Re-Decorating!
"Hey, Junyi, are they gone yet?"
"Shh, General! We must be silent, and graceful! Lest Zhongda discover us before Prince Zihuan can lure him out of his chambers. Heavens forbid, our plan would be ruined! Ruin!"
"That's exactly why I was asking! So we can get done with Lord Cao Cao's mission!... Are they gone yet?"
"Silence and grace, general! Oh- and poise! You can't forget poise!"
"You two be quite, have you forgotten this is a stealth mission? Why are we all hiding in the same box, again?"
"It seemed a good idea at the time, Cousin Dun. We need to find out if Pi is done with his end of the operation. Ya know, see if they're gone yet!"
"Oooh- I know, let's gracefully approach and get a closer look!"
"All right on the count of three, everyone move forward to Sima Yi's office door. One, two, three-"
We bump into something, hearing a soft unf followed by a more irate: "Zihuan! What fool servant left this box in the hall. It must be removed this instant." "That was no servant, Zhongda. It is my box, leave it be." "Your box tripped me!It made me fall! I demand it's execution!" Apprehensively, I hear Sima Yi's boot click on the tile. This whole frivolous mission is at stake, until Cao Pi speaks up, almost cooing: "Zhongda, why is my little ice queen so upset? It's just a box I left at your doorstep."
"...fine. If you want your precious box to sit around in the hall unguarded, be my guest. But don't ever call me that again."
"Thank you, my good Zhongda."
" of course... my lord." Those two need couple's therapy; I pity the child they'll be raising.
Whatever anger I'd felt at Cao Pi dissipates when we reach our destination. After trampling about the streets of Xu Chang, we're at the weapon smith's. Zihuan automatically being drawn of to the swords, while I look at what new contraptions have been made. Such variety, it's a pity that all these new inventions come about while I am incapacitated. I am examining a new sort of sword when a familiar pair of arms wrap about me.
"Zihuan, you know more of swords. What is this?" Pi peers over my shoulder as I wave the thin blade before him. "It seems to be a rapier; those are from 16th century Europe. I wonder how it got here. Just another anachronism I suppose."
"Oh? I see. This one is quite clever. Just look at the shape of the little serrations. They seem meant to trap bits of flesh in them. If some poor fool survived being stabbed, infection and allergy to foreign flesh my well get him. Clever." Pi nuzzles my shoulder before commenting "This is nice, Zhongda." "What, the swords? I take it that this is not what's typically meant by baby toys, Zihuan." I speak while shifting the rapier's weight in my hand. "Sorry, Zhongda , this is just a detour. We can go off to look at the baby's-" "No! No, let's just forget the child for a moment. We can stay here, at the arms dealer... Just the two of us, like before." I feel the arm about my waist tighten. "Alright. Zhongda, why don't I get you that rapier, as a gift?" "Hmm? I don't use swords." "If it's as clever as you say, I am certain we'll find someone who'll make use of it." "True enough."
Oohh- this is perfect, just a few adjustments! "A little to the left, right, closer, no, move back. Maybe we should just put it where it originally was-"
"Zhang He! It's a cradle! Just leave it there; Sima Yi could return at any moment-" "Which is why we can waste no time getting Yi's office up to full fabulosity, General Dun. Tout sou-it!" "Uhm, Junyi, the office looks... butterfly-full and sparkly enough already. We really have to get out before they're back." "Yuan~ we can't rush this! You can't rush beauty." "This is a stealth mission! We've gotta leave now, Junyi." "I still don't see why Lord Cao Cao put you in charge of the stealth mission, He; there are other officers that have more experience with ambushes." " But not ambushes like these, General Dun! They were a specialty of mine under Yuan Shao!" "What, Junyi? Sneaking into bases and taking stuff?" "Heavens, no! Changing an opponents decor as a form of psychological warfare!" "... Wait, if this is psychological warfare, should we really use it on Sima Yi? The guy seemed kinda on edge lately." "And this will make it better. He'll be happy! It's for his baby!"
What is- what the- "What have you imbeciles done to my chambers!" The Xiahou brothers simply dart out, leaving He alone with me. Zhang He slowly approaches me speaking in melodic, soothing tones: "Yi, isn't it precious?" "Damn it, He! This is my war room and now it's covered in pictures of baby animals! How dare you!" He now stands by holding his hands out in a gesture of peace. "Yi, Cao Pi and your babe will love the new decor! Besides- Lord Cao Cao wanted this to be a surprise." "Figures. Did he think I'd have baby fever like the rest of you morons of Wei?" He shifts his weight a bit to the right and inhales before speaking: "Actually, no. Lord Cao Cao thought you'd be reluctant to have your offices made baby friendly. So he wanted to get you out of the way." I lean my weight on my desk, to ponder what He just said for a moment. "They tricked me? The Caos tricked me?" He's expression softness to concern as he gets closer to me. I hate how Zhang He simply towers over me. "Yi, you seem so upset. Expecting a child must be so stressful. Who needs a hug?" "Oh, no, no, no, no! Release me at once, Zhang He! Rah!"
The dramatic effect of me trying to flip the large wooden work desk is lost when I become exhausted just from trying to tilt it. It's just degrading when He effortlessly lifts it after uttering "Yi, if you want your furniture moved ask for help. No one wants you to strain yourself while carrying the baby."
Long time no update? Hopefully I'm getting closer to writing the all-kingdoms baby-bash.
