A/N: Don't worry, the Reichenangst will end around chapter 14. And around then is when these chapters will get much longer again, going from drabble to oneshot once more. X3


10. Lies and Games

I knew it the second I was on the street that night when I told John that I had something to do. I realized it then: I needed to kill myself.

(I think, were she to hear of it, The Woman would be impressed on how I faked my own suicide. She would probably take notes for future reference to up her game.)

But the horrible part of it is this: up until the moment I stood on the ledge of St. Bart's for the final time, I had thought I might not need to lie. I might not have to use the failsafe plan, the last resort of dishonest death. I thought this as I was about to be handcuffed and John came out to join me, all because I was spoken poorly of and he assaulted a police officer because of it. I thought things might work out as I held John's hand (and even in that moment, it was out of necessity to avoid broken wrists while flailing about whilst handcuffed together, but I was content to feel the texture of his palm and fingers in mine) and ran with him, as he pulled me against the gate and spoke so closely to me, and as we were tackled to the ground by one of my assassins.

I thought, for a passing moment, the lies and games could be spared, and I might win.

I was wrong.

Because I didn't win. I saved lives, but at what traumatic cost?