Assuming it was just a pleasant note, wishing me a Happy Birthday I told Lorraine, to leave the message behind the bar. But when the poor kid informed me that he had to take a reply back to the Colonel, I knew it was something else. Breaking away from Nix, who had taken over from Harry Welsh, I took the envelope. Breaking the seal I opened the letter. I don't remember anything, apart from Nixon repeatedly asking me if I was okay. Looking over my shoulder to read the letter, Nix called for the music to stop. Silence filled the room. I was holding in my hand a set of deployment orders. I was being told that my "assignment for the coming invasion had now been generated" and I was to ship out in two days. The idea of not knowing where I was going or the panic of not being with the boys hit me hard. It was official, I was going to war. Feeling slightly sick and wobbly, I closed my eyes. I saw flashes of chalk board, a woman writing on the wall. "D-Day June 6th 1944." The Angel's voice echoed round my head. "You know what is coming. You know that it's almost time." Realising what he had said, I gasped. Turning to look for Sophia and Jenny I handed over the order. It had only been handed to me, as I had commissioned first, therefore making me the ranking officer. Lewis was still stood with his arms around me when I finally returned to reality. Asking for someone to grab him a chair and a drink, I told him I was okay.

"Lewis, just have someone turn the music back on would you please? We all knew that this was going to happen at some point, I just didn't figure that Sink would want to ruin my birthday. Now, please hand over your hip flask." I just stood there with my hand out waiting. Without thought or argument he handed it over. I took the order from Sophia, who had gone very quiet and looked round for Jenny. She was being enveloped in a giant bear hug by Bull. Squeaking from within his arms, I laughed. It just looked like little and large, Jennifer so tiny and fair wrapped in the protectiveness of Bull's arms.

"Excuse me Sgt. Randleman. As much as I appreciate the hug an' all…could you let me go? I think if you squeeze me any harder you might break my ribs." I had to get out of the pub. I wanted to get blind drunk, so drunk that I would have thought that this evening was a dream. That I would wake up in the safety of my bed next to Joe. I leaned against the wall, cigarette in one hand, hipflask in another. Vat 69 was a particularly smooth whiskey that liked to burn on its way down. I would normally knock it back so it didn't have the chance. But instead I savoured its flames and the way it would make me cough and splutter after each mouthful. I had almost finished the remains of Lewis' hipflask when Sophia and Jenny came out of the pub. It was evident that Jenny had been crying as the reality of what was about to happen was sinking in.

"Honey, we're gonna head off. Jenny isn't in the real partin' mood no more and well we need to sort a few things out before we leave." Sophia was trying to be strong. She had convinced herself that she was not allowed to cry and that she knew that her promise to herself was failing miserably. Pulling each other into a hug, she sobbed. Nothing too raw, just a sob that showed she was scared, but could deal with it. Breaking away, she whispered to me that her and Jenny had the keys to the med centre and would be sleeping in the on duty nurses bunk, seen as there was no one in there tonight. Kissing me on the cheek, they headed back to their waiting escorts.

I finished my cigarette, taking my time in expelling the smoke. So this is what its like to know you're going to war? I mean, I've been to a war zone before…well you can't really call six months in Basra dangerous, but still. The realisation that I could never come back hit me in the face like a piece of two by four. If I didn't make it through, then what would happen to me? I started to panic. The idea that I would never see any of my friends again, in the past or present scared me…a lot. As I headed back into the bar, the faces that had been all smiles and cheer were now resigned and thoughtful. It was obvious that the arrival of my orders had brought the silent and reserved fears of their own to the surface. Handing back the hipflask, Lewis looked a little put out that I had finished off his supply. Taking the key for the back door out of my purse, I unclipped it from the bunch. Heading over to the usual crowd, I accidently on purpose tripped over. The closest hand conveniently was Joe's. As he helped me up, I passed over the key to the door. Slipping his hand back into his pocket, I dusted myself off.

"Woops! I think I might have had a little too much to drink! I don't know what Capt Nixon keeps in that hip flask of his, but it sure puts the edge on the world!" The guys laughed. Their eyes betraying the smiles they had on their faces. Bidding everyone a good night, my eyes lingered on Joe for a fraction of a second longer, moving from his face to his pocket, I could only hope that he caught my drift. God this is complicated. Give me a mobile any day of the week. Grabbing my coat, Dick Winters, who had been watching the whole of the evening's events from the safety of his stool, helped me with my coat.

"Would you like an escort home?" Deciding that it would be best not to walk home alone, as the alcohol had actually kicked in, I accept his offer. "Yes, please. That would be lovely, even if you are only there to save me from myself and tripping over my own shadow!" Overhearing our conversation Nix joined us.

"I think I will be heading on back as well, seen as the land lord has run out of whiskey and someone here has drunk the entire contents of my flask!" Smiling innocently, I chucked at his frown as I linked arms with him. "You know Lewis, Vat 69 isn't going to be the easiest of whiskey's to find…how on earth are you ever going to cope?" Dick chuckled. Unbeknownst to me, he had asked him exactly the same question, just a few months earlier.

"I'm not going to cope if you're around, you'll drink my whole supply! I mean seriously, when did you ever hear of a woman drinking whiskey?" I just laughed. Reaching the front door of the cottage, the lights were on. Sophia I love you! Wishing goodnight to both Dick and Lewis, I closed the door. Heading upstairs I sat on the edge of my bed. I could hear the lock turn and the door creak open then his footsteps on the staircase. Opening my bedroom door, I just looked up at him. The walls around me had been shattered. I was vulnerable and scared and the worst thing was he saw it. Trying to smile through my tears, Joe just wiped them away.

"I'm scared Joe. I don't know what I'm going to do. How am I meant to cope? What if they reassign me and I don't get to be with you and the other guys!" It was as though the lid that had sealed in all my fears had been broken and they just spilled out. Joe just held me. There wasn't anything he could do or say. Neither of us knew whether we would see each other again after I left. There was no guarantee of anything now. He lifted my chin, his brown eyes gazing at me. "I know that we will get through this. I don't think I have ever been so sure in my whole life. But I know that we will see each other again." The clarity and confidence in his voice picked me up. If Joe believed it then there was no reason for me not to.

The day had started well, waking up in the arms of my lover, being surprised on my birthday by my two closest friends and my company and then it had ended disastrously with me having the rug pulled out from underneath me and my whole world turning upside down. I stood up, as Joe shuffled further back on the bed, his hands interlocked behind his head. It was hard to not imagine for a second that this wasn't real. That we weren't in the master bedroom of our house somewhere in the States, that I hadn't received orders to head off to war, but another equally life changing notice. Shaking my head to rid myself of the hopes that were far from coming true, I changed for bed.

"So where are Sophia and Jenny? I don't think they are going to want to see me in the morning in just my underwear!" I laughed. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOULD YOU WOMAN! Yes okay you are heading off to war…so freaking what, this is what you asked for remember! This is what you wanted. So take advantage of the fact you have the house to yourself and have a little fun. My inner self had decided that mopping around wasn't going to get me anywhere.

"They are staying at the medical centre in the on duty nurses bunk." I called from the bathroom. I washed my face, and brushed my teeth only to find Joe leaning against the bathroom door way. His shirt unbuttoned, his white vest underneath hiding his toned body and his dog tags jangling around. Jeeeezus! Can I just rattle your cage now or would you like to me to do it in slow time!

"So, does that mean we are on our own tonight then?" He said, snaking his hands around my waist and planting kisses along my shoulders. Joe only had to look at me and I would have caved.

"Yea I kinda guess it does." I looked at him in the mirror. He had that cheeky smile on his face and complete and utter mischief in his eyes. Spinning me round so I was facing him, I had no time to react as his lips crashed on to mine. We both knew what the other wanted and neither of us was in the mood to play hard to get. Picking me up, I wrapped my arms and legs around his neck and waist as he carried me from the bathroom, the floorboards creaking down the hall. Shutting the door with a backwards kick, we fell on to the bed.