A/N: I think a few questions will be answered in this chapter, but the story doesn't end here, so I beg you all, don't find an ending here nor close the page with a sigh and go about your lives without giving Enigma a second thought, read on and in doing so you will help bring Edward back to life. :o)
Now..... How could you possibly resist that?
Disclaimer: Twilight and it's ménage of beautiful characters belongs to the talented Stephenie Meyer. The imagination in this story is mine.
Ch11 Mothers love
Of all the rights of women the greatest is to be a Mother.... Lin Yutang
Carlisle's hands were cool yet comforting, smoothing my hair away from my face; his palm gently brushing against my forehead, pulling the tresses back and down my skull, the motion incredibly calming.
I was laying against his side, in the crook of his arm, with my head resting on the curve that spanned from his chest to his shoulder. The platonic intimacy felt more than natural to me but at the back of my conscious mind I was aware that my own father and I had never shared a moment like this and after this afternoons hostility, I was afraid we'd never get the opportunity.
My breathing eased to a deep and steady rhythm, close to the realms of sleep, yet I was alert as I listened to Carlisle's tale.
"I first met Esme when she was 16" He sighed "Oh Bella, she was a delight to me. I, myself was 13 and visiting family in Columbus, Ohio. Esme lived on a local farm with her parents and she was unlike any other teenage girl I had ever met. She wasn't vain or ignorant. No, she was like a breath of fresh air"
Carlisle's monologue paused, lost in his distant memories of a girl who had enraptured him.
"She broke her leg climbing a tree" He chuckled. I had no doubt the far off look in his eyes held wonderment. "There was no one around to help except me and my cousin, Stefan, so while I stayed with Esme he ran off to get someone. You know, despite her discomfort and my age we talked and for the longest moment I forgot this girl was in pain or uncomfortable because she sat there entrancing me with her smile, her dimples.....her laughter"
Carlisle stopped. I confirmed I was still awake and listening to him by raising my eyes and looking up whilst he looked down the length of his nose at me.
"How amazing that a person can lie in a field with her leg broken and still have conversation etiquette" Carlisle's hand fell from my hair and rested lightly on my arm. I was intrigued, the image of the small beautiful woman, busying herself around her home and maternal to all who entered her domain. I could at once see the young girl he described. Her long wavy caramel hair, her smile and the dimples denting her round face. I had no doubts the lady I had met was just as lovely as a teenager.
"I only saw her again twice after that before we left and came home. I thought about her so often, I wanted to write to her but felt stupid. Love letters were romantic but all she had shown me was friendship and I was so young and was too scared to admit I felt more."
"Carlisle, that's so childish!"
"Yep, and being 13 and in love I think I behaved accordingly, don't you?" We both laughed at this. I couldn't imagine Carlisle as a goofy awkward teenager sporting a crush. He was always so self assured but not arrogant. Carlisle had a total awareness of himself and of those around him that I felt nothing but confidence in everything he said.
"Well, the years went by, of course and I applied myself to my studies. I dated but I fear I compared because it never lasted. One day, I was on rounds and a young woman was admitted with incredible injuries. She had been viciously beaten and pushed down a steep incline. She was unconscious but I recognised her immediately."
The brief memory of his pain and torment at seeing a broken and bleeding Esme haltered Carlisle. Swallowing, I acknowledged his need to take a minute by waiting patiently for him to continue.
"She was so cold, Bella, cold like stone. I was responsible for treating her and it was so hard to push aside my buried emotions and act like she was just another patient. Instead of being sure of my medical knowledge when I handled her injuries I was gentle and careful, like I was holding delicate glass. I think my hands were shaking and the nurse questioned me on it, I sent her away and closing the blinds and the door to the room, I took my time. I didn't want to break her. She was out of it for quite a while, but you know what was so incredible to me?"
I shook my head.
"When she opened her eyes and noticed me, she said one word-"
I waited for him to continue. I was trapped in the story; the pictures his words conjured in my mind so clear I could almost believe I was there, watching like a silent spectator.
A few minutes passed and I had to press him for more, "What? What did she say?"
His response was a whisper "Carlisle"
I was in awe of them, this couple who had met as children, had connected and remembered each other even with years of separation. Who knew that in a brief moment two people could become such an integral part of each other that even the space of time didn't separate them?
"She recognised me and said my name and I felt like I had come home. I spent every minute I could with her, telling my superiors I had to monitor her just so I could be excused from other duties. It wasn't long before Esme told me her husband had been the one to hurt her."
"Esme was married before you?"
"Yes, his name was Charles Evenson. Bastard!" Carlisle practically spat the word, the man's name like poison on his tongue.
I felt his anger, for I had only known Esme for a short while but the knowledge that anybody could hurt her was toxic, it sickened me. This was a woman who loved so unconditionally and for any man not to recognise that was unfathomable.
"He had treated her appallingly and she had endured it for years, do you know why?"
Carlisle looked down at me. Pulling slightly away from his embrace I searched his face, shaking my head at his question.
"Her parents. She confided in them and they advised her to stay and work it out." I made to speak but Carlisle went on "Can you believe that? I was supposed to call them and let them know where she was. They and Charles were her next of kin but she asked me not too and I didn't argue with that.
"We found out from a routine blood test that had been taken on her day of admittance that she was pregnant. Esme was concerned she would have to tell Charles, or her parents and eventually she would have to go home.
"Bella, we were getting so close to each other. I couldn't let her go back to him or to the people who had failed to protect her, so I did a terrible thing. Charles came. A nurse had noticed on Esme's hospital chart that next of kin had still not been notified, I was so pissed at myself for not realising this would be followed up on." Carlisle's hand lifted from my arm and brushing his fingers through his hair, he sighed.
"I was able to catch him in the lobby before he got to her room and I took him aside and told him the worst lie a man can tell another man about his wife. I told him I was Esme's lover, she was pregnant with my child and that we wanted to be married and if he didn't grant her a quick and easy divorce, Esme would be forced to press charges against him for Grievous Bodily Harm. I hoped this would work, Charles was a business man. He had a lot to lose if his reputation were to suffer. To be honest I think he was relieved. He just nodded and said he would arrange it then left. He didn't even argue with me."
"Did you expect him too?"
"Well, yes, I did. I guess I just couldn't imagine how anyone could let her go. I thought if I saw all the wonderful things in her, then any man could too."
"Charles Evenson wasn't a man, he was an animal! He didn't deserve her."
Carlisle smiled down at me, thankful that I hadn't judged him. I couldn't. I agreed with his actions, even if the principle was wrong on so many levels, Carlisle had done what he could to save her. I had to agree with that.
"He stayed true to his word, probably the only time in his life that he did. But he issued divorce papers and Esme came home with me. I took things slowly, she had so much to overcome and she didn't need me blundering in like a lovesick idiot and despite it all, I still wasn't sure she loved me too. She had shown me friendship and I had shown her loyalty and compassion but I'd never told her about my conversation with Charles.
"It wasn't until Esme was 7 months pregnant that she told me she knew about that. The baby was kicking and keeping her awake and she came to my study to sit with me and her words, Bella, they were so magical to me."
"What did she say?"
"She said "Carlisle, come sit with me and feel our baby". I was shocked, I just stared at her. I asked her if she meant it and she said to me "I feel this baby is yours and I know you do too. Charles told me what you said. We owe you our lives, Carlisle, you have given me everything."
"Apparently Charles had sent a brief note with the papers. Can you imagine that man tried to apologise and wish her well?" Carlisle shook his head as if answering his own question.
"I told her there and then that she was my life and taking hold of the opportunity, I proposed."
His smile returned. "We were married within weeks of the divorce being final. It was one month before the baby came but she looked like an angel."
"I like this story, Carlisle, it's got all the elements of a fairytale, the wicked beast, the princess and you, her knight come to rescue her. It reminds me of something Edward said to me once."
"What?" Carlisle asked me.
"He said "Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale" I'd like to believe that can be true."
Carlisle nodded, "That really is a lovely sentiment, and for a while, it was true for us. The baby came and we went on as usual, happy and content and so in love. I was a husband and despite the truth, I was a father. I couldn't have asked for more. We named him Alexander and he was beautiful. Rosalie came along a year later and we thought our little family was complete. But when Alex was 2 and a half he fell. He cut his leg and it bled. Nothing unusual there, I know but it wouldn't stop and despite my medical expertise, I couldn't treat him at home so we took him into hospital."
Carlisle swallowed. Lifting his hand to his face, he brushed at his cheek. The beating of his heart beneath my ear was picking up pace, I lifted my head and knew before I saw the shine of his tears that Carlisle was crying. Handing him a tissue from my bedside cabinet, Carlisle smiled his thanks. I had no words for him. How could you comfort someone who was reliving a terrible moment in their lives? It'll be ok was just insubstantial.
"We should've taken him sooner."
I placed my hand on top of Carlisle's.
"We didn't know it at the time, there are no tests at birth; it's common for this type of thing to go undetected for the first year but how could I not blame myself? I was a Doctor! I should have known."
Taking a deep breath, Carlisle continued. "Alex had a blood disorder. Haemophilia B"
"I don't know what that is" I admitted in a whisper.
"It's a blood clotting disorder; it's caused by a mutation of the factor XI gene. Alex was bleeding but he couldn't clot. With haemophilia B there is an increased propensity for haemorrhage even in response to a mild trauma." Carlisle sounded like the Doctor again but it was brief, he returned too Carlisle the father quickly.
"He had been bleeding for hours and was weak and for only a minor injury, it was devastating. We lost him, Bella. Our beautiful baby boy, we lost him."
I felt the tears fall down my own face and in a small humorous moment Carlisle returned the gesture of mine from earlier and handed me the tissues.
"How could I have let her down like that? How could I tell her it was medical and I hadn't known? She was so broken, and I had done that to her."
I shook my head in denial of his admittance. "You couldn't have known, yes you're a Doctor but how could you? You can't know everything? I don't know much about blood, or hamalp-whatever it's called but am I right in thinking it's not detectable just by looking at someone?"
Carlisle nodded. "Blood tests alone can determine a case."
"Then how can you say it was your fault?" I took a breath "She didn't blame you did she?"
Carlisle shook his head "God no, she comforted me, but she was bereft Bella. After the funeral she just died inside, and for a while, nobody could reach her. It was Rose who eventually brought her back to life for us. Esme had taken to sitting out in the garden during the day. There was a bench under the canopy by the kitchen window, it was covered so rain or shine Esme was out there, grieving and lost in her thoughts. I tried so hard but she would just smile and tell me she would be ok. Rose went out there one day and climbed into Esme's lap. She started to play with Esme's hair and said to her "It's Ok mummy, Alex is playing with the angels."
"It was the first time in months that Esme made eye contact with anyone. She asked Rose why she had said that and Rose, being only a child herself just shrugged and went off to play. It wasn't much of a sentence but it had given Esme all the comfort she had been searching for. All she had needed to know was her baby was not hurting anymore. Who would've thought that an 18 month old child could've offered the comfort a grieving mother had sought?
"It was another 8 months later when we discovered we were expecting Edward. We didn't hesitate this time and tested him as soon as we could. The gene for haemophilia is passed on by the mother so there was a very high chance that Edward would be diagnosed with the same disorder."
"Does Rosalie have it too?"
"No. Girls have 2 X chromosomes and boys have one. As girls have a backup if one of the X chromosomes is defected, they are less likely to have the disorder. Boys don't have a backup."
"And Edward had it too?"
I knew the answer before I heard it; there was no other reason behind the intensity of Edward's condition. He had been involved in a car crash and having sustained many injuries the race against time had been to stop him bleeding to death from any possible location hidden inside his body.
Carlisle nodded "Yes, Edward had it too. But he also has a rare blood type. Usually the haemophilia B mutant gene can be treated at home. It's called factor XI and it has a longer half life then the other gene factor VIII which is linked to haemophilia A, so it can be transfused less frequently. But with Edward being O negative he can only receive O negative blood. He can donate to any blood type, if it wasn't for the haemophilia, but can only receive the same type. It's a rare blood group but we eventually had luck on our side because we discovered we have a relative with the same blood type so we have regular donations coming in and hence can control his condition at home."
"My head is spinning."
Carlisle chuckled, it is a lot to take in, imagine Medical school with all that information but over the course of 12 hours a day and 80 hours a week for six years! I don't think my head has ever stopped spinning!"
"Carlisle, I'm so sorry about Alex. I can't imagine how it would feel to lose a child."
Carlisle squeezed my hand in acceptance of my sympathy, "No parent should ever have to bury their child." He agreed.
"Do you remember the night Edward went off with James and I feel in the upstairs hall?" I asked.
"Yes"
"My nose was bleeding and you all stood there looking shocked, like you'd never seen blood before, it scared me. Was that because of Edward's condition?"
Carlisle nodded. "We've spent years obsessing over blood, whenever we saw Edward bleed it was always a worry to us. It just felt like a normal reaction to stand there and stare at you. I'm sorry we scared you. Did you think we were Vampire's or something?"
Carlisle winked at me but I still punched him lightly on the arm. "Don't make fun of me. It was weird!"
"I'll bet"
Sitting back against Carlisle's chest again, I pulled my arm out from under my body. It had been pressed between Carlisle and my-self and was now tingling as the blood rushed back to the limb. I rubbed it in an attempt to bring it back to life. Carlisle watched my movements then his eyes fell too my wrist. I followed his gaze and it landed on the Cullen wristband I was wearing.
"I found it in a box of my belongings." I tried to explain, but Carlisle wasn't upset. Lifting my arm he rubbed his thumb across the disc sporting his family crest.
"I hoped you'd find it."
"Really?"
"Yes. Edward put it on you."
"But Edward was unconscious, how could he do that?"
Carlisle looked back at my face, his brow furrowed he asked "Don't you remember?"
I shook my head.
"Edward pulled you out of the car."
"But he couldn't have done, I saw him, he was unconscious."
"Yes, no doubt he had been at first, it was quite an impact but he came round and could see you in the car, trapped. He managed to get out of his car, cross over to you and pulled you free. "
"How do you know all this?"
"You really don't remember, do you?"
"Carlisle!" I was getting frustrated. It was obvious I didn't remember.
"Ok, from the beginning then."
I nodded.
"After Emmett and I left to go look for Edward, I believe you left too." He looked at me for acknowledgement. I confirmed.
"We found Edward as he was on his way home. He was in James's car as James had taken Edward's. Edward's is faster, anyway, James had led him on a wild goose chase; we now believe so he could distract Edward and get to you."
I hung my head, feeling even more responsible for the events that occurred that night.
"When we arrived home we discovered you had left and Edward's phone was missing. So whilst he went back out to look for you, I called and it was answered but no one spoke."
"I couldn't. James was so mad."
"Edward soon found you, fighting in the road with James and then James pulled you into Edward's car and then crashed into Edward who was driving James's car. Edward was knocked out briefly but he said he heard you calling him and he came round. He could see you trapped in the other car so he made it across the road and pulled you free. It was slightly hidden by trees and he knew if another car came along chances are they would miss you and it was so cold that night, you may have had hyperthermia to deal with as well.
"He pulled you to the roadside and taking the phone from you, he called me. He told us your location and Emmett and I came. We drove separate cars because we didn't have a clue what we would find. Edward was still awake and he had placed his wristband on your wrist, he told me he wanted you to remember him. Then he slipped away into unconsciousness.
"I was so scared Bella, I knew he could be haemorrhaging internally and I didn't have much time. I also knew that when I got to the hospital they wouldn't let his father treat him. I owed Esme; I had already lost her one son so I had to do what I could."
I started to object, trying to assure Carlisle he wasn't to blame for Alex's death but he ignored me and carried on.
"I told Emmett to call an ambulance and I left. I went ahead of them to the hospital and lied, saying I was a locum Doctor, my name was Dr Benefici and I was here covering annual leave and that my field of expertise was Haematology."
"Why that name?"
"It was my Great Grandfather's name and also the first name to pop into my head at the time. If I'd said my name they would've known I was related to Edward and would have replaced me with another Consultant. Anyway, I didn't really expect my lie to go undetected but so far no one has questioned my being here."
"That doesn't really fill me with confidence in the hospital, Carlisle."
He chuckled. "I know but despite their lack of proper clerical procedure, it really is an excellent hospital."
"Are you trying to get me to feel more confident being here?"
"Yes, I've made a mockery of them and it's not their fault."
"Ok, I believe you, this is an Ok hospital, despite clerical errors! Now continue"
Well, you guys arrived and of course I was called in as Consultant. Emmett explained he was family and he told us about Edward's condition. I was right where I needed to be, Bella, in charge of his treatment and care and nobody could've removed me from that. Esme arrived and I took her aside in the pretence I was informing the family of his injuries and prognosis but I was really explaining my charade."
"She agreed to it?"
Of course, I knew she would, what mother wouldn't want to have the one man she trusted thoroughly too also be the Doctor to save her child?
"I promised you I would help you too, but Edward's condition was so complex, I had to stay with him. I'm sorry I let you down."
"But you didn't. I'm here, alive and recovering and I will be ok."
Carlisle leant forward and kissed my forehead. It was a fatherly gesture and symbolic of just how great a dad he really was. I couldn't condemn Carlisle for his choices, he had already stood and watched a son die and could not go through that again. His son needed him and he had to cheat the system to ensure he was there to give Edward everything he may need.
"He will be ok, won't he?" I said softly.
It took a moment for Carlisle to answer me. He had been shifting from Doctor to father all evening and I could sense his struggle as he decided who would give me a response.
"It doesn't look good."
My breath caught in my chest, I had wanted honesty but had expected false hope. His brutality shocked me.
"Edward was in a drug induced coma. We had to minimise his brain swelling and body movement so we could control the bleed. We've done that and have reduced his dose of Pentobarbital and he should be showing signs of increased brain activity-"
"Should?"
Carlisle raised his eyes to mine. "Hmm?" He asked, having missed my question.
"Should. You said he should be showing signs."
"Yes."
"Carlisle!"
"It's been almost a month and no change."
"Is that bad?"
Carlisle's face was weary again, he had struggled since the night it happened to remain composed and professional and it was hard. How he had fought to keep a solid exterior to the other hospital staff yet inside he was crumbling. I could feel his exhaustion rolling off him in waves. All around us the hospital had existed in its daily routines and to them Dr Benefici was the best in his field but with me, he was simply Carlisle. Friend and father and clinging on by his fingernails.
"Yes, it's bad."
"How bad?"
Silence.
"Carlisle. How bad?"
"If this was any other patient, I'd be advising the family to consider turning off life support."
His words had been spoken quietly but in my head, they were being screamed.
Reverberating round and round, like the chant of a school child. I just wanted to cover my ears in an attempt to shut it out, only it was internal noise and it was deafening.
"But he's not any other patient, he's Edward."
Carlisle nodded.
"So? What are you advising "his family"?"
"To be patient."
"Is that what you're telling me too?"
Carlisle nodded again.
"Do you believe things will change?"
Another nod.
"Do you believe he'll wake up and be ok?"
Nod.
"Carlisle, please" I begged him for a vocal response. I needed words.
"I do believe, Bella."
"How? Tell me how so I can too because right now all I hear is medical jargon and talk off "He should be but isn't"! I need to know how you can believe it!"
Carlisle removed his hand from my arm and lifting his other arm from around my shoulders, he stood. Keeping his eyes directly at mine he smiled, a crooked smile like the one that Edward would give.
It made my tummy tighten to think of him and that crooked smile and for just a moment I believed.
"He who loves, believes in the impossible" Carlisle said.
The moment passed but in my heart I felt the hope burn on, for how could I live in a world where Edward did not exist?
