The Bizarre Saga: Ocarina of Time
Chapter 11: This is Wrong in So Many Ways
Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link named a magic peacock Kevin, no comment on Navi, Saria killed both Dark Link and Dark Saria with Maxwell's Silver Hammer and the Water Temple was completed. YAY!
Now for Chapter Eleven.
"Can you believe it? I've been boring throughout the entire story," Navi said. "The author never has anything to say about me."
"I can see why," Saria replied. "You never do anything fun."
"Well, that's because-"
"HEY! I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING!" Link yelled. "Saria, you said I could kill the Water Temple boss!"
"You fell to your knees and cried when you saw it!" Saria told him.
"I'm going to kill the next boss for sure!"
"According to what Sheik said when we first went into the future, the next temple is in the house of the dead, whatever that is," Navi stated, holding a miniature notepad.
"WAIT! I have to go check if my sword is done!" Saria said. She took out her ocarina and started playing the Bolero of Fire.
"Hold it, Saria! You're wearing Zora tunics!"
"So you expect me to just go the long way?"
"No, I expect you to change first."
"Changing?" Saria made a face. "That'll take too long."
"So you would rather just take the long way and hike all the way to the top of Death Mountain?"
"Meh."
Suddenly, all the water in Lake Hylia came back.
"Umm… Shouldn't that have happened earlier?"
"Look! It's Sheik," Link stated, pointing at Sheik who had appeared out of no where.
"Since the curse on the Water Temple has been lifted, the water has returned to the lake," Sheik said.
"We can tell," Navi replied. "Do you know where we're supposed to go next?"
"Well-"
"Wait wait! Let me guess!" Saria interrupted. "Umm… House of the dead… Uh, dead, dead, death, graveyard… Kakariko Village!"
"That was fast. By the way, how many Heart Pieces have you collected?"
"… Umm… Why?"
"Because the next temple is really easy to die in and confusing. Invisible floors, fake walls, talking paintings, creepy background music, invisible spinning blades, wallmasters, mazes, torture chambers, et cetera et cetera."
"Does this mean we should get more Heart Pieces first?" Link asked.
"Well, if you feel confident then you can go just the way you are…" Sheik tossed a Deku Nut and supposedly disappeared.
"! Look! He's in the tree! I knew he couldn't disappear that fast!" Saria exclaimed, looking up in the tree.
Sheik jumped into the water and was gone.
"Okay, what the heck…"
All of a sudden, the sun started rising.
"That was the shortest night ever," Link said.
"This stone says to shoot the sun when it starts to rise with an arrow and something will happen," Saria stated. She took Link's bow and shot the sun. An arrow fell onto an island on a distance.
"… What's that?" Link swam over to it and picked it up.
Link got Fire Arrows!
"Does this mean that we can now shoot flaming arrows?"
"I sure hope so!" Saria yelled from the other island. Link swam back. "Let me try it!" Saria fired a Fire Arrow and there was a fire explosion once it hit something. "Awesome! It's like miniature Din's Fire! Now let's go get the sword."
At Kakariko Village…
"OH MY FARORE THE VILLAGE IS ON FIRE!" Link screamed.
"Maybe Death Mountain erupted," Navi said.
"Hey! There's Sheik!" Saria exclaimed. Link ran up to him.
"Get back, Link!" Sheik yelled. The wooden thing above the well(the thing that buckets hang from when people get water) flew off and hit Link, knocking him unconscious. "I warned you!"
"You do know he can't hear you, right?"
"Shut up. GET UP!" Sheik shook Link like crazy.
"Doughnuts… Pie… Banana bread oatmeal…" Link mumbled, soon dozing off again.
"Let me handle this," Navi spoke. "LINK! HOLY CRAP! A FREE CREAM PUFF STAND!"
Link shot up immediately. "LOL WUT?"
"Heh… Just kidding."
"What?!"
"I'll give you this cupcake if you forget what I just said." Navi held out a cupcake.
"Okay!" Link took it and began to nibble on it.
Suddenly a giant purple cloud came out of the well.
"What is that thing?!" Saria yelled.
"An evil spirit!" Sheik replied. "It has escaped!"
"IT'S A GIANT POOF!" Link exclaimed as the purple cloud flew all over the village, catching flames and putting them on other buildings, making the fire worse. The lookout tower collapsed.
"Wait a minute… If it just escaped, how was the village in flames before?" Navi asked.
"I don't know, maybe Death Mountain erupted or something, it was like this when I got here," Sheik answered.
The purple cloud flew into Link, knocking him unconscious again. It stole his cupcake and flew into the graveyard.
A few minutes later, once Link woke up…
"Link, a terrible thing has happened!" Sheik told Link.
"The giant poof stole my cupcake!" Link said.
"No… It's an evil shadow spirit and it just escaped."
"And stole my cupcake."
"Shut up. Impa, the leader of Kakariko Village, had sealed the evil shadow spirit in the bottom of the well… But the force of the evil spirit got so strong, the seal of the well broke, and it escaped into the world!"
"Don't you mean escaped into the graveyard?" Saria asked.
"Wait a second…" a random villager walked up to them. "You mean an evil shadow spirit has been sealed in the place where we get water?"
"Yeah, so?" Sheik replied.
"Dude, that is wrong in so many ways…"
"Wasn't this village just in flames?" Link questioned.
"It started raining all of a sudden," Sheik told him. "Now shut up. I believe Impa has gone to the Shadow Temple to seal it again, but she will be in danger without any help."
"Umm… The shadow spirit just escaped…" Navi stated. "How could she be in the Shadow Temple already trying to seal it again?"
"It doesn't matter."
"By the way, who the heck is Impa exactly?"
"Impa is one of the six sages."
"How? We just heard of her right now. You'd think that it would be somebody from the past like the other three before."
"Well you're the one who decided to run away from my- I mean Princess Zelda's speech in Chapter 2. You would've met her then."
"People don't want to read boring speeches that were ripped straight from the game."
"Go beat the Shadow Temple already now. But in order to enter the temple, you have to play this song. This is the melody that will draw you into the infinite darkness that even absorbs time, the Nocturne of Shadows!" Sheik took his harp out and played the song. Saria repeated it on her ocarina.
"The melody that draws you into infinite darkness? How is that helpful?" Saria asked.
"I mean the Shadow Temple. That place is doom, but thankfully not as doomful as the Water Temple. I'll see you again." Sheik threw a Deku Nut and vanished.
"Hello there Biggoron! Is my sword done?" Saria asked Biggoron.
"Yep! This is my finest work ever!" Biggoron replied. "Take it!"
Saria finally got the Biggoron's Sword!
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!" Saria screamed and did a little dance. "I'm so happy!"
"Holy crap, that thing is like four feet long!" Navi exclaimed.
"And holy crap, I got my sword! Let's go to the Shadow Temple so I can test it!"
Link played the Nocturne of Shadows and they appeared at the graveyard, on a platform they previously could not reach.
"Cool. I didn't know this part of the graveyard existed," Link stated. "In we go!"
But instead of immediately entering the temple, there were a bunch of torches and a giant door with an eye on it in the back of the room.
"Wait wait wait, I think I know what to do!" Saria walked into the middle of the room and used Din's Fire. All the torches were lit and the door opened. "Yay!" Saria ran through the door.
"Wow, she's really pumped," Navi said, following after her. Link slowly followed.
Once they walked in, they found Saria across a pit, staring at a creepy painting. "I don't get it, it's a dead end."
"One who gains the eye of truth will be able to see what is hidden in the darkness…" the painting whispered.
"What's the eye of truth?"
"Hey, I know! Let's get out of here and find it!" Link suggested, shivering madly. "Besides, we have a better chance of not dying!"
"Good idea, Link! Let's check the well!"
"Wait, what?"
Before Link knew it, they were back at Kakariko Village with Saria climbing down into the empty well.
"Umm… There's a giant rock covering the entrance…" Saria stated.
"Hey! I know! Let's go in the past!" Link said.
"That might not even be such a bad idea…" Navi spoke. "Come on! Let's go put the Master Sword back!"
"Whaaaaat! I don't wanna lose my awesome sword!" Saria complained, climbing out of the well.
"You'll get it back once we go into the future again. You'll still have it when we go to the Shadow Temple."
"Fine fine."
"WAIT!" Link yelled. He ran into the windmill and came back out. "I just learned a new song!"
"Uh… Okay…" Saria played the Prelude of Light and they appeared back in the Temple of Time.
"Good bye future!" Link said, putting the Master Sword back. The same blue light surrounded them.
They appeared in the Temple of Time seven years in the past.
"I'm a little boy again!" Link cheered.
"And I haven't changed at all," Saria muttered.
"I'm eleven again!" Navi stated.
"Eleven? How come you never said your age before?"
"I didn't feel the need to."
Link played the Nocturne of Shadow and they appeared at the graveyard. Link climbed over the fence that prevented them from getting onto the ledge and ran out as quickly as possible.
"Is it just me or is he more hyper now that he's a kid again?" Saria asked.
"I think that now that he's ten again, he feels he has permission to be immature," Navi replied.
"Whatever, let's just go to the well."
"The well is filled with water…" Link stated. "Hey! I know! I'll go play that song I learned from the windmill man in the future to the windmill man in the past!" He ran into the windmill. The sails began to spin very fast and the well drained. Link walked back out.
"Link, how the heck do you always know what to do?" Navi asked.
"Magic!" Link hopped into the well, ignoring the pain it caused him. "Check it out! The well isn't covered anymore!" He ran in.
"I can't believe that he went into the well first."
Saria climbed into the well and ran in after Link. She saw him crawling through a hole. "He is really excited now…" She crawled in after him.
"ADVENTURE TIME!" Link cheered. "ADVENTURE TIME! C'MON GRAB YOUR FRIENDS! AS WE GO TO VERY DISTANT LANDS! LINK, SARIA AND NAVI THE FAIRY THE FUN WILL NEVER END IT'S ADVENTURE TIME!"
Saria coughed. "It smells like dead people and zombies in here!"
"SPIDER! EEEK!" Link hid behind Saria when a Big Skulltula dropped down.
Saria stabbed the spider when it stupidly turned around and it died immediately.
Link ran over to the wall immediately. "Huh? It's a dead end!"
"I can hear the spirits whispering in this room," Navi said. "They say look for the eye of truth."
Link ignored Navi's comment and began to feel the wall. His hand went through it. "OHMIGOSH!"
"I think that wall is fake," Saria told him.
"COOL!" Link walked through it. "Wow!" Saria and Navi followed him.
Navi looked all over the area they had just entered. There were skeletons, piles of flesh and dirt, and moldy walls. A flying skull on fire flew past them. "This is wrong in so many ways," Navi muttered.
