Sorry for the lameness of the last chapter. I thought about re-doing it, but unfortunately, I am way too lazy.
Yayy I love reviews. Um. I just wanted to say, that it would probably make my life if I got 100 reviews on this! That would be the most reviews I've ever gotten EVER. So... can you guys try for me? Por favor? Thaanks!! :)
This chapter is from "It's Not a Fashion Statement, it's a Deathwish" by My Chemical Romance. (Do you remember that day when we met? / you told me this get's harder. Well, it did.)
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Ultraviolet
Chapter 10: This Gets Harder
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Sam had given in, but I didn't feel any of the satisfaction of winning.
Not like this, not without Edward. There was no way to fix this, my stupidity. He couldn't possibly forgive me.
"We have to call your leeches. Before they do something stupid. They're probably already running all over the place looking for you, and Sam does not need to open his front door to see one of them asking for you." Jacob held up his small silver cell phone.
"Jake... no..." I begged, my eyes pleading with him.
"Bells, we have to. I'd rather not either. But I'm trying to be responsible here."
"He probably hates me!" I wailed, squeezing my eyes shut.
"Doesn't matter. What's his number?"
I sighed, but rattled it off. Jacob punched it into the phone, and we stood there, listening to it ring.
"This is Edward?" Jake snapped before Edward could say anything.
"Yes. This is Jacob?" Edward replied coolly. Although he was speaking at normal volume, my vampire senses enabled me to hear his voice through the phone.
"Yeah. We have Bella," Jacob said bluntly.
"You... have her?" Edward's voice came out a little strangled. "Is she okay? What are you doing to her?"
"NOTHING! I would NEVER hurt her!" Unlike you, I heard in his thoughts.
"Jake, focus!" I hissed.
"Is that her? Is she there? Let me talk to her!" Edward demanded.
I shook my head, but Jacob had already pressed the phone to my ear.
"Bella, is that you?" Edward asked.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know it doesn't help, but I am such a horrible person. I'm sorry I bit you, and tell Alice I'm sorry for hurting her, too," I took a breath.
"Bella..."
I ignored him, kept rambling. "I understand that you hate me, and everyone else probably does too, and I'm just so mad at myself. I don't have any self control and it sucks, and I wish I'd never bitten a person."
"Bella."
"And then I totally messed up and I was so stupid and I forgot about the treaty... and I put you all in danger. I worked out the treaty thing, but that doesn't make up for anything, and-"
"Bella!" I stopped talking. "I'm not... mad at you. And I could never hate you. You need to come back, though. So we can discuss this more. Please, just let me come get you and take you home."
His calm voice made me relax. I nodded, but then remembered I was on the phone. "Okay," I whispered. I handed the phone back to Jake.
"I realize we've broken the treaty," Edward said slowly.
"Yeah, well, Bella talked to Sam, and Sam's pissed as hell, but he wants to work something out with Carlisle."
"That sounds reasonable. I'll let him know, expect a call later. I'll be there in five minutes. Tell Bella I love her." Jacob snapped the phone shut.
"He'll be here soon." He made a face. "And... he... lovesyou." Jacob mumbled.
"I know."
Of course she did, she can read my mind.
"Actually, I heard it over the phone," I said, smiling slightly.
Even better.
I smiled again. "Thanks, Jake." I inched towards him, holding my arms out. He hugged me tightly. I miss this, his thoughts said happily.
"Me too," I whispered to him. It struck me then that I had no urge to drink his blood. Even when I was breathing, his blood made me want to throw up more than anything. Maybe being friends with a werewolf wouldn't be that hard.
I pulled away and he wrinkled his nose. "Man, Bella, you stink!"
"Like I said before, so do you. I haven't breathed this whole time just so I don't have to smell you!"
"You can do that?" he asked incredulously, his eyes bugging.
"Of course. Vampires don't need silly things like oxygen." I smirked. It was fun, joking around with Jake. He made a face.
"Listen, about Angela... just tell her," I told him, hearing the worry that had never left his mind. "She doesn't judge easily. She was really nice to me, even when everyone else at school wasn't. And she was even willing to get to know the Cullens. She's sweet. Just tell her, I think it'll work out."
He looked at me, hesitating. "You sure?"
"Yeah. Go over after Edward gets here, tell her. But don't tell her about me, she can't know about vampires. Just tell her... Edward and I had a fight, and I came back here, but it worked out. And tell her to call me. On Edward's cell phone." It was a bit of a stretch, but it might work.
"I don't want to put her in danger," he said firmly, folding his arms.
"Believe me, neither do I. I've caused enough problems. I just want to say hi, see how she's doing. I won't come anywhere near her."
This seemed to satisfy him.
Suddenly, I heard the crunch of footsteps, way off in the woods, and I began to smell the sweet scent of Edward.
So did Jake. He wrinkled his nose further. Ew. That's gross. Why do they all have to smell so disgusting?
I let it slide as Edward emerged from the forest. He ran straight for me and enveloped me in a hug. "I missed you," was the first thing he said, his eyes shut tightly, his lips in my hair.
I breathed, letting go of anxiety and worry. All that mattered was that Edward was here and everything was better.
"I'm sorry," I whispered back, my eyes closed as well, feeling horrible once again. He finally let go, stepping back to look at me. "You smell like a dog," he whispered.
I smirked slightly as Jacob growled angrily. How dare he say that... it's only okay when she says it!
Edward turned to Jake. "Thank you, Jacob. For looking out for her."
Jake nodded tersely. "You need to watch her more closely. You can't let her run away like that."
"I'm not a child," I hissed, folding my arms.
Edward stared at me, and I could see so much in his eyes, but all he said was "Hmm."
I bit my lip. "Bye, Jake," I said, staring at my feet.
"See you, Bells. Be careful. Don't kill anyone else, please? For me." Hey, I know you can hear this. I'll miss you. I'll see you soon, okay? Once you can stop killing everyone in sight, that is. Even if he won't let you.
"Sure," I nodded. "Of course, Jake." He'd forgotten that Edward could hear, too, so there was really no point in sending me a thought message.
One last wave, and Edward was tugging me along into the forest. He scooped me up onto his back, looped my arms around his neck.
"Hey..." I protested. "I can run."
"I want to talk to you," he said. He started running, quickly, sprinting around trees until we were deep in the forest. He let me down and turned to face me.
I winced, staring at the twigs and leaves on the ground, nudging the dirt with my foot. "Whatever you say, I know I deserve it."
His voice was short, frustrated. "You were acting like a child. I know blood is hard to resist. Believe me, Bella. I know. We all do, and we don't blame you for that. But you can't just run away like that. You have to own up to it. You can't leave every time something goes wrong."
"That's what you do," I bit back, but instantly regretted it. Why did I always bring that up? I didn't want to hurt him, I hated it.
"It happened once," he said firmly. "And I swore to you it would never happen again. And I still promise that. Let's make this your one time, too."
He'd never been mad at me before. He always blamed himself, never me. But there was no way around that this was my fault. "I'm sorry," I murmured for the hundredth time. "I didn't mean to kill that person. I feel horrible... it was just the blood."
He laughed unevenly. "You don't get it, Bella! I don't care about the human. It happens to all of us. I know it's hard to resist. I'm mad, no, not even mad. I'm upset and hurt that you didn't trust me enough to know that I would always be there for you. You felt like you needed to run away."
He took a breath. "You are my life, Bella. I would not have spent the last three years of my existence with you, I would not have married you, if I wasn't always going to be there."
He dropped me to the ground, pressing his lips to mine forcefully. I felt the familiar sensation of my heart pounding in my ears as he kissed me, even though it wasn't beating. I was breathing heavily as he let go.
"Oh," I said stupidly.
"You're so clueless sometimes," he said, smiling, planting kisses on my cheeks, up and down my jaw line.
"Hey!" I said, folding my arms and making a face.
"You know it's true," he said, still flashing the crooked smile, and kissing me again.
I sighed, knowing he was right. I never seemed to notice silly things like this.
I followed him back to the house, running myself this time. I still couldn't get over the rush that I felt as the wind whip through my hair and whirled around my body.
"You're in for an earful," Edward muttered to me.
As if I didn't already know. All the thoughts are heard almost knocked me backwards when they hit me, full of anger and frustration.
Is she okay? Bella, dear, oh, darling. She must feel horrible. This from Esme. She was comforting, motherly. I flashed her a smile as I entered the house and she hugged me to her.
I knew she would screw up. And she did. Look what it's done to us! She's my sister now, and I accept that, but... I knew she shouldn't have been bitten. Rosalie. Any progress we'd made had vanished.
Jasper was surprisingly understanding. I know how she feels. I would give anything to taste human blood again... but I know how to control myself.
I was jostled slightly as Alice launched herself at me, hugging me tightly. "Bella! You're okay! But that was so stupid. You can't ever do that again, do you understand me?" The little pixie's voice was fierce, her eyes boring into mine.
"I won't," I promised.
"I thought you were going to be okay," she muttered, her eyes slightly sad. "I saw you running in the woods, and I figured I'd catch you eventually. But then you suddenly decided to go to La Push," I could hear the distaste in her voice, "and your future disappeared. Sorry I didn't get you in time."
"It's not your fault, Alice!" I said, hugging her. "I'm the one who should be sorry."
Carlisle was the worst, though. I'm surprised, Bella, he told me silently. That was enough, all he had to say.
I nodded, wincing. Edward heard as well, pulled me close to him.
Everyone was gathered in their living room. I couldn't get my feet to move, to go stand in the room with them. Edward tugged my arm slightly, then sighed, picked me up, and sat me down on the couch next to him.
They were all staring at me. "I-I..." I stuttered. "I'm sorry." It was all I could think of to say.
You should be, Rosalie bit at me in her head, her expression icy.
"I know I've said it a lot," I continued. "But I really feel awful. I let all of you down, and you believed in me and tried to help. And then I left, and put you all in danger by going to La Push. It was stupid, and irresponsible, and I'll never do it again." I felt like a little kid, apologizing to her parents.
Damn right, you won't. Emmett was folding his arms, face frowning, but I could tell that he was ready to forgive me. Emmett didn't hold grudges for long. Bella, it's cool. They'll all come around. I'll help you out with Rose. He winked at me swiftly, then resumed his original expression.
"It's serious, what you did, Bella," Carlisle said to me. His voice was calm, but firm. "No so much the human, because we all slip sometimes." Not him, of course. Carlisle had never tasted human blood. "In fact, it was bound to happen. But it turned out alright. Alice saw that the man didn't have family, or many friends. There will be a missing person's report filed, but in few months, everyone will forget."
I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt bad for the man, and it was sad that no one would miss him, but at least I hadn't caused pain for any loved ones.
"It's that you ran away, when we needed you to be here so we could watch out for you. What if you had come across more humans? You don't know how to hunt carefully yet, what if someone had seen you? And on top of that, you went back on a treaty that is centuries old. What would make you go to La Push?"
"Jacob... I didn't know where else to go," I whispered, knowing it sounded pathetic.
"Sam Uley called. He's upset with us for breaking the treaty. He was sort of hinting at extinguishing the boundaries and letting the wolves do what they want if they crossed us, but he doesn't want to cause any problems. He just wants us to move as soon as we're able to. I think that's reasonable, and we were going to move anyway."
His expression softened. "He said you spoke with him. I do appreciate that Bella. Thank you for taking responsibility for that."
Edward turned towards me now. "Bella... it's hard for me to say this, because I don't want you to get hurt..."
He's not even helping her! I looked towards Jasper. He was trying to send out waves of calm, trying to smooth everything over, but he couldn't conceal the tiny bit of irritation and ended up sending that out along with the attempt at tranquility.
I turned towards Jasper. "Would you like to say something?" I asked icily. He couldn't help but make me feel irritated, too.
"Yeah, actually. Sorry, Edward, but you're beating around the bush. I'm going to tell it like it is, Bella, but you can't get mad at me." Jasper looked meaningfully at Edward.
"I think I can handle this-"
"No, you can't." He cut Edward off, turned to me.
"Bella, this is hard. I'm not ever going to tell you it's not. And so what? You made a mistake. But by making that mistake, you've just made it a hell of a lot harder for yourself, because once you taste human blood, the craving for it will always be stronger. Just know that you're going to have to try a lot harder now.
"But you're going to get through it. We've got all the time in the world- literally- for you to learn to control it. Okay? We're going to do our best to help you, but you have to make the effort, too."
I nodded mutely. I understood.
"Well," Rosalie said, smirking slightly. You'll be fine, Bella. Her thoughts were surprisingly light, she appeared to have forgiven me. "I guess we know that Jasper won the bet!"
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Referring to the bet Jasper and Emmett made in Eclipse about how many times Bella would slip up.
Er, I'm not sure how good this chapter is but hopefully it was better than the last one.
Haha I just got really excited because I realized Breaking Dawn comes out IN A WEEK! I am definitely getting the book at midnight.
Anyway. I think this is it! Just the epilogue left. :)
