Six months later eh. I'm sorry again, this is my most popular fanfiction and I have completely neglected it. The biggest reason is obvious other obligations in my life, but I also lost all my write ups for this story – and it really was hard to have to rewrite everything. But I did it and now I'm ready to try and finish this in a reasonable amount of time. Lets hope you guys are still out there reading it – so lemme know in a review!
I'm Not Okay
She had taken her school, her friends, and her ex-boyfriend. Blair gave them all a curt nod before noticing Serena and turning to go meet her.
It was then that she decided that there was no way Jenny Humphrey would survive the end of her first year at Constance.
He wasn't entirely too sure as to why he felt so down. It all respects, he should have felt better with the knowledge that Blair knew it wasn't him who betrayed her. But when he saw her that day at school, as she smiled at him in obvious recognition of her apology, he could tell she was completely broken.
Was it ever hard for him to hold back on that little brat Humphrey.
And now his ex-bestfriend was dating the tramp. He really had some issues to fall for a junior, let alone one with such low class.
Yet, unlike Blair, who had retreated from the whispers and the gossip – Chuck was standing strong and biting back at whoever decided to make comments at his or her expense.
"I wonder if he knocked her up. Her attitude had been off the charts for the past few weeks." Hazel joked to the group quite conveniently when Chuck walked by.
"Oh who are you kidding? She was always a bitch." Penelope said rather proudly. She was really enjoying Blair's dethroning a little too much. "Oh, good afternoon Bass." She added once noticing his glare in their direction. Jenny Humphrey put her head down in fear while sitting next to Nate who did the opposite.
She may not be too afraid of Blair right now, but as far as she was concerned, she was nothing without her subjects. Now Chuck, that was another story.
"I never thought I'd see such filth occupying the steps of the Met." Chuck said rather violently. "And sadly, I'm not just talking about the girl with the metro card."
Nate stood up at Chuck's insult, but before he could defend his new toy, Penelope tested the waters further. She never liked Chuck much either, ever since he started denying her entry into the Bass layer.
"You seemed to not have an issue with such filth occupying your bed sheets a few weeks ago." The rest of the girls were not as naïve as Penelope, scooting slightly farther away from her and averting their eyes from the situation.
Chuck laughed before speaking up a little louder for some on-lookers to hear. "I find your judgemental nature ironic to say the least. Only last year weren't you and Hazel both in my bed for quite the filthy night indeed. I still have the video to prove it."
He knew he had won this round, because the girls all had their mouths stuck half open whilst trying to find the words. He really didn't tape the regretful occasion, but it was priceless to see their faces when they realized there may be a sex-tape floating around of them in a ménage à trios.
Chuck Bass held his head high and walked back to the school, knowing this will be on Gossip Girl soon. He didn't care much for his reputation, since there wasn't one much to begin with, but he was hoping to draw as much attention away from Blair's now tainted one in retaliation.
It had been a few weeks now since the blast on Blair, and still her and Chuck hadn't had any time alone. In all honesty, Blair was avoiding it at all costs. She wasn't angry with the Bass anymore, quite the opposite actually. His defending her made her feel some real appreciation for him during this time. But that was all the emotion she could really expend on him.
At this point, she was so terrified of her feelings she was utilizing her downfall as a period to get out of all public situations. Except for time spent with Serena. Other than that, she was planning some kind of attack of Jenny, which was proving to be much harder than anticipated, and wallowing in self pity over the loss of a relationship that never really began.
"Just pick up your phone B, he's obviously not going to stop calling." Serena and Blair were out at the spa for the day. Serena's treat of course. Another attempt to cheer up her best friend.
"I told you already, I'm not going there with him anymore." She said simply, trying to control the emotion in her voice. Luckily, she rarely slipped up now since she's had the practice for weeks.
"Blair. Why are you shafting him like this? You know he didn't do anything wrong." Serena was at a loss for understanding their relationship. It had been a week since Blair had confided in her about Chuck… and even when she did after the whole dethroning ordeal – it wasn't much. She basically just said that Serena was right, and she shouldn't have rebounded with Chuck.
"I told you, I shouldn't have bothered with him." Blair said in a bored manner.
"Well duh, you've said that a million times before. But you haven't told me why? He's done nothing but nice things for you and on your behalf. You're still receiving the damn flowers everyday aren't you?" Blair looked slightly ashamed when Serena mentioned this.
Neither of them thought that he would be so persistent. But without fail, Chuck continuously tried to get Blair's attention. Serena reasoned that at a certain point, it became less about that though, and more about letting Blair know he won't forget about her easily.
It was really quite sweet. Even if it wasn't working.
After the first week of flowers, Blair decided to answer the phone though, only once. She wanted to set the record straight so Chuck wouldn't feel like he had a chance anymore. She needed to distance herself from the chance of him hurting her.
"Blair!" Chuck said as he heard the phone pick up. Blair was a little shocked at how relieved and surprised he sounded when she answered the phone. It made her heart skip a beat.
"Chuck you have to stop calling me. And sending those flowers!" She said forcefully after she regained her composure. She hoped she was strong enough to get through this phone call.
"Please tell me what I did wrong first. I think you owe me that." He stated matter-of-factly. He needed to know why the sudden change of heart. He really thought that there were feelings that were returned. He didn't think she would get over them so easily.
"You did nothing wrong Chuck. Honestly." Blair breathed with a sigh. She felt guilty for making him feel so vulnerable. She knew it was probably as hard and uncomfortable for him as it was for her.
"Then why won't you see me, or return my calls." Chuck willed himself not to sound like a child not getting a cookie. He really felt helpless when it came to his feelings for her.
Blair sat quiet for a second, contemplating what to say. She could tell him the truth – tell him that she can't stop thinking about him and replaying their 'almost kiss'. How great she made him feel when he took care of her the night after Nate left her. How protective he was being about defending her honour. But all that would just lead him to believe there was a chance – which she wasn't allowing to happen.
"Because the butterflies are gone Chuck." She said as bluntly as she could. Blair thought it was the only way to get him to move on. It wouldn't be hard, she reasoned, since he never was the devoted type.
When she heard him breathing on the other end, before the sudden click of the phone hanging up, she knew she couldn't stop the tears from coming.
That night she decided it would be the last night she'd cry for Chuck Bass.
"Blair! I asked you to be honest with me. Why have you given up on Chuck?" Serena asked with more urgency this time.
Blair was off in her head, replaying what she thought to be the first time she truly lost someone she didn't think she'd get over.
"Because Serena," Blair began softly, "If I don't protect my heart this time – it won't survive."
Chuck sat at his hotel bar, a drink in hand and too much on his mind. All these emotional switches were beginning to really wear him down, and to be honest, he didn't feel like dealing with it anymore.
It had only been a few weeks since the whole incident, but he invested so much time and energy to try and get back on Blair's good side, he really was drained. And when she told him that she didn't have feelings for him anymore, well let's just say he wasn't prepared for that kind of rejection.
But for the past week, he told himself not to give up. He tried to continuously convince his damned brain that she was just trying to push him away – because there was no way that the feelings she had weren't as strong or as real as his.
It was just something unexplainable really. There was something purely impossible to define that pulled them so strongly towards each other. Also all too familiar. Chuck felt like this had happened before. Even though he had only had feelings for Blair since Valentine's Day, he couldn't shake the feeling that it had been going on for longer.
The constant dreams were no help either.
At first it was just the dream with the faceless brunette be began having weeks ago. But soon, she started to form into the familiar face of Blair Waldorf. And it was just this one scene, in a boat on the Atlantic where he knew his father had a yacht. They were happy together spending an evening with each other, but he would suddenly get a sinking feeling and before long, he'd wake up before anything else would happen.
That was just the beginning though, because as of recently, he'd been haunted with day dreams as well. But they felt more like memories.
Chuck was sitting at the table in the Van Der Bass house hold. He was joining the family for breakfast before school this morning. Serena had noted that he was unusually quiet during their meal, but he swiped her comment aside as he continued eating. His mind was where it always was; thinking about the last few encounters with Blair, trying to find where it went wrong. When suddenly, a picture unfamiliar to him starting forming in his mind.
She was up on a stage, dim lights cradling her silhouette. He couldn't make out where they were, since everything was slightly foggy, but he knew it was familiar, and he could never mistake Blair. He was sitting down on a couch, watching her move slowly. The way she swayed her hips in such a manner was so enticing.
Chuck couldn't believe it was her, on stage with burlesque dancers – as she reached up to pull off her headband. Burlesque dancers? He stood up and really took in his surroundings now. He was at his night club. But before he could continue to look around, his eyes were drawn back to the curious beauty smiling slyly at him as she slowly unzipped her dress and let it fall to the ground.
"Who's that girl?" Someone asked him from behind.
"I have no idea." He answered.
"Chuck."
He snapped back into present times, collecting his emotions before turning to the person who had just addressed him. He was quite shocked to see who it was.
"Archibald. Am I sitting in your spot?" He responded quite coldly. They hadn't spoken in weeks, and rightfully so. Chuck would not tolerate anything to do with Jenny Humphrey, and Nate and he were obviously on rocky terms before he began dating the vile girl.
"I wanted to talk to you." He said rather sheepishly, and he pulled out a bar stool beside his sour looking ex friend. "I wanted to apologize."
Chuck looked at him blankly before going back to facing the barman. "Two more scotches please. One for prince charming here." He quipped before finishing his glass to retrieve his new, full one. Chuck turned to face Nate once more, obviously waiting for whatever he had to say.
"Whatever happened with you and Blair was my fault too. I just couldn't get over the fact that I lost her for good. I knew quite early on that I was being a hypocrite, since I helped Serena betray her best friend too and didn't think any less of her." Nate started, feeling more confident with each word.
"So then, why the delayed apology if you knew you were an idiot since the beginning." Chuck responded with spite. He still hated what Nate was defending now. Even though him and Blair weren't together anymore, he believed that the fact that his loyalties for one of his oldest friends shouldn't have been forgotten so quickly. "And what about your power hungry girl friend?"
"Ugh, that's fucked up I know." Nate rolled his eyes and took a large sip of his drink.
Since him and Jenny started dating, and she became popular.. she was changing so fast he could barely keep up. Everything he liked about her, or thought he did, wasn't there anymore. Everything that put him off about him and Blair's relationship, now was multiplied tenfold in his new one.
Jenny was so immature and impressionable, and it seemed all she wanted was acceptance. She was being more cruel and self-centered then he thought possible. At least Blair knew who she was and didn't change for anyone. She was strong and honourable, as well as dignified.
"You know she only put out that blast to take down Blair. You know how people don't take to being under her reign – Jenny was no different." Chuck noted while he noticed Nate in thought. He responded by nodding his head in defeat. It took him awhile to accept it, but he could tell that that was her ultimate goal.
"I just didn't think someone so young, and you know, the sister of Dan, could be so manipulative."
"I'm glad you finally found your brain, but you really should be taking this apology else where. You know she is the one you really hurt." Chuck felt like it was easier for him to forgive Nate if Blair would. What pissed him off the most was the fact that he was so wrong towards her. "You really abandoned her, and she never deserved that from you."
Chuck pushed his drink forward and left a fifty dollar bill for the barman. As he scratched his stool backwards to get up and leave, Nate stood up as well.
"You really do care for her." He stated rather then asked. Nate and Chuck may not be friends at the moment, but he knew him the best out of anyone. Nate didn't know how he missed it before, but he could see it now that Chuck was hurting more then ever over whatever he lost with his ex-girlfriend.
Chuck didn't say anything. He just nodded a goodbye his way, and began his way out. But this time, it wasn't to his penthouse.
He had quite a few more drinks in his limo, and he changed destinations so many times, he had at least forty minutes of driving around under his belt before finally choosing to see Serena.
"Stupid blonde thinks she can avoid me forever. I know she knows something." He was muttering under his breath as he walked past the doorman to the elevator. He nodded to the concierge before stumbling his way forward.
"Oh Chuck, just leave it alone. I don't know anything." He squeaked in an attempt at a woman's voice. Yet, right after he broke into a few low chuckles. Chuck never had lost his cool when drinking before – this girl was really screwing with his head.
The elevator arrived at his final stop, and he attempted cautiously to make his way up to Serena's room. He knew it was very early in the morning, but his better judgement was slightly impaired to say the least. When Chuck finally made it to her door, he opened it a crack before harshly whispering Serena's name.
"Serena! Pst… wake your ass up!"
Soon enough, his balance got the best of him, or lack there of, and he accidentally pushed through the door. Yet, what he found was an empty room and no Serena.
"God damnit!" He muttered once again as he stubbed his toe on her desk not far from her door. It was then that he noticed a name catch his eye.
There her name was, written in bold capital letters.
BLAIR WALDORF – TAPE 1
He had no clue why he felt like he knew that this would be about him. But when he saw the tape, he couldn't help but search through the drawers to try and find the player. Luckily, it didn't take him too long. Yet that mostly attested to the fact that he wasn't trying to be quiet anymore.
After working with the headphone jack and the actual tape and player – "Stupid old school shit" – he pressed play and leaned back in the chair, ignorant to can of worms he had just opened.
"February 5th 2008 – Interview number one with client 173."
-static-
"Say your name for me please."
"Blair Waldorf."
"And can you please state clearly why you have come to me this afternoon."
"I've come because you told me this interview was necessary before going though with the procedure."
"Yes, I know. But for legal reasons, I need you to state what you have come to me for."
"Oh fine. I've come to you, Dr. Brown, to have my memories of my romantic relationship with Chuck Bass erased."
Chuck could feel his stomach drop.
Little bit of a cliffy for you all. Now I promise you, if you all review, new chapter by tomorrow. This seems to be the best result for everyone, cause I'm actually motivated and you all get more chapters But it's 4am now so good night all, I hope you enjoyed.
