A/N: And here's another chapter. It's basically a few flashbacks all grouped together to give some backstory. The flashbacks are in italics, and they start with a little bit of explanation on the type of flashback and then the actual flashback. Each ruler marks the next flashback. Okay, r&r. Thanks. -Mac

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry P.

Chapter Eleven

Back When You And Me Were A We

As I stood there, my eyes locked on Ian, every memory of our time together flashed through my head. I tried to blink them away, but they wouldn't disperse. They began to overwhelm me, taking me over until I couldn't ignore them anymore. I immersed myself in them, remembering the good and the bad.

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There were moments between Ian and me, where everything could be quiet and peaceful. We didn't need to say a word--everything we felt was just given. We knew what was going on in the other's head. We didn't need words. Those were the rare moments when all we needed was each other.

There was one that stuck in my head the most. I had spent the day with him on his family's estate. Ian had set up a romantic picnic on the sloping back lawn. It was amazing. It was that one transition of the seasons, when it was nearly winter but still warm enough to be outside without the Eskimo get up. The air was crisp but bearable. And the sunsets in that time of the year used to be magnificent.

I sat between Ian's legs, leaning back against his chest. My head rested against his shoulder and every now and then he would brush a soft kiss across my forehead. Ian had wrapped a blanket around both of us as he held me. We watched the sky in awe as it was stained pinks and purples.

Ian and I had always been close. We were best friends and everything we had there carried over into our more intimate relationship. But I never felt so close to him than in those silent moments.

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We were never the "serious" couple. We laughed and joked around ninety percent of the time. I loved that we could laugh together. It made the moments when we didn't fight, later on into the relationship, all the more enjoyable. It helped to ease the tension that seemed to plague us near the end of our relationship.

Early in our relationship, though, laughing together was common place. Having carefree, unrestricted fun was what we did on a daily basis--until things started to get ugly.

I used to swim laps in my pool all the time. It helped me keep in shape and active. I never did much else except for running from time to time. That day, the house was empty. I didn't know exactly where each person was, I just knew I was alone.

I had been in the pool for about ten minutes, making my laps. Then as I resurfaced at the end of one lap I noticed Ian standing on the edge of the pool above me. He was hunched down watching me. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Ian, you scared the hell out of me." I gasped out, trying to catch my breath and calm my thundering heart.

"Sorry Val. Having a nice swim?" Ian asked with a mischieveous smile. He had meant to scare me, oh how he had meant to.

"An excellent swim." I joked. "I didn't know you were coming over."

"I thought I would surprise you." Ian responded and I smiled.

"Well, do you want to join me? I think Will might have an extra suit you can use. You're about the same size." I suggested.

I saw Ian nod, but instead of heading for the house to search out a suit he started to strip. He shed his t-shirt, kicked off his shoes, and dived in over my head in just his shorts. I laughed as he came back up, shaking the water out of his hair and sending it flying into my face.

"Ian stop!" I yelled through my laughter.

Ian just laughed and waded over to me. He finally stopped right in front of me. He smirked and leaned forward swiftly to kiss me. A laugh broke through my lips, but he ignored it as he kissed me deeper. We slowly moved backward as we kissed, until my back met the side of the pool. He pressed me back into the side of the pool, his hands tangled in my wet hair. Then we heard it.

"Valerie! Va-ler-ie!" My mother called out in a sing song voice, drawing my name out into its syllables.

We broke apart abruptly. Ian waded away a fair bit and I dunked myself under for a second. I came back up just in time with the appearance of my mother's heels on the edge of the pool. I greeted her with a forced smile, hoping she didn't notice the tinge in my cheeks or my flushed complexion.

Sure my mother knew about us, but that didn't mean we wanted her to see us doing...anything.

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While the good outweighed the bad in quantity, the bad outweighed the good in intensity. Our bad moments magnified and intensified in seconds flat. We could be just fine one moment and the next we were at each other's throats. Once our relationship took that turn, there was no turning back. I knew that. He knew that. I don't know why we even tried.

I used to trust him with every fiber of my being, then suddenly I couldn't find a reason to trust him. He didn't want to trust me either. A relationship is meant to be based on trust. Once we lost that, our fate was sealed. Our end was eminent. But we kept holding on, grasping at air, and hurting each other with every sharp word or angry insult.

"You're a liar." I snapped, whipping around so that I was facing Ian. We were practically nose to nose as I yelled out, "We can't make this work if you don't start telling me the truth!"

"I'm not the one who insists on closing herself off to anything and everything that might make her feel." Ian retorted, his voice filled with just as much edge as mine. "You bottle yourself up until you explode over the smallest thing."

"I'm tired of letting you hurt me." I shook my head. "So, I don't let my guard down...that makes it my fault?"

"If you would just talk to me." Ian ran his hand through his hair. A 'nervous habit' he used to laugh at.

"I talk to you." I corrected.

"You scream at me." Ian replied.

"I talk to you." I responded. "I just refuse to listen to someone who insists on lying to me."

"Val, I don't lie to you. I swear, I don't lie to you."

"I wish I could believe you." I whispered.

"I wish you could trust me." Ian said softly. "I wish things could be the way they used to be. I wish you loved me the same way you used to. I wish...I wish I loved you the same way I used to love you. Stop wishing and start putting some real effort into making this work."

Ian turned around sharply and walked out of my room, slamming the door behind him. I slipped down, collapsing on my floor, unable to stop the tears from coursing down my face. My heart literally hurt. It felt as if it had been ripped out. And we weren't even over yet.

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It all went downhill from there. Each time we fought, our words were more intense our insults more hurtful. We tore at each other until we had nothing left. We were broken. An irreparable broken. But neither of us wanted to admit it, because as soon as we did we would have to take our share of the blame. Instead of our tendency to toss it all on the other.

When it finally ended for real, I was overcome by a feeling of grief intermixed with relief. Grief because I had truly lost him. Him, my best friend and love of my life. He was gone. But relief because the pain that had nestled in during our hard times could finally start to disperse. Relief, because I could move on, move past it.

But then he had to come back and bring back every feeling, good and bad, that I had hidden away for so long. It was meant to stay hidden.

Well, there goes that plan.