ch 11

"The Scarecrow and the Lion?" House asked musingly. "The Scarecrow and the Lion were friends of Dorothy, not of Alice. It is possible that they would have been friends to Alice, too, had they met her. Or even Allison, had you given them Allison. But you chose to give them what you thought they wanted: Allison pretending to be Alice."

"You say that like it's a crime or something."

"No, it's not a crime as such, except, perhaps, against yourself. How could you ever trust your friends, if you don't trust them to be your friends for you, but only for what you can do for them or give them?"

"So you really don't think people like me?" Allison muttered dejectedly.

"I have told you that people like you!" House nearly snapped at her. "You had the Scarecrow and the Lion fooled, but real people are not as clueless as those in your dreams. You may think you have been able to keep Foreman and Chase in the dark, but they have a much better idea of who you are than you think. Yes, you have secrets, but unlike me, they respect privacy and are quite happy to let you tell them what you want when you want. But they see you and they like you, not because of what you do or give, but for who you are."

"I thought we were talking about my dream," Allison tried to back pedal from the conversation.

"We are. Or did you think I couldn't figure out who was the Scarecrow who thought you owed him a brain, or the Lion who had lost his nerve? And Tin Man now there I really had to buy a clue to figure out who he might be." House shook his head at Allison. "Cameron ... people around you have a much higher opinion of you than you have yourself. You really don't need to serve them hand and foot to make them like you. They just do!"

"You don't," Allison almost sulked.

"I don't like anyone. You know that. You are a good doctor and you fit well into my team. I respect your abilities but you don't need my liking you."

"But I do," Allison said. "I need you to like me. I know I cannot make you love me, that is over, but I need you to like me."

"I like your ass," House said almost dismissively. "You just have to make do with that"

"Could you leave my ass alone!" Allison snapped this time.

"I thought I had," House frowned. "At least I cannot remember hustling it. Do you?"

"No. That is not what I meant. You keep saying that people like me, but you don't. I need to know why."

"No, you don't really need to know why. You just want to. But if you insist, fine, here it is. I don't like you because you don't like you."

"That's stupid! I do like me," Allison insisted.

"If you liked yourself, you wouldn't be so insecure about other people liking you. As I said, you trust people to be your friends only for what you can give them. You sacrifice your own needs and even your medical opinions to please others. You once said that people dismiss you because you are pretty. That is not true. They dismiss you – if they do – because you don't stand up for yourself. You are getting better, you even defend your opinions now, but you still don't know yourself nor like yourself. You are still damaged."

"That could be said about you, too!"

"Of course, in fact, it applies to most people. Very few get through life undamaged. But unlike you, I know my damage and I know myself. I don't need people liking me, I certainly don't stand in line waiting for them to like me."

"Well that's a good thing, because you would be waiting for a long time. You really are a jerk!"

"Dyed in the wool. Yet you insist that you like me. One does wonder why?"

"Well I have just had brain surgery! There must have been a reason for it."

"Obviously even more of a reason than we thought. But it is true you had one, so you need your rest. Try not to see any more dreams, huh?" House suggested.

Allison sighed but couldn't help but go back to her original thought, the one that had started the whole conversation: "So you think that Foreman and Chase are my friends?"

For a moment she thought House wasn't going to answer. He stood at the foot of her bed shaking his head like she was a recalcitrant child who wouldn't go to sleep without her bedtime story. Finally he relented.

"Yes, they are your friends. If I ever doubted it, the moment they found you unconscious on my floor surely dispelled any doubts. For a moment there they both thought that I had actually done something to you and there was bloody murder in their eyes before they came to their senses. Even Chase was ready to tear me limb for limb! So fear not, they don't want to harm you in any way. And contrary to your belief, I do have a heart! It may not be the kind of heart you'd want me to have, but is perfectly adequate for my needs, so you are safe from me, too."

"I already knew you didn't want my heart. After all, I pretty much already gave it to you, and on a platter, too. As I recall, you stamped return to the sender, all over it."

"I think that is my cue to leave," House actually gave her a little smile as he turned to leave. "Oh, just one more thing, was Wilson in your dream?"

"Well, yes, he did make an appearance," Allison admitted slowly.

"As??..." House prompted.

"He was Mr. Wabbit, the white rabbit," Allison told him and watched an expression of unholy glee settle over House's features.

"Perfect!" he laughed and left, grinning like the House Cat. Allison started to drift into sleep, but she did hear House singing as he made his way down the hall and she had to smile, he couldn't even sing that song without slightly altering it to mock her, though he was rather gentle about it, this time.

"When a man's an empty kettle / He should be on his mettle / And yet you're torn apart / Just because you're presumin' / That I could be kind-a human / If I only had a heart. / I'd be tender, I'd be gentle / And awful sentimental / Regarding love and art / I'd be friends with the sparrows / And the boy who shoots the arrows/ If I only had a heart.

The End

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Acknowledgements:

Obviously I don't own House & company, nor things and people from Oz or the Wonderland but they just would not leave me alone until I took them out to play. Really, it wasn't me but them!

Apart from the obvious thefts (like the nursery rhymes used here) there are some sources I need to make clear, as they may be a little more unknown than those mentioned above. The Butler the Mad Hatter mentions is Samuel Butler from whom I got the quotations: "Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well." and "Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them."Also the idea for the "different" interpretation put to Wordsworth's Lucy poems is from him.

The phrase "I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king" that the Queen of Hearts uses, was originally said by Queen Elizabeth I in 1588 and the song "Greensleaves" is usually attributed to her father, King Henry VIII, though that is actually doubtful.

The speech about his deformity that the Tin Man gives to Allison is slightly paraphrased from Shakespeare's Richard III. The song in the end from the Wizard of Oz has had a couple of words changed, too.

The Hollow men quotation House uses in ch 10 is from the poem The Hollow Men by T. S. Elliot

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