I'm rather torn between wanting to give more Merthur and just letting it go. To assure you, if it helps, I hate Merthur. Like many of you. But Pearlbunny is a good friend of mine in real life, and there's always the great chance that she might kill me in my sleep if I don't provide said Merthur.

With a butter knife.

So I can feel it.

Anyway. I spent last week in not-so-sunny Florida, had a blast, spent money like a man with no arms...it's been fun. But I've also gotten some good inspiration for new MTM chapters. So without further ado, Carlyle productions proudly present...Merlin Text Messages Chapter Eleven!

Enjoy!


Arthur: Merlin!

Merlin: Arthur...?

Arthur: Is there an actual reason why you hate me, or is it just generic?

Merlin: um...you treat me like crap, for one thing. why do you ask?

Arthur: Because after you told Gwen about my non-existent collection of care bears, she's been giving them to me.

Merlin: I am dying.

Arthur: It isn't funny, Merlin!


Lancelot: Merlin! These gelatin treats you brought me from the future are absolutely amazing!

Merlin: oh, the marshmallows? Ur welcome

Lancelot: Merlin. You have made my life complete.

Merlin: glad you think so.

Merlin: say, have you seen gwen around anywhere?

Lancelot: can't say I have.

Lancelot: Although my face is covered in marshmallow fluff and I think I have some in my eyes, so I'm not particularly reliable in that field at the moment.

Merlin: I'd be pissed off if this wasn't the funniest thing in the world.

Lancelot: funniest thing in the world? That would actually be the auto-correct plague.

Merlin: you havent had it yet.

Merlin: if you had, you wouldn't be laughing.

Lancelot: Just because you have magic doesn't mean you have to turn it on. Ahem.

Merlin: actually, I'm fairly surprised at the amount of self-restraint I've shown with this.

Lancelot: I'm screwed.

Merlin: as soon as I get bored, yes.


Arthur: noticing anything?

Merlin: such as?

Arthur: Well, there's not any apocalyptic problems going on right now.

Merlin: I'm going to reevaluate my life. Bye.

Gwen: I think I may join you.

Arthur: I'm serious! Look around.

Merlin: looking...

Gwen: guess ur right. No trips to the future

Merlin: or colorful kings

Gwen: ...or colorful dragons

Merlin: or donkey ears

Arthur: Or evil sorcerers...

Merlin: or the auto coconut plague...

Gwen: or llamas wearing hats...

Arthur: ?

Merlin: oh, yeah...

Merlin: haha. I remember that.

Arthur: I don't. :(

Merlin: need-to-know basis Arthur. Need-to-know basis.

Gwaine: how come I wasn't invited to this little party?

Gwaine: I like complaining about stuff too.

Gwen: get the hell out

Gwaine: Gwen?!

Gwen: I mean it Gwaine. Haul ur sorry ass out of here

Gwaine: what did I ever do to u?

Gwen: u burned down times square and half of Disney world.

Merlin: safety warning. Kids, don't try this at home.

Gwaine: would that be referring to burning down theme parks in the future or pissing off Guinevere?

Merlin: yes.


Lancelot: MERLIN!

Merlin: LANCELOT!

Merlin: What is it?

Lancelot: I need u to use ur magic to track down Gwaine.

Lancelot: he's probably headed for the border by now.

Lancelot: maybe he's left the country!

Merlin: oh god. What did he do?

Lancelot: he stole my marshmallows!

Merlin: all of them?

Lancelot: yes

Merlin: brave man

Lancelot: :(

Merlin: don't worry, lance. I'll track down ur marshmallow thief.


Merlin: he's running towards the forest with a bag clenched in his fist and cackling like a maniac

Merlin: and his eyes

Merlin: oh, god, his eyes

Merlin: they were soulless, lancelot. Glittering like he was carrying a bag of gold.

Lancelot: he is carrying a bag of gold. Theyre my marshmallows!

Merlin: but he was terrifying. I can't defeat the power of marshmallows. Not even with magic.

Lancelot: so what do we do?

Merlin: the only thing we can do.

Merlin: run in circles and flail like chickens with our heads cut off.

Lancelot: IT'S NOT WORKING!

Merlin: ...because it was a joke.

Merlin: maybe I can find u a replacement?

Lancelot: such as?

Merlin: nutella?

Lancelot: doesn't sound very appetizing.

Merlin: good because I didnt plan on sharing mine

Merlin: what about ice cream?

Lancelot: can u say brain freeze?

Merlin: brain freeze.

Merlin: uh...skittles?

Lancelot: what r skittles?

Merlin: excellent.

Merlin: wait just one moment.


Lancelot: MERLIN, THESE RAINBOW CANDIES YOU GOT ME ARE AMAZING.

Merlin: glad you think so.

Lancelot: I thought marshmallows completed my life.

Lancelot: but I was wrong, Merlin.

Lancelot: so very wrong.

Merlin: well, enjoy them. I'll deal with Gwaine later.


Arthur: I think I should probably aid Gaius in finding you professional help, Merlin.

Merlin: I see your mind is back to normal.

Arthur: Yes. No thanks to you.

Arthur: but what have you done?!

Merlin: to what are you referring?

Arthur: Lancelot is running through the halls screeching "taste the rainbow" and throwing colored pellets of sugar at everyone.

Merlin: ...ah. and? Anything else?

Arthur: Leon found Gwaine in the forest.

Merlin: ...

Arthur: He had been turned into a marshmallow.

Merlin: I can assure you I have no idea what you're talking about

Arthur: We'll see if that's still your opinion after you spend the day in the stocks.

Merlin: Tell me you're joking.

Arthur: I never joke about rotten vegetables, Merlin.


Merlin: It's been five hours and I'm still picking rotten tomato out of my hair.

Gwaine: oh yeah? Try being turned into gelatin.

Gwaine: what kind of person puts protective hexes on a bag of marshmallows anyway?!

Merlin: I do.

Gwaine: I ate one. Just one.

Merlin: The idea is to stop you from eating any.

Gwaine: u suck.

Merlin: I know.

Arthur: I think we all know.

Gwen: everyone is painfully aware of that fact.

Morgana:

Uther: oh shoehorns. I catch torn the alabaster company offer.

Merlin: O.O

Gwen: did we never...?

Arthur: :)

Merlin: what are you smiling about?

Uther: yokes. Itch nappy gums.

Arthur: Best. Day. Ever.


That was rather fun, if I do say so myself. I just realized that no one ever turned off Uther's Auto-Correct. Oops! It's a party now. And Morgana's back. Things should be interesting from here on out. Anyone want to suggest a relevant plot point? They're an endangered species in the jungles of my mind. Also...how would you guys feel if I did one of these for ABC's Once Upon a Time...and/or The Avengers?

That is all.

-K. A. Carlyle