Chapter 11

Asuka stared down the corpse of her mother, and for a moment that comprised of essentially a small blip in time, it felt like ages for the red-head. She could honestly claim that she no longer feared facing her mother's image, however the levity of revisiting your own mother's suicide was making it hard to do anything but stare. At least at first… Uncertainty eventually evolved into sadness, whick morphed into anger, which would eventually regress into hopelessness.

It was at this point that the conversation was stirred up from an unlikely source. A faint flicker flashed in the eyes of Asuka's mother… Then she began to speak. "What's the matter dear?... You have nothing of substance to say to your own mother?"

"How…" If Asuka hadn't been dreaming, she may have passed out. "How are you speaking?!"

"Are you seriously asking me that question? Have you forgotten you're in a dream, where reality has no meaning? Please tell me I didn't raise a simpleton."

"You didn't raise me at all!" Asuka shrieked, her shock engulfed by anger. "I was four when you killed yourself remember?! I was the one that found you! The one you abandoned!"

"Abandoned you? Oh please, don't shed a tear for the poor woman driven to kill herself, for after all, everything is always about you."

"I'm your daughter! It was supposed to be all about me! But I was never good enough was I?! You replaced me with a damn doll, and you didn't even love me enough for me to be a reason for you to go on living…"

"Oh, of course. Spoken like a true narcissist, my daughter. I killed myself because of you. Not because I went insane after the incident with Unit 2, lost control over most of my mental faculties, and my grip on reality... My suicide had nothing to do with losing my mind and everything to do with me not loving you enough… Please, by all means continue to vilify me as a mother if that helps you sleep better at night."

"I haven't had a good night's sleep in twelve years! Every night when I fall asleep, this is what I see…" Asuka waved her arms toward her mother and her stitched together daughter. "You and that damn doll… The one you replaced me with… You have no right to condescend to me here mother, you can't deny this truth! You gave your love to an inanimate children's toy and shunned your own flesh and blood daughter!"

"Oh no, did I do that? Hmm… Sounds an awful lot like something an insane person would do…" Asuka's mother nearly cooed, proving she could condescend to her girl whenever she damn well felt like it.

"You left me alone… Father didn't care, so I had no one after you died…. I've been alone ever since… Because I vowed I'd never let anyone get close enough to hurt me the way you hurt me…"

"You poor sweet precious girl! I can't even fathom how much you must despise me… Leaving you all alone, with no one to pat you on the head and tell you how special you are… Even as a child, you just couldn't stand it if you weren't the center of everyone's universe could you? I couldn't imagine a worse fate for you than to spend your life alone and full of nothing but spite."

"Mama," Asuka whimpered like a child… Well, being scolded by her mother. Her last few words really bit, producing nothing but silence and fresh tears. It took all of Asuka's strength not to drop to her knees and begin sobbing uncontrollably.

"She's not alone though…" The voice did not belong to Asuka, and the sound of it nearly caused Asuka to lose her head as she turned it to make sure her ears weren't hearing things. "Whether she likes it or not, she's never alone… Not anymore anyhow."

"Shinji?" Asuka's voice was small, again almost sounding like a child. She watched in awe as he walked up stopping a step or two behind her. "What are you doing here? How did you even…"

"I'm here to support you." Shinji's smile nearly melted her, and she was still far too stunned to get angry when he put his hand on her shoulder. "As awful and personal as this memory is, I couldn't bear the thought of letting you face it alone… You've been facing your demons by yourself for long enough as it is."

"But… Why now? You've never had my back when I really need you…"

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe that's because you never let me? I know as well as you do what it's like to feel abandoned and alone… That's why I was always too weak to force myself to be there for you when you needed to be close to someone, but refused to show it… That doesn't mean the willingness wasn't there though… If I had any inkling you wanted me there, there would be no obstacle I wouldn't have rammed through to be at your side."

"Shinji…" Asuka felt her heart sink, at a loss again. She almost forgot the hanging elephant in the center of the room.

"How adorable…" said elephant interrupted. "It appears you have made a friend daughter… One gullible enough to believe you're actually capable of caring about another human being? Boy, you are aware that she only views her so-called friends as tools and stepping stones to achieve her own goals? She's incapable of viewing other human beings as anything more than things for her to use then dispose of when she sees fit… That's all you are boy, a tool to her…"

Shinji did not respond, he didn't feel it was his place too. This was Asuka's moment, and the red-head was becoming weary of keeping her mouth shut… "No he's not…"

"What was that dear?" her mother asked, unable to hear Asuka's hushed tone.

"I said he's not just a tool! Don't you talk about him that way!" Asuka stomped towards her mother, which seemed to catch the dead woman off guard. "For your information, the reason I haven't been able to have healthy relationships with people… The reason I shut the rest of the world out, the reason I've been so obsessed with overachieving at everything I do… It's all because of you! Because of this moment in my life… Everything I've achieved, everything I've failed at…. The person I am today, I can trace it all back to that day I found your corpse after you'd hung yourself…"

"I see… I do make quite the convenient scapegoat don't I? Being dead and all…"

"I don't blame you for the way I am…" Asuka interrupted, refusing to give in to her mother's prodding. Well, not quite her mother… This was her vision of her mother, or at least how she feared her mother viewed her. "I don't even hate you for killing yourself… Not anymore. It is what it is though... I can't allow you, this image of you, to control my life any more than it already has… I'm tired of being strong-willed and independent if that means I have to spend my life alone… I want to be able to love somebody without feeling like I'm betraying myself somehow! You will not define who am I anymore, I won't allow you to haunt my life! I will not allow you to destroy me to the point I wind up hanging myself from the ceiling! You do not dictate my life anymore! Do you understand me?!"

Her mother did not reply, and merely smiled at her. "Damn it, do you understand me?! Say something, damn you!"

Again, Mrs. Soryu only smirked in response.

"Say something?! Damn it, SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT, DAMN YOU, SAY IT!"


"AH!" Shinji awoke with a start as Asuka's screams ripped through the apartment. In truth, they were likely heard several buildings over. For one scream, Shinji probably would've passed off her outburst as one of her seemingly endless nightmares, rolled over and gone back to sleep. It was the persistence of this particular cry and the hysterical ramblings that accompanied it that caused Shinji to jump out of his bed and race into Asuka's room. He found the German girl sitting upright in bed twitching and turning violently as she ranted what sounded like nonsense.

"Asuka calm down! It's just a dream…" Shinji knelt down next to her bedside. As soon as his hand touched her shoulder, her gyrating became more frantic, and Shinji wisely pulled away.

Shinji wasn't the only roommate of Asuka's drawn to her room by her crazed outburst. Misato stood in the doorway with her arms spread out. "What the hell is going on in here… Shinji?"

It was a two part question really… One, what was Shinji doing in Asuka's room, and two, maybe he had some idea as to why Asuka's bedroom currently looked like a scene out of the Exorcist. His response would only satisfy the first half of the question. "I have no idea… I woke up to her screaming, and found her like this."

At this moment, Asuka seemed to realize she was now awake… And there were people in her bedroom staring at her with worried expressions on their faces. Immediately feeling self-conscious, Asuka went into self-preservation mode. "Why are you two in my room? What the hell is going on?!"

"You just had a mini-psychotic episode," Misato replied, in a playful tone she hadn't really intended to use. "Did you have another bad nightmare sweet-heart?"

"Nightmare…" Asuka thought hard about her dream and what it was about… Then it came back to her, that gauntlet she had just run. Kaji, Misato, Hikari, Shinji… Her mother. The stress from it all was enough to make you sick to your stomach. "Yes a nightmare… That's all it was, so don't be fussing over me." She glared at the boy kneeling next to her bed. "Move baka, I have to use the bathroom."

"Oh, yeah… Sure thing," Shinji quickly scampered out of the red-head's way. She quickly pushed passed both her roommates, into the hall, and finally the bathroom.

"I've always known she's had issues with nightmares… But I've never seen her react to a dream like she did just now," Misato said offhandedly. Shinji assumed she was speaking to him.

"Me either… Something really bad must've happened in that dream…"

"Well, Asuka will tell us when she decides she's ready, so don't push her about okay? In fact, your probably better off not bothering her for the rest of night, so why don't you get back to bed? There's nothing else you can really do for her…"

"It doesn't matter… I'm going to stay up at least until she gets out of the bathroom… Just to make sure she doesn't need anything…"

Smiling her approval, Misato patted Shinji on the shoulder before dismissing herself back to her bedroom under the promise Shinji would wake her if Asuka showed any signs that things weren't normal with her. As it turned out, Shinji had to wait a good twenty minutes while Asuka examined herself in the bathroom mirror, picking her brain for every last detail of the dream that nearly finally drove her off the deep end. That fool in the cloak had referred to her dream as some type of test… Had she passed or failed? To Say she received nothing out of the experience would admittedly be a lie. One thing was for certain… She wasn't going to figure out the answer tonight, so she might as well go back to bed.

Asuka exited the bathroom and was caught off guard to find Shinji waiting outside the door. Logic would dictate he was probably just waiting for access to the restroom, however, Asuka rarely used logic where Shinji was concerned. This time though, she didn't perceive the worst as she knew exactly why she found him right outside that door. "I told you not to worry about me… It was just a nightmare. I'm going back to bed…"

"I don't believe you," Shinji responded stubbornly yet guarded at the same time. "Though I'm not going to bug you about it either if you don't want to talk about it… I just wanted to make sure you didn't need anything before I went back to bed…"

"No, now go back to bed," Asuka tiredly spat in annoyance, slowly trudging towards her own room.

"Are you sure? You don't need anything at all?"

Asuka's first instinct was to strike him down dead where he stood then consume his flesh. Then she remembered what the Shinji in her dream had said to her. "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe that's because you never let me? If I had any inkling you wanted me there, there would be no obstacle I wouldn't have rammed through to be at your side."

"Asuka?" Shinji called out her name as she remained strangely quiet. Asuka glanced over at him seeming to barely register that he was even standing there.

"Well, if you're so desperate… I could use a drink of water…"

"A glass of water? Sure, I'll go get you one." Shinji scampered off into the kitchen, perhaps a bit too eager to do Asuka's bidding. Asuka slowly slogged back into her bedroom, the gears in her head still churning as exhausted and overworked as they were.

When Shinji went in search of Asuka, he found her in her bedroom sitting upright on the edge of her bed. He handed her the glass, and was rewarded with a weak thank you that was barely audible. One drink from the glass seemed to suffice, a sip really, and she placed the glass on the end table next to her bed. Unsure of exactly what he should do next, Shinji hung around looking very much like the idiot Asuka always accused him of being, wondering if he should leave her be or make sure she didn't need anything else first. The fact that Asuka hadn't screamed at him to get out of her room yet, he considered this a good sign.

"I guess I'll let you get back to sleep now Asuka… Remember that I'm right down the hall if you need anything, even if it's just to talk… Just let me now."

"You shouldn't be doing this Shinji," Asuka said abruptly though not in her typically abrasive tone. She sounded much more subdued than normal, and on some level, it was hard for Shinji to tell if this was even Asuka that he was looking at.

"Shouldn't be doing what?"

"Fussing over me!" Asuka snapped, sounding much more like herself. "I wasn't even thirsty! You were just so insistent on doing something for poor little ole me that I threw you a bone so you wouldn't scamper off to your room like a scolded puppy!"

"Oh… Well…" Shinji wasn't sure how else to respond to that. "Why the hell shouldn't I fuss?! That dream you had obviously shook you up, so why wouldn't I worry?"

"Do you really like her?"

"Huh?" Shinji was completely caught off guard by the change of topic. After a second or two, it finally registered whom it was Asuka was speaking of. "Oh, you mean Aeri?..."

"No, I mean the Chancellor of Germany! Of course I'm talking about Aeri! Do you like her or not?!"

"Well… Yes, of course I do!"

"Do you consider her your girlfriend?"

Shinji reacted exactly as you'd expect him to. He blushed, nearly tripped over his own feet, and though he tried to speak, not two syllables that left his mouth were normally spoken together. "I'm not sure if I can say yes to that or not… We haven't been seeing each other all that long…"

"Okay, then allow me to simplify the question," Asuka grumbled, becoming annoyed. It wasn't even so much annoyance at Shinji and just anxiousness at waiting to hear his answer, if she could manage a straight one out of him. "Do you want her to be your girlfriend, or if she decided she wanted to be your girlfriend would you object?"

"No… I mean yes!... I mean, if she decides she wants to consider me her boyfriend I wouldn't have a problem with it…" Shinji answered without really thinking about his answer. For some reason he wasn't sure of, he immediately regretted it.

Oddly, Shinji's response seemed to cool Asuka's temper, as she turned her head away from him. "That there, is your reason… Why you shouldn't be tripping all over yourself to help out me… If you're serious about Aeri, then you don't need to be acting so attentive to me…"

Shinji's brow furrowed, clarifying his confusion. "That doesn't make any sense… Regardless of what you may think of me, I still consider you my friend… If something's wrong, of course I'm going to worry about you…."

"You don't have that luxury! You can't look at me the way you have tonight when there's somebody out there waiting on you! If you were my boyfriend, I would be furious if I heard you were fawning all over another woman, regardless of the reason!"

"I'm sorry…" Shinji's expression turned both stern and serious. "I just don't agree with you… Besides, Aeri is not technically my girlfriend anyway, so I'm not betraying anybody."

"The way you're talking right now, you don't sound so sure about her…" Asuka awaited some snarky comeback, as he was always so quick to defend Aeri. None was forthcoming. "How can you not be sure? She's attractive, she understands Eva, and she's stalkerishly interested in you for some reason… What's the problem then?"

"There is no problem per say…" Shinji motioned to take a seat on the bed next to Asuka. When she did not protest, he sat down. "Aeri is wonderful, I just… Sometimes when I'm with her, I feel like I'm doing something wrong… Like I'm not supposed to be with her. It really doesn't make any sense, but my mind always seems to be somewhere else when I'm alone with her…"

Asuka's curiosity perked, though she tried her best to appear disinterested. "Why do you think that is?... Is there somebody else you'd rather be with?"

Surprisingly, Shinji responded without hesitation. "There is… But she's unobtainable… To a point where the idea of ruining what I might have with Aeri over her, just sounds plain ridiculous…"

"Really now…" Asuka trailed off… Her heart began to beat a bit faster. Almost subconsciously, she found herself scooting closer towards him. "What if… This girl wasn't as unobtainable as you think she is?..."

"If I thought there was any chance at all… Then there's no obstacle I wouldn't go through to be by her side…"

Asuka's heart stopped for a hard second, prompting her to retreat back in the other direction. She turned her head way, making sure to hide her blush.

"Asuka?..." He spoke her name, fearing he'd somehow offended her. Little did he know how far to the contrary this was. "Did I say something wrong?"

"I don't want you to see her anymore," Asuka blurted out suddenly, both stunning and confusing the boy seated next to her.

"You don't want me to see who? Aeri?"

"Yes, Aeri, you dimwit! I don't want you to date her anymore… I'm sorry, but I can't give anything more than that right now… Just stop seeing her…"

Her face was on fire, and so she couldn't bring herself to look in his direction. She prayed that just this once, Shinji would read between the lines and not press her for answers she wouldn't be able to give him. Thankfully, he seemed to do just that, though it didn't hurt that Asuka had placed her hand over his to emphasize her point… And may have rendered the boy's tongue completely useless at the moment.

"I'll… See what I can do…" Shinji staggered, realizing how pitiful his answer was, but it seemed to be good enough for Asuka. She released her hold on his hand, and Shinji's major faculties went back online. "I suppose I should leave you be so you can get some rest…"

"Yeah… That would be for the best…" What Asuka really wanted was for Shinji to crawl into bed with her and hold her until she fell back asleep, but she was nowhere near ready for anything that intimate whether it be Shinji or anyone else.

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning then… Good night Asuka…."

"It's 3:00am, its already morning goober…" Asuka's insult held little mirth, and Shinji thought nothing of it. Once he'd closed the door behind him, he threw his back against the wall and exhaled deeply.

What was that about anyway? That's what he thought to himself. He could read between the lines, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions either… This was Asuka he was thinking of here… A girl who could literally be bluntly honest, and a minute later, she'll no longer have meant a word she'd just said. Wishing for something to be true did not make it so… Hoping it was true was probably safer. Shinji just didn't believe he could survive getting his heart stomped on again, especially by a girl that he vowed he wouldn't allow to hurt him again… Yeah, that was definitely a bang up job he did distancing himself for Asuka… Hell, they might just be closer now than they had ever been, as fucked up as that sounded. Of course that level of closeness was comparative to a pair of mating praying mantis. Was Asuka really worth getting his head bit off?

Shinji went back to bed, just not back to sleep. Of course he did wonder about how Asuka really felt about him, but mostly he just worried about her. It wasn't just because of her recent nightmare either, but her entire demeanor as of late. What could have affected her so much that she was willing to open up to him of all people? Open up for Asuka anyway, which still meant not really at all, but still a huge step forward all things considered. Asuka didn't go to sleep either, mainly because she had enough of sleep for one night. She tried half-heatedly to fight it, but her dream kept playing over and over in her head… In particular, the scenes involving Shinji. The way he was represented in her dream… Was that really the way he was on the inside, or was he merely a reflection of what Asuka wanted him to be? She had done all she was willing to do to find out… She'd planted the seed in his mind, and one she was sure would take root even in that dimwit's mind. She wouldn't be the one doing the chasing. He was going to have to chase after her. That's just the way it was supposed to work in her mind. The main difference this time? She had no intention of working so hard to resist him.


Asuka was stirred awake by a heavenly aroma infiltrating her room from the kitchen. This seemed to be becoming a common occurrence in that apartment when she awoke in the morning. Asuka searched her mind, hoping to recall what stupid thing Shinji had done the day before that he was trying to make amends for… Then she remembered her dream… And then what *she* had said to Shinji afterward. Even through the early morning brain fog, a faint crimson appeared on her cheeks.

She couldn't rush out there right away, this she knew, and so she remained in the somewhat calming comfort of her room for several minutes feigning sleep. She couldn't decide how to handle… Well, any of the insanity from the night before. Normally, she'd just barge out that door pretending like nothing had happened. She'd insult Shinji and things would go back to normal. She feared that tactic wouldn't work this time… No actually, she didn't *want* to use it this time. She didn't want to walk out there looking like a giant pink elephant either. Gradually, her grogginess, which had led her brain to decide it didn't want to deal with this kind of shit so early in the morning, decided to say 'fuck it' and go out there and see what happens. She didn't really have to do anything she surmised. She'd already done her part and it was now Shinji's time to react. If her presence made him uncomfortable because he didn't have the balls to react, then that was his damn problem.

Asuka closely resembled a member of the living dead as she staggered out of her room that morning, and somehow managed to pull the look off… At least in Shinji's line of thinking she had. Asuka wasn't aware of it, but Shinji was aware of her presence… He'd been taking frequent glances at her door, anxiously expecting her to awake at any moment. He'd decided mere moments after awaking that morning, or rather when he got bored with not sleeping and decided to get out of bed, that he was going to resist bringing up the events of last night in any great detail. People didn't change overnight, and Shinji had no delusions that Asuka had suddenly become a patient and rational person. If the subject came up on its own, then so be it… He actually felt like he'd earned some points the night before… He'd like to hang on to them for a while….

Asuka quietly took a seat at the table. With one hand resting under her chin and looking bored, she stared at the back of Shinji's head knowing full well that he was aware of her presence. She let him play his game for a minute or so, until her impatience got the better of her. "Sausage and eggs again Shinji? You wouldn't be trying to impress me would you?"

"Not at all…" Shinji smiled, electing not to act like he was surprised by her appearance. "I wanted to make something I knew you liked… You had a rough night last night, and I felt you deserved something I knew you liked… If this meal happens to impress you in the process, that's just a bonus."

"Awe, how cute Shinji… That almost wasn't cheesy."

"And that almost wasn't an insult."

Shinji had turned to face her at this point and their eyes locked. Both blushing faintly, they started to laugh.

"What in the hell?" A third groggy sounding voice entered the conversation, effectively breaking the pair out of, what a random impartial observer, might have interpreted as minor flirting. Misato Katsuragi was by no means impartial however, and was confused as holy hell as to what she was seeing. Mornings in the Katsuragi apartment usually consisted of one of her housemates cowering in fear from the other's chipper early morning mood. "What in the world has you two all giggly this early in the morning?"

Misato's sinus's cleared enough that she got a whiff of what Shinji was cooking up on the stove and quickly lost interest in whatever the hell it was that seemed so curious to her just seconds before. The stomach had much more sway over the brain during this time of the day. Suffering from morning brain as she was, this particular aroma triggered something in said brain… This smell meant something, and finally it clicked. "That smells good… Oh crap Shinji! What did you do to piss off Asuka this time?!"

"I… um…" Shinji ran out of words, and blushed instead. Asuka, who had been quiet to that point, starting laughing again forcing an embarrassed Shinji's retreat into the kitchen.

"Whatever…" Misato sighed, still feeling like the only person in the room to miss the punch line of some hilarious joke. "And you kids wonder why I drink beer breakfast."


"All five of my cards are black… That's, what did you call it?… A flush right?"

"No dummkopf, a flush isn't all one color! It's all one suit! Either diamonds, hearts, spades or clubs. You see…. You have spades and clubs," Asuka pointed to the pictures on Shinji's cards as if instructing a three year old. "If you have all the same suit and the numbers are in sequence, that's called a straight flush."

"Okay… You mean like 2, 3, 4, 5, 6… Where do the King and Queen and the J guy fit into that?"

"That card is called a Jack doofus! They're called face-cards and they continue in sequence from 10… Jack, Queen, and then the King. The Ace is the highest card in the deck, and it can be used as either a one or an eleven."

Shinji furrowed his eyebrows. "How can the Ace be two things though? Wouldn't it be easier just to have a one card, and an eleven card?"

"Of course it wouldn't! Leave it to you to question the deck of a card game that's been around for centuries!"

"It's not my fault they've had it wrong for centuries… Why is the Ace eleven anyway? Shouldn't the Jack be 11 if it's the next highest card after 10?"

"Mein Gott, I swear teaching you to play poker is like teaching a toddler how to tie their shoes, only much more difficult for some reason."

Shinji Ikari was used to being insulted by Asuka Soryu… He was accustomed to being talked down to by her, hell he was even used to her being around… He just wasn't used to her being around quite so much. In fact, if he didn't know better, he could swear Asuka was making a point of just being around wherever he was that day. If he was watching TV, she was right there on the couch with him, if he was preparing a meal she was at the table watching him, if he was on the balcony at some point, she would join him. The only place she didn't seem to follow him was the bathroom. Of course Asuka was nothing if she wasn't incredibly subtle about it, just not subtle enough for Shinji not to notice. Asuka was a hard person not to notice when she was around, as her looks and personality just wouldn't allow her to blend into the background. It was almost as if Asuka was making it a point to stay near him, though for what reason he wasn't sure. He didn't really mind anyway. Even her insults didn't have the bite they usual had… He could rather easily live with it if she were like this a least a good portion of the time.

They hadn't talked much throughout the day… Asuka would just sort of hang around looking bored as Shinji did whatever he was doing at that moment. During one of the conversations they did have, poker came up for some reason he couldn't recall. Shinji mentioned he'd never played, and that somehow led to Asuka finding a deck of cards and teaching him the basics of the card game probably most famous for getting cowboys shot. Of course, Asuka played it off like Shinji had practically begged her to teach him, and like she was graciously sacrificing her precious time to help poor hapless old Shinji. That part was normal. It was the offer in itself that was just plain weird… Asuka, as a general rule, usually tried to avoid Shinji entirely. If that didn't work, she'd just pretend that he didn't exist. Suggesting they spend time together, in close proximity, was almost creepy… Creepy in a good way though, if that thought wasn't creepy enough in itself.

A rare quiet afternoon in the Katsuragi house was shattered by the ringing of the phone. Shinji's head perked up, however, upon noticing Asuka ignore the ringing he followed suit. No reason to risk raising Asuka's ire by showing more interest in answering the phone than in her. That left the only remaining resident of the home to take the call, and she was currently in the kitchen enjoying a lite snack. She stared at the phone in dread as it rang… As Supreme Commander of NERV, full days off were few and far between… She got one every two to three weeks if that. Even rarer was one of these precious days falling on a day her two wards were off of school and had no NERV business to attend to themselves. Let's add in the fact that the kids actually seemed to be getting along… Haley's Comet visited Earth more often than all of these factors converged. It would be just her luck to have this day spoiled by a call from NERV summoning her to the Geofront to sign off on a reconfigured monthly budget because the clerical staff ran out of staples and were now handcuffed because there weren't enough funds allocated to office supplies in the first draft of the budget. This wasn't Misato being cynical either, that actually fucking happened once. It was a miracle no one was fired that day.

Finally rationalizing that she'd have Section 2 agents knocking on her door if she tried avoiding NERV calls, and that they probably wouldn't call on the landline anyhow, she sucked it up and answered the phone. Luckily, the call had nothing to do with work, as Misato heard the voice of a teenage girl on the other end.

"Um, hello… Is Shinji home?"

Misato lit up before mustering a grin that would make the Grinch proud. "Ah, you must be Aeri, it's nice to finally talk to you!"

The heads of the two kids in the sitting room perked up at the sound of the name Aeri. With her work schedule, she'd yet to meet the girl her little Shinji had been dating, though she'd heard plenty about her. "Yeah, Shinji's here… Let me call him for ya…"

Shinji braced himself, his cheeks loaded knowing Misato was going to embarrass him. She did not disappoint. "Hey Casanova, your girlfriend's on the phone! Sounds like she's been missing her Shinji!"

"Misato please…" Shinji grumbled, cheeks a fire as he sat up from the couch, completely missing Asuka's disgusted glare. Shinji took the receiver from his guardian, ignored her cat noises, and walked towards his room from some privacy.

"Hey Aeri….What's up?"

"Ah, Shinji! You are still breathing, thank goodness. I take it everything went well at NERV after Asuka yanked you out of the restaurant."

Shinji stood with the phone at his ear and was rendered speechless. With everything that had been going on with Asuka, he had literally forgotten he'd basically ditched Aeri in the middle of their date.

"Ah, I'm so sorry about that Aeri…"

"Don't be, it's not like there was anything you could do about it. I knew when we started dating that NERV was going to pull you away from time to time… The main reason I called was to tell you not to sweat it. I understand okay?"

"Thank you, but I still don't feel right about it…"

"It's okay, really it is… If you really want to make it up to me though, we could meet somewhere later today if you're free…"

"Umm…" Shinji thought about it, for all of maybe two seconds. "No, I'm sorry… I can't, I mean I'm not free today…"

"Oh… Okay." Aeri sounded more irritated than upset, but Shinji didn't pick up on this. "Another time then?"

"Yeah, another time… There is something I need to talk to you about, so we'll meet up soon… Just not today okay?"

"Okay…" Aeri didn't sound anywhere near sure. "Is something wrong Shinji? Anything you're not telling me?"

"Everything's fine… I'll talk to later Aeri… Bye…"

No sooner had he clicked the end call button on the phone, he noticed Asuka standing behind him with her arms crossed. She didn't look overly amused. "You'll meet up with her later huh? Didn't have the balls to break it off with her? Why am I not surprised?"

"It's not that…" Shinji frowned as he looked away, unable to meet her gaze. "I just don't want to be one of those guys who breaks up with a girl over the phone… She deserves better than that, so I want to do it in person…"

Asuka continued to glare, as if examining him to see if he was full of crap or not. Her expression never changed, thus never hinting at her conclusion until she finally spoke. "Hmph… That's a surprisingly manly decision for you to make, assuming you don't wuss out when the time comes to break things off with her. I'm almost impressed…"

Asuka pushed passed Shinji, towards the entrance to the balcony. She headed outside, leaving the sliding door open. Unsure if this was an invitation to join her or not, Shinji assumed it would be safer to pretend that it was and join her, than it would be to stand her up if she was expecting him to join her. His suspicions were confirmed by Asuka doing nothing at all, not even reacting when he walked out onto the balcony and stood next to her against the railing overlooking the sprawling construction zone known as Tokyo 3. Rebuilding after 3rd Impact was a project that could possibly span decades. The city was like a gigantic virtual game of Minecraft, minus the farm animals made out of blocks.

"Can I ask you a question Asuka?" Asuka grunted in response. Shinji assumed it was safe to go ahead and ask. "Why did you crash my date last night?"

"Duh, I'm pretty sure I answered this question yesterday… There was an emergency at NERV, and no one could get ahold of you…"

"I mean the real reason Asuka… Did you really think I wouldn't talk to Misato about it? There was no emergency at NERV. For whatever reason, you were determined that you were going to interfere with my date with Aeri. I'd just like to know the reason…"

Asuka was much to intelligent to fall for Shinji's ploy, or even to show any sign that she was flustered by being caught in her own lie. Shinji was trying to trick her into confessing to something she just wasn't ready to own up to just yet. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"What do you mean by that?" Shinji was more confused by her demeanor… Her lack of audible or visible anger in particular.

"I'm not going to answer you, because you should already know the answer. If you're too stupid to figure it out yourself, then there's no point in me saying anything."

"I see…" Shinji turned his head so he was looking out toward the skyline of Tokyo 3… And he smiled. Asuka hadn't gotten angry, she hadn't gotten defensive or offensive over her actions. She didn't even bother trying to excuse them away… He couldn't have hoped for a more favorable response, as the only response he could've gotten that would've been better was the truth. At least, what he hoped was the truth.

"Why aren't you more upset about it?" Asuka asked suddenly, temporally derailing Shinji's good cheer.

"Upset about what?"

"I ruined your date with Aeri, and now you know that I didn't have a legitimate reason to do so… I'd assume you'd be much more upset with me, but really you don't seem to mind at all... Why is that exactly?"

Shinji continued staring off at the city, mulling over a number of potential answers… Only one felt appropriate however. "I'm not going to answer that… I *know* your smart enough to already know that answer to that."

Now it was Asuka's turn to look out into the distance… And smirk. She wasn't quite content to let Shinji get off without at least making him squirm just a little bit. She whirled around to face Shinji, catching the boy off guard. Before he realized their positions, they were practically rubbing noses. "What if you're wrong though? What if I think I know the answer, but that answer is different from what you actually think I should know?"

Asuka's face was much too close to his for Shinji to have any hope of making sense of what she'd just said, let alone concoct a logical response to it. He leaned back just a bit to give himself room to breathe, and think. "Because you've always known… And if somehow you never realized that, then you're the stupid one…"

Asuka was finally taken aback, but quickly recovered. Shinji blushed from his own words, and it only got worse as Asuka's eyes continued to drill into him as if trying to suck out his soul through his eye sockets. They seemed to get closer as she seemed to get closer, and before he knew it, her face was mere inches apart from his. Asuka continued to wait as if expecting some form of gratification for briefly making herself vulnerable in front of him, a gift she didn't grant *anyone*. It would quickly become clear that Shinji either had no clue what to do next, or was just too damn chicken too. Grumbling her disappointment, she pulled her face away from his, which immediately seemed to break him from his trance.

"Seriously baka… You're going to make me do everything aren't you?" Asuka left a confused Shinji on the balcony as she walked inside. Shinji immediately wanted to kick himself for missing out on a golden opportunity to kiss the girl who had a firm grip on his heart. It might've been worth the risk of getting tossed over that railing.


Back at her apartment, Aeri slammed the phone receiver in anger. She was livid, incensed, pissed off even. Her grand scheme was threatening to go up in smoke. Her original plan was to lure Shinji away from the apartment, then briefly separate them long enough to return to the Katsuragi home and eliminate the pesky Second Child. Not only had Shinji shot her down, now he wanted to talk… She could tell just by the tone in his voice that he was going to break up with her… Something must have happened between him and that damn Second Child, for him to so abruptly dump her when things seemed to be going so well… It was hard to win somebody's heart, so you could crush it in your hands, when that person had already given said heart to someone else.

Brimming over with rage, she descended the stairs to her basement lair, intending to take out her frustration on her prisoner. Not that she would reveal to him that her plans were starting to unravel, but she wasn't a stranger to getting creative. She was in for a shock when she reached the bottom of the stairs however… Her prisoner, Tabris was nowhere in sight. She raced over to her makeshift dungeon only to find a piece of paper taped to the wall. It was a note addressed to her from Tabris.

Dear Sister;

Please forgive me for my abrupt departure, but I'm afraid I can no longer play the part of your prisoner. This shouldn't come as too big a shock to you as you should know your abilities were never strong enough to overcome mine. I kept the façade of your unwilling captive in order to keep an eye on you and make sure your plans didn't get out of hand… However, when you threatened the life of the Second Child, I could no longer stand back and merely observe… You knew how much that would hurt him, and of course you are aware that I would never allow that to happen. No further aggression against either will be tolerated… I plead with you sister one last time… Please give up on this pointless quest for vengeance and come home… All will be forgiven… If you refuse and attempt to follow through with your plans… Then I dread to even fathom what the consequences might be…

Sincerely;

You're Loving Brother

Tabris

Aeri's response was to crumple the note into a ball and hurl it against the wall of the boy's former cell. "Give up on my plans… Damn you Tabris, as if I'd ever give up! You're the one that needs to crawl home and beg for forgiveness… I'll earn my place among father, mother, and our sibling's… I'll do it by destroying the fiend who prevented us from purging the world of this disease known as humanity!"


Four-year-old Asuka ran through the halls towards her mother's lab to give her the fantastic news. That she had been selected to take part in the Evangelion program to become a pilot. Perhaps now she could win back the love of her mother from that damn doll… Of course, the girl knew this wasn't possible… Because her mother was dead, and she knew full well what she was going to find when she finally reached her mother's lab… Still, her little legs refused to stop moving forward. This was simply the process she went through when the nightmare came. Only this time, something was different. She wasn't the scared broken little girl that usually starred in this dream… This girl seemed awfully defiant, very closely resembling her older self.

When Asuka finally reached her mother, the scene was the same as it had been every other night. The décor in the lab all but disappeared leaving little more than a dark void surrounding the corpse of Asuka's mother as she dangled from the ceiling, her adoptive daughter swinging next to her. Little Asuka did not cry, nor did she cower. Though the sadness was still visible in her face, she fought through it… She fought through everything. She was so over never getting a good night sleep. She wanted the chance to dream like a normal person.

"I already told you… You're not going to control my life anymore… You can show up every damn night if you want, but you're not going to win damn it! You might as well just leave me alone! Do you hear me damn it, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone!"

"Leave me alone!" Asuka shrieked as she sat up in her bed, sweating lightly. While shaken, she felt almost good compared to some of the other mornings she'd awakened after a similar experience. What Asuka couldn't have realized was that she rambled in her sleep a lot and occasionally screamed, and these screams did not always go unheard. Asuka was made aware of this by a gentle knock at her door. "Hey Asuka! Are you okay in there? I thought I heard you screaming."

"I'm fine, just go way idiot!" Asuka snapped. She waited a moment and though she heard nothing immediate in response, she had a feeling Shinji hadn't moved an inch. This was quickly becoming a new bad habit for him.

"You know I can't do that Asuka…"

"Fine," Asuka submitted rather easily. She'd never admit it, but she really wouldn't mind the company at the moment.

Shinji entered the darkened room, which was lit just well enough that he could make out the silhouette of the girl sitting upright in her bed. That light also helped him walk up to the bed without tripping and breaking his face. Asuka's features became clearer as he neared the bed, and thankfully she didn't appear nearly as overwhelmed as she had the night before. "Another bad dream I take it… How are you feeling?"

"Fine for the most part… My head is throbbing though…"

"Would you like me to get you some aspirin?"

"No, aspirin tares my stomach up… If we have any Tylenol though, that would be great…"

"I'll go look… I'll be back in a minute or two, I promise…"

Shinji was true to his word, returning to Asuka's room with the requested medication and a glass of water in his hand. Asuka briefly questioned why there were three pills in her hand when Shinji placed them there, but her brain was just too exhausted to care. She downed the medicine and half the glass of water, giving the rest to Shinji to dispose of.

"So… Do you want to talk about it?" Shinji asked hesitantly. "About your dream I mean."

"There's nothing to talk about… Just the same old same old with my mother… Only…" Asuka paused, unsure if it was even possible to put into words what she felt during her dream. "I felt like I was more in control of my dream rather than the dream being in control of me, if that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense to me… You've taken charge of every other aspect of your life… It was only natural that you'd wind up the boss in your dreams at some point…"

Asuka glanced up at him briefly causing Shinji to worry his layman attempt at humor had offended her. Instead she grinned weakly, and put that fear to rest. Shinji hadn't done so purposely, yet somehow his arm ended up near the small of the red-head's back. He panicked momentarily, however the presence of his appendage did not seem to bother Asuka. Instead, she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Shinji stiffened, remaining perfectly still so not to ruin the moment, or his chances of surviving the night in case she didn't realize what she was doing. After several minutes, Asuka felt her eyes get heavy as sleep was ready to reclaim her. She rolled her head off of Shinji's shoulder, and again they found their faces mere inches apart. The same feeling from earlier in the day swirled deep within both of them. Asuka was groggy enough almost to have forgotten about her promise to herself, and just seal the deal herself. She resisted at the last moment though, and Shinji… Well, he just couldn't bring himself to go through with it… What type of guy would he be if he took advantage of her at a time like this? With a smile, he stood up from the bed, slightly surprising Asuka but otherwise she didn't show any additional emotion.

"It's late… And if you're determined to outscore me on tomorrow's sync test, you better get some sleep…"

"Yeah…" She murmured, nearly passed out as it was. She must've been sleepier than she thought.

"I'll see you in the morning… Good night Asuka…"

Shinji didn't get a response… She was already fast asleep. This was good, he thought… Perhaps his plan wasn't quite doomed to failure just yet. He returned to his bedroom, though he himself would have trouble achieving sleep as he stressed over the intricate details of his plans for the next day. Thoughts of tomorrow may have completely consumed him if not for one unexpected occurrence. He didn't even hear the door to his room open at first, as it took a moment for the sound to register. When it finally did, his concern over that sound was replaced by the sound of something roughly plopping down on his futon. Tension mounting, he slowly turned and was immediately attacked by a battalion of red hair. Before he could inquire of Asuka why she was in his room, she answered preemptively by starting to snore, clearly asleep.

"Sleep walking again…" Shinji muttered. This wasn't the first time Asuka had wandered into his room in a sleep induced daze. Cautiously, he turned his back to her, and scooted as close to the edge of his futon as he could get. Great, now he really wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.

End of Chapter 11