Another Programming lesson the next week led to further conflict. The class was sat bickering when he entered the room. "Disappointing work from most of you. Only a couple of you showed even slight promise. Enslow remains the only person capable of writing a satisfactory attack sequence for the prototype firewall. Faeilr I would have expected more of you, Raines I would have shredded your paper and used it as compost but I felt it was so bad, I should instead frame it as the ultimate example of What Not to Do Unless You Want to Hold a Beacon to Yourself Saying Infect Me, I am an Interstella Trainee Fighter For Com-Co!" If looks could kill he'd be dead right now, Anna thought wryly, watching Tom mentally burn holes into the Professor with his eyes. Anna got the impression her teacher was not in a good mood. This would have been difficult to tell but to her it became clear as day as the lesson went on. He'd started over-pronouncing his 'rs', something he only did when stressed. He was tapping, an irritated gesture, and he rubbed his chin, betraying an emotion she hadn't quite worked out yet. She would need to tread carefully today.
She listened as Blackburn rambled on, she got the impression even he wasn't paying much attention to what he was saying. Normally she would have been on edge, trying to learn as much as she could so he could never control her using her processor. Wyatt had already helped her make an excellent firewall. But today her mind was not on it. She found her thoughts drifting, irrefutably back to Stow. Remembering fireside conversations, trying to capture, to glean even a slither of personal information about her guard. She'd asked him his favourite colour, his favourite location, his favourite food, even delving delicately into is past somewhat by asking where he had been born. She had never received an answer except a stony expression. But there had been that one time. Drunk on the beach. That one time when… she'd discovered more than she'd dreamed possible about him.
Anna was interrupted from her rambling thoughts by a large shadow blocking the sunlight as he towered over her. "Are you quite done fantasising Anna? I have a lesson to teach and you seemed to have absorbed none of it." Uh oh. Dangerous territory, especially if today was what she suspected it might be. "Sorry Sir, I'm listening." Normally she might have said something more belligerent. But not today. Not on this date. "You'd think you'd have learned to keep your pretty mouth shut and ears open girl." He seemed to be looking for a fight, seeking out conflict. "Your parents might have cast you aside like dead leaves but that doesn't mean you can daze off in a haze! This isn't your stupid Fantaynya you idiot girl" That was it! He'd struck a nerve. She'd told him about her parents, about the shouting, the apathy and indifference, and the mythical intrinsic world in which she hid herself, Fantaynya, back when she had been trying to convince him she could be trusted. She'd figured truth was better than a lie, but it was still incredibly personal stuff. She hadn't shared that magical world with anyone, only telling him in the desperate hope that he might not see her as such a threat. Anna was livid! If it was a fight he wanted it was a fight he was going to get! She swore at him. "You know you'd think you'd be used to people trying to escape you talking to them but apparently not! Figures though that you wouldn't want anything I do to be childish. To have hope or some imagination."
You could literally have heard a penny drop. Blackburn lowered his voice and said softly, "Watch your tongue Anna, we couldn't have you tripping up." His eyes bore into her's and it felt like a punch to the stomach. She knew what he was referring to. To everyone else it would sound like he was simply talking about tripping over her words. In fact he knew exactly what he was doing. He was talking about an incident that had occurred a few months back.
It had been one of his more human moments. He'd started staring at the horizon, scanning it endlessly, for hours on end when they really didn't have time for it. He'd become obsessive, waiting fruitlessly for rescue. She understood the impulse of course, hope. But she'd repressed it months ago, pushed the hope to the back of her mind and simply focussed on what she was doing in the present. "Blackburn, sir", (she'd used the title for the first time in a long time), "we have to reset the stills. Come on!" he'd ignored her for a long moment and then, still focussed on the horizon, murmured "do you think we'll ever be rescued?" She'd stood stock still, her brain already calculating how she might be able to use this uncharacteristic expression of vulnerability to her advantage. "I don't know. I'd like to be alive and not die of thirst before that happens. Then I can kill you and get on that boat."
He'd smirked at that, eyes still far away. "There is no escape. There never was." Normally such a statement from the man would have had her backing to the shelter of the trees to break down, but this time was different. He didn't seem to have been talking to her, more to himself. Anna surmised he couldn't have been talking about her as he continued: "No matter how far you run, they follow you. You can't escape." Hesitantly, wondering if she was making a huge mistake Anna asked whom 'they' were. The look he'd shot at her had frozen her blood, his voice curt. "Not 'they', not people. People couldn't find me. Not ever. I meant actions. Guilt." He'd seemed to snap out of his trance and had grabbed her arm to drag her towards the stills. "Gettof! I can walk! Stay away from me!" They'd carried on, their routine as normal albeit slightly delayed due to his turn earlier that day, meaning they were doing everything a few hours later. As a result it had been dark by the time Anna had begun cooking dinner.
She'd mixed the seafood and seaweed into a rudimentary stew and walked a while to the small clearing where the berries they had found the other day grew. She hadn't had a chance to explore it yet other than a handful of berries when they had first found it. They had been dark purple and she had fed a few to a scavenging animal. It wasn't foolproof but it could help determine if they were poisonous. She had then tried some and felt fine so was craving some more now. In the utter pitch black of the canopy she couldn't see. It was stupid really, she knew that. But Blackburn had been acting so weird and she'd needed to get away.
In that jungle it wasn't dark. It was pitch black. And as her hand had brushed the berries she had very stupidly assumed they were all the same ones she had tried the time before. But the berries she had inadvertently picked were in fact yellow and white and therefore likely to be poisonous. Anna remembered eating them on the way back to camp, feeling somewhat lighter as she had. She'd then begun feeling woozy, almost drunk and slightly dizzy. Blackburn had rounded on her immediately. "Where were you girl? You realise it is pitch black out there? Even you cannot possibly that stupid!" She'd giggled at his beard and thought he looked like a rather large bear. "Ssh, don't be naughty Mr scary Blackburn sir. You mustn't shout it is very rude" she'd slurred, stressing the wrong syllables as she'd tipped into him. He'd caught her and immediately examined her eyes, the way the pupils were dilated and she was sweating. "Were you bitten, what's wrong?" He'd noticed a couple of berries crushed on her hands. "Oh for crying out loud girl, you idiot." The rest of that night had been a humiliating affair. Anna didn't remember all of it but she did remember telling him off a lot for "not giving her proper clothes," informing him that she was "absolutely terrified" of him because she "really really really didn't want to die", it was her "least favourite thing to do" and she thought he had "no manners". She'd then let him know that her parents wouldn't approve of him or her living conditions let alone her clothing. She'd giggled hysterically at that and suddenly become fascinated by the two faint scars on his cheek, tracing them with her fingers. She dimly remembered Blackburn holding her still so she didn't hurt herself as she thrashed in a sudden rage, demanding anything she could possibly think of.
Then came the worst bit, the bit she had desperately hoped was a nightmare but knew wasn't. She'd told him "you know Jamesy, you, you should take your top off more." He'd raised his eyebrows and she'd carried on. "You know, if I am all alone on this island I want you to feel as, as vul-nerrrr-able as me and me looking at some abs would help." She'd felt she'd made a good speech. "Even if they are just yours. I have to go to sleep now but I don't want to sleep next to you because you are a boy and dirty and mean and you shout at me." She'd actually wagged her finger at the guy. "Naughty Blackburn, not cool dude. Aaaand you tie me up which is kinda illegal. When I get back I'm gonna tell all the police about you and they will put you in jail. You'd look good in orange. Scary but it would suit you." And that was just what Anna remembered. She'd spilled secrets that night, said awful things about him and told him she wasn't going to keep quiet. It had been horrendous. And now he was reminding her of it.
Back in the classroom Anna saw red. "At least when I stop making sense and lose my mind I don't affect anyone else! At least when I drift off I don't have to think about Roanoke!"
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