A/N: In which we find out what the baddies are up to, the real adventure begins, and Merlin may show up in the next few chapters…
…
Gwaine woke slowly, groggy, to soft knocking on the door. Hm. He hadn't remembered getting into his own bed. Didn't remember much of anything about last night, as a matter of fact.
Unless...
Naaaaaaaaaaahhh.
Gwaine opened his eyes and lurched upright as the knocking continued. Yes, this was his bed all right. He was more or less dressed, though without armor, belt and boots. His breath tasted foul, but a wash of whiskey should take care of that. How much had he had last night?
And what was Leon doing in his room? He was propped up on the floor, opposite him, leaning against the door, his head fallen forward in sleep.
Perhaps all that wasn't just a dream. Great...
The knocking continued, louder now. "Sir Gwaine? Gwaine, get up, already!"
Lancelot?
The door rattled.
"It's stuck," he heard muffled through the door. Percival.
"Leon's not in his room, either. We training today or not?" Elyan.
"Here, would you look at this door?" Lancelot said. "Nearly smashed in!"
The door rattled again, harder, and Leon stirred. Suddenly, his head snapped up: he leapt to his feet in attack position. His face flashed through confusion before it arrived on Gwaine, and he glowered. "You all right?" he asked.
"Am I all right?" Gwaine bridled. Even if last night had been real, it was still going to take some getting used to the idea of Leon caring... "What happened last night? What time is it?"
Leon looked sore, tired, but not hungover. He pulled open the ruined door to greet Percival's shoulder as he seemed about to break the door down. There Percival, Elyan, and Lancelot stood, looking confused to see Leon there.
"What time is it?" Leon demanded.
Maybe he didn't get how awkward this could look? Gwaine wondered. Oh, to be so innocent!
"Uh. It's half noon, Sir Leon," Percy stammered. "Training?"
"Oh, my head," Lancelot complained. "What a night...!"
"...We could all just forget about training today," Elyan offered, hopefully. "You know. Let you two-rest?"
Leon gave them a deadpan look. "No, there will be training as usual. Er-Lancelot, have a rest-I'll leave you in charge, today. Gwaine and I have matters of state to attend to. Thanks." God, he appeared so unruffled! Like a bloody rooster!
"Uh. Yes, sir, right away," they said, and scampered off.
Leon tried to close the door, but it was clear the hinges had taken about all they could handle and wouldn't budge again. As he turned back to him, Gwaine couldn't resist. He pulled a blanket up over his chest daintily and said in as much of a falsetto as he could manage, "Oh, Sir Leon, I'm flattered. But now people will talk, and my father will insist that you marry me!"
Leon replied by throwing a shirt in his face. "Shut up," he said, sounding more irritated at his antics than genuinely mad at him. "Are you fit?"
Gwaine scoffed. "Am I fit!" Was there wine still left in Albion?
"Good. Put a clean shirt on, we've got work to do."
"We've got what who now?" Gwaine still needed a drink to bring the world back into focus.
"There's goblins in the palace."
Gwaine stopped, his shirt hanging around his neck. Leon was out the door and halfway down the hall already. Slowly a grin spread over his face.
"You coming?" Leon called.
"Oh yeah!"
…
Leon strode towards the council chambers purposefully. This goblin problem was certainly getting out of hand, and the council needed to be notified. After that, a new action plan could be arrived at.
Oh, the journal entry he'd have tonight...
It was only then that on the periphery of his consciousness he was aware of Gwaine dogging his steps excitedly. He was saying , "I told you so, I told you so, but no, you wouldn't listen, oh no! And I would have beaten you in that fight anyway, which is particularly hilarious because your probably a foot taller than me and I could still beat you! But you know the best thing is that I told you so, isn't it, because you can't say I didn't, you have to admit that I was right and you were wrong, don't you-"
Leon turned around and threw Gwaine up against a wall, and said, very civilly, "I was wrong. You were right. Will you please shut up, now?"
Gwaine cleared his throat. "You're doing it again."
"Doing what?" Leon snapped.
Gwaine coughed and looked down at his dangling feet. Leon put him down quickly. "Sorry."
"It's fine."
"Anyway, we've got more important things to do-there's a goblin infestation."
"Say no more, blondie-wait-did you say infestation?"
"Yes. I saw four in the coffers, and five tried to break in and kill us."
"Oh. Why would they try to kill us?"
It made Leon incredibly jealous that Gwaine just took his word for it, but he tried to ignore his anger. "I don't know. I didn't think goblins did that sort of thing. But I've only heard stories."
"Something odd is going on, I wager."
"Hmm. We'll have to tell the council."
"Right. And when they've laughed us out of the room like you did me, what will we do?"
"They won't-" but they probably would. Gwaine certainly looked too hungover to be believed, and he probably didn't look much better. "Alright, fine. I came up with a goblin trap last night. In theory it should work again, if there are no interruptions." He paused. "We should get started right away."
"Right."
They started toward the coffers.
"Oh-and Leon?"
"Yes?"
"I told you so."
Leon tried not to get angry again. But he only broke into an exasperated grin, and he shoved Gwaine off him as he ruffled his hair.
…
"This is not going to work."
"It certainly worked last night!"
"Yeah...on Lancelot!"
There was a pause.
"Hur hur hur."
"Shut up. I need to concentrate."
"This is so contrived, Leon! No goblin's ever going to fall for this! It's rubbish!"
"Come on, let's hide behind here. And keep your voice down."
"And what good is it going to do to catch just one?"
"We only need one. And be quiet!"
"And alive, that's stupid. What we need is something big and flat and heavy, squash them all at once, so that-"
BOOM!
"Oi! Bugger this, lemme outta 'ere!"
"Told you so."
"Shut up. Anyway, I don't see what good these 'humane' traps do, anyway, we'll let it out outside the castle walls and it'll just come right back in again!" A pause. "Unless...!"
"Don't look so excited, Gwaine, we are nottorturing the prisoner. We are Knights of the Round Table and-"
"Oh, you're no fun!"
…
Leon glared at Gwaine, and knelt down by the box, which was rattling ominously. Putting one hand on top of the box to keep it still, he rapped hard on the side of the box as he shouted, "Oi!"
Gwaine blinked at Leon. "Oi?"
"I'm trying to speak its language!"
"'Oi' isn't foreign—unless its French or something—"
"Will you shut up?"
"Lemme out, ye daft wigeons!" the goblin snarled.
"Look, we will let you out if you say who sent you to kill us."
"Sharn't!"
"I think he means 'no'," Gwaine said helpfully.
"Will you please be quiet!" Leon snapped.
"I'm aten't tellin you nothin', blondie! Nor you, shortie!"
"Look, if you don't tell us, we'll—chop your head off."
Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
The goblin scrabbled at the inside of the box. "You Camelot softies won't touch an 'air on my 'ead!"
"He's right, you know. That didn't even convince me."
"Do you have a better idea, shortie?"
"As a matter of fact, I do…"
…
"I mean an idea that doesn't involve breaking the Knight's Code!" Leon growled.
Gwaine looked offended. "What did you think I was going to torture the poor bugger?" he said, even as he thought, Damn, he guessed. Quick, new plan.
"Hey, stop that!" Leon said, swatting at him.
"Lend us a few quid," Gwaine insisted, tugging at the purse on Leon's belt.
"What do you-"
"Hey. Gobber. Can I call you gobber?" Gwaine said, nonchalantly leaning against the bucket and grinning widely.
"Up yours, shortie!"
"Fine," Gwaine said, rattling some coins in his hand. "Guess I'll go spend these on drink."
There was a pause.
"These?" the goblin asked. "These what?"
"These tasty, shiny, scrumptious-looking gold coins. Guess I'll go give 'em up to Stuart the barkeep-and if you've ever met Stuart the barkeep, you'll know that once he gets his fat hands on a gold coin there's absolutely no getting them-"
"Me! Me! Meeeeeee!" The goblin began shouting hysterically, kicking and struggling against the box so that both Leon and Gwaine had to hold it down. "Give them to meeee!"
"I dunno," Gwaine said, enjoying this far too much, clinking the coins together in his palm. "Three coins is quite a lot to just give away to an uncooperative goblin..."
"Gwaine!" Leon hissed. "You can't negotiate with it! It's an enemy of Camelot!"
"Look, do you want to find out who's behind all this or don't you?"
"Okay, okay!" The goblin shrieked. "I'll talk! I'll talk! Please, please, pleeeeeease, just let me touch the gold, good Sir Gwaine?"
Gwaine raised his eyebrows at Leon and winked at him before sliding one gold coin beneath the box.
Orgasmic noises issued from the box that frankly embarrassed Gwaine.
"Right," he said, banging on the top of the box. "There's more where that came from after you talk."
"Lady Morgana!" the creature whined. "She's said she'll pay us a large sum for killing you lot and causing mischief! Now gimme!"
Leon looked surprised. But Gwaine remained skeptical.
"Fine. I'm off to the tavern. I say we leave him in there overnight to cool down, Leon..."
"Waaaaaaait! Wait wait wait! Where's my gold, meatsack?"
"Rude and a liar. Told you. Can never trust a goblin," Gwaine said, clinking the coins together for good measure. "Well, I'm off to the pub to make Stuart a little richer. You coming, Leon?"
"It-well, it just did what you wanted..."
Gwaine laughed. "Ha! You believe that? He's just squealing like a pig, telling us what we want to hear. Why I could probably belch a more convincing lie than that-"
"Noooooooo! Nononononononononoooooo! It's true, I tells ya! All true! Morgana's at Tintagel! Planning to take over Camelot while Arthur's gone, and she's paying us to kill the knights in charge as we can before she stages her attack! Pleaseohpleaseohplease gimme the gold! I told ya all I knowed!"
It was actually horrible to listen to, but that sounded like a genuine confession to Gwaine, who was himself an expert liar.
Gwaine slid the two gold pieces under the box. While the goblin was then distracted by his newfound riches, Gwaine quickly tipped the box over and grabbed the goblin by the throat.
"Thank you," he said sweetly, before his face darkened into the picture of barely-contained rage and the promise of death. "Now. If I ever see you in Camelot again, see, I'll kill you, take your gold, kill your family, take your family's gold, and spend it all on drink until I'm dancing naked on top of a table, understand me?"
The goblin nodded, horrified, and when Gwaine dropped him, he was gone in a flash.
