Hi all. I first want to apologize for the delay in update especially after leaving it with a cliff hanger. It's been one of those weeks, and next week doesn't really look any better, but I'm going to do my best too keep up with things. With longer chapters come short ones, otherwise things would be off balance. So this is a shorty, but no worries. I already have plans to make it up to you!

Chapter 10-Don't Leave Me

"Is she ok?" His voice, his breath, nearly escapes him. "Is she…did she make it?"

"She's in surgery right now, but we need you here as soon as possible," the nurse responds.

"I'm on my way. Call me at this number if anything changes."

X

He makes the trip in nearly half the time, his siren sounding the entire way. He makes his way onto the surgery floor to find it swarming with cops. He scans the room aimlessly in search of the one that would give him the answers he is looking for. He sees him standing against the wall, head bowed, hands in his pockets. He flies at him before his sense of reason has the chance to convince him otherwise.

Before it has a chance to tell him that he's being irrational.

Elliot's fingers clutch Sydney's coat and he slams him against the wall. "Where were you? You're her partner. You were supposed to have her back!" He slams him again. "You're supposed to protect her!"

Sydney's fist collides with Elliot's jaw then shoves him off of him. "Get the fuck off me! I wasn't there! I've been in court all morning. Came here as soon I found out."

Elliot moves to retaliate, but suddenly he is surrounded by cops, and while he too is a cop, he is not one of them. Their loyalty doesn't belong to him. It belongs to Sydney, and he realizes he's out of his element here in more ways than one. He's never been on this side of the doors that separate the OR and the waiting room. He's never felt this fear grip his heart.

He's never experienced this feeling of regret. For wrongs he's never had the chance to make right. For mistakes he's not sure he's been forgiven for.

For feelings he's never admitted, and he realizes that she can't die. She can't leave him to raise their children without her. She can't leave him before he's had the chance to apologize for breaking her heart and making her give up on love. She can't leave him before he has the chance to tell her that he's in love with her.

He's never considered this.

He's never considered the fact that one day he might lose her.

One day she will leave him.

He prays that today is not that day. He's not ready. He still has so many things to tell her. So many things he wants to experience with her.

He's not ready.

He feels his wife's hand on his shoulder. He takes this time to assess the other man's appearance as he straightens his clothes out. He wears a simple black suit, a white collared shirt underneath with a blue tie. He knows Sydney is a man that likes to dress down. Jeans or slacks and tight ass T-shirts are his thing. He's never seen him in a suit before.

"How is she? Any change?" Elliot asks.

"Still in surgery."

"Do you know what happened?"

"No. The fuck face took out her partner. Sprayed them through the door. They were supposed to be interviewing a potential witness. They had no reason to suspect…They're interviewing witnesses now to nail down what happened, but word through the grapevine is that he probably used a shotgun."

"Have the doctors said anything?"

"No. They just told us all to wait here."

"Where are the twins? Did someone contact the nanny?"

"No, they're in daycare today. She started sending them 3 days a week so they can socialize with other children."

"Right. She told me that. I'll go pick them up."

"You can't. They have no idea who you are they won't let you take them. I'll pick them up. I scooped them a couple days ago when Liv got caught up in Worcester and couldn't get back in time."

"No. I think you've done enough."

"Blame me all you want, but this isn't my fault. I'll pick them up and get the nanny to stay with them until you can pick them up yourself."

"No." He turns his attention to his wife. "Can you go with him and stay with them at Liv's place until I get there?"

"Sure, El. Whatever you need. But are you sure you don't need me here?"

"Yea, I want them to be with family while all this is going on."

"K. Call me as soon as you hear anything."

X

He's been saying silent prayers since they left. For him. For her. For his children. To save her life. To give her another chance at life. To give him another chance to be in her life. They say you shouldn't take people for granted, because you never know when they might be gone. He knows he took her for granted. He took for granted her kindness and her love for him. He should have talked to her more. Explain things to her better. He shouldn't have allowed her to leave him like that. He shouldn't have allowed their relationship to deteriorate the way it did. He should have tried harder. Told her how he felt. Let her know more frequently how much he loved her, even though it was as a friend.

Or was it?

He knows the fear swirling inside of him isn't the fear one feels when they are about to lose a friend. It's the fear one feels when someone is about to lose somebody important. Someone they love. Someone they can't see their life without. She's been his life for nearly a decade. She staked out her place in his heart years ago and he knows. That if she leaves him what will be left is a hole no one will be able to fill. He knows it is a hole that will always remain in his heart.

"Mr. Stabler."

He's startled out of his reverie and looks up to see an older gentleman dressed in green scrubs.

"Yea," he answers.

"Can we talk in private?"

The color immediately drains from his face and his heart once again begins to race. He gets up and follows the doctor down the hall while the other cops around them look on in anticipation. Elliot sees that he is being lead to a private room and once again he knows. He knows what this means. He's been there before. He's lead families to rooms like this before. His heart feels as if it is trying to beat out of his chest and he pauses in the hallway. Dizzy. His breath seems to escape him faster than he can draw it in and he loosens his tie in an effort to aid the process of proper respiration.

"Mr. Stabler?" The doctor questions in concern.

Elliot's face has gone pale, and he has lost some of his balance. The realization, the possibility, has left him off kilter. "She's not," the emotion is instant. It bubbles up inside of him and threatens to choke him, "She's not dead is she?" he asks, and he fights like hell to keep the tears that have formed in his eyes from making themselves known, but they fall down his face anyway. He holds his breath as he waits for the answer to his question. A question he can't believe he's asking.

"No," the doctor answers, "but we still need to talk."

The doctor's answer allows him to breathe again, and he seems to find his footing. He follows the doctor past the tiny room to another, and when he looks through the window he sees her. The machines that surround her hiss and beep as they mark her cadence of life.

"Ms. Benson sustained several shot wounds the abdomen. One perforated her liver, another shattering one of her ribs, one more coming close to her heart, but damaging the pericardium instead. It caused the cavity surrounding her heart to fill with blood, and the last collapsing her right lung. It took a lot of work, but we managed to repair most of the damage, but not all of it."

"She's going to be ok though, right?" Elliot asks hopefully.

"We're not exactly sure. , when Ms. Benson,"

"Detective, we're detectives," Elliot corrects. She would want him to, he thinks. He knows she would. He needs this. He needs some semblance of normalcy right now, of strength, and since she can't be by his side right now he needs his shield to protect him, and her.

"Excuse me. When Detective Benson was brought in she was clinically dead. When paramedics arrived on the scene she wasn't breathing. She didn't have a pulse."

"What are you saying?" Elliot asks cautiously. He can sense it. He can feel the bad news coming, and he braces himself to hear it.

"We're not exactly sure how long her brain went without oxygen." The sob escapes his lips without any warning. "Her EEG shows very limited brain activity. It's not performing some of the basic activities, such as regulating her breathing, her heart beat. She's on a bypass machine right now in addition to the respirator, but she can't stay on it forever. We're pretty much using those machines to keep her alive. If there is no improvement, Detective Stabler, you may have to make the difficult decision of whether or not you want us to continue maintaining life support."

Elliot stares through the window at the mother of his children. Nearly lifeless, but still seeming to cling to life. "Can I see her?" he asks.

"Sure. Take as long as you'd like…Umm. The nurses say that her colleagues have been asking questions. Is it ok if I update them on her condition?"

Elliot nods his confirmation. Currently too emotional to speak. It is long after the doctor has disappeared down the hall before he moves. He takes a seat beside her bed, and cautiously pulls her IV'd hand into his. It's cold. He surrounds it with both of his, giving her his warmth. He wishes he could give her more. His breath, his life, his heart. He should have given it to her long ago, he regrets not doing so when he had the chance. Here in the silence and solace of her hospital room he lets his tears flow. One thing he's always loved about her, is that he's never had to hide who he is with her. He's always been open. Honest. Sometimes too honest, but she always understood. Always seemed to know exactly how he felt, even when he couldn't find the right words to express himself, she always knew what he meant when he said the wrong ones. Always knew what he was thinking. She was his partner for life. His blood. He pulls her hand to his lips and holds it there.

"Please," he begs. "Don't leave me."

Thanks for reading! Look out for the next Chapter Thursday night/really early Friday morning. =)