"Fuck off Nichols." Alex turned to leave the track area.

"Vause. Turn around." Nicky stood there with her arms across her chest. "Even if you never take me seriously again, take me seriously right now. I'm not just fucking around."

Alex stopped and turned back to her friend. She had never heard that tone from Nicky: anxiety laced with determination. She was curious now. What was Nicky so worried about? Her? That can't be it because I've been fucked up for months. Or maybe she is just finally fed up with my bullshit. Maybe she doesn't know anything about the Valium and she is just fishing. Alex pushed her glasses atop her head and massaged the bridge of her nose. Nicky saw Alex's hands tremble slightly. Fuck she must be in bad shape, thought Nicky while Vause deliberated. If I am going to do this I have to commit completely. I can't be hurt by her again, the brunette thought, building up her resolve. Alex took her time forming her response and repeating it back to herself.

"Inmate Chapman is no longer a part of my life. I want nothing to do with her." She let her cold stare drift down to Nicky.

Nicky sighed and slumped. What was I expecting, for her to just come out and confess her all-consuming non-lesbian love for the blonde? At least she had some insight now. Nicky had been right in her prediction earlier: she would have to keep the two separate for as long as possible. Chapman needed time to heal and get reacquainted with being around people. Vause needed to quit the drugs and get over herself about Piper. Or at least talk it through with someone, Nicky thought. After four months of trying Nicky didn't get her hopes up. She'd make sure Vause had company, but like Red had said, Chapman needed help getting over her SHU stint. At the time however, Red didn't know how fucked up Chapman's time in solitary had been. No one knew really, yet. "That line is a bunch of bullshit and we both know it. When you decide you'd like to pull your head out of your ass, come find me." Nicky cut across the field, heading for the cafeteria.


Big Boo and Morello were sitting at the Suburbs table when Nicky entered the cafeteria. "Hey, Boo want a candy bar?"

"Depends who's pussy I gotta lick for it." Big Boo said smiling.

Nicky winked and nodded to the back of the kitchen. Red was there cleaning some of the pots and pans she'd used to prepare dinner. "Hey Mom."

"Hello Nicky, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Red asked, seeing Big Boo following on Nicky's heels.

"I thought I saw some mold on your cheese, here let me show you," Nicky deflected, heading toward the walk in refrigerator.

"I know you didn't mean to insult my food. You want me to starve you like I did Chapman?" Red was slightly irked that her daughter would claim there was mold on her food.

"Can I have her share?" Big Boo asked excitedly.

"Chapman's back," Nicky deadpanned once the door closed.

"Oh.. well let's go say hi?" Big Boo didn't understand why Nicky seemed so serious. "I know a bunch of people will be excited that she is back, we can throw her a mini party. She's in the temp area right?"

Red cut in noting Nicky's hesitation, "That bad?"

"Something happened while she was there. I don't know what. She's pretty messed up. Enough that we need to keep Vause in the dark about her return." Nicky looked from Red to Big Boo. "I need to sneak her some food. She won't be coming to get meals in the cafeteria." A least not till she can walk on her own. "Boo can you bring her something? Mom, can you spare anything easy on the stomach?"

"I've got some yogurt, maybe some toast. Give me a little more time and I can give you better options. Right now I have what I have."

Nodding, Nicky tried to remember what she was able to stomach after her SHU stint. The toast had reminded her of the SHU meals. Yogurt might be fine but there would be a chance it might make Chapman sick since it was so rich. "Do you have any broth? I think that might be a better choice after the 'food' she's been subjected to."

Red nodded. "How do you suppose we keep Chapman a secret? Pretty soon the whole prison will know she is back. It takes one woman to see her and start talking."

"I'm not sure yet but I know tomorrow we will need to talk to Vause about that issue," Nicky looked dead into Red's eyes, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. I will set everything up. You two go and warm that for Chapman. I've got work to do." Red shooed them out, giving Big Boo a cup of broth.

"Go ahead and head toward the temp bunks, I'll catch up in a second." Nicky broke off from Big Boo and made her way toward the Suburb table. Vause, Yoga Jones, Morello and Sister Ingalls were already there. Yoga Jones was talking about some new yoga stance that she'd discovered. Nicky came up beside Morello and broke off a piece of her cornbread.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Morello turned around as Nicky ate the chunk she'd stolen. Bending down Nicky covered her mouth as she chewed and whispered something in Morello's ear. Whatever she said had calmed Morello, who slowly nodded.

"Catch you guys in a bit," winking at Morello, Nicky made her way out of the cafeteria.


There were people in her cell. Piper could hear familiar voices talking in low tones and laughing a couple feet away. She could hear the humming of the lights. Sounds of somebody walking, soles of shoes screeching against the buffed floor. This is a new level of insanity. Or maybe I am dreaming. She could feel an oncoming headache from all the noises her brain was trying to process. Slowly Piper opened her eyes. It wasn't the normal cement walls she was used to in SHU and the bed was softer. Piper's memory from earlier in the day began to come back to her. She was out. Morello had brought her back to general population. She had tried to walk and gotten dizzy and collapsed. The fact that she didn't know how she had gotten to the bunk frightened her. Feeling panic beginning to rise up, Piper pushed herself into the corner and buried her head in her knees.

"Well look who's finally awake!" came Nicky's booming voice.

"Geeze we thought you were going to sleep until final count. Didn't you get enough rest in SHU? -OW!" Nicky elbowed Big Boo in the ribs.

"Don't be an asshole yet, asshole. She just got back. Hey Chapman we got you some broth. It's on the cabinet next to your elbow. Probably not too warm anymore, but trust me it is a lot better than that shit they served you in SHU."

Piper looked up and saw the cup in question. Why were they doing this for her? Why were they even here? No one owed her favors. I don't want pity and I don't deserve anyone's help. She dropped her head onto her knees, wishing she was alone. It was all too much. Everything. She wasn't ready yet. Normally she thrived around other people, now she found she couldn't even handle the company of two people she had been friends with. Tears slipped down her cheeks against her will. The absence of friendly banter caused Piper's shoulders to shake with her crying. This is pathetic. I can't even hold it together in front of people. Maybe they will realize I'm not worth the effort and leave. No one wants to be around a crybaby. She heard footsteps moving away from her. So they did realize I'm not worth the trouble. That didn't take long. Piper felt her mattress sag as someone sat down on the opposite end.

"Hey, you know, it's okay. I get it." Piper froze as she heard those words murmured to her. "SHU is a fucking hellhole. It fucks with your head. I was there fourteen days and it still took me a while to be a wise-ass again." She heard Nicky sigh. "You got us though: me, Morello, Big Boo, Red, Yoga Jones. We're guna help you readjust. Get back in the swing of things, ya know?" Piper looked up at Nicky, her eyes still swimming with tears. Piper wasn't sure why she waited on that one name. Why it hurt so much that it was missing from Nicky's list. She felt her heart sink in her chest. They don't know who I really am inside. How much pain and suffering I have caused. I won't bring them down into my rabbit hole as well. Slowly Piper shook her head and pulled her knees tighter to her chest. The movement triggered her bruised nerves to voice their discomfort and Piper stifled a gasp. She tried to calm herself but Nicky just sat there watching her and sucking her cheek, worry written all over her face. "Look, I've got to get back for count. Drink the broth, Chapman. One of us will be here in the morning with breakfast." Her eyes followed Nicky as she walked out into the hall.

Wiping her tears from her face she looked over at the cup. I don't want to; if I drink it I will owe them. She thought of how much she had left in commissary, what she could possibly repay them with. Once I get back some strength I can take care of myself. She wasn't a fool to think that after her little episode in the yard that she was capable of anything at the moment. She was alone, yes. She just needed the strength to get up on her own two feet, figuratively and literally. Walking was her ticket out; her chance to extract the poison that was Piper Chapman from peoples' lives. Once she could move and carry herself steadily she would pay them back for their time and effort. This would be a business deal. Once the deal was complete she would distance herself, no longer in need of their services. It was better this way; they didn't need someone like Piper Chapman fucking up their lives.


Some people's laundry is revolting. It's like they don't even bathe properly, ever. Disgusted, Alex let her thoughts wander. At the beginning of her shift she was on cloud nine but it was closing in on lunch time and the effects were wearing off. She didn't dare take another pill until it was time to get back to work. If she showed her face in the cafeteria strung out on Valium not only would guards notice but her table-mates would be clued in as well. "Fuck this place sucks," she said on an exhale. It was the way her voice echoed back to her that made her look up from folding laundry. Where the hell did everyone go? I didn't see them leave. She pushed her glasses back into place and looked around the room. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Seriously, where the hell did everyone go?

"We sent them away." Alex's head whipped around to rest on Red's figure as she walked in the laundry room. Morello and Nicky entered behind her, shutting the door. The fuck is this? Are they trying to trap me in here? What the hell did I do to Red? Alex looked around at the faces that were closing in on her. Red looked sad and slightly upset. Nicky looked like she was about to jump her. Morello seemed as if she was holding back tears. Seriously, what the fuck did I do?

"Why did you do it?" came Red's voice, thick with emotion.

What? Automatically throwing up her barricades, Alex said defensively, "What are you talking about?"

Without hesitation Red replied, "We are not stupid, Vause. We know you've been using. Now answer the question. Why?"

Annoyance tinged Alex's mind. If everyone else found their excuse to leave work, I just found mine. Dismissing Red's question she started for the door they had just come through. Nicky stepped in her path and Alex felt herself roughly shoved back. Surprised, she stumbled and caught herself against the table she had been folding clothes on. What the fuck Nichols?

"Look we are not here to badger you, we just want you to depend on us, not some stupid substance." Morello's voice was wavering. Alex knew she was fighting to control her emotions. "Nicky's been a good friend and waited until you were able to open up. Imagine how she feels to find out you would rather give yourself to drugs than trust her to help you. Trust us to help you through whatever you are going through. Hell, we are not shrinks but we've got each other's backs."

Alex glanced at Nicky when Morello mentioned her name. She remembered the talk they had yesterday. How Nicky asserted she wouldn't do anything if it wasn't for her own good and then immediately brought up Piper. That Kid definitely wasn't good for her. Alex had given the girl her heart twice just to have it crushed to a pulp and tossed in her face. She was done. Steeling her voice she denied, "I don't know what you guys are talking about."

"Which part," Red quipped. "The drugs you are taking or the reason you are taking them?"

Silence fell among the four women. Nicky stepped up to Alex, her face lower but only inches away. Alex thought she could feel the heat from Nicky's anger emanating from her body. There was something in her eyes that Alex didn't quite understand. She saw frustration, pain, and worry. Those were understandable but there was something else. Regret? Alex wasn't sure. Nicky suddenly broke out in a wide grin that didn't quite reach her eyes. "How about let's start with...Chapman. You're ex-girlfriend. Your blonde shower fuck buddy. How are you and her?" Nichols taunted, feigning the peppy quality in her voice.

Alex's eyes narrowed behind her thick rimmed glasses. They had already discussed this. "Fuck off Nichols."

"Hey," Morello's squeaky voice joined in. "Did you know she's been in SHU for the past four months?"

Nicky crossed her arms, still throwing off the "I'm going to beat your ass with this smile plastered on my face" vibe. "Have you ever been to SHU? Because I have. I was there for two weeks for telling off a CO. Now, I'm a hard ass." She moved closer to Alex's face and smirked. "Your not-lesbian lover? Not so much. How do you think she is doing in there, Vause?" Everyone had agreed to watch what they said so no one would give away the fact that Chapman had returned already. As long as she stayed in her bunk and let Big Boo, Red, Nicky and Morello bring her food, the rest of the population could stay in the dark about her return. At least they hoped.

"Probably pretty shitty." Red said matter-of-factly, folding her arms across her apron.

"Shut up," Alex retorted.

Sucking in her cheek, Nicky cocked her head. "Hit a nerve, Vause? I thought you had deadened all those when it came to Chapman?"

"Thought she wasn't a part of your life anymore?" Morello tossed in.

Red leaned forward, an amused look on her face. "Isn't that what your fight was about?"

"What were the last words you said to her? Oh that's right, 'Get the fuck out.' Right after my little Christmas present. That was good," Nicky raised her eyebrows toward Alex. "Oh but you know how good you are. Didn't I see you in the showers a week or so ago?" Alex's features darkened under the weight of Nicky's smirk. That moment had been the straw that broke the camel's back. A flush rose to Alex's cheeks as she remembered touching herself to a memory of her and Piper. She remembered returning to reality with Piper's name issuing from her lips and her hand buried inside of her. Only to find Nicky there to witness the whole thing. She had felt betrayed. Not just by her mind but by her body as well, for craving something she was fighting to erase from her life.

The flush in her skin was apparent. Alex could hear the blood pounding in her ears as she ground her teeth together. "I don't have to put up with this shit."

Nicky's laugh rang out through the tense room. "Actually, you do. We were trying to let you come around on your own time. But obviously it wasn't working. Your time just ran out. You turned to drugs, Vause. That's like a fucking slap in the face. And you know me, I'm not one to just sit there and take it like a bitch."

Morello tried to translate. "What she means is we really do care about you, you're like a sister to us."

"You girls are all my daughters. I will not let my daughters turn into junkies." The sternness of Red's tone was proof enough that she wasn't fucking around.

The smirk fell from Nicky's lips. "You need to face your shit, Vause. It's obviously got you fucked up. You've got friends here. You may hate us now, but we are only trying to help."

Morello's soft voice picked up where Nicky left off. "We know you still love Chapman, regardless of what you have said. And that she hurt you when she 'picked' that Harry guy. You don't have to try to pretend you don't around us."

Red tossed her two cents in, "you two are so right for each other it makes me sick."

"Remember all those staring contests I broke up? Yeah, I'm such a pussy-block I know. But you can't tell me Chapman means nothing to you after I have seen the way you look at each other."

Why are they doing this? Alex tried to control the emotions crashing around inside of her body. Fuck I can't even think straight. Memories of Piper bubbled up from the dark recesses of her mind where she had repressed them. Powerful, heart rending memories from almost a decade ago flashed through Alex's mind like a slideshow. London, Bali, Paris, Brussels, Java, Cambodia, Belgium, San Francisco, New York. And the fresh, mind -numbingly clear moments: the chapel, the showers, her cube, the janitor's closet. Why do you feel so inevitable to me? She felt as if a hurricane of emotion was laying waste to a path straight through her heart. Clenching her fists, she tried not to collapse under the sheer force of her emotional havoc. Alex could feel her muscles spasm under the strain. On top of everything she was pissed off that they had rendered her this vulnerable.

After eyeing the woman for a brief moment, Red pulled Nicky and Morello back toward the door. Vause was standing there, tense and shaking and she didn't want her daughters to get injured if the woman snapped.

"You need anything Alex, you can come to us. You're our girl." Morello whispered softly.

Unsure if their friend could even hear them, Nicky spoke a little louder. "You need help Vause, that mental shit will eat away at you."

As they got to the door Red turned around. "Oh, and I flushed down your stash." Alex's eyes shot to where Red stood, daring her to say it again. "Hide any more in your cube and the withdrawals will feel heavenly after what I do to you," Red threatened.


"Fuck, I feel like an asshole!" Nicky muttered to herself. These last four months have really been a downer on my badass reputation, but fuck me if I can leave her in there looking that helpless. Abruptly she stopped following her friends to the cafeteria. "Hey, guys, I'll catch up with you later. She pulled Red into a hug and thanked her for setting everything up.

"Alright Nicky," Red agreed. "But if she kills you my hands are clean."

"Be safe Nicky," Morello cautioned. Nicky leaned in and placed a kiss on Morello's cheek.

"I'm not the one who needs to worry about being okay. I'll see ya later." She turned on her heel and went back to the laundry room. They hadn't shut the door all the way when they made their grand exit, so Nicky was able to slip in quietly.

At first glance Nicky thought that Vause must have rushed from the room after she had left and they just didn't see her. She walked around a row of washers and was dumbfounded by what she saw. Alex was slumped against a washer, her head in her hands, her body quaking as tears dripped down to the floor. Nicky walked over slowly and eased herself down next to her distressed friend. Gently she placed her arm over Vause's shoulders, astonished when the woman leaned into her for support. Nicky gave the brunette's shoulder a comforting squeeze, a small gesture to show that she was here and not going anywhere. So this is what it means to truly care about a friend. When they hurt, you hurt. The empathy thing was kind of freaking Nichols out. She'd never really been close enough to anyone to have to support them through a mental breakdown. She whispered the only thing she thought would be appropriate, and she kept repeating it until she believed it as well. "It'll be okay."


Author's Note: Please review or PM me! I love hearing what you think, criticism or encouragement, and it gives me motivation to write faster! Or if you just want to discuss OITNB that is cool too! Nothing like gushing about a series you are quasi-obsessed with. =P Enjoy!
-N1NJ4