"I will not leave you, Katrina," was that Lightoller or Murdoch talking to me? I was still asleep though it did sound like Lightoller's voice and it roused me a little bit. I felt a little tug at my right ear, as my left cheek was against his chest. "for Will, I will look after you. You're a beautiful lady."
I think that was when friendship crossed the barrier and careened into something more than just friends. He was developing feelings for me! I was unsure of how to respond to that, but I'd have some time today as the hearings were still going on. My eyes opened up and Lightoller told me it was time to get ready for the inquiry proceedings yet again. He had to be examined and so did Lowe. Boxhall was getting well and I was pleased with his progress as the pleurisy was almost gone. He still looked frail, but he had a healthy tinge to his cheeks now.
I dressed in a gray-blue skirt with a white lace shirt, did my hair up in the usual chignon, tied on my shoes, then taking Lightoller's arm, we went to the hearings.
Sitting with Pitman and Boxhall, I tuned out the hearing going on around me and focused in on my feelings. Murdoch was gone, but the feelings I had for him would never be truly gone. What was I to do now? Dan was gone which meant I didn't need to hide anymore. My brain told me to stay in ships and continue to be a doctor, as I was good at it and I loved the excitement that came with it. Titanic was a tragedy, but thanks to the new laws, the accident wouldnt be repeated, or if it did, there would be plenty of boats on board to accomodate all. Nothing would stay the same ship wise anyway. I did like ship doctoring, meeting new people, etc.
Sorting out matters of the heart was another matter. All while I was sick, I'd had dreams of Murdoch being drowned and other horrible ways he'd meet his end. Those dreams had gone for now, thankfully. I liked the Scot a lot and I would have come to love him in a short time, as he'd done with me. We'd finished our relationship not quite sure of how to define it on the ship, but now I knew. It might have been lust at first sight almost 2 months ago, but it would have grown into love. He seemed to me an easy guy to fall in love with and I wanted that love.
Little wonder how I'd fallen for him just as the ship was starting to sink! Life was so tricky at times to navigate. My mind zoomed back to when we saw each other just after the ship grazed the berg and I'd always remember how worried he looked, then he relaxed some when he saw me. He knew that no matter what, I'd still be there for him. I must have been the last person alive to see him before he drowned. Remember the good times, Lightoller had told me. I remembered the kiss Murdoch and I shared just before we were separated. That was one moment I could treasure forever.
I didn't want to sequester myself away and let grief become me, that was the thing. I'd seen grief consume some of my patients and it wasn't for me! I had better control of my mental faculties than most people my age and I would live my life the way I wanted. Righteous indignation churned up inside my very soul and I made a determined promise to myself to find the happiness I deserved and live a happy life. That would be the most appropriate way to honor Murdoch's-Will's-memory.
Hearing Lowe speak of the way Dan tried to attack me on the bridge was kind of funny. He described him as a "ruddy-faced brute who ruled by fear and was a slave to alcohol of any kind." true and Lowe put a twist on those words, embellishing it with his kind of flair.
In a better mood than that morning, I gladly accepted the invitation to have supper with the rest of the officers. Lord Mersey had declared that I was indeed the 7th officer on board the Titanic and would be noted as the 7th officer and senior surgeon. An officer on call, so to speak.
"You look much better than you did," Boxhall commented as we sat down at a table. "feeling all right?"
"Yes. I came to a realization today that I would honor Will's memory the best by carrying on with my life the way I intended."
"Good for you!" Pitman told me vehemently. "We all owe it to him to do it, I think."
"Very much so," Moody pushed his chair in a bit as the waiter came in.
Lightoller gave me an appraisal with his ice blue eyes and smiled, saying nothing. I'd finally realized what he'd determined a long time ago.
It was just like Lightoller to do that as well. He never would take shortcuts, just do the honest work that was required of him and sometimes more. He knew there were certain things I had to come to terms with on my own and he knew I'd get there.
Lightoller had faith in me and that was one of the best compliments I'd ever gotten.
Life settled back down. I got a posting on board Lightoller's favorite ship, the Oceanic, and he was posted to the same ship as chief officer. Moody was also there, though Lowe and Pitman were assigned to the Suevic.
The Oceanic was new to me. I set up shop like usual the day before sailing, then checked my stocks of everything that I would need. The steward took my list and went down to fetch the items necessary while I did the physicals of the new recruits.
One of them, 4th officer Beckett, a pale faced 20 year old, looked extremely sick to me. He had blonde hair and green eyes, normal build, and he was rather soft spoken like Boxhall. Boxhall was on board the Adriatic at the moment, though. Jack Beckett looked meek and unassuming, though I recalled the old saying that it was the quiet ones you had to look after the most. There was a strange tinge to his features and not until he left did I realize what it was.
Beckett had a bad liver infection! No wonder why he was so yellow. I'd mistakenly let him go about his duties, but it wouldn't be long before I heard from him again. He must have had some chronic liver disease or he was an alcoholic to wind up that way. Then again, I was wondering about the possibility of hepatitis A which was what children usually got. Oh well, I'd see him again soon then I'd figure it out.
My policy of never assuming anything I would always revert to. I didn't assume anything concerning Beckett and he wasn't a disruptive person. It was 2 months after the disaster of the sinking and I was just happy to be back on board a ship. The Olympic was getting overhauled at the moment and the Oceanic was the only ship free to do the Mediterranean run.
"Dr. Brannigan, would you bring Mr. Moody in here, please?" my assistant surgeon gave me a polite nod and left the quarters. He was a medical student, not officially licensed to practice yet, but he would bring in more respect with my calling him doctor. Brannigan was a little fat, but had a cherubic face and was wonderfully well mannered.
Moody was now the 3rd officer so he was moving right up in the ranks. His heroism had played through wonderfully to his advantage and he'd gotten promoted. He sat down at my desk, a flush of deja vu running through us both, then he took off his hat and asked me what was up.
"Beckett has a liver infection. He's not hospitalized yet, but as soon as he can't perform his duties, send for me and I'll take care of him."
"Sounds bad."
"Yes, his face and skin have all gone yellow. That's a bad sign." I wasn't about to go into the lecture of the liver being too diseased to absorb and produce bilirubin which was stored in the gallbladder and helped break down what was digested in the stomach.
"All right. If that is all?"
"You betcha," I stood up and followed him outside. "nice route, we don't have to worry about bergs that much."
"Very true. We will have a good start on the summer tourist season when that comes along next month." we parted and I went into my room for a good long sleep.
