Their day off came and went pretty quickly. Before they knew it, tomorrow's sun was up and they were back in the recording studio. Upon seeing the increasingly popularity of Jo and Lucy's relationship, Gustavo was pretty irate. As usual.
"We can't let these girls steal your thunder!" He yelled.
"B-but what do we do? How can we get around this?" Logan asked.
"Apparently, lesbians are more popular than gays," Gustavo said. He stood in front of the boys and paced, waving his baby-carrot fingers around. "The only way to combat them, is to be gayer."
"Like how?" Kendall asked.
James popped his head up over Kendall's shoulder and said, "Sex tape!" with a big grin.
"NO!" Gustavo yelled.
"Oh, come on!" James whined. "The world's already seen the Diamond face. I think they're ready for the Diamond ass." He shimmied his fingers down his waist and to his rear.
"We aren't making a sex tape!" Kendall barked. He glared at James.
"Nobody is making a sex tape," Gustavo added. "If I hear any word about any of you dogs making a sex tape, YOU'RE ALL FIRED! I can't have a scandal like that!"
James pouted, and Kendall patted him on the back. Gustavo rolled his eyes and made a noise of disgust. "Grow up, James," he said. James mumbled something about not wanting to.
"Okay," Logan butted in. "So how do we combat them?"
"Lucky for you dogs, I'm a genius," Gustavo said. "And I've finally written some songs about love that deal with gays. Lucy and Jo don't have that…yet…so we're gonna beat them to it."
"Aalllright," Kendall said. "Let's hear your great gay songs. Since you're such a great gay songwriter."
Gustavo sneered at Kendall before sitting at his piano. "I'll have you know, Ken-dog, that I paid a LOT of really gay songwriters to make these more homo than our fans can even fathom."
"It's true," Kelly added, after being quiet for a while. "We've had some outside help that really knows what they're doing."
Kendall just rolled his eyes. Gustavo cracked his knuckles and then began to play a few chords. Logan braced, and their producer started to sing.
I can't wait forever
'Til we are together
Condescending faces judging
Us in open spaces
I can't lie forever
When we lie together
The only shame we're facing is the
Stigma we're embracing
No, no; baby you're the one
Don't believe the people who
Just want us apart
Oh, oh; this battle can be won
Understand there's only room for
One boy in my heart
"It's nice," Logan said with a smile. "But isn't it a little adult, though? 'When we lie together'?"
"It's what the people want," Gustavo said. "It's gay, it's edgy, it's romantic."
"Yeah very gay," Kendall said sarcastically.
"Would somebody get this rod out of Kendall's ass?!" Gustavo yelled.
"Kendall doesn't like rods in his ass," James interrupted very seriously. "But if it would help, I can put his in mine."
Gustavo suddenly put his fingers to his temples and rubbed them furiously. "Kelly. Aspirin. Now."
Kelly quickly got up and dashed off to the kitchen. Kendall threw his hands up into the air.
"OH, so you want us to be gay, but now we're too gay?" He exclaimed.
"I never said that," Gustavo rebutted. "I would just rather not THINK ABOUT OBJECTS BEING INSERTED INTO JAMES'S ASS!"
The boys backed up from his shouting and fell quiet. James adjusted the front of his pants. Kendall was still steaming from the ears, practically. Just then Kelly returned with a cup and two pills, which Gustavo downed immediately.
"Dogs," Gustavo said, sounding strangely calm after taking the medicine. "Can we just get into the booth and start recording this song?"
"Yes right away!" The four boys said at the same time.
"It's stupid," Kendall said as they were leaving Rocque Records.
"I know, right?" James said. "A rod in your ass? I mean, come on!"
"Shhh, James!" Kendall snapped at hit him on the shoulder. "I don't mean that. I mean Gustavo. Where does he get off thinking he's an expert on gay love now?"
"Well, to be honest," Logan said weakly. "Gay love really isn't much different than straight love, right?"
"Yeah, I guess," the other three boys agreed in unison.
"Love is love," Carlos said. He snatched up Logan's hand and smiled contently. "Love with Logie is looooooooooooooove love love!"
They rubbed their noses together, but Kendall scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You guys are so lovey-dovey. Knock it off."
"Jeez, you do have a rod up your ass," Logan remarked.
Kendall glared at him. "You know what?" He said loudly. "You guys are being really fucking difficult, and I have no idea why. Gustavo's being weird. Everything is being weird. What the fuck. What the fuck?" He yelled in frustration and stormed off in front of them.
"Should we uh, catch up to him?" Carlos asked Logan, who shook his head in protest. They looked at James. His eyes were red and welling up with tears.
"Ohh, Jaaaames," Logan cooed. "Why are you upset?"
"Wha…what just happened?" James bleated. He panicked. "Why is Kendall is mad? What…whaaat? I'm so confused."
Carlos and Logan both hugged their friend from opposite sides. James didn't budge. He just kept staring at Kendall, who was almost completely out of range. Carlos patted James on the back and told him not to worry about it. But he was definitely going to.
"Let me catch up…" James said. He dashed off in pursuit of Kendall.
By the time they made it back to the Palmwoods, Kendall was out of sight. James had made significant headway over Carlos and Logan, so he got to the apartment first. He ran to their bedroom and found Kendall on the bed, face down in the pillows.
"I can't take this," Kendall mumbled monotonously. James laid down alongside him.
"Kendall…"
"Everything's been totally upside down since all of this happened. Yeah, so we're open and honest with each other and we have the relationship we've been craving, but the media is all crazy. Gustavo is all crazy. Our music is all crazy. Carlos and Logan are like a fucking married couple. I just want to play and have fun sex with you."
"I know," James said, trying to be comforting. His brain wasn't working so well.
"Why is this so hard?"
"I don't know. I'm uh…not the smart one."
Kendall turned his head to the side and looked at his boyfriend, finally smiling. He blinked slowly several times, and James just looked back at him. He was glad to see him smiling.
"I know," Kendall said quietly. "You're the pretty one."
James blushed. "It's weird having labels," he said.
"You know what?" Kendall said. "I've been thinking about this a lot."
"What?"
Kendall flipped onto his side, facing James, and pulled his body close. His giant nose was about an inch from James's. He ran his fingers down James's forearm.
"What?" James asked again.
"I think it's time to fold the band."
"Huh?" James widened his eyes. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah. It's too messy. This won't last. We should just pull back now. We're famous. We've done it, and well…"
Kendall kissed James on the lips. When he pulled back, James opened his eyes and saw tears running down Kendall's face. Kendall never cries.
"Kenny…" James whispered.
"Opportunities like you come once in a lifetime."
