Chapter 11

Arthur woke to sunshine in his face. He blinked bleary eyes, shielding his face from the soft light and scooted over into the shadows. He frowned as he realized where he was, catching sight of Merlin in the armchair next to the bed.

Then it hit him.

The kiss….Merlin….Him.

Arthur's breath caught in his throat as panic slowly started to bubble in his heart. He had…Merlin and him…he glanced over to the sorcerer, curled up like a child in the large chair. His heart calmed at the sight and the tension seemed to slip away. He rested back against the pillows and studied the peaceful face. Merlin had changed. His delicate cheekbones were more prominent, his lips fuller. There were the signs of morning scruff on his chin. His eyes were closed, smooth….he seemed so innocent in sleep, not like the tired, worried man that Arthur had mostly seen awake.

Of course that worry was his fault, as he had found out yesterday…Merlin had lived all these years with two secrets…deadly to the warlock but, as Arthur was thinking about it, wondrous to him. He thought about the kiss…about Merlin's thick, soft lips under his, about the rain that had made them shine, and the breath they had shared. His heart pounded faster, his nerves tingling as every detailed played in his head, perfectly remembered.

He swallowed nervously because he had to – to admit…he had enjoyed kissing Merlin. His heart had never raced…his senses had never felt so alive and electric as they had last night. In fact, Arthur almost wanted to kiss him again. But then that would mean….

He pulled at his bottom lip with his finger and thumb, thinking. He had changed, too….Maybe it was death and waking up alone…maybe it had always been there and only needed to be found…but whatever it is, he wasn't going to figure it out here.

He got up as quietly as he could, not wanting to disturb the sleeping sorcerer, and pulled on some clothes. Dressed in fitted jeans, a long-sleeved, loose white shirt and his new favorite jacket, he scribbled a note for Merlin telling him not to worry, and left.

xxx

When Merlin woke, the first thing he noticed was the empty bed save a lone piece of paper. He stretched cramped muscles and reached over to it, reading Arthur's loopy handwriting.

I've gone for a walk. Don't worry about me. I'll be back later.

The warlock sighed and crumpled the paper, tossing it in the trash can on his way to the bathroom. He changed into dark pants and a warm blue shirt before grabbing his coffee, bag, and jacket and heading for the museum.

xxx

Merlin scratched the back of his neck absentmindedly, staring at the loading computer screen. He sat at the front desk, leaning back lazily against the comfortable black pleather of the swivel chair. He had been there for a few hours, searching diligently for the location of the book. And hopefully Morgana.

There was a ping from the speakers and an address with a picture appeared on the screen. Merlin leaned forward quickly, his spirits lifting. He clicked the picture excitedly, bringing up the shipping carrier and the address it had mistakenly been taken to.

Savile Row, London, England.

No house address. Merlin pulled up a map of London, finding Savile, and his heart fell. It was going to take him ages to find the house or flat the book was in. It had already taken him days to get this far, and that was with the help of magic. He sighed disappointedly and squeezed the bridge of his nose. He had no other choice. He would have to get to London and start looking and hopefully, he would stumble across the man and the book before Morgana figured out what he was up to.

The heavy front door opened and Arthur entered, face drawn and set. He came over to the desk and Merlin closed the laptop, not wanting the king to see what he had been looking at. He wasn't quite ready to share his plans with him.

"Arthur," Merlin stated.

The king ran a hand through his hair, looking around. "Merlin…can we talk?"

The warlock's thoughts turned to the events of last night and he nodded, standing. He led the way to the book stacks where they would have some privacy from Janette or any others who decided to come in. The king leaned back against a shelf of old novels, not looking at the sorcerer. Merlin's heart thumped at the conversation he knew had to happen…whether he wanted it to or not.

"Arthur…you don't have to explain anything to me. I understand…that you may not feel as I do and that's alright. I wasn't expecting anything and I didn't even mean to tell you and I'm completely alright with us being friends so-"

"Merlin, stop."

But he continued on, speeding up in his panic to not lose Arthur's trust or friendship. "And I understand if you want to stay somewhere else because you need some time and I'll help you in whatever way I can, just don't shut me out forever because I don't think I-"

Merlin rambled on and Arthur, his heart quickening as he watched the panic spread across the warlock's face, crushed his lips to his to shut him up. Merlin, surprised, stumbled back, leaning against the book shelf for support, arms slightly raised as if to protect himself. Arthur greedily pressed his lips against Merlin's, sucking on the sweet, tantalizing mouth. The warlock gasped in response to the heat and electricity he felt flowing from Arthur to him, letting the king inside. Arthur pressed closer to him, mind on Merlin until his name brought everything back. Just as suddenly as he had kissed him, he stepped back, head bowed, confusion swirling in his mind.

Merlin stood there, arms still raised, shock and disappointment at the sudden cool air brushing across his face at Arthur's departure. He lowered his hands and closed his jaw, straightening his shirt with trembling hands.

Arthur scratched his forehead and looked up at the warlock watching him so cautiously. "Merlin…I'm very confused….In my time…this was not allowed. People were killed for it. But that didn't mean it didn't happen. And part of me feels guilty because of – because of Guinevere. And I'm not very sure what to do about it because…because I don't think I want it to stop. I want – I need you, Merlin. So please…just help me." His last words came out in a whisper and he looked away, shoulders slunk and seeming to have shrunk in just those few desparate sentences.

Merlin stepped forward slowly and put a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder. "It's alright, Arthur. You don't have to be afraid or guilty or angered…and of course I will help you. Just tell me what it is that you want to know."

The king slid down to sit, sighing. His knees were up and he leaned against them, rubbing a hand through his hair while thinking. "About this," he motioned a hand to the both of them. "I remember you saying the other day that it was legal…but what does it all mean? Is there something wrong with…with all of us? And are you sure that it's…it's safe?"

Merlin nodded sorrowfully at the wave of queries. "It's not like the past times. We're not going to be thrown in jail or executed or burned or anything for it. People have begun realizing that love is love…it extends beyond the physical realm. We are as safe as hetero – or female/male – couples are. Of course, that doesn't mean there aren't people who disagree. There will always be people who are against something that doesn't align with their beliefs. But now that some laws have been passed, we're allowed to date and be out in public and even marry. Because love is love."

He said the last bit with force, wanting it to stick in Arthur's head but knowing it would take time. "As for your other question, I want you to remember this if you go away with nothing else. There is nothing, I repeat, absolutely nothing wrong with any of us. Not with you and not with me. It's not witchcraft or acts of the devil. It's not a disease or an injury. It's who we are and who we choose to be. And we're allowed to be who we are and who we want. We're just us."

Arthur looked up at the ferocity and determination in Merlin's voice, seeing a fire in his eyes. Some part of him took in those words, letting them wrap around him, trying to get comfortable with it. But it was like wearing new shoes…it just didn't fit yet. But yet didn't mean never.

"Okay," he murmured, nodding.

Merlin smiled sadly. Again, as much as he hated saying it and thinking it, he knew the king just needed time….and time the warlock never seemed to run out of.

"Come on," he said, standing. "Let's get pizza."

Arthur's lips turned upwards into a small smile at the thought of the delicious and warm food. "Okay. But only if you're buying."

As Merlin closed up and they left, joking lightheartedly, Arthur said again and not for the last time, "Thank you, Merlin. For everything."

The warlock just smiled. "Of course."