Yet again, Lily Evans had made the escape of the century.
They had been right in front of each other, for Merlin's sake! Somehow, she had just, disappeared!
It had happened so often over the past three days that it was really starting to get on James' nerves. He was a man of action! A man of saying how he felt, (and then some). A man that, while still manly, was romantic and treated women with the utmost respect and chivalry. (Because it was far from dead, in James' personal opinion.)
(Although it was 6 feet under to Sirius.)
But their moment of contact was so brief, Jame could barely remember it himself. He couldn't even recall how it had happened - how they had suddenly been face-to-face, breathing the same air and everything.
All he knew, was that there she was, stunning as usual; auburn hair, translucent, pale skin, perfection personified. Intoxicating, breath-taking.
And my goodness he really was turning into a sap.
Lily, on the other hand, was mentally slapping herself for being so careless. The avoiding thing had been going well! Kind of. Sort of.
Not really...
There was some strange magnetic force that drew James to her, it was frustrating that she couldn't just move on with her life and get him out of it. As well as the stupid little crush thing she seemed to have picked up. She was sure it was some sort of disease that went around the school. Potter-itis. Everyone seemed to have it sooner or later.
Lily just seemed to get it later, which was really, a pain in the buttocks. Especially since there was so much more to think about at the moment, like NEWTs and what she would do after Hogwarts.
Things were so complicated, it hurt her head to think about all her problems for too long. On the whole, Lily had turned her life into one, big, pathetic mess.
Sometimes she wondered if things would just be easier if she let James into her life, maybe as a friend, maybe more than that. Deep down, she supposed it would, he was a good person and she needed more of those sorts of people in her life. He would be a priceless friend, something she might never find again, and there she was - rejecting and avoiding him for all she was worth.
Plus, it was difficult ignoring and running away from James.
On the other hand, things might get even worse. Her heart might start beating even faster, her nerves would jangle and clank in her ears until the sound drowned out everything else. She might lose concentration, start falling behind in her classes due to reckless day-dreaming (if she gave up on her control, who was to say the rest of it wouldn't automatically fall out of place?), and then become a huge, fantastic failure.
Which was the worst thing possible since really all she wanted to do with her life was prove to the Muggle-hating Slytherins that she could make it. That she would make it.
She would, of course. Lily was not one for failing.
Ever.
At all.
Not in a million years.
Yet somehow, she couldn't help but think about letting her guard down, all the time. The walls she had built up were such a weight on her shoulders, and it used to ease off every so often, mainly during those late nights when she sat there with James, studying or just relaxing. Like he had taken away the worry, the panic, enforcing the knowledge that she would go on to do great things.
And then over the next day, Lily began to realize that she missed him, that it was a stupid idea to block him out, because she just stressed out more and more. He was like the drug that took away all the pain.
She would never forgive herself for being such a sap. But not for love. Lily accepted that James was an important part of her life, unique and reliable and perfect. Love was another matter entirely.
Lily sighed, rubbing her weary eyes with ink spattered fingertips. It was much too much. All the stress and thinking she had to do, that she was doing.
She expected wrinkles and grey hair within the week.
- X -
I give up, Lily thought, glancing across the library where James sat. I'm sick of being so stubborn.
She raised her book to cover her face, then lowered it a smidgen, so she could peer over it at times. The downfall of this was that every second line she felt the need to take a swift look at the messy-haired boy.
Unknowingly, she continued like this for a good few minutes, before realizing how idiotic she must look. Using all the self-control she possessed, Lily forced herself to read each line of an entire page without a single look away from the book.
James, it appeared, had noticed her strange behaviour before she had made a move to change it. When she feverishly looked up at him again, he was right in front of her table, smirking down at her.
Panic washed through Lily in an instant, feeling suddenly extremely foolish for ever giving into her silly little impulses. She resisted the urge to whack her head against the desk.
He watched her silently, trying not to snigger as a blush crept into her cheeks. The lack of conversation frustrated Lily, so she fought through haze and stupidity to find a few words. She suspected James would take it from there.
"Hello James," her voice was weary to her own ears. There was a slight sigh of relief in the way she said his name, already she was lighter.
"Good evening Lily," he rumbled. "I noticed you sitting over here, all alone, I thought I might offer some company."
There was another urge to thump her head to the desk, he would play the gentleman and beat around the bush. Stupid handsome boys.
"Of course, sit."
He smiled and instead of sitting across from her, trudged around the table to place himself into the seat next to her. Automatically, Lily felt her head spin from his smell. She tried to breathe in too much at once and her head emptied of all intelligent thoughts.
"I haven't seen you much this week," James said, unusually direct.
"Nope," Lily flipped the pages in her book and stared at the words. All her Gryffindor courage had abandoned ship, she could think of nothing when he sat there, looking at her (which she was sure he was doing, with those wide brown eyes and puppy-dog stare), smelling like he did and looking like he'd just stepped out of Witch Weekly's "Hottest Torso of the Month" section.
She hit herself mentally for ever thinking that, and casually eyed a very hard looking spot on the table.
"You don't like to talk much any more do you?"
"I never talked much in the beginning."
James huffed. "You're being stubborn."
Lily tore her eyes away from the book and the table to meet James' eyes squarely. There they were; wide, brown and all puppy like. Completely unfair.
"I know, I can't help it."
Her head screamed at her to say something, anything, that would lead to her saying something about not wanting to avoid him anymore. About doing quite the opposite, and maybe being there more than she normally would have been.
That was as far as her mind would let her get with the imagining part. Lily supposed the rest of it was classified, and not suitable for a conversation in the library.
Looking back at her book, she turned the page again.
"You didn't even read the last pages," James pointed out, Lily could feel the smile grow on his face.
"I did too." Again with the stubborn.
"You, are a horrible liar." Was it just her, or did his voice sound closer? She refused to look at him, look for him, maybe out of fear he would be too close, maybe because she was scared her mind was playing tricks on her.
"Whatever you say James," Lily muttered, taking a stab at nonchalance.
He sighed, obviously annoyed at her off-handed treatment of him.
"You can't even look at me... Is this about the breakfast thing? Because you know I said sorry for that about a thousand times. So many times that the word 'sorry' probably means nothing anymore. At least, not from me. Or is it something else. Like the stair thing? 'Cause I'm sorry about that too. I just have this weird habit for doing the wrong thing around you, and I can't help it. I've tried to change it, but that normally makes things worse, so I'm just going to try and, well, be normal which-"
"James!" Lily whispered, exasperated, "shut. Up."
She was looking at him now, and his shocked expression morphed into a smile. Before she could look away, he placed a warm hand on her cheek. He hoped both his strength and her want of contact between them would keep her looking at him. He hoped this very much, if that makes sense.
"Thank you, now. Would you care to explain you're need to avoid me all week?"
Lily regained the function of her brain momentarily, and used that time to use all sorts of curses on him and her. And then she stopped thinking altogether, because his hand on her already warm cheek was extremely distracting. Then there was the fact that to get his hand that close comfortably, he had moved forward and his face wasn't too far from hers at all.
Heart racing and cheeks reddening even more she managed to stutter, "You're evil."
James smiled. "No. Once again, you're just being stubborn."
"How?" Lily winced internally, her voice sounded so weak and pathetic and breathy. Ridiculous.
"This would go so much easier if you could just admit that you like me, even a little bit. I'm sure you'd be able to come to terms with your stuttering and stammering around me then."
Outraged that he would even think such a thing, even though he was dead-on, she retorted "You think very highly of yourself."
He smiled. "Yes, it's one of my many virtues. Or at least, I like to think so."
How could someone so infuriating be so charming?
"Now. Why is it that you've been avoiding me?" James questioned, asking like he'd simply forgotten an answer she'd already given him.
Lily felt his thumb begin to trace a line under her eye, it was a familiar gesture, though she was sure he'd never touched her like that before. He seemed so gentle as he smiled sweetly at her, the perfect picture of innocence.
As usual, she choked when trying to find the right words. But maybe that was all she needed to say, that she didn't know. Right then, in that moment, she had no idea why she would run away from him, from their little pocket of the universe that was always so wonderful.
Pure insanity some might call it.
"I honestly don't know," Lily decided on, proud that she sounded a little stronger, not quite as weak.
"Hm, that's a better answer than 'I hate your guts and never wanted to see you again', I suppose."
They laughed, softly, they couldn't forget that they were in the library, where the grouchy matron would scream if she heard them talking (or saw them sitting so close, but at that point, Lily was beyond caring). When his stopped abruptly, Lily's laugh petered out like silver bells, slowly drawn out to the very last ring.
And then it was quiet again, an intense look on his face and a confused one on hers. Without thought, James tilted his head and pressed his lips to hers.
Lily gasped, surprised though she knew she shouldn't have been, but the feeling of his warm mouth moving against hers had jolted her out of her safe little shell. It was different and new, even when she had been kissed by him before.
Only this time, it really was different. As her hands moved to his shoulders, and around his neck, and his cradled her face, Lily gave in to what surely, was meant to be. Everything felt right, like it was what she was meant to do.
James only pulled away to draw a quick breath, before kissing her again and again. He knew that this wasn't it, not the beginning of them but it certainly was a start.
Somewhere, someone dropped a stack of books, large books by the earth-shattering sound it made. Lily pulled away, the crash bringing her back into the real world. James still held her face, his eyes half closed. She was in the real world, with her real thoughts suddenly all in place, where moments ago they had been all jumbled up.
James had been right. She had given in, and things had just, cleared for her.
With a smile, Lily leaned in again to kiss him lightly.
"I'm not going to avoid you anymore James," she whispered, then stood to collect all her belongings.
James slumped back in his chair, not really believing what had just happened.
A/N: It was FINALLY time for Lily and James to have their first proper kiss. Yeah. I'm way not experienced in this stuff, so, a call to arms I guess you could call it. I really don't like writing about things in which I have little or no knowledge about. So, anyone who reads this part of my little ramble, who would like to help, it would be much appreciated. All I'm really after is a proper good kissing scene, where its all passionate and awesome, for me to mainly muck around with, just the setting not the actual act. Hah. I'm sounding really weird right now, but whatever.
I will credit like crazy, and sponsor and promise to love forever. Not in the creepy "I wanna get in your pants" way but in the "I owe you so, so, sooooo much" way.
Aaaand, I know I am a terrible horrible FanFiction author for not updating sooner, but I am extremely unstable with these posts and can not be trusted with deadlines. Everything else I'm great with. XD
Whatever. Much love. Review. xo
