A/N: Don't hate me.

Chapter 10: Rush

"What am I doing here?"

I smirk.

"I already told you. We're settling a deal."

"I understand that. What am I doing…HERE?" Kai stresses the last part as if to make a point at how ridiculous my plan was. "It's the middle of winter…" Tyson laughs and I fight the urge to shove him off the edge. He wasn't going to steal the happiness I was finding in my brilliant plan. He was only there as proof of my results so he couldn't say I didn't follow through. If I had had a choice, he wouldn't have come at all.

I look down, hoping that I hadn't reasoned myself into something that would end up getting us all killed. The swirling water below isn't much of a comfort either, but I look up at the pulley and give the rope a little tug just to be sure of its safety.

"Don't tell me you're scared," I tease, receiving a dark scowl in return.

"Hardly. Can we just get this over with?" He crosses his arms to make himself look more threatening but being strapped up to the harness pack just makes the gesture look comical.

"Come on Kai, live a little!" Tyson wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer for a moment before Kai shakes him off and walks over to the edge of the bridge next to me.

"You know when people tell you to 'jump off a bridge' it's just a figure of speech right? I hardly consider this 'living'." I laugh. I had known he wasn't thrilled but I hadn't expected him to be THIS negative. It was almost as if I had asked him to swim in a fountain in the middle of the park or something else just as publically humiliating. I had chosen this particular adventure because I KNEW there would be no spectators. At least none besides the guy I paid to collect us at the bottom and Tyson, who I might add, was having a blast at Kai's discomfort.

It had been a few days since my epiphany about Tyson's feelings for Kai. Kai and I had gone through a phase of discussing things without discussing anything and eventually he had given up on asking. Tyson was still Tyson and Max was still in denial and avoiding most conversations with anyone. He gave the impression that he was just busy but it was becoming apparent that he was really just avoiding confrontation. He would no longer look me in the eye when we were alone together at any time and acted his normal self around everyone else so nobody sensed anything was amiss. Tyson had been constantly reminding me that I still owed him his dare and I had been racking my brain at a compromise for something Kai wouldn't just blatantly turn down.

"We've done things a lot worse, stop complaining," I chastise him with a smile. "Besides, it'll help you relieve some of that stress that's wrinkling your pretty face." He sends me another scowl.

"Why did I trust you enough to let you talk me into this again?" He ignores my attempt to placate him and I roll my eyes. It had taken a lot of coaxing but I had somehow convinced him that it was for his own benefit and not just because I wanted to avoid gaining a criminal record from anything Tyson had offered as suggestions.

"Its good training! AND I ALLOWED you to have a harness. I coulda just suggested we jump without one like we do in my village." I justify the safety of the endeavor and he finally concedes.

"Fine. Tyson. You go first." Without warning Kai gives Tyson's leg a tap and he slips, complete panic washing over his face before he goes screaming over the edge. A loud 'twang' sounds and the rope attached to him jumps and then his cries grow louder as he snaps back upward.

"This!" Twang. "Is!" Twang. "Awesome!"

I can't stop smiling as I shake my head. Kai takes a step towards me and I tense, expecting the same sort of treatment and not being prepared for it at all. Yeah sure, I was strapped in and ready to jump with the rest of them but I wasn't prepared for a surprise descent into oblivion. I hadn't properly secured all the ties yet. As if to prove this I start to pull on the security strap across my waist.

"Tell me what this is really about?" It was clear that he wasn't convinced of my motives. I admit the idea was a little abnormal, even for me. I had come across the information while I was studying and had deemed it a nice solution to all my immediate problems. 1. Tyson's mouth constantly calling me a liar and a sour sport. Things Kai would easily ignore, but with me it just made me more determined to show him just how opposite of such a thing I really was. 2. Life's pressure. I needed to feel in control of the chaos that swirled around me. What better way to do that then to be in a situation where control didn't exist at all? And 3. Kai. I didn't want to admit out loud that him always being the one initiating everything made me feel incapable and almost like an accessory. I wanted to know that what I gave to him wasn't just mindless effort on my part and that somebody (not mentioning any names) could provide him with the same things, and more, and somehow become more desirable in the process. With a little primping and a lot of discipline, he who I won't be mentioning, really wasn't a bad catch. Halfway before deciding that he might actually BE a sort of competition, I had also decided that I wanted to make it my mission to help Max AND separate his and Kai's 'closeness'. It was becoming more and more noticeable that they spent way too much time around each other. Time that I couldn't invade or be possessive about. Not that I would anyway. That would be annoying. The last thing I wanted was to be annoying. At least not MORE annoying then somebody (not mentioning any names…) else.

"I know you feel the need to delegate everything but not everything needs to be delegated."

"Heey! What are you guys doing?! Get dooown here!" Tyson bellows up at us. His voice is faint at the distance he has settled into at the bottom of the ropes but with the aid of the wind, it's still quite audible. Even despite all the negative energy surrounding our trio, I can't help but smile again. For a moment I actually feel like we're just friends doing what friends do when they do friend things. I take a step away from the edge and out of the view of Tyson dangling below us and take Kai's hands.

"I wouldn't make you do this if I didn't think you'd enjoy it. Besides, we've saved the world a dozen times, I want to feel what that feels like again. Life is sooo boring." I exaggerate.

"Hn." He pulls me towards him before leading me back with a forceful nudge, holding on to me so that we are really close. The tenseness I had felt before climbs up my throat and makes my body freeze as he tactically moves me back a few steps and I feel the dip of the drop through the back of my shoes. I stumble ungracefully and grip his arm tightly, suddenly needing him for balance, and glare at him a bit horrified as he pulls back enough to show me his smirk while he keeps me from falling the way Tyson had. "Not such a big talker now, huh?" He carefully moves one foot on top of mine and my grip falters enough to know that if he moves any closer or lifts the other foot our center of gravity would shift enough to send us both over regardless of how tightly I held onto him. The anticipation was enough to make me go mad. Fortunately, he doesn't give me the time to think about it too much. "Don't close your eyes or you might miss it," he whispers close to my ear before he lifts his other foot and we tip over the side.

At first I feel nothing, like the drop was in slow motion and wasn't really happening. My eyes had snapped shut even with Kai's warning but after the first second of my breath leaving my lungs and his hold around me seeming to get tighter I open them again and the world blurs past quicker than I could even process it, the only thing in my field of vision that isn't intangible being Kai. By the time the realization of the fall catches up with gravity both of our cords hit their limit and we jolt back up, giving me the opportunity of seeing Kai's jilted reaction. The sudden thrust however, makes me drop my clutch on his arm for a second and I feel him starting to slip out reach from the impact. The distance spreading between us leaves me a different kind of terrified and a realization of just how important it was that he was there holding on to me strikes me cold so I struggle to regain my grip. It was like letting him go was more symbolic than it should have been. But I shake off my paranoid delusions when I realize that he had taken ahold of my hand and was squeezing it in return to comfort me.

It was exciting. I feel all the energy of holding everything back rush out of me and I let myself feel the thrill of it. I almost forget about Tyson until we hit the last few bounces and I finally catch my breath again. Then, we settle at the bottom next to him, a few feet from the water and a few yards away from the boat that is waiting to collect us when we detach.

"It's about time!" Tyson yells. "What were you guys doing, making your last wills?" I look at Kai and laugh, all the nerves and jitters pulsing through my body and out of my toes. I spin as the cord stretches to its limit and I feel Kai release my hand, leaving me with a bit of separation anxiety. It was slightly unnerving that I had become so dependent on him to feel safe. Things like this never would have gripped me with such fear before. It was almost like he had become a part of me and I no longer existed by myself. No one should be that powerful.

"Satisfied?" I throw back at Tyson and he flails at me enthusiastically enough to makes his rope jump again and twist up. I hear the motor of the boat start as it moves to approach us.

"Hardly! What kind of dick move was that, Kai?! I could have died!" he tries to swing himself over towards Kai so he can hit him but he has no control over his movements and just gets more tangled in the ropes.

"Hn," was Kai's only reply. He curls up enough to pull himself upward so he can loosen the clip from the pulley and drop himself down into the boat when it stops below us.

"Somebody help me," Tyson fumbles around some more while I follow Kai's lead and release myself slowly into the boat beside him. We both reach over and try to untangle Tyson before he gets too stuck to be rescued and he flails again as the cord is unclipped and he drops with a thud to the bottom of the boat. The driver steadies the boat and looks at Tyson disapprovingly while we help Tyson get back up. "Thanks!" he exclaims, starting to pull at his harness and vest. "That was so freakin' awesome. I know it was just a dare for you and Kai but everyone else totally should have come too!" he goes on excitedly, explaining all the feelings he felt as he dropped and what it was like bouncing back up. I ignore him and watch Kai and he silently takes off his equipment as well.

"Was it as bad as you wanted to make it seem?" I ask playfully. He keeps any emotion from his face and meets my eyes.

"Don't make any more deals with Tyson," he says bluntly before shifting his eyes down so he can fold up his equipment neatly and place it on the bench. Then he looks back up at me and frowns. "You look almost as tangled as Tyson," he scolds, abandoning his equipment and taking a small shuffling step towards me. He grabs onto the straps from my harness to twist them free before pulling them loose with one short tug. I smile, even if he was pretending that he hated it, I could tell it was just an act for Tyson's sake. The idea that I hadn't thought of something totally appalling was enough to satisfy my needs of mutual control. I was starting to figure him out a little better with each risk I took. And it was making me feel much more secure in our relationship. Tyson wasn't going to ruin anything.

"I love you," I say abruptly, before I even realize words are coming out. His hands stop moving and he looks up at me again a sharpness in his eye that feels dangerous to me. Then the hands move away and he turns his back to me. I hold my breath as the actions meaning clicks inside my head. Sure, Tyson might not be ruining anything, but that didn't stop me from doing it anyway. How could I be so stupid?

Before I have time to take it back or feel any kind of emotional reaction to being rejected, we dock and Tyson yanks Kai off towards the cab we were taking home, yammering on about who he was going to tell at work and how he could use it for some kind of research.

The driver helps me the rest of the way out of my harness and vest and takes all of our equipment from the boat. I thank him and give him a small tip before I follow after my friends slowly.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Whether I should just ignore the outburst and pretend like it never happened or if it would save me trouble in the long run if I confronted it instead. It was different than when I had told him I liked him. Then he hadn't believed it or had thought he could change my mind. This was much more serious than confused, misplaced feelings. This was like declaring we had a concrete future. That this was GOING somewhere more than what it was presently. We had both settled into a comfort that being together was okay but we never discussed a long term. Sure he'd asked me to be here but he'd never explained himself or his motives and if Kai's reaction was any indication of what he thought about long term, my prospects weren't looking hopeful.

So maybe it was better I figured this out now.

When we get home, Tyson runs off to make a phone call and Kai goes off to…be Kai. And I...I slump my way to the back of the house and sit down on the back porch. I lose track of time as I brood over ways to get myself out of whatever I had gotten myself in to. I almost don't hear Max when he comes out to join me.

"Hey, why are you out here?" he starts with a smile. I look up at him briefly and they look back at the tree I had been focusing all my energy on. If I stared at it long enough I wonder if I could set it on fire with just shear willpower. He stares at me a moment as if deciding whether to stay before he sits down in a chair next to me. "Why is it that I'm the one battling crazy inner turmoil and you're the one displaying it?" he tries again. This time I crack and give him a half smile.

"Where's Tyson? I thought he'd be talking your ear off all night."

"You're probably right. Except. He's still not talking to me and he passed out from exhaustion like ten minutes ago. Kai left so I thought I'd see if you wanted to go to the market with me."

"Kai left?" I question, the action not being so strange but the timing being nothing but suspicious. Inside, I feel my anxiety rise up. My mind wanted me to believe that he was disappearing again, that I had done something so terrible that he couldn't even face me anymore. But I couldn't let myself get carried away.

"Yeah, I asked him what time he'd be back and he didn't really answer but he wasn't carrying anything with him so he probably just went for a walk. Sometimes I wonder if he misses being able to go home. We kinda bombarded him with company he couldn't refuse…" Max sounds guilty and brushes a hand through his hair as if to hide it.

"I don't think he sees it that way," I try to reassure him, but even I don't believe it. I didn't really believe anything I thought about Kai right now. He nods and relaxes a little, contemplating what to say next but still sensing something from me.

"Are things okay?" A pause. "With Kai?" I can tell he was hesitant with asking but he anticipates my answer regardless. I take a deep breath.

"Yeah everything's fine." I smile and he nods again. We stare at each other for a few more awkward minutes before I stand up. "So how about that market?" I ask and he comes back to life, jumping up after me.

"I'll leave a note for Tyson if he wakes up."

The time away gives me a distraction that's enough for me not to sink into the depression that wants to set in. Max's constant happy-go-lucky attitude makes it impossible for me to feel bad about anything and I become really grateful for that. We get our shopping done and he even helps me make dinner, which we eat together before he says he has some last minute things to do at school and leaves. I leave the leftovers on the table wrapped securely for whenever Tyson wakes up and Kai gets home then retire to Kai's room.

Without even thinking about it, I collapse back into the bed in exhaustion and stare at the ceiling. If I had just listened to Kai from the beginning, none of this would be happening right now.

I take a deep breath and let my energy leave me. All the stress I had built up and placed on myself dissipating through my fingers and toes. I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to feel. I just wanted to lay here until nothing mattered and my thoughts no longer plagued me with worry and regret.

And it almost worked.

I was awakened by pressure on the bed next to me and then…

"Gah! You're freezing!" I exclaim, jolting away from the touch as it brushed across my skin. I'm too close to the edge however and I slip off, hitting the floor and fully waking up with a thud.

"You didn't have to get that excited. It's just a little chill." Kai looks down at me apathetically.

"Easy for you to say. I bet your blood is made out of ice," I retort, shivering from the goosebumps that still cover my body. He doesn't respond and waits for me to get back up before changing the subject.

"We should talk," he says slightly detached sounding. The hollowness and apparent tiredness in his voice only pushed me away from starting that conversation so soon. I wanted something good to happen before we dove right into the bad.

"Did you get the dinner we left? Max wanted to try something different so we added a few special ingredients. I personally thought it was pretty good," I smile triumphantly, pleased with our accomplishment. "I bet you a week's worth of cooking that you can't guess what I added." Kai shakes his head and can't help but crack a smile at my antics.

"I didn't know that basil was such a…"

"I love you." I interrupt fiercely. I take on a completely serious face and am vaguely aware of how completely insane I probably sound. There was just something inside of me that couldn't pretend it any anymore. "I know you probably don't want to hear this and I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable or makes you want to run away." I take a short breath in. "But…if Tyson is going to pursue you, I just want you to know where I stand." I look away as he stares at me in silence, void of any response whatsoever. I am unable to take the pressure of his judgement and almost don't want to see his reaction whenever it does decide it wants to make its appearance. I had thought I was being brave and taking charge but one look from those piercing eyes just made me feel stupid all over again. As if I thought saying it a second time would change his reaction. Although he HAD said that he wanted to talk.

His face, however, DOESN'T take on a reaction of being taken back or cornered, it almost looks quizzical and angry at the same time.

"Did Tyson tell you that?" he finally speaks. I look back at him in shock. Out of all the responses I would have deemed appropriate, picking THAT and ignoring the rest of what was said, was not of any level close to acceptable. Why was it that every time I thought I had more of Kai figured out, that he threw a ratchet at me and told me to use it like a wrench?

"You know?" If he had known that Tyson was actively interested then why was he actively acting like it didn't matter? He was almost humoring him by letting him get away with things.

"I asked first," he presses, as if knowing who told me was more important than telling me that I didn't have to worry or that it didn't bother him.

"I asked second. Should I be writing this down in order?" I cross my arms defensively, the pokes at my pride finally sinking in. He shrugs. "Does it matter? Does any of THAT matter? Did you even hear what I said? I'm telling you that I love you," I repeat, halfway hoping that the third time really was the charm. I was opening myself up and he was…pushing me back in? If anyone knew how they felt about anything, it was Kai. So why was he choosing now not to pay attention?

"I heard you." Flat. No personal contribution at all.

"Okay." I drops my arms, not knowing what else to do or say, if anything. I cover up the hurt I feel from his lack of consideration and walk over to the dresser. "I'm going to take a shower," I announce and he nods, wordlessly pulling the sheets down and starting to strip. I start to feel like maybe the problem is not his detachment but maybe it's my attachment to the meaning. If he was more interested in why I said what I said, maybe it would help him know how or whether he needed to answer. Who knew how his mind really processed things? Maybe I was just missing something else. I couldn't stop myself from being an adversary though. "And just so you know, nobody TOLD me. I figured it out on my own, but I guess you didn't think I was smart enough for that." I close the drawer after grabbing a pair of pajamas and stand up. "And would it kill you to use the damn hamper at least once? It's literally 3 feet away." I huff, making a mad gesture towards the hamper as incentive, and slamming the bathroom door closed behind me.

I knew I was being childish. I knew he didn't deserve it, but being bitter felt a whole lot better than feeling vulnerable and exposed. I hadn't expected a heartfelt, love-dovey confession in return, but anything was better than nothing at all. I should have just left things the way they were. Everything had been great. WE had been great. The things we shared and the time we spent together was amazing. What was I even thinking when I decided to talk that way? What was I even thinking now? Picking a fight when I could have just apologized and told him it was fine if he didn't have an answer right away? This wasn't like me…

I turn the shower on but remain outside and dressed. I slide down the wall and bury my face in my arms across my knees, attempting to curl up into a really tiny ball. I don't know how long I stayed like that but when I finally stepped in to the shower I felt numb. I had pushed all my negative thoughts away and settled in to a quiet, dark place where even my own thoughts couldn't touch me. Some place where I couldn't overthink or berate myself anymore. I had convinced myself that we would wake up tomorrow and things would go back to the way they were. I would ignore my feelings, he would act like nothing happened, and everything would be A-Okay.

When I touch the door knob to re-enter the bedroom, I stop, just for a moment, before taking a deep breath in and opening the door.

Kai was still there but appears to be sleeping peacefully. I had half expected him to leave. It would have been a normal Kai behavior to do so; at least it would have been two years ago.

I take note that his clothes are not in a pile on the floor like they usually are, but are in fact sloppily thrown all over the hamper. I am too withdrawn from my feelings to appreciate the gesture though, tossing my own clothes on top of his and walking over to the bed. I sigh before slipping into the bed as quietly and carefully as I possibly can. He doesn't stir or even open his eyes to alert me of his condition and I frown. His back is to me and his hair is tied up loosely with a string, something he did ever so often when he waited to shower until morning.

I snuggle in beside him but leave a large amount of space between us. I pause, trailing a finger delicately down his back. He shivers slightly at the touch but otherwise doesn't move.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, barely audible to even myself. I turn away, pulling the sheets up over us and settling in to sleep.

When I wake up and Kai is gone. The disappointment that this information causes me is quickly overshadowed however.

"Ray! Wake up! It's an emergency!" Tyson. I groan.

"What?" I growl loudly before covering my face with my pillow.

"Max didn't come home last night." His voice lowers and adopts a hint of sadness but I still hear him clearly through the door. "And he won't answer his phone!" he yells in frustration, his voice gaining back some of its enthusiasm.

I remove the pillow and turn towards the door. While it did seem unusual, it didn't strike me as an 'emergency' without more information. I force myself out of bed and approach the door, opening it to find Tyson standing in the hallway. Worry drips off of him in waves and even the twinge of annoyance at seeing him isn't enough to block my concern.

"I'm sure he's fine. He probably just stayed in his dorm. He still has a dorm, right?" I do my best to talk him down from panicking.

"Yeah…" he says, showing his uncertainty. He scratches his head in thought.

"Maybe he just got caught up at school and missed the last bus. No need to freak out so soon." I continue to calm him. He relaxes.

"You're probably right." He laughs, undoubtedly realizing how hysterical and silly he had sounded.

"If I don't see him at school, I'll look for him okay?" His face lights up and he takes my hand gratefully shaking it as if we had just made a deal of some sort. But then his face drops a little as he lets go.

"Okay but…" His face twists like he has something to say but can't quite say it.

"But..?" I push, leaning in the doorway. Tyson blushes and at first I am not sure whether it's because of my movement or because of his own thoughts.

"I haven't exactly been nice to him… What if he doesn't want to come back? What if I hurt his feelings so bad he can't forgive me? What if he doesn't want to be friends anymore? What if…" I place a hand on his shoulder and he stops gushing, choking on his next words and closing his mouth.

"Shh…" I quiet his nerves. "Listen to yourself, Tyson. This is MAX you're talking about. You're his best friend. That would never happen." I smile reassuringly and he nods.

"Thanks…sorry if I woke you. I heard Kai leave and thought you were already awake." He looks down self-consciously and I drop my hand from his shoulder, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"It's okay…" I murmur politely before standing up straight and turning away a bit.

"I gotta go now. I'm totally late." He seems to sense the shift in my mood and relieves me from having to explain myself. "I'm really surprised that you guys are so messy. The rest of the house looks so clean." He sends me his usually smile before rushing off. My face drops. What?

I turn around and realize that I hadn't noticed the condition of the room on my rush to the door. Not only was the underwear that Kai wore to sleep laying on the floor but so is just about everything from the dresser and the closet. It looked like a hurricane had whipped through and left only clothes as evidence. Ironically, the hamper was untouched so all of the clothes laying around were clean. If I had to wager I would say that Kai went through his clothes to find something to wear and just threw everything he didn't find suitable. However, I knew Kai better than that and knew it was meant to spite me.

He was taking my slight at him a little too personally… But maybe this was a good thing.