Ok, so before you start to read this chapter, I'm going to warn you that there isn't any actual Klaine in this chapter. Don't let that put you off though. Some of you have already called me out on this, but Domestic Partners and Private Messages are both satires in a sense. They both parody Glee and the actors that play them (and a little of Queer as Folk). I'm telling you that because this chapter has some obvious parallels and I didn't want to alienate readers. Yes, I'm talking about the divided fandom and the CrissColfer parallels. I'm not writing this in support of one over the other. I'm basing this loosely on how fandom really is, and so, it's here. I'm a Darren fan (obviously) and a Chris fan, and I am not going to say what side I'm on because I want to respect their privacy and their fans. That being said, I hope that none take offense to statements in this chapter. I'm writing from my character's mindset, not my own.


Domestic Partners

Chapter 11-Ship Wars

So I see that you decided to continue on seeing Blaine. That just means I can continue on with my own plans. See you soon.

Blainiac 2:16

Wes stared at the square of paper. "Lauren, did he see this?"

"Of course not. I wanted to show it to you first," Lauren replied. "I told Puck about the latest threat. He's on extra alert. We also more people on the case to guard his house when he's home and we have security systems and cameras in both his apartment and his office. We've also increased Blaine's security as well."

"Any chance it could be Kurt's assistant?" Wes asked.

"He was acting particularly skeezy today, especially around Blaine. But, he's not a major suspect. He's not the most articulate guy in the world. Although he's a Partner's fan, he just doesn't seem like he fits the profile," Lauren replied. "I mean, don't get me wrong, he's definitely a few crayons short of a whole box, but I don't see him as menacing. Blaine looked like he wanted him to use him as a punching bag though. I'd be happy to hold him steady while Reynolds practiced his jab."

Wes chuckled. "Easy there. So if it isn't the assistant, do you have any other suspects? I remember you said it was likely someone that had met Blaine before."

"He's a celebrity. It could be anyone. And I kind of stumbled on something that makes me wonder if we aren't dealing with multiple perpetrators," Lauren revealed. "Check this out." She turned her laptop around to show Wes a Tumblr page.

BLAINIACS 4 LIFE

Wes's eyes went wide as he scrolled down to see post after post of fans and Blaine, reports of sightings, and even rants about seeing Kurt and Blaine out together. There had to be hundreds of them. "When did you find this?"

"Earlier today. I got suspicious after I found the post-it. And I started thinking about the other warnings that Kurt got. The writing style wasn't consistent across the board, especially on the post-it. It was like there were multiple authors. And one of the senders even spelled Blainiac wrong," Lauren groaned.

Wes shook his head. "This is a mess. So now you are saying we could be dealing with multiple threats, and we don't have a clue who any of them are? Do you know how many gay fans Blaine has?"

"Not just gay fans, although most of them are. Quite a few of them are Blam shippers. A few of them even ship SeBlaine."

Wes jerked his head toward Lauren in shock. "Wait, that's Blaine and Sebastian, right? Are these people aware that they once dated, but it ended because Sebastian was a self-absorbed ass?"

"Yeah, most of them know, and they don't care. Hell, some of these are female, with a goal of turning Blaine straight." Lauren rolled her eyes.

Wes shook his head as he continued to scroll down the page. "Who is Porcelain?" Wes asked, clearly confused by the name written repeatedly amongst the numerous posts.

"Best I can figure, it's Kurt. These people write in code. See, on Tumblr, you can search posts by name or by tags. These fans are careful to not actually say their names so nobody stumbles across the site and reports it."

"So I guess that Bumble Bee is Blaine," Wes surmised.

"Yeah. It'd be a cute nickname if it weren't posted by complete nutcases. I mean, there are some that say that Sam is the real boyfriend."

Wes furrowed his eyebrows. "Sam is straight."

"Not according to these people. They've mostly used scenes from the show, but they've also found pictures of Sam and Blaine in various compromising positions. Some appear to be photoshopped. Didn't you say there was this one pap in particular that you guys had to deal with before?" Lauren asked.

"Yeah. Jacob Ben Isreal. We brought a suit against him, but it was settled out of court. He had to pay a fine, but then his paper just gave him a substantial raise."

"Well, it seems to me, quite a few of his photos are used here, and some of the articles from his blog are reblogged here. And unfortunately, there are quite a few blogs that are tagged as Blainiacs. This particular page looked like it had the most followers, but there are quite a few more."

Wes' head fell into his palm. "This just got a million times more complicated. Do you believe this to be a conspiracy? Are they all Blaine stalkers?"

"Lauren shook his head. No. Most of them just wish that he was single so they had a shot. Some of them are Blam shippers, as I stated before, and some of them just hate Kurt. I could try to make a profile of the perp, but it's going to take awhile. Plus, I need to go through all of these followers pages as well," she sighed. "And even if I do find this guy on Tumblr, it's really hard to track them down. Although members of the site have to register, all they need is an email account, and anyone can create one of those. Not to mention, several of these blogs can be run by the same person because you can have multiple pages. People can even post as an anonymous poster, and that's a lot harder to trace."

"So what do you think we need to do? Do we need to sit them down and show them the site."

Lauren shook her head no. "Are you kidding? Kurt would be pissed. He'd spend days holed in his office writing scathing replies to all the haters, ripping them all a new asshole, and Blaine would be devastated. You know what a people pleaser he is."

Wes nodded. "You're right. So what do we do?"

"I have an idea. But you aren't going to like it. And they are going to absolutely hate it," Lauren sighed.

"Let's hear it anyway."

"They need to break up," Lauren said, matter-of-factly.

"There's no way that's going to happen. Blaine and Kurt love each other. I've never seen Blaine so happy."

Lauren shook her head. "That's not what Kurt said. He said Blaine's on edge. He's not sleeping, and he's looking over his shoulder constantly. Elliott said he's screwing up lines left and right, and Artie actually said he missed Cooper yesterday. And Spencer and Allister said he's been irritable. Well, Allister said that. Spencer just said he was being a dick."

"Blaine? He must really be terrified. Blaine would be horrified if he knew anyone said those things about him. He likes to appear calm and confident, even if he's a wreck inside. I remember when he first came to Dalton. He would jump at the slightest touch or noise. We brought him out of his shell, but I still think he was guarded. David used to say that he thought that Blaine was the poster boy for anxiety. He was just good at hiding it."

"I could agree with that, although I have no clue who this David guy is," Lauren chuckled.

Wes frowned. "I'm sorry. He was on the Warbler council with me and he's studying to be a psychologist now. He and Blaine were pretty close. That reminds me. We had to bring in more council on this case."

"Did Seabiscuit file more claims."

"No, but Sebastian's father has been burying the firm in paperwork, and we're over our head. Do you think Sebastian could be Blainiac?" Wes inquired.

"I did at first, especially since he addressed him as pasty-face, but I've seen that slur on this page too. I just really don't have a clue right now. So, are you and Quinn going to be able to handle the case now?"

"No. We have to bring in more people. I haven't been practicing long, and Quinn is just a paralegal. I think the partners just gave this to me because they thought it'd be a quick case. I know you don't usually like being involved in huge cases. Are you ok with this?" Wes asked tentatively.

"The reason I hate working on huge cases is that all of the people that end up getting involved. You know that as a rule, I don't trust people, and then I'm thrust in this situation where I'm supposed to just believe that they are in it for the right reasons, and we all know that in the legal profession, that ain't true. I don't want my clients to get hurt because someone that doesn't give a rat's ass about the people involved overlooked major details," Lauren said bluntly.

"You have a valid point, Lauren. But I want you to remember that Blaine and Kurt are my friends, and I will still be lead counsel on this case. Everything will be seen by me, and I swear I won't just pass it off on someone just trying to get done so they can go home early. I need you to trust me."

"Fine. Which windbags are going to be helping?" Lauren huffed.

"Mr. Harwood and Mr. Dixon," Wes replied.

"Oh God, You mean Serious and Sas."

Wes grinned. "I don't think they liked it when you called them that."

"Fine, they won't hear me call them that to their faces," she groaned.

"Come on. Trent and Thad aren't that bad."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "You sound like a Dr. Seuss poem," she retorted. "Fine. I'm going to have to run. I need to start going through all of these blog pages to see if I can narrow down some suspects."

"That sounds like a lot of work. Shouldn't you enlist some extra help yourself?"

"Don't you worry. I got the studio's PR representation firm to help. They loaned me Tina and her assistant, Dottie. They are both whizzes when it comes to social media. Also, I'm going to be spending the majority of my time trying to crack the mystery of who Blainiac is, so we've got two other guards to watch Hummel. Puckerman's brother, Jake and his partner, Ryder, are going to take over."

"Oh Good Gracious! Are those two even capable of staying in the same room with one another without a brawl breaking out?" Wes questioned, raising an eyebrow. "I had the most horrendous time getting the firm to use you guys again after the incident with that singer last year."

"Don't worry. There aren't any girls involved this time, and they won't be working on the same shift. Besides, they both know that if either one of them screws this up, they'll be dusting the dirt off their asses and picking their teeth out of the parking lot, courtesy of the real biggest badass they've ever met. Moi."

"Well, that would certainly deter me from doing anything stupid," Wes grinned, but then his smile quickly faded. "But I have to admit, it makes me nervous that you are going off Kurt's detail. He's quite guarded. He trusts you. Besides, you are smart enough to know when you need to stay close and when to back off. I worry that if things get really tense, Kurt may get careless and try to get away from his detail." Wes said pressing his hands flat against the table top. "He's independent, and he's smart. But he's also a little naive. I don't think he's taking this as seriously as he needs to do so.

"Let me talk to them, both Kurt and Blaine, and I'll explain the severity of this whole situation. We both can. You know me. I'm not great at putting things delicately, and I don't want this to backfire. I'll set it up for Monday if that's good for you," Lauren said.

"I can do ten A.M. Will that work for you?" Wes inquired.

"Yes, at ten o'clock. We'll meet you here. And hopefully, I'll know a lot more about all of this," Lauren sighed.


Sorry, guys. I know this is all as clear as mud right now, and some of you are probably cursing me now, but you know how I am. I can never keep things simple. I'm just going to hide in a quiet place and work on the next chapter so you guys won't be too frustrated. Thanks, guys