AN: Thanks for the reviews. I agree with you guys. Carrie and Chris need to get together and take off out of Naley's life. Chris and Carrie are both in the way at the moment and we'll see how things go. I'm all about happy endings but it's how they get there that counts. Well, here's the next chapter. I hope you guys enjoy. I'll be updating soon.

Chapter Eleven –I Love You More Than I Should

"Higher!"

"You'll fly off."

"No. Please. Higher!"

"Just a little then."

"Come on, Daddy!"

"Fine. Hold on tight."

"Ok."

He pushed Jamie higher still unsure if he should or not. He was already pushing him a little high and it was making him nervous. Jamie was so small and if he fell and hurt himself then Haley would kill him. He heard Jamie giggling as he pushed him higher and he couldn't help but smile. Maybe he was being crazy.

"I can see everything!"

"Is that right?"

"Yep."

"Cool," Nathan smiled as he continued pushing Jamie.

He enjoyed their time together. It was so strange not being able to see his son whenever he wanted to. Everything was just so different. He hated the silence that the hotel room seemed to bring. It was nothing like living at home. Living at home meant that Jamie was making noise all the time and begging him to play with him. He missed that so much. A few hours a day just wasn't enough.

Nothing about this situation was fair.

It was a while later when he finally stopped pushing Jamie. Once the swing slowed down Jamie jumped off and landed on his feet before glancing over his shoulder and grinning at Nathan.

"How was that, Daddy?

"A perfect ten."

"Sweet," Jamie grinned.

"It's almost time for me to bring you back to Grandma's."

"No," Jamie whined before glancing at him. "I want to stay with you."

"I'm sorry, buddy," Nathan muttered. "She's going to take you home to see your mom later."

"But why can't you take me home," Jamie wondered as Nathan lifted him up in his arms. He held Jamie tight before kissing his forehead. He hated this, hated what it was doing to Jamie, and to him. None of this should be happening. He hated it.

"Your mom is still at work. Plus, I've got to go back to work."

After his talk with his mother this morning and the awkward afternoon with Carrie he had needed to see Jamie and spend sometime with him. Being with Jamie made everything else seem less important, and he needed that today. But it was late in the afternoon and he did have a few things he needed to do.

Jamie didn't say anything else. He just placed his head on Nathan's shoulder. Nathan stood there for minutes wanting nothing more than to give Jamie what he wanted and take him home. But Haley wasn't even off of work yet and he was sure that Karen was waiting for him to bring Jamie back to her. He ran a soothing hand up and down Jamie's back before he took off walking towards his car. This was all just so unfair.

When he reached Karen and Keith's he got out the car hesitantly. Opening the back door he noticed Jamie fast asleep in his car seat. He got him out carefully not wanting to wake him before walking slowly towards the house. He didn't bother to knock as he walked right in and started for the stairs.

"Oh you're back," Karen said softly.

"Yeah, he's a little worn out."

"He must have had fun," Karen smiled.

Nathan nodded. "We did. I'm just going to put him in Haley's room."

"Ok."

He started walking up the stairs again. Once he reached her room he placed Jamie in her bed before covering him up. He kissed Jamie softly on the cheek before standing up straight and taking a good look around her room. He noticed all of the pictures of her, Brooke, and Jake. He smiled. When he got to the pictures of the two of them it faded.

It seemed so long ago as he glanced at the two strange people in the photos. The couple in them looked so happy and in love. He felt his heart aching in his chest at the sight of what they used to be. He really didn't know if they'd ever be that way again and that hurt. It hurt a lot.


After dropping Jamie off, he found himself at his brother's house. He sat on the porch as he waited for Lucas to get off of work. He didn't know why but he didn't feel like going into work. He sipped on the glass of ice tea that Lindsey had fixed him. It wasn't long before Lucas was pulling up into the driveway.

He smiled as Lucas walked up the steps.

"Rough day?" Nathan chuckled. His brother looked horrible.

"You could say that."

Lucas took a seat next to him and glanced out into the distance.

"Team still sucks?"

"Yep."

"They'll get better," Nathan smiled.

"I sure hope so," Lucas muttered. "What did you do today?"

"Got grilled by mom, Carrie flirted with me again, and then I hung out with Jamie at the park," Nathan grinned.

"You talked to mom?"

He couldn't help but notice how Lucas ignored his comment about Carrie. He had told Lucas all about the whole situation once it started and his brother had told him to fire her. But now all of a sudden Lucas didn't seem to care.

"Yeah, she was worried so she tracked me down and demanded that I tell her what I'm feeling. You know she actually said that this thing between Haley and me might be good because we married so young and didn't really get to live or some shit like that. Can you believe that?"

Lucas was silent for a minute before sighing. "Maybe she was right."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nathan demanded as he glanced at his brother. "You can't think that she had a point!"

"I just…"

"What?"

"I saw something and I…"

"What is it?"

Lucas shook his head. "I don't know. I went to see how her day went and I saw her…"

"Who Haley?"

"Yeah," Lucas muttered hoarsely.

"What did you see?" Nathan demanded.

Lucas finally glanced at him and he knew that something was definitely wrong. He hated the look on his face at the moment and he wanted to know what the hell was going on. He felt his heart pounding rapidly in his chest as he waited for Lucas to answer. For some reason he didn't think he really wanted to know what his brother had to say.

"I saw her and some guy…kissing," Lucas replied shakily.

He felt his heart drop. "W- what?"

"She was kissing someone else, Nate." Lucas looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

He felt everything moving in slow motion as he took in his brother's words. Once again everything came crashing down around him and before he could stop himself he was standing up and pacing the front porch angrily. He clenched his fists at his sides as he tried to calm himself. The thought of another man kissing her, touching her, it was more than he could take. He wanted to hurt someone.

His blood was boiling as rage coursed through his veins.

"No," Nathan laughed bitterly. "There's no fucking way."

"It's what I saw," Lucas stated simply.

He glared at his brother. "Then you saw wrong! There's no way that she was kissing another man! You must have saw wrong!"

"Nathan," Lucas stated as he stood up.

He couldn't control himself. He gripped Lucas's shirt roughly in his hands as he glared at him angrily. It took everything in him not to hit Lucas then. Lucas just stood there and didn't try to move away.

"I know what I saw. I'm sorry, man."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Nathan hissed angrily.

"Is everything ok?" Lindsey questioned as she stood in the doorway with Lexie in her arms. At the sight of them Nathan quickly let Lucas go before turning away from them. He tried his best to calm himself down but it wasn't working out so well. He couldn't get the picture of another man kissing her out of his mind. It was driving him crazy.

"Everything is fine. Just go back inside," Lucas said calmly.

"You sure?"

Lucas nodded. "We're just talking."

"Ok."

He continued clenching his fists at his sides. As much as he didn't want to believe his brother he knew that Lucas wouldn't just make something like this up. It was real and with that thought he felt his chest tighten. His heart was aching in his chest and all he wanted to do was track the guy down and kill him.

What was she doing kissing someone else? What was she doing…

He felt tears slowly fall from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Nathan," Lucas said sincerely as he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He wiped away the tears before Lucas could see. "I can't believe this."

"Maybe I saw wrong. Maybe it wasn't her."

"Who was he?"

"Nate," Lucas sighed.

"Who?"

"The music teacher. I'm not sure of his name," Lucas replied.

"I feel like I could kill him," Nathan stated angrily as he continued to clench his fists at his sides. He really wanted to drive down to the high school and find this guy, he wanted to pound his face in, but more than that, he wanted this to not be real. This was like some horrible fucking nightmare.

He couldn't even touch his wife much less kiss her and here this guy is kissing her.

This was so fucked up. He didn't know what to think. Was it the first time? How long had she known him? Did she like him? Was it her that kissed him? So many questions raced through his mind.

"Just calm down, Nate."

He shook his head as he took a step back. He placed his hand over his forehead as he thought about what he was going to do.

"I need to get out of here," Nathan muttered. "I need…"

He took off walking quickly towards his car. He heard his brother calling out for him but he couldn't bring himself to turn around. He jumped in his car and took off before Lucas could stop him. He felt more rage build inside of him as he drove angrily.


Nathan sat on their bed holding their wedding picture in his hands. He continued to gaze at it until he heard the front door open and then close. He stayed sitting there as he placed the picture face down on her nightstand. After all she couldn't stand the sight of him, no need to face a picture of him where she slept.

After driving around angrily for an hour he found himself here in their room.

He stood up and reached for the two suitcases that he packed with most of his clothes. She didn't want him here anymore and after what his brother told him, he didn't want to be here. Lifting the suitcases up, he took off out of the room. He made it down the stairs slowly before walking to the door. He placed his suitcases by the door before turning around. He heard noise coming from the kitchen.

He found her in the kitchen getting things out for dinner. He stood there watching her until she turned and noticed him. She took a step back and placed a hand over her heart.

"Nathan," Haley breathed. The sight of him startled her.

"Sorry," Nathan muttered unemotionally.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came pick up some more of my things."

"Oh." She felt her heart drop at his words. He looked really upset and she wanted to ask him why but the words wouldn't seem to come out. "I was thinking that maybe you could come home. Jamie misses you and I…your hand. You're bleeding. What happened?"

She rushed in front of him quickly and lifted his hand up close to her face. He glanced down at the blood slowly dripping from his hand, his knuckles covered in blood. It was funny but after pounding his fist into cement he didn't feel any pain, he didn't feel anything.

Nathan watched her in a blur as she rushed around the kitchen before she pulled him towards the sink and started cleaning his hand up. Once she was done she dried his hand before glancing up at him with expectant eyes. He took a few steps away from her to distant himself.

"How did this happen? Does it –"

He cut her off.

"Did you have a good day?" Nathan questioned.

She swallowed the lump in her throat before nodding. "It was ok. You?"

He closed his eyes at her answer. "Not so good."

"Do…do you want to talk about it?" Haley asked hesitantly. Clearly something was bothering him and she wanted to make sure that he was ok. And his hand. What happened to his hand? She needed to know. She didn't want things to be like this between them anymore.

"What did you do today?"

"Went to work and had lunch with Brooke," Haley replied shakily.

"That's it?"

She nodded numbly. "Yeah."

"Nothing else happened today?" Nathan pressed as he took a few steps closer to her. He didn't stop until he was standing a few feet in front of her.

She shook her head as a cold feeling washed over her. "No."

"You're not going to tell me are you?" Nathan whispered painfully.

She felt her heart drop once again at the look on his face and the agony in his voice. She couldn't seem to find her voice. She wanted so badly to say something but the words just didn't seem to want to come out. She could feel her hands shaking at her sides. He continued to gaze her intently.

"Did you kiss him?"

Just like that everything came crashing down around her. She felt so cold and numb on the inside as she glanced at him shocked. The huge hole burned so badly that it felt like she couldn't breathe.

"How do you know about that?" Haley breathed.

His face hardened. "So it's true?"

She closed her eyes in pain at the sound of his voice and accusing eyes. Pain was coming at her in all different directions as earlier flashed in her mind.

"I'll see you around," Haley muttered before reaching for her bag and walking towards the door. She made it halfway when she felt his hand take hold of hers. She stopped walking and turned to look at him. What the hell was he doing?

"Wait," Chris spoke up. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you missed out on your plans. It was really nice of you to help her out. If you hadn't notice Sarah is a ball of nerves when it comes to her future. She's really talented and I knew she'd be in good hands with you."

"Look, you really don't know me," Haley mumbled.

"I know you're a good person," Chris grinned.

She smiled. "I really have to get –"

Before she knew what was happening, he pressed his lips to hers. She stood there shocked as he continued to kiss her. Her arms were limp at her sides as his lips pressed to hers. She couldn't help but think of foreign and different it felt. It felt so wrong. She didn't want him kissing her. These weren't the lips she craved for.

Once she realized what was happening she quickly pushed him hard in the chest. His lips left hers and before she could stop herself she slapped him hard.

He held his hand over his face. "Damn, girl, you hit hard. It was just a kiss."

"I'm married you idiot!"

She brought her hand to her mouth and wiped her lips.

"What?"

"I'm married! You can't just go around kissing people!"

Chris held up his hands. "I didn't know that you were married."

"Well, I am. I have to go."

"Haley, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought you were playing hard to get," Chris stated.

She glared at him. "Hard to get? I told you that I wasn't interested, you arrogant jerk!"

"A lot of girls say that and I still end up hooking up with them."

"Well, I'm not one of them," Haley stated angrily. "I can not believe that you kissed me!"

"Your husband –"

"Will kill you if he finds out!"

"It's not my fault," Chris rushed out. "You never said that you were married."

"You didn't ask!"

"Lucas saw you so don't even bother lying about it."

She opened her eyes as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. "I can explain."

"You know what I don't get," Nathan stated painfully, "you won't even let me touch you much less kiss you but he can."

"No," Haley whispered shaking her head. "It isn't like that. He kissed me. I didn't want him to."

"Seems like it to me."

She continued to shake her head. "No."

He stood there glancing at her with pain in his eyes.

"I love you." She tried to search for the right words. She felt his hand take hold of hers and hold it in his. His finger moved over her hand before he glanced back up at her more hurt than before. "It didn't mean anything, Nathan. It didn't."

"Then why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?"

"I love you, I do," Haley repeated, "I just feel like…" She felt like she didn't deserve to wear it. "I love you so much that it hurts."

He shook his head before dropping her hand and taking a step away from her. He felt his resolve slip away. He had been holding on for so long and he couldn't anymore. He was so tired, tired of everything, of her pushing him away. He felt like he couldn't breathe. What was the point in fighting when she continued to push him away? He couldn't take it anymore. All she seemed to do lately was push him away and it was working.

She didn't want him anymore. That was clear. He could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly as he finally realized that things would never be the same between them. The tears soon followed and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

She watched as his face changed until she didn't recognize who he was anymore. It terrified her. She didn't know what to do, what to say. When he started crying she instantly took a step towards him but he took a step back. He looked even more broken than before and she felt her tears spilling at the sight of him.

"Nathan, I love you. This is just really hard for me."

"I'm leaving," Nathan muttered unemotionally. "I've got this work thing up in New York. I'll be gone for two weeks and when I get back…when I get back I'll file for separation." He swallowed hard at his words.

"W-What?"

"I just can't do this anymore, Haley. I love but –" Nathan whispered softly.

"No," Haley stated loudly as a few tears fell. "You don't mean that. I know you don't. I know things have been hard for us but I –"

"I can't believe you kissed him," Nathan muttered as he shook his head. "I can't stop picturing it in my head. It's all I can think about…his hands on you." He clenched his fists at his sides. He really needed to hit something again.

"It didn't mean anything. You have to believe me."

"A kiss always means something!" Nathan exploded. "I can't take this anymore!"

She continued to shake her head. It didn't mean anything. He needed to see that. She didn't want Chris to kiss her or any other man for that matter.

"You don't mean that do you?" Haley whispered as he walked towards him with her hand over her heart.

"Daddy's home!" Jamie yelled excitedly.

Nathan quickly wiped his eyes as Jamie ran through the kitchen before jumping in his arms. He smiled at Jamie.

Haley stood there numbly as she watched Nathan hold Jamie. Everything in her wanted to breakdown but she couldn't let it take over. She just couldn't. Not in front of Jamie. Her mind raced trying to find a way to fix this.

"Where's Grandma?"

"She left to go close up the café," Jamie replied with a grin. "She waited for me to get inside before leaving. She said to call her, Momma."

She nodded painfully.

"Are you staying home, Daddy?"

He felt his chest tighten as he glanced down at Jamie. "No, buddy."

"But –" Jamie's smile faded.

"I've got to away on a business trip for two weeks. I'm sorry, buddy."

"But that's so long!" Jamie complained. "We were supposed to play basketball tomorrow!"

"I know. I'll make it up to you. I'll be back before you know it," Nathan smiled. "Besides, you'll be having so much fun with Jacob and your mom that you won't even notice that I'm gone."

"I guess," Jamie sighed before hugging him.

"I'm going to miss you so much." He held Jamie tightly in his arms. He hated everything about this. He didn't want to leave Jamie. He closed his eyes and wished that this was all some stupid dream he was having. He just wanted to wake up and have his life be normal again. When he opened his eyes everything was still the same. "I love you, buddy."

"I love you, too, Daddy."

"I'll see you when I get back. Go up to your room so I can talk to your mommy for a second." He kissed Jamie softly before placing him down on the ground. Jamie hesitantly took off walking towards the stairs. He waited until he heard Jamie running up the stairs before he finally glanced at Haley.

"Please just –"

"I've got to get out of here," Nathan muttered before he took off walking to the door. He couldn't be here any longer, couldn't be around her. He just needed to be somewhere else, anywhere else. More rage rushed through him.

"Nathan, wait."

He didn't bother to turn at the sound of her voice. He reached his suitcases and lifted them up before opening the front door and rushing out of the house. He felt like the only way the pain would stop if he was far, far away from her.

"Please don't leave like this. Please."

He felt her grab hold of his arm to stop him and then he wasn't quite sure what happened next. All he knew was that he heard a loud slamming noise and a few things break. The sound of Haley whimpering broke him out of his thoughts. He turned slightly and noticed that she was slumped up against the wall and a few broken pictures surrounding her on the floor.

Without a second thought he reached to help her up but she flinched away from him. He took a few steps back as he realized that he had did this to her. He hadn't meant to. He stared at her in horror. How did this happen?

"Ouch," Haley whimpered as she tried to push herself up. Her back was stinging in pain and she felt a headache coming on. She stood up slowly trying to balance herself. Then she waited for everything around her to stop moving.

"Haley, I didn't…"

"I know. I know. It was an accident," Haley assured him quickly as she glanced up at him.

His hands were shaking uncontrollably at his sides. "I'd never hit you."

"I know that. It was an accident, Nathan. I'm ok."

Nathan knew it was a lie and when she took a step towards him he took a step back.

"Look what you're doing to me," Nathan whispered. This wasn't him. He would never put his hands on Haley like that. He never even thought about it. He wasn't that type of man. Yet just minutes before he shoved his wife forcefully against the wall because he had been angry and hadn't been thinking clearly.

"Let's just talk about this. I know I said I needed space from you but that wasn't right. I don't need space from you, Nathan. I love you. I know I'm not the same person I used to be but I'm trying to be and I want us to fix this."

He glanced at her sadly. "Maybe I'm the one who needs space from you."

Nathan left without another word. He needed to get away from her, from everything. The farther he got the better.