dull ache in my chest as I thought of my home. Wow. It's been so long since... since I've even thought about it...

Éowyn noticed the sullen look on my face, rushing to apologize. "I'm sorry, Erin, if I've said something-"

"No no, it's fine," I cut her off. "I just... I haven't seen them in a very long time." I looked up at her again, smiling sadly. "Maybe I do understand your pain more than I thought."

"It is no easy burden to bear," she sympathized. "We suffer loss, and we are forced to choose either to carry on in strength or succumb to grief." There was a slightly distant look in her eyes as she spoke, and for a moment, I wondered just how many of those situations Éowyn had dealt with in her lifetime that I knew nothing about. "But you have chosen strength," she then went on, meeting my gaze. "I have seen it in you from the first moment you set foot in Edoras."

"Really?" I asked, legitimately surprised by her words. Lately I felt like I'd been the epitome of weakness, not strength.

Éowyn nodded, and her own voice softened as well. "Do not abandon that strength," she said, "for the sake of those you love."

I continued to stare at her, the words washing over me with a strange sense of calm to them. For whatever reason, I was left speechless, and so I simply nodded as we fell into silence, still walking alongside one another for awhile longer. I glanced back down at my hands, but this time my eyes fell to the ring Galadriel had given me, shining brightly in the warm sunlight. A reminder of strength, I thought, remembering her words to me from what seemed like so long ago. I thought of my family again, and everything I'd left behind on Earth, but now I felt determination mixing with the sting of the loss. I will be strong. I'll continue to choose strength over grief. Maybe that's a better way to honor them than through old memories. And so I continued the journey to Helm's Deep, the tiniest ball of comfort buried deep within my heart to cling to as I faced the days ahead.

-Kathryn-

I steadied myself with one hand against Deor's neck as the other reached back to pull my map from my bag, unfolding the old parchment and checking to make sure I was still headed in the right direction. "Okay... east. Just keep heading east. Simple enough." I lifted my gaze to look out towards the horizon again, still not entirely sure how to determine how close I was to Ithilien. If I squinted a little, I could make out the jagged peaks of the mountains bordering Mordor, but they were still quite a ways away. I exhaled and returned the map to its proper place, coaxing Deor into a faster run as we pressed onward. I'd been traveling for three days now, and thankfully things had been going okay so far. At first, I'd been worried about getting caught in a nasty storm based on the dark clouds in the north, but the wind had shifted, turning the storm south instead. Weather, unfortunately, was something I'd kind of forgotten about in packing for my journey east, and I hadn't realized it until yesterday. I had no extra clothes to keep me dry if I got rained on, so I was really hoping I'd get luck and dodge any rain in these parts.

Although, in reality, rain was probably the least of my worries now. Ever since I'd gotten a fair distance away from Edoras, I'd been on high alert, constantly keeping watch for any sign of Orcs or other enemies. I had my weapons on me, of course, but I certainly wasn't looking to pick a fight with anyone if I could avoid it. The idea of heading closer to the mountains to find an empty cave for shelter at night was tempting sometimes, but I wasn't going to risk it. I didn't know this part of Rohan well enough to know what kinds of creatures lived in the mountains, and I sure as hell didn't want to find out the hard way. This isn't the time for me to start exploring, anyway, I thought. My job is to get to Faramir and then get back. No weird misadventures in between.

Thinking of Faramir led me to glance down at my belt again, where Boromir's bronze dagger was still tightly secured. Now that I was actually on my way to meet the younger lord, I felt my anxiety steadily creeping upwards. What am I supposed to say when I find him? "Hi, I'm Kathryn. I was best friends with your brother, but you wouldn't know because you've never even heard my name before. Also, Boromir's dead. Here's his knife." I frowned. Now that I thought about it, I had no idea if Faramir knew of his brother's death yet or not. Should I be the one to tell him? Or is he supposed to find out about it some other way? "Damn," I muttered, shifting my weight in the saddle. "I should've asked Erin that. I guess I'll figure that out when I get there." In moments like these, I wished I knew the movies inside and out like she did. Or at least that I could remember more from the times I'd actually watched the movies. That would've also been helpful.

My mind shifted to thinking of Erin now, and I hoped she was doing okay with the rest of the Rohirrim. I knew they would be reaching Helm's Deep pretty soon, and I was afraid for the gigantic battle they'd face once they got there. Memories of the vicious Uruk-Hai rushed back to me from our fight at the falls, and my frown deepened. Even though I knew we'd win the fight in the end, it wouldn't happen without heavy casualties. Part of me trusted Erin to hold her own out there, but another part of me feared for her life just as I would've for anyone else. I can't lose her, too. If I come back and she's not there... I don't know what the hell I'd do. I'd already lost two of my closest friends, and had entirely lost track of Kaia, which also worried me. I wouldn't be able to handle losing anyone else. Not again.

A whinny from Deor pulled me back to the present, and I blinked, glancing down as she slowed her canter, flicking her mane to get my attention. "You hungry?" I asked, pulling on the reins gently to come to a full stop. "Yeah, me too." I glanced around, noticing sundown was quickly approaching as I moved to dismount my loyal mare. "Okay, time for dinner. You and I both need a break for food, I think."

-Legolas-

Night had fallen over the plains of Rohan, and all was quiet as its people slumbered beneath a silver moon and scattered stars. The air was pleasant, with only a small hint of the earlier spring's chill clinging to the soft breeze, and there was no immediate threat of rain or unpleasant weather to rouse those who had already retired for the evening. Our procession had come to a halt hours ago at the first sign of dusk, as the king did not wish to force his people onwards through the dark. There had been hot meals for all, and amiable conversation amongst many for some time afterwards, but now few remained awake and active. Everything had dwindled off into peaceful silence, which I found myself appreciating as I silently moved through the clusters of people gathered together. I had enjoyed my time spent with many throughout the day, but it was tiresome to be surrounded by the noise and chatter of Men for so long. Looking around at the sheer number of people we traveled with, my mind raced back to when it had only been eleven of us traveling as a Fellowship. So much had been different then, I mused. I had never expected the quest to carry us to this point as it had.

Just then, my attention was drawn to the warm glow of a fire several feet away. Many had been built to provide warmth through the night, but this one looked to be burning lower, likely not tended to in awhile. I turned to abandon my original destination and put it out, but stopped when I noticed Erin just barely within range of the small flames. She sat at the edge of the firelight alone, wrapped tightly in blankets to shield herself from the cool night air. All others around her had already fallen asleep, and she stared into the flames blankly, looking lost in thought. My brow furrowed, wondering why she was not with Aragorn and the others at our own encampment, and I strode across the grass to where she sat.

She noticed my movement as I stepped into the soft haze of light, and briefly tore her eyes from the flames to acknowledge me. "Hey."

I smiled in response, but then soon returned to a quizzical expression as I looked at her. "What are you doing over here?"

"Oh, you know," she shrugged, offering a thin smile of her own. "Just... enjoying the weather."

Now I frowned, immediately noticing her dull tone and the melancholy in her gaze. My amusement faded, and I took a few steps closer. "You seem troubled, Erin."

At that, she sighed, shifting a bit. "Well... yeah. I guess I am."

I moved to sit beside her in the grass, able to guess what occupied many of her thoughts. "Kaia?"

"Yep." She ran a hand through her now unbraided hair, clearing it from her face. "I mean... maybe I shouldn't be worried about her, but I am. It's just been so long since I've seen her, or even heard from her at all. She's one of my closest friends in the entire world, and I have no idea where she is, or if she's even alive, or..." she trailed off. "I just don't know."

"Kaia is strong," I reassured her. "You will find her again, I am sure of it. Or she will find you."

"Hopefully," she muttered. "But I feel like shit because I can't do anything about it. She might be stuck somewhere, desperately needing my help, and I'd have no clue. I just...I'm bothered by the fact that I don't know what's going on anymore. It feels like I'm walking on thin ice, and things are this close to completely falling apart. Kathryn's gone, Kaia's gone, and if anything happens to either of them I have no way of knowing. And so many other things have shifted, and all I've been trying to do is keep everything on track and make sure at least something goes as planned... but I feel like I can't think straight with so much going on." She paused, still staring into the fire. "I have no clue what to do anymore," she said softly. There was another breath of silence, and then she blinked, finally looking to me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go into a rant like that."

I shook my head, patiently listening as I knew she needed. "Do not be sorry," I answered. "I understand, at least in part, how difficult this is for you. But you must remain strong. Do not let your fears consume you."

"I know," she said. "But it's easier said than done."

I watched her for a moment, trying to figure out what might comfort her. After a moment, I made a decision, moving closer to her until we sat side to side. I reached down towards the blanket wrapped around her, pulling one side free and drawing it around my own shoulders. It was an arbitrary action on my part, as I did not feel cold, but I remembered her once speaking of this as a custom many did on Earth. I felt her shift and lay her head on my shoulder, and I gently rested mine on hers as well. "There are dark days ahead of us, that much is certain. But I have hope still, for the fate of this world. And you should as well. Hope will carry you far in your darkest hour." More silence. "...Maybe even as far as I carried you when you did not want to run."

Finally, I heard a laugh escape her. "Wow. My foot was broken, thank you very much."

"Yes, I'm sure it was for all that time."

More laughter, and I smiled as she turned to look up at me. "You're the worst."

"Only for you," I replied. We continued to sit in silence for awhile, simply enjoying each other's company and watching as the flames continued to fade. Eventually, however, I noticed Erin staring at me from the side, and looked back at her curiously. "What?"

But now the forlorn expression had all but returned, and she quickly looked away. "Nothing," she said. "It's nothing."

I frowned once more, dissatisfied with her lingering uneasiness. "Erin." Still, she did not meet my gaze, which bothered me. There was something else she was not telling me. "What else do you fear?"

She hesitated for several seconds, but then shook her head. "I can't say. Just... just all the war that's going to happen soon, I..." Again, she fell silent.

I paused, a slight worry overtaking me as I suddenly imagined the cause of all her stress. "...Is this not something that is meant to happen?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "The war you speak of?"

She exhaled, covering her face with her hands. "No, no, I'm sorry," came her muffled reply before moving to cross her arms over her knees and bury her chin between them. "It is meant to happen, but... I just don't want it to."

I nodded, somewhat relieved by her response, but also understanding her frustrations. "Necessary evils are, indeed, necessary," I said, "although at times I wish they were not."

"I just don't know what to do," she said again. "I want to save this world so badly... I don't want to see it all go to shit because of me. Middle-Earth was my childhood; my heaven before I knew what heaven was. I'd sell my soul to Morgoth himself before I let it all burn."

"You cannot save everyone, Erin," I gently reminded her. "Wars are not won without sacrifice."

"I know," she said. "It just scares me now because I don't feel like I know who those sacrifices will be. It could be Kathryn, or Kaia... or you..." She trailed off, but then a moment later, let out a quiet chuckle. "It's funny... so many people want to get their hands on me because they think I'm the girl with all the answers. But now I feel just as clueless as the rest of them."

"Is that such a bad thing?" I asked.

She considered it, shrugging. "I don't know. I think it just bothers me because I feel like I'm supposed to know, but now I don't, which means I must've messed things up somewhere along the way." Her eyes met mine for a moment, and they looked almost childlike then, wide and full of fear and confusion. "Doesn't it scare you?" she asked. "To not know?"

Now it was my turn to shrug, eyes returning to the dancing flames before us. "Sometimes, yes," I answered honestly, "but not always. When I was a young elfling, the future terrified me."

"Why?"

"Because I feared the great expectations I believed I was made to live up to. I thought I would have to be a great king someday, whether I wanted to or not. And then I began worrying that I would never be that great king, or even a good enough king... for how could I ever hope to outperform such a wise and noble king as my father was, or his father before him?" For a moment, my mind ventured far away, tracing back a dozen millenia and remembering a childhood long since forgotten. "But then, slowly, I came to learn that no fate is set in stone. That I would not have to be king unless I chose it for myself. That all things determine their own destinies, and for that reason, they are often forever changing." I looked back to Erin, whose gaze was transfixed on me, taking in every word. "I learned that the future does not control me, although I can sometimes control my future. And regardless, I could not let that fear of my own future control me."

Finally, she let out a long exhale, shaking her head. "I guess that's something I need to learn."

"Perhaps," I chuckled, smiling to myself. But then I noticed her expression slowly shift once again, a troubled frown now appearing on her face. "Erin? Are you well?"

She blinked, lifting her head suddenly. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said quickly.

But it had almost come too quickly. "Is something wrong?" I tried again.

She only shook her head, moving to stretch her arms up and behind her. "No, no. It's nothing. I'm just tired." She returned to her typical slouch at first, but then began unfolding her legs and moving to stand, pulling the blanket with her. "I think I'm going to go to bed, okay? I'm one hundred percent out of energy and not at all prepared for hours upon hours of more travel tomorrow."

For her sake, I managed a small smile as she glanced down to me. "Of course. Sleep well, mela." She returned the quick smile before hurrying off, and I watched as her small form disappeared into the overall darkness of the camp, finding Aragorn and Gimli to roll out her blankets near the spot they had claimed. But my own smile dimmed as I turned back to the fire a few moments later, knowing her rush off to bed had been an excuse to avoid further discussion over what was making her so anxious. I frowned, wondering if it was something I had done or said. I hoped not. The last thing she needed was another reason to worry, especially from me. I sighed and turned my gaze up to the stars, tracing patterns among them and again wishing we could return to our days in the Fellowship... when everything had seemed so much simpler.

A/N: Happy holidays, my dudes! I'm going to try my best to get out at least one more chapter (if not two) by the end of the year... but honestly who knows how that'll go with the holiday chaos going on this weekend and next week, haha. But I will try! Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, and don't forget to leave me a review sometime! I love your feedback more than anything!