The next night…

I was still picking glass out of my hair when I got Maria's message.

And I almost didn't check my phone.

I'd gone out to a bar to get drunk but only made it as far as ordering a drink, which I stared at while being disappointed at myself.

Seeing the horrified look on Steve's face when he realized that I'd been doing a side mission on a hostage rescue hit me right in my icy little heart. Seeing him realize that it probably wasn't the first time was worse. Seeing him realize that I was a liar dented something on the already dinged up suit of armor I wore. Sure I had succeeded and completed my mission. But I still felt guilty, as if I'd been caught doing something wrong.

Then almost getting us blown up was the cherry on top.

Old me would have been disgusted. Natalia would never have even cared what other people thought, or let things as disgusting as emotions bother her.

I was a mess.

In my jacket pocket my phone vibrated again.

After pulling another shard out of my scalp and dropping it onto the bar, I reached into my pocket and pulled it out while eyeing the vodka.

I almost didn't look at it.

Almost being the key word.

When I glanced down I saw Maria Hill had messaged me.

-Director Fury's been shot -

I was climbing off my barstool before I realized it and elbowed my way through the busy bar while sending a message back, asking what hospital he was at. By the time I made it outside, up a block and to my car, Maria had messaged me back.

Since the hospital wasn't far I got there quicker than even I expected.

Granted the thoughts that ran through my head began to pile and the next thing I knew I had arrived. Possibly parked illegally and running into the hospital before I could even ask I followed the trail of cops and Shield agents and security.

By the time I tracked Fury down he was in surgery.

There was a side room that looked out at the operating room which I managed to slide into. I ran up to the window and just stared in horror at the sight of my mentor, one of the few people who'd given me a second chance, believed that I could redeem myself.

There was so much blood, so many people around him, cutting into him, trying to save him.

It was a moment before I realized someone else was watching mere feet away.

It was Steve.

"Is he going to make it," I think I asked.

"I don't know," I'm pretty sure he answered back.

My eyes never left Fury as he fought, fought so hard to live.

I needed to do something, anything, I had to help. "Tell me about the shooter."

"He's fast and strong. Had a metal arm."

Like someone punched me in the gut then and there. My breath came out as I watched in utter horror, the memories dredged around, wrapping their icy fingers around my throat.

It couldn't be, it just couldn't.

"Ballistics?"

Movement came from my other side.

Maria's voice filled the room, "Three slugs, no rifling. Completely untraceable."

Words came out of me as if on autopilot, "Soviet made."

"Yeah," she whispered as everything became catastrophic on the other side of the glass.

Bells went off in my ears.

The floor felt like it vanished underneath me.

A feather could have knocked me over.

A realization that I was watching him die overcame me and I was numb. I couldn't feel my fingers or hands or feet. I watched everything. I watched as the doctors tried one last time. I watched them as they called his time of death. I watched them put down their medical equipment as people slowly left the room. I had to watch till I was the only one in there watching them cover him up with a sheet. I watched as if that was some sort of finality on a chapter in my life.

.

I stared at Nick.

I stared down at his face and felt my soul shatter.

It wasn't fair.

None of it was fair.

Staring at him dead on the gurney was the slamming shut of a part of my life. It was one more thing that I could not control. It was one more thing I had no say over.

Distantly, oh so distantly, I heard my name.

I managed one last breath before reaching out to touch him. My hand flattened over Fury's forehead. It was still, damp and cooling. It nearly broke me.

In that moment I knew I had to leave.

I had to go.

If I didn't get out of that room I'd never leave.

I had to get out of the hospital.

I needed to think, I had to think everything over.

Had it been the same guy? Had it been the Winter Soldier? How many guys ran around assassinating people wearing a metal arm? It couldn't be a coincidence. I didn't believe in coincidences.

My name was called when I made it out into the hallway.

When I saw Steve following me out I remembered hearing that Fury was with him when he'd been shot on my way in. That information had gone in but floated around and after watching Fury die, hearing about the metal arm…percolated.

Words came out of me. "Why was Fury in your apartment."

Steve stared, Steve thought about it.

Worst liar ever.

A child could have seen him thinking up an answer.

He didn't even sound like he believed what he told me. "I don't know."

I just could not even at that point.

As if on cue Brock came over.

In full tactical gear he spoke up making Steve turn. "Cap, they want you back at Shield."

Immediately Steve answered him, his attention divided between us, "Yeah give me a second."

That was the truth. He didn't have to think about it at all.

Undeterred Brock insisted, "They want you now."

I could not even begin to explain how suspicious that made me.

That timing was sudden, weird.

Fury wasn't even in the morgue.

In no uncertain terms Steve answered, not willing to budge. "Okay."

Brock walked off.

Steve looked back to me.

So much unsaid in his eyes. He was looking at me a little too hard, a little too intently. He wanted to tell me something. He needed to say something but it wasn't safe. There were too many people around and I was so desperate to get out of there I was itchy.

"You're a terrible liar," I told him.

I hoped he understood. If it could be said, I prayed he understood.

I had the very distinct feeling that people were going to start trying to kill us soon, him most certainly first.