Lizzie Bennet

I sat silently, my fingers running over the leather of the chair I was sitting on.

"Lizzie?" Dr. Murray asked prompted me. "Did you hear the question?" I looked up at him. "I asked how you were feeling about the upcoming events this weekend."

"Honestly?" I sighed before answering. "I have been trying not to think about it." I looked up at my therapist, one of the best that Darcy had insisted on paying for as usual. I had assured him that it wasn't necessary-the therapist Lydia saw when she was dealing with what he had done would do just fine. He finally won me over by saying that he was going to pay the guy for a time slot either way, I might as well use him.

"Are you nervous about seeing him again after all this time?" Dr. Murray was talking about him again. He was asking for a retrial, claiming he had gone temporarily insane but his new doctor thought he was better. Lydia, Gigi and I were going to have to go to court to witness for the opposing council. Saying that I was nervous was the understatement of a century.

"A bit." I admitted. "Mostly I'm just worried about Darcy."

"Darcy?" He asked, raising one thick, ginger eyebrow. "Why are you worried about him?"

"Of course it is going to be tough for me to see him again, and I'm worried about my baby sister and how she will be feeling and one of my best friends and how she is going to be feeling but that is entirely to be expected. We are going to have the support of so many wonderful people but Darcy having to see him again? I saw the anger in his eyes when he found me, and I've spoken to Gigi about the way he was when he found the two of them and I worry about how he is going to react to this. But most of all, I'm afraid that he is going to take one look at Wickham and loose it. He has been so strong for me, with everything I've had to go through and I am afraid that he is going to be affected by this. I don't want to hurt him and I know that he wouldn't be going through this if it weren't for me."

"Lizzie, you know that he loves you. He wouldn't give you up for this. Is that what you're afraid of?"

"No of course not, he's just done so much for me and all I can do is bring the one person he truly hates back into his life again and again and cause him all kinds of pain. I don't deserve him and I'm afraid that he's going finally realize that." Nearly an hour later I walked out of his office still thinking about that. As I got on the Metro on my way back to my new (and very small) office I kept running that thought through my head. Despite what Dr. Murray had assured me and talked through with me, I was constantly terrified that one day Darcy would wake up and realize that he was way too good for me and could do so much better and go find someone like Caroline Lee. Not that he could actually go for her anymore seeing as she was engaged to some high class senator. My point still stood. I went about the rest of my day, scripting the new episode for our up and coming internet show. When I finished I walked to William's house, agreeing silently about the unforgiving nature of the hills but walking on anyway and used my key to unlock the door. Gigi would be back from work soon and Lydia was coming to stay with us prior to the hearing. Darcy had insisted on the both of us joining them at their house claiming that Gigi needed our support but I knew that his protective nature wanted all of us in one place so he could keep his eyes on us. It had been six months. Half a year. And other than my therapy sessions I had avoided thinking about him as much as humanly possible but now he just had to come back out of the darkness and rope us all into his scheme to get free. The lawyer Darcy had hired assured us that there was no way he would walk but none of us wanted to see his face ever again. We had taken our time, heeled and moved on with our lives, who was he to pull as back into the darkest times of our lives? Gigi and Lydia had this idea to bring in everyone he'd ever hurt throughout his life to prove that it wasn't some sort of temporary insanity but his nature. And they had found a lot of them. I should have helped, but I didn't want to go near him. They understood and let me have my space but now I wished I had done more to help them.

When Lydia arrived later that night and began chatting away eagerly about the new Game of Gourds episode with Gigi Darcy still hadn't arrived home. He had texted that he might be late, he had an important meeting with a couple of investors, but I was still worried. Not worried so much as anxious. I wanted him safe and sound in my arms as soon as possible. When Lydia and Gigi fell asleep in Gigi's room, the TV still playing their favorite Sandra Bullock movie I pulled the comforter over them and muted the flat screen. Slipping silently downstairs I made some tea and pulled out my book and waited for him. The clock ticked loudly, mocking me and I glanced up at the door after every paragraph, convincing myself that I had heard his garage door open. One every page or two I would jump up to go and check and try to refresh my phone in case it missed a text. It was two AM before the lights of his BMW shone through the window and his car parked in the driveway. I jumped up and wrapped my robe tightly around me before flinging open the front door and racing down the driveway. Darcy barely had time to shut his door and turn around, arms open before I threw myself into his embrace. My face was buried in his neck and I inhaled deeply, focusing on that deep, sweet, safe smell of my Darcy.

"Lizzie, what are you still doing up? I thought you'd all be sleeping." He said quietly into my ear.

"Gigi and Lydia fell asleep hours ago but I couldn't sleep."

"Is something wrong?" His voice changed from tired to instantly alert and anxious.

"No! No of course not. I just missed you." We fell apart long enough for him to pick up his briefcase and then I found myself wrapped back under his left arm as we walked back into the house. It felt strange, but in a good way, us walking back into the same house and being together. We hadn't moved in together partially because I didn't want him paying for everything and if I moved in there was no way he would let me pay for part of the rent let alone things like groceries, but also because we were taking this pretty slowly. We had done everything wrong leading up to this relationship, and the gentleman in Darcy wanted to do this part perfectly.

On one hand this gave me a pretty good excuse when he tried to buy things for me that I didn't need or could take care of on my own, but on the other it meant that intimately we were on the slowest train ever. Like the slowest one in existence. As in I could probably bike faster than this. We kissed and hugged and I found myself wrapped in his arms all the time, but as far as our sex life went, it was sparse and safe. At first I think he was trying to be respectful after what happened with Wickham and for a month or two I didn't want anything to do with sex but now, I mean come on William, a girl has needs and this once in a while-proper gentlemanly way of his was getting old. Kissing, cuddling and talking until we got tired and falling asleep in each other's arms was only sweet and romantic for so long. And besides, Lydia had insinuated that Gigi had outright commented that her brother tended to get pretty physical pretty fast. His last serious girlfriend, Elise Westwood, had moved in after a month and she, Fitz and Bing had taken to calling at least 15 minutes in advance and once again when she was walking up the driveway to keep from walking in on any awkward situations after a few times too many. Okay so maybe I had picked up the phone line during one of Gigi and Lydia's hour long conversations to tell Gigi that I had found her cell phone and I overheard that particular snippet. Really Darcy? You'd think that someone as smart as him would figure out after the fourth time his sister and/or his best friends walked in on him that he needed to figure out a different kind of system. Not that I was jealous. Or upset. Or anything. Anyway the point was that I liked this feeling tonight was fostering that we were pseudo-living together. I cleaned up my tea things as he set his briefcase down in his office.

He found his way back into the kitchen as I was closing the dishwasher.

"So I guess I should head up to the guest room now." I said, grinning as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Indeed," he agreed sounding not at all convincing as his arms snaked around my hips. "It is late and we promised Gigi that we'd take Lydia to all the sights."

"Mhmm, so you go to your room and I go to mine…" I trailed off as our faces inched closer and closer.

"Precisely," He murmured, his lips nearly brushing against mine. "That would be the gentlemanly thing to do."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not a lady." I whispered grabbing the lapels of his coat and pulling him forward and capturing his lips with mine. He replied happily and with equal fervor immediately deepening this kiss by swiping his tongue across my lower lip. Darcy walked me backwards until I was pressed snugly between the kitchen wall and his broad, muscular chest. Electricity ran through my limbs and remained in my fingers and toes. My heart was racing and I could feel a coil of desire in the pit of my stomach. I felt his hands sliding down the small of my back and cupping my ass sending chills up my spine and a wave of need for him cascaded over my entire body. I reciprocated by wrapping my leg over his hip and smiled into his kiss when I heard him moan.

Then, out of nowhere he stopped and pulled back. He was still breathing deeply but his eyes were trained on a spot on the wall behind me. "Um, okay, should I be offended here or were you not just feeling what I was feeling?"

"No, no of course I was. I just didn't want to…" He trailed off. "I'm sorry Lizzie, I didn't mean for it to go that far. Why don't we just go and get ready for bed." He forced an extremely fake grin onto his face. "I'm sure reruns of The Nanny will be on by now, I can pour us a couple glasses of wine and we can curl up until we…" before he had a chance to finish I cut him off.

"Don't you dare say fall asleep." I rewrapped my falling down, silk robe around my and tied it shut finding myself completely out of the mood now that he was doing this again. I stalked over to the sink and poured myself a glass of water, drinking the entire thing before turning back around to face him. "What's going on here William? Hmm? Are we ever going to have an actually physical relationship? I am absolutely thrilled that what we have between us isn't just attraction and that we actually enjoy spending time together and can get along but a girl has needs you know! Clearly you don't have a problem with the whole sex before marriage thing and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to move in but that doesn't mean I don't want to sleep with you. I have a drawer of clothes here because I sleep here nearly as much as I sleep in my own bed but I can count the number of times we've gotten past second base on my fingers."

"What do you mean 'clearly I don't have a problem with sex before marriage'?"

"That isn't the point! You're deflecting and trying not to answer the actual question by questioning everything I say!"

"No, actually I'm not and if you answer me this I will get around to figuring out what on earth you are actually asking me so that I might endeavor to answer it for you." My eyes narrowed.

"Nothing. I don't mean anything by it. Maybe if I was as attractive as Elise Westwood I wouldn't be having this problem."

"Elise Westwood?" he practically spat out. "What does a girl I haven't seen in years have to do with anything? You've never even met the woman!" I dropped the glass back into the sink and the loud clatter and his tone startled some of the actual anger out of me.

"Forget her. That wasn't my question. I just want to know why you won't sleep with me."

"No, no, no. You brought one of my exes into this. You've clearly been thinking about this for a while now. What is really bothering you? What does Elise have to do with this?"

"I'm telling you what is really bothering me! Why won't you get intimate with me?"

"What does Elise have to do with this?"

"Nothing! Gigi, all your friends, they all joke about you and Elise, and how much they walked in on you two," I trailed off, searching for a way to coherently explain why that bothered me so much.

"And you think what? That she's still in my life? That I still have feelings for her? Lizzie I haven't thought about her in years and you know I love you! I have never been so serious or seriously in love with anyone in my entire life."

"Of course I know that William! It's not that. I'm not jealous. Not in that sense anyway. But hearing them joke about how much the two of you used to go at it and I can't help but think that there is something wrong with me when you will barely touch me! Are you not attracted to me? Do you not want me in that way? What is it?"

"Of course I want you Lizzie! Of course I've thought about you in that way! It's just," He trailed off, burring him face in his hands. "I don't want you to think or feel that I am forcing you to do this if you don't want it. I want you to be entirely ready and I don't want you to have to think about what happened to you. If this will remind you of him, of that in any way shape or form I can live without it as long as you are happy!" My heart softened. Oh my dear, sweet Darcy. Even trying to protect me from things that only existed in his mind. I walked to him and pulled his hands down from his face, holding them in my own hands.

"William Darcy, you are one of the biggest fools I've ever met and I love you so much for it." he got that look on his face, where he knew that I wasn't mad with him anymore but he wasn't exactly sure what had just transpired. "How on earth could I think about the incident when I have your strong arms wrapped around me? I feel so safe with you that I could never feel as though he were near us. And I will be happy-completely, perfectly and incandescently happy when you stop worrying about all that and we start really being together in this relationship." His fingers traced the curve of my jawline and I smiled up at him.

"Truly? You are alright with this?" I snorted a laugh.

"Alright? William I've been wondering what's wrong with me, that you won't come near me! I've been wanting this for so long and I've been dying without you."

"As have I, without you my Lizzie."

"Say that last part again." I whispered without thought.

"Which part?"

"The part where you call me yours."

"My Lizzie," His voiced tickled my ear as he drew me back into his embrace. "My lovely, wonderful, maddening Lizzie." His lips found their way to mine again and I frowned at the lightness of his kiss. Had he not been listening to this entire conversation? I tried to intensify the moment but he simply laughed and pulled back. "Have patience my Lizzie." And with that he picked me up bridal style and kissed me all the way up the stairs and into his bedroom where he lay me down on the bed. He slowly teased of my robe, kneed next to me and kissed my collarbone delicately. I rolled my eyes. Always the romantic.

I rolled over him, pinning him to the bed as I straddled his hips. "Yeah right. We've done this sweet romantic thing a few times now and as much as I love it, tonight is not going to go that way." Before he could protest I leaned forward and kissed him as passionately as I knew how, feeling his imminent and immediate excitement begin to press on my inner thigh. I rolled my hips urging him on as his hands gripped my ass tightly. He groaned into my mouth and I began to pepper kisses along his jaw line down to his neck, biting and nipping softly on my way down. No, tonight would not go as our past nights together had progressed. And as I smiled into the skin of the love of my life, I knew that our future together, would never be the same.