A/N: Okay, so I am sooooo sorry about how long this has taken me. Believe me, I've been writing. It's just that there are so many things that I can't decide on and work's been crazy. I have several new children at work and after a day of having four screaming children all trying to climb into your arms at the same time, you just want to sleep.

Thank you so much for all the people who reviewed last chapter. I think it was the most I've gotten for a chapter so far and it really does mean a lot. Here's the next one.


Chapter Ten


[BEFORE]

He doesn't look up as she walks towards him with more purpose than she was actually feeling, her heels clicking along the floor. Usually that sound gave her purpose and confidence but today, she was on autopilot, her whole body acting outside of her mind, ever since Mike had slammed the door and she'd picked her sobbing self up off the kitchen floor and forced herself to change. It's not a surprise to see him here... in fact, it was the whole reason she was here in the first place. He'd changed out of his Naval Whites and into a pair of jeans and a faded Pink Floyd band shirt. His wedding band glints in the dull light and she recoils, ever so slightly.

"I thought you never wanted to see me again." He observes as he takes a long gulp from his drink. "Ma'am." He spits the title like it's the filthiest curse. She hadn't realised that he could see her, but then again he always was observant.

"There are photos." Kate murmurs, deciding against wasting time on pleasantries. She raises a hand, signaling to the bartender for a drink, before turning her attention back to him. "Photos of us. Together."

He chokes on his drink, coughing and spluttering into his beer and emerges a moment later with water stains on his t-shirt. "W... what?" He demands, absentmindedly brushing away the droplets of beer trickling down his neck.

"They got sent to Mike. To my home." She takes the bar stool next to him, glaring at him. "Was it you-"

"No, Kate." He slams his glass on the bench top. The shock and fear had been replaced with righteous anger. "Why the hell would I-"

"Why the hell would anyone?" Kate demands. "What is there to gain from that? From taking pictures of my house. My family. Of me... shopping and driving my kids to school. What point is there?" But even as she argues with him, she knows that it wasn't him to send the pictures. His look of shock and fear and anger had been too real to be staged. Her gaze drops to the watermarks on the bar top. "So your wife didn't…"

"No." He shakes his head. "No. Laura knows nothing. And she won't. I kept our deal. One-time. Secret." The bitterness in his voice seems to physically wound her. Back before, when they knew each other, he was always so happy and forgiving. She pushes herself to her feet, leaving her untouched drink on the bench and turns to leave. She needs to find Mike and explain. She needs her kids. She needs... she needs to turn back the clock and stop herself from ever kissing him.

And so she pushes herself through the crowds of happy people, all couples and families and friends with genuine smiles plastered across their faces. She mutters excuse me over and over again until the words are nonsense, until she reaches the cool air of the car park and she can breathe, just the tiniest bit. Her fingers scrabble in her bag for her keys and she clutches them tight, the imprint of the grooves digging into her palm.

"Kate!" He shouts from somewhere behind her, and her keys slide from her hands as she twists to see him running after her. It's not how it's supposed to go, she thinks. He's supposed to hate her. To never want to see her again. To get a transfer and drag his oblivious wife far away from this town, from the harpy that very nearly ruined everything. "Kate, I'm drunk. Stop running before I fall over." He shouts, and in spite of everything, she obeys, because she can't deal with him cracking his head open on the concrete.

He catches up, panting slightly, and moves so that he can see her face. "Kate, what's happened? Did... did he see them?"

"Yes." Kate nods jerkily.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "It wasn't me. You have to know that. I don't know..."

"I know." She hisses, then starts to pace. "Mike's left. Cass is… Cass is going on about how I should move on. How I should see other people. But… fuck, this whole thing. It's… this is not who I am. I'm not… a cheater. I'm not a liar or a cheater or… the other woman. I…" Her legs are jelly, her hands shaking.

"Kate-"

"I'm falling apart and I don't-"

"Kate!" He snaps. "Take a breath."

"I can't." She continues to pace backwards and forwards, her whole body on edge. "I ruined everything."

"Let's go somewhere." He whispers, taking her hand. "Come on."


"Feeling better?" He whispers as her hands cradle the Styrofoam cup. The shaking has stopped, mostly anyway, leaving with it a feeling of embarrassment and confusion and fear.

"Yes." She exhales shakily. "No. I don't know."

"Here." He slides a sandwich and a chocolate bar across the table to her. "Eat. You're just hungry. You probably haven't eaten in hours."

Her eyes glaze over the red wrapping of the chocolate. Kit-Kat.

"Really?" She murmurs dryly, holding the wrapper up to the light so that it's red foil shines.

"They're your favourite." He murmurs quietly, and Kate puts the chocolate back down. "Whenever you had money at school that's what you'd buy."

She shrugs but doesn't give any answer to confirm of deny the statement, instead picking at the sandwich, and he continues on.

"Well, what about PE class? Surely you remember PE with Mr Hurdigan." He puts emphasis on the 'hur' part of the name and the corners of Kate's mouth twitch in amusement. "He caught you eating a Kit-Kat once in class and lectured us all about how unhealthy it was for us for the entire lesson." She shrugs in reply and he presses on. "Well, what about Mr Radar and our English lessons?" He adopts a voice similar to Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. "Hello class. I'm Mr Radar and we're going to learn about symbolism." This time, Kate can't help the snort of laughter that escapes her.

"God, we're lucky to have made it out of that town." She muses, the tension gone. She takes a bite of her sandwich and can't deny that she feels better. "That whole pregnant-or-in-jail fate. The most exciting place was the supermarket in town."

"Drinking warm beer and Passion Pop in the field behind Brad Davies' house."

She smiles at him, the first proper one she's given him since that night. And then it all comes back to her - the fight, the photos, Mike, and she pulls herself to her feet. "I shouldn't be eating with you."

"Kate, we're just talking."

"No. I need to go." She whispers.


[]

"Coming through!" Someone shouts, the trolley wheeling in and out of the people crowded around the docks, and Kate hears snatches of conversation as they dart through. Their tones are scared, all anxiously awaiting news of their loved ones. Were they alive? Dead? "Clear a path!"

Adreneline had worn off. Life is shit. Burning. Pain. Wave after wave again and again. Make it stop.

"Clear a path!" The voice calls again, and the trolley jerks. She hears running feet.


And then everything disappears, and he's there again, smiling at her. Jim. Cass is beautiful. He whispers. But scared.

(Jim, she thinks desperately. Stay with me. Kill me. Take me. Help)

And beyond her control, her body starts to jerk and twitch, flailing madly like she's a puppet at the control of a marionettist.


"She's having a fit."

"Get her to the ambo!"


Come on, Smudge. Hang in there. Jim leans forward and touches her cheek.

(Jim, she tries to cry out. Jim!)

Not yet, Smudge. His hand pushes into her chest and she falls back, further and further, down, down, down. And then…


Her body stops, and the world assaults her with its sights and smells and lights. And there are people running all the way around her, crying things. Calling out, and she just catches sight a woman with sleek black hair down her back and wide, protuberant eyes. They lock eyes for a moment and then the woman rushes forwards.

"Our daughter." She whimpers. "Jessie. Is she okay?" And Kate just catches a glimpse of Ryan standing a few paces back with Baby Carla in his arms before everything goes black.


[AFTER]

"No maintenance logs, Cass. I'm 100%. They're all gone. Even the backups have been corrupted, and the investigators are fuming." Lieutenant Logan Royal repeats, one hand fidgeting with the collar of his Naval Whites, his eyes raking the room in anxiety. He'd objected at first to meeting at Tess and Lewis' house but, after some discussion, the compromise had been reached by all parties. Tess could keep an eye on Cassie to make sure she was safe, Cassie had somewhere she could plan and Logan was away from the prying eyes of Brixton.

Right now, though, it was just those two. Lewis had gone on a walk and Tess was in the garden. Nora, without an expulsion keeping her away, had been coaxed back to school, although her evenings and weekends were still spent poring over paper with Cassie.

"But where!?" Cassie demands, pacing up and down. "Where can they have gone? How did Brixton get clearance enough to delete the backups?" They'd been over this conversation before, of course, but it felt like progress to discuss it again.

"I don't know." Royal shakes his head. "But he'd have had to go through so many hoops or else know someone who…" He trails off, turning to look right at Cassie. "How's your Mum?"

"2Dads went to see her. You know, Leo Kosov-Meyer?" Cassie murmurs and Logan nods. "He's going back tomorrow. I'm going to go with him."

"Really? So you found her then? You never said-" He catches himself and shakes his head. "I mean, sorry. I guess it's none of my business. I just..." He swallows. "How was she? Did 2Dads say?"

"He said she never spoke at all. Barely acknowledged him at all and then freaked when he mentioned how many people were looking out for her and he got asked to leave." She turns back to the papers. "I know she wanted me kept out of it. But... I need to see her. I miss her."

"Yeah, me too."

Cassie looks up. "Did you work with her much?"

"Not really." Logan murmurs. "I talk to her a bit on the SAT phone and all that but… I very rarely see her in person." He runs a hand through his hair. "Where is she?"

"What?"

"Where is she?" Logan repeats. "What hospital?"

"You just said that you didn't work with her." Cassie looks up at him. "You said you never had much to do with-" And then something seems to click in her head and her jaw drops. "I'm such an idiot."

"What?" Logan frowns.

"Tell me..." Cassie kneads a fist into her forehead. "Did you two go to school together?"

"Why would you ask me that? I..." Logan queries.

"Because it's important. I need to know who to trust."

Slowly, cautiously, Logan nods and Cassie sees things clicking into place.

"She never told me who it was." Cassie begins, her gaze fixed on Logan. "She wouldn't say. Just that they went to school together years ago."

"Say what?"

"Say who she slept with." Cassie hisses and Logan recoils in shock. Something in between a triumphant smirk and astonishment fill her face. "I'm right, aren't I?" She presses.

Logan looks around, as if expecting Tess and Lewis and Nora to jump out and start pointing fingers at him. "Cassie-"

"So… so what? You're in love with her?"

"I... care about her." Logan emphasises. "It was just..." He shakes his head. "Look, I just want to see her. Apologise. You know but no one else does..."

"She was so upset." Cassie whispers. "She cried. I don't... I don't get it." She looks him straight in the eye. "But she loves Mike. And... I don't want you to see my Mum and upset her any more."

"I'm not trying to upset her-"

"But you are. Don't you see. I... God, she had to talk to you all the time."

"I didn't-"

"Mike's divorcing her! Did you know that?" Cassie shakes her head. "You are a constant reminder that her marriage failed. You... you need to leave her alone." She shakes her head. "It was a mistake, bringing you in on this."

"Cassie, I want to help. You... trust me, please."

"I don't trust anyone who says trust me. I think you need to leave." Cassie points to the door. "Now. Please."


"She's asleep." Maxine reports, closing the door of Carla's room behind her and turning to her son standing in the hallway. "Took her a while but eventually she stopped."

"She misses Jess." Ryan murmurs. "She knows... she knows she's not coming back." He rakes a hand through his hair and Maxine takes in the bags underneath his eyes and the shadow of stubble on his chin.

"Ryan-"

"I miss her, Mum." He whimpers, and Maxine struggles to remember the last time she saw her son break down. "Mum, it's so hard. I miss her. I need her here."


"Does Mike know about this?" 2Dads queries, glancing sideways at Cassie before turning his gaze back to the road.

"I didn't hide it from him." Cassie replies. "Left the details on the fridge." She turns around and glances at Nora, her head resting against her seatbelt while she stared out of the window. "Said that Nora was coming too. But he was still asleep when I left."

"Are you-"

"I'm sure." Cassie answers. "Nora's sure. We're both... both sure." Nora looks up and nods, a fire in her eyes that they'd rarely seen before.

"She's our Mum." Nora agrees. "Please, Leo. We have to see her."

"I know." He agrees. "We're about ten minutes out."

"Okay." Cassie clenches her hands into fists to stop them from shaking, her nails digging into her palm. "Okay." She repeats, softer this time. "I'm ready."