Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Okay, so admission time. This chapter was originally going to be a bit longer and encompass some of the mystery aspects of the story. However, I still had a bit more to write of the next part and it's been so long since I've updated, I decided to split the chapter and let this stand alone as a fluffy, more relationship-based part. After the last episode (2.05 "Roots"), I figured we needed a little fluff. So this is more about Nathan and Audrey's growing awareness of each other as they take tentative steps toward something more than a working partnership.
You guys have had to wait a long time for this chapter. I hope it won't disappoint!
A huge thank you to NShadows, Osaka Kasuga, GageWhitney, Kat Treefern, Shrilaraune, Faith-chan, Artemis Rayne, KellethMetheus, nertooold54, 44musicfreak44, Wondergirl, opheliablack, future cop, vanessadeanne, MyBrokenButterfly, jandjsalmon, porcelingods, mwsc2003, ladynep, Leto81, Quinn, DivineMist, Damara, skipperroo, and STarSHipper for your reviews of chapter 10. It really does mean the world to me that you chose to read and review.
Chapter Eleven: "Equilibrium"
"Take off my shirt?" Nathan echoed incredulously.
Audrey's blue eyes widened in horror as she realized how she sounded. "Oh my God. I can't believe…"
"That was…."
"Awkward." Audrey grimaced.
"Was going to say unexpected," Nathan corrected.
"It's official. I have lost my freaking mind." Audrey sat on the edge of Nathan's bed, and then just as quickly jumped up.
"Does this have anything to do with what you saw?"
Audrey nodded.
"Care to share?"
She tried to recover her wits, launching into what she hoped sounded like her best professional voice. Detachment was what she needed, particularly when she was feeling such a gravitational pull to her partner, what she assumed were vestiges of the rather intense vision, hallucination, or whatever it was. "Do you have a scar—scratch that, make it three scars—just below your collarbone? Your left side, my right." Epic fail. In her own ears, her voice sounded like that of a nervous schoolgirl. It reminded her of when she was in high school and tripped over her own tongue around Josh Hopkins.
Nathan's brows furrowed ever-so-slightly. "I have all kinds of scars. Take your pick."
"These would be about two-and-a-half, three inches in length, running parallel to one another."
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep. Do you still need me to…" Nathan ran his hand over his head, and Audrey could have sworn he looked nervous.
"Uh-no. No. That's okay." He was a strikingly handsome man with no concept of just how attractive he was. No. He's my partner, she corrected herself. Stop looking at him otherwise. No matter what I saw, he's not my Nathan. She needed distance, and maybe a few shots of tequila to really make her forget that afternoon delight because seeing him with his dark hair mussed reminded her too much of that impossibly erotic dream. "I'm just going to get a cup of that coffee you're brewing."
"Parker, what did you see?"
"Myself getting a cup of coffee."
Nathan watched as she hurried from the bedroom. "What the hell was that?"
This went beyond Audrey being tipsy. Strange. She didn't even seem affected by the alcohol anymore. Something in that vision had her jumpy and….asking him to remove clothing?
He took a deep breath, steadying himself. He'd be lying if he said her request didn't have him more intrigued than he wanted to admit. It was, on so many levels, not what he'd expected to hear, and yet when he did, there was a surprising hopefulness that tore through him. A small part of him had wanted to hear those words, even if he couldn't acknowledge that to her.
But this wasn't about him. It was about Audrey, and something had her freaked out. He couldn't help her if he stood around his bedroom dumbfounded.
Nathan followed her to the kitchen, where he watched as she dropped his sweatshirt onto the back of one of the chairs at the table. She poured coffee in one of the cups he had set out on the counter next to the coffee pot. "Want some?" She didn't wait for an answer as she poured hot liquid in a second cup. "Better let it cool a minute."
"What's going on with you?"
"Everything's fine. I'm good."
"Stop handling me, Parker."
He knew her too well. "Nathan, if I thought what I saw was relevant in some way to what's happening here in Haven, I would tell you. You know I would."
"But whatever it is has you spooked."
"Not spooked." Lips on her neck, teasing, nibbling, caressing. The stubble from his chin rubbed her shoulder. Yearning rose within her. Close. So close. But it wasn't enough. "Definitely not spooked."
"Audrey."
"Okay. Look, if I tell you, I'm going to be opening a huge can of worms."
Nathan paused, considering her warning. He felt like he was in a tug-of-war with that small voice inside his head, the one that whispered for him not to push her too hard, not to give her reason to leave. He wanted to know. That was his nature. But Audrey—well, Audrey wasn't just some case file. She was special. She was, above all else, his friend, and she needed to know that no matter what, he'd stand by her side.
"I'm pretty sure the worms are already crawling out."
She hesitated.
Nathan urged her on. "Come on. Talk me through this."
"You are the one I would normally talk to, but this goes beyond…" What would his reaction be? Would it strain their working relationship? Their friendship? Knowing she was the only person he could feel and dangling knowledge of a purported love affair just seemed cruel somehow, a reminder of what he didn't have in his life. On the other hand, if anyone could help her figure out what the hell was going on, it would be him.
"Whatever happened, let me help."
He was so earnest, another reason he was the one person whose friendship she prized most in the whole world. Don't screw this up. Don't screw this up.
"I saw more of the whole beckoning thing. Happy?"
Great, Audrey. Just great. Nothing says 'friend' like a little side dish of belligerence. It's not his fault your mind's been in the gutter.
"Beckoning?"
"Yeah, you know. C'mere." She curled her finger. "But in a more…sensual…way."
His teeth caught his bottom lip in what Audrey could only assume was a subconscious habit as he processed the information. "And you were beckoning me."
"I…yes."
"In a 'sensual' way," he repeated, his lips quirking slightly. This was it? This was what had her so worried? He'd been mentally preparing himself for a vision of doom and gloom. This was anything but, as far as he was concerned. "Exactly how did that go again?"
Audrey groaned as she pulled on the sweatshirt whose retrieval started the whole mess. A lock of blond hair fell across her eyes, and she blew a puff of air up at it, trying to move it out of the way. She pushed up the sleeves of his too-big sweatshirt, grateful for the warmth but silently cursing it all the same. "Why did I tell you? Seriously, I've got to start ignoring you."
"And I wasn't wearing a shirt," Nathan persisted, pointing to his shoulder area. "Hence your question about scars."
Audrey reached for her cup of coffee, took a sip, and announced, "It shouldn't burn you now."
But Nathan would not be deterred as his hint of a smile broadened into a full-out grin. "So what were we doing that my shirt was off?"
It was official. Audrey wanted to smack him. Not that she generally advocated physical violence against friends, but his overt amusement was nearly unbearable. Her cheeks felt warm to her, and the way she figured it, she must have been somewhere slightly south of beet red.
Fine. If he wanted to go there, she'd give just as good as she got. "You really want to know what we were doing, Nathan? Foreplay."
He exhaled loudly. "Oh." With the flush of her cheeks, he wasn't expecting such a blunt response from her.
"Yeah. Oh."
A flurry of emotions ran through Nathan, even as he tried not to react to them. Was this for real? And if it was, what did that mean for the two of them other than complicating the hell out of their lives?
Truth was, Audrey was everything he'd ever wanted in a woman. Smart. Strong. Funny. Beautiful without even knowing it. In some ways, it made perfect sense to him. The fact was they spent most of their waking hours together and got along, trusted each other.
Then there was the not-so-small fact that he could feel her touch. He'd been rolling around the idea of fate in his mind, but it all came back this: they were partners, friends.
If they went beyond that, would he be able to watch her put her life on the line time and time again? Would he be able to do the job that needed to be done when so much was coming down around them and all he could think about was keeping her safe?
You're already compromised, he told himself. You'd do anything to keep her safe. And if she wanted you, you'd throw every rulebook out the window.
Just as quickly as the thoughts came to him, Nathan brushed them aside. It was all a moot point, as far as he was concerned. Audrey had never shown the slightest interest in him, even if everyone else around them did assume something was going on behind the scenes. And while she did not seem disgusted over the vision, she didn't seem particularly comfortable with the idea of the two of them either. So no, it wasn't exactly a come on.
But she had been affected. That much was evident from the deep blush in her cheeks and the breathiness of her answers. Nathan wasn't sure whether he was in heaven or hell.
"And you think this is a future event."
"Look, at this point, I don't know what I am thinking. And don't look smug."
Nathan shot back a look, as though to say, 'Who? Me?'
"It wasn't some sleazy fantasy. In fact, it was…very realistic and beautiful and emotional and…I can't believe I just said all that out loud." She groaned. "I should just shut up now. Or maybe you have a rock I could crawl under, hibernate for awhile, come back out in the spring." She watched as his eyebrows shot up. "Are you just going to let me keep talking?"
"Not polite to interrupt," he replied, his eyes shining with amusement and something else Audrey couldn't readily identify.
"This is a pointless discussion. You don't have the scars, and we've never even kissed, let alone…." Her voice trailed off.
"True enough. Other than the kiss on my cheek."
"Which was how you knew you could feel me."
A silence fell between them, and Audrey studied her partner. This wasn't fair to him. On so many levels. Life or fate or whatever caused their little corner of the world to twist from the norm had already done a doozy on him. And what she was doing only twisted that knife more. "One of these days, we're going to have to figure out what all of this means, but right now my brain hurts. My pride, too."
"I've not made this easy for you. I'm sorry," Nathan replied, half-frowning.
In some ways, everything was the same between them—the camaraderie, the teasing—and in other ways, the dynamics felt different ever since he had admitted he could feel her touch. He could tell it weighed on her. Hell, it weighed on him, too. She apologized every time they touched, like she thought he minded it or something.
While they were working, he could easily put it aside. But in their down time, it seemed more in the forefront of his mind. He didn't want to overstep any boundaries where she was concerned, be too needy, be too eager. And at the same time he wanted to overstep every single boundary, beg her for a backrub or…or…something, and never let her leave his sight.
"No. I'm sorry. I've put you in a weird spot, Nathan, telling you what I saw when it has to be a…a…fluke or something."
"I just want to keep my friend," he replied quietly.
"I'm not going anywhere. You might be wanting to run the other way after this whole conversation—"
"No, it's flattering."
She smiled as she played with the cuff of the sweatshirt, not quite able to meet his gaze. "Right. Because nothing says flattery better than your partner hallucinating about you."
"Did you get any sense for how far in the future your vision was supposed to be?"
"Not really," she shrugged as she peered up at him. "You looked the same as you do now, except for the part where you were naked."
He raised his eyebrows. "You never mentioned naked, just shirtless."
"Details," she replied with a wave of the hand.
"Let me get this straight. I was naked."
"It was foreplay, after all."
"You don't have to be naked to engage in foreplay," he defended.
She shot him a bemused look. "You've got to go out more."
Nathan narrowed his eyes. "And the thing you remember most is three scars below my collarbone?"
The sound of disappointment in his voice made Audrey laugh. "Guess I'm not the only one with hurt pride."
"Ouch," he replied good-naturedly with a smile.
"In my defense and yours, I seemed to be worried about the scars or the injury that caused them. They were still pink."
"Hope you didn't dwell on it for long."
"I didn't."
Nathan fell silent a moment before finally saying, "I see three possibilities."
"Okay. One."
"Whatever happened with Lady Cassandra is causing you to lose your grip on reality. You were in my room, so you manufactured a memory to take place there."
"Ugh. Two."
"Someone or something else entirely is causing you to hallucinate. Wouldn't be the first time it's happened in Haven."
"Strangely, that sounds like a better alternative to me, but I'm not generally affected by people's afflictions. Which isn't to say it couldn't happen just that it normally doesn't. What's three?"
"You did have a vision of the future. You said the scars were pink. Whatever caused the scars hasn't happened yet but will."
Audrey drew in a breath. Nathan left out the part about them becoming lovers, deliberately, she presumed. "Those are some interesting theories. So what do we do?"
"Wait and see what happens. If you're going insane, that'll be evident soon enough."
"Gee, thanks."
"And if a troubled person is causing you to hallucinate, we should start to see a pattern crop up among others."
He left the rest unsaid as he reached for his cup of coffee and lifted it to his lips.
"I know you think I'm weirded out by the fact you can feel me, but I'm actually really glad you can. I hated the thought of you being totally disconnected from everyone around you."
"It has its perks. Folks don't pry that way, don't really bother me. Except for maybe Duke, who is a pain in the ass no matter how numb it is."
"But it's no way to live." Audrey stopped and rolled her eyes. "Like I'm such an expert with my crazy-busy social calendar."
"Just so we're clear on this, I don't want you to feel like you need to…be anything other than what you've been."
"Damn. I guess that rules out pity sex. Or being FWB. Come on, Nathan. I know you don't expect me to be your personal pincushion." She paused for a moment, before half-joking, "I am so grateful that tomorrow morning, I'm going to be able to blame this entire conversation on the alcohol."
But Nathan's brows were furrowed. "You pity me, Audrey?"
She could see his mood darkening. Pity had been a poor choice of words on her part. She felt for him, yes. To not be able to experience touch—Audrey couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be so cut off from everyone and everything, not to mention the logistical nightmare of just doing simple things, like taking a shower, shaving, or finding a light switch in a darkened room. Guess that explained why he had a preference for a five o'clock shadow and nightlights.
But pity him? Not in the way he was thinking. She wanted more for Nathan than for him to turn into a cranky hermit. But it wasn't as though she thought he was pitiful or pathetic. Far from it. He was…strong. Steady. Funny as hell. Smart. And, oh yeah, off limits.
She cocked her head slightly, drawling her response. "Yeah, I do pity you. You call this swill 'coffee'?"
Nathan finally took a sip from his cup. "What's wrong with it?"
She laughed. "And now you know where that pity comes in."
"Just because you drink dessert…"
"Do you even keep creamer in the house?" she asked opening a cupboard.
"If I'm going to drink coffee, I want it to taste like—"
"Swill?" she shot back, looking over her shoulder at him.
"Coffee."
"I have a theory. Maybe if we take that walk you mentioned, it will make the coffee taste better."
"I thought you didn't feel up to a walk. Something about not wanting to be a fall down drunk," Nathan reminded her.
"It's weird, but I don't really feel the alcohol anymore."
"That is weird, considering that fifteen minutes ago, you were slurring your words and stumbling into me."
She shrugged, briefly wondering if they'd uncovered another Haven mystery, and decided she wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. "So maybe I'm going crazy, but on the bright side, I seem to have regained my equilibrium."
Maybe Audrey had regained her balance, but as Nathan watched her once again push the sleeves up on his too-large UMaine sweatshirt she wore, he was quite certain he'd lost his.
